***Dust Update***

[kberrie22]

Thank you for your dust

And thank you HopeDream for welcoming me to the LIW list, I am not sure if I can add myself but if I can please tell me how I feel so welcome here already, to be around people who are going thru the same thing I am, it makes all the difference to me in feeling less anxious and then taking it out on my SO :S Last night we had a bit of a spat, he saw a text on my phone (he was using it early in the morning cause he needed to call into a conference call for his work and he didn''t have the minutes on his phone to do it) anyways he read a text from an old guy friend of mine that he took all the wrong way. He stewed about it all day long without even telling me his concern, until the moment we were just about to go to bed, then he proceeded to quiz me and interrogate me with the skill of an FBI investigator!

After I finally found out that what he was really concerned with I was miffed that he would even assume that I was capable of doing anything with any other guy but him!! I mean cmon'' here I am patiently waiting, not bringing up marriage as much as before and then he has the nerve to doubt my fidelity?!? Well, needless to say I am not sure how things will proceed from here, I mean I have pretty much given up on the idea of getting proposed to cause I figure if I do that then I won''t be dissapointed if it doesn''t happen..weird I know :-S Long story short I really need some serious ***dust*** here! I could use more happiness and less stress in my life, things were going better than great until last night when he said that. He has subsiquently said he was sorry not only for the way he interrogated me but for doubting me in the first place. He tried to reassure me that he was thinking about marriage, but when i hear that sometimes all I can hear is yeah...thinking...lemme know when you are ready to put those words into action

Sorry for this long post! I just felt like putting it all out there...

Hope everyone is doing well!

 

[yssie]

Oh, boy.

Unless the text said something like "I had such a great time last night, we should do it again, sign up for yoga every wednesday night and come to my apt.." well, if that''s enough to make him or you reconsider (or fear that the other is reconsidering) marriage, I''d wonder if the relationship is ready to even consider moving to the level of engagement. I mean, what happens when he finds the three pictures of you and your ex on vacation that you forgot to shred?



:USTING:: you with happiness and de-stressing dust!!

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 1/28/2010 7:09:23 PM
Author: yssie
Oh, boy.

Unless the text said something like ''I had such a great time last night, we should do it again, sign up for yoga every wednesday night and come to my apt..'' well, if that''s enough to make him or you reconsider (or fear that the other is reconsidering) marriage, I''d wonder if the relationship is ready to even consider moving to the level of engagement. I mean, what happens when he finds the three pictures of you and your ex on vacation that you forgot to shred?



:USTING:: you with happiness and de-stressing dust!!

I have to agree.

 

[4ever]

Did you ask him why that was his first reaction? Jelousy, mistrust and insecurity can be like posion in a relationship. Maybe he''s self sabotaging because he dosn''t feel good enough or isn''t ready for comitment. It could be anything.

I think you both need to talk this out and see what''s really going on with him.

 

[kberrie22]

Date: 1/28/2010 8:45:27 PM
Author: 4ever
Did you ask him why that was his first reaction? Jelousy, mistrust and insecurity can be like posion in a relationship. Maybe he''s self sabotaging because he dosn''t feel good enough or isn''t ready for comitment. It could be anything.

I think you both need to talk this out and see what''s really going on with him.

Hello 4ever, yssie, and lilyfoot

Thank you for your advice. I thought I might take this opportunity to expain some backround about this "guy friend" of mine. He has had a SERIOUS thing for me for quite some time now and has even gone so far as to say he wanted to marry me even when I was dating my current SO..

A bit more about this guy, because I used to work with him I wanted to try to remain friendly with him so I would keep re-iterating that I was dating someone already and that I was not interested, but he would still pursue me. Anyways there was one time that my SO and I decided that we would all go out after work one night to try to show him that we were together and that we could all be friends (I was trying to show him, the guy who liked me that if he played nice we could still remain friends). But as luck or bad luck would have it the guy ended up getting really drunk and came back to my SO''s house to try to sober up before trying to drive home. Turns out he is not a very good drunk, the night ended with me taking his keys (to be sure he would not try to drive home) and him on the couch crying saying over and over again that I should be with him and marry him etc etc. I ended up leaving him out there with all the necessary things to sleep and went into the bedroom to sleep in bed with my SO (I locked the door just to be safe cause I wasn''t sure what this guy was planning..).

Ever since then and even before then this guy has been sending random texts and saying random things to me, I would come to him seeking advice on my relationship (which I now realize probably isn''t the best idea given our past) and he would always have the "advice" of telling me I should move out/ break up with my SO. His reasoning was that if my SO wanted to marry me he would have done it already and by staying moved in I was just throwing my chances out the window. I have since stopped listening to this advice.

I thought you might want to know some backround on this "guy friend", maybe it would help your impression on how my SO took things when he saw another one of these relationship sabotaging texts..

As for whether or not we should move forward to engagment I believe we should and when talking to my SO he said he believes that while he is "not there yet" that he thinks we are moving in that direction as well..

 

[MissMina]

I am having trouble understanding why you want to remain friends with him in any capacity.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 2/1/2010 11:22:26 AM
Author: MissMina
I am having trouble understanding why you want to remain friends with him in any capacity.

Ditto. This guy is bad news for your relationship. You need to cut ties and work on repairing your bf''s trust. I don''t think moving on to the next level is a good idea at this point.

 

[vc10um]

Date: 2/1/2010 11:40:26 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/1/2010 11:22:26 AM
Author: MissMina
I am having trouble understanding why you want to remain friends with him in any capacity.

Ditto. This guy is bad news for your relationship. You need to cut ties and work on repairing your bf''s trust. I don''t think moving on to the next level is a good idea at this point.

I have to agree. This guy is toxic to your relationship. It appears you are no longer working together, therefore there is no longer a need to be civil with him. I would cut ties with him completely and as soon as possible.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 2/1/2010 12:15:35 PM
Author: vc10um

Date: 2/1/2010 11:40:26 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 2/1/2010 11:22:26 AM
Author: MissMina
I am having trouble understanding why you want to remain friends with him in any capacity.

Ditto. This guy is bad news for your relationship. You need to cut ties and work on repairing your bf''s trust. I don''t think moving on to the next level is a good idea at this point.

I have to agree. This guy is toxic to your relationship. It appears you are no longer working together, therefore there is no longer a need to be civil with him. I would cut ties with him completely and as soon as possible.

Definitely ditto all of the above.

If this guy acts like this now when you''re only dating your BF, can you imaginge the crap he will pull when you''re engaged/married?! There''s absolutely no reason to keep this guy in your life, it obviously makes your BF uncomfortable (and it should!).

Not only is it hurting your relationship, but he ("guy friend") sounds rather looney to me, I''d be worried he''d do something rash ..

 

[yssie]

Ahh - light is shed!


You need to end this 'friendship'. Your bf has good reason to be worried, it seems - while it's certainly very flattering to have someone who you know likes you, and bask in that attention, it's not fair to either man or your relationship.


You're going to have to be mature and pick one.

 

[ANGEL WANTS A HALO]

DUST

 

[Jessie702]

You need to end the "Freindship" or your "relationship" is gonna end, and than your gonna be stuck with a crazy on your hands. If you arent working with "friend" anymore, no need to be polite...