Early pregnancy loss

[taovandel]

SK: it doesn''t upset me..I''m just touched by your strength...

 

[Bliss]

Siamese Kitty,

I am so sorry for your loss. You wrote a beautiful story that made my heart ache for your angel son and for all that you went through. How wonderful that you got to see and hold him. I am so sorry. There are depths to very human experiences that no one can know until one experiences them firsthand. You are such an incredible woman and I am in awe of the tremendous love you have for your baby and how fearlessly you opened your heart to your little angel. (((HUGS))) Wow, you are just amazing.

Who knows why some people lose their babies and why some seem to have theirs so easily. Or maybe it just looks easy because we''ve seen the other side of things. Maybe there is a purpose to it all and we just don''t know it yet. I know my experience made me treasure my family more and I know I will love like each day is my last one. And one day if God gives us another baby, we will always remember how precious each moment is.

Kit,

I totally understand how you are feeling. I think anger is a stage of grief and a natural one in the process of loss. Some days, it was really wonderful to see pregnant women because it gave me so much hope. Other times, I would wake up crying after dinner with a pregnant friend. I think hormones are still swirling around in our systems and because we were pregnant but never had a child - the drop off can be tough. Also, the dashed dreams are emotionally hard to get through. I have to say, I can''t believe how understanding and supportive family members have been and it has truly surprised me. DH has been my rock. We share a deeper love because of this and have become so much closer, each moment is a miracle to me. What you''re feeling is natural. I wouldn''t hesitate to talk about them with family...because it can help so much.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

I just wanted to say you all are some of the strongest, bravest, compassionate, and eloquent women that I "know".

DH and I are just starting our TTC journey. We have no idea what is in store for us, but I am so thankful that women are telling their stories on this thread, and forming a supportive community.

These losses are something that IRL it seems people rarely talk about. It is very sad, but also very encouraging, to hear your stories. I had several close friends experience losses this past year and they felt like they were the only ones. I wish they had a place like this to talk about their feelings and experiences, and to know that they were not the only ones.

Thank you again and best wishes for a joyful 2010.

 

[Bliss]

Aww, Bella_Mezzo... you are so sweet and kind. I wish you the best in your TTC journey. It can be a really joyous special experience.

No matter what happened, I feel lucky that I got to experience being pregnant and got to be a mommy even for such a short time. It was one of the happiest times of my life, despite the heartbreak. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. To get to experience that as a woman is an incredible miracle and privilege...So I am glad you aren't scared off by all the information here! So many go on to have healthy and happy pregnancies...

I wish you all the best - including a sticky little bean and a healthy and happy 9 months!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 12/31/2009 8:33:56 PM
Author: Bella_mezzo

These losses are something that IRL it seems people rarely talk about. It is very sad, but also very encouraging, to hear your stories. I had several close friends experience losses this past year and they felt like they were the only ones. I wish they had a place like this to talk about their feelings and experiences, and to know that they were not the only ones.

For me this speaks to one of the most difficult things about miscarriage. We hadn''t announced the pregnancy to family, I had only shared with my boss and coworkers who needed to know (taking time off for appts. and such) and afterwards I told a few friends. It was very isolating. I planned and hoped and grew attached to a being for 8 short weeks -- I had a missed abortion at 9 weeks that was discovered at 11.5 weeks -- and the loss felt so much bigger than that timeframe allowed for.

The most comforting thing for me was when I told a friend, who miscarried twice and has two healthy children, and she simply said "It''s awful and there''s nothing that can be said to make what you are feeling go away." In those words she gave me permission to grieve. I desperately needed someone to tell me I wasn''t crazy for being so sad.

 

[Circe]

Oh, ladies. I am so very sorry for all your losses. I had never peeped into the Barely Pregnant thread ... you have all been very brave and very strong.

I lost my baby in the 19th week, back in August. I would have been due a week from today, on the 8th of January. It is very ... odd, to consider the split realities. The only way I''m finding to cope is to resolutely ignore all thoughts of "supposed to be." There aren''t any "supposed" moments, there''s just what is.

Someone on here, I don''t remember who, had a tagline that really helped me when things were worst: it was a quotation from Churchill, and it read "If you''re going through hell, keep going." I think it''s got a lot going for it, as mottoes go.

Here''s hoping that 2010 is a brighter time for all of us.

 

[HOUMedGal]

Gosh, there is just so much that has been said in this thread that soundly resonates with me, that I want to respond to...with every new post I read, I''m saying "YES, exactly" to myself.....I am so impressed with everyone here, and with the honesty and candidness (is that a word?) with which everyone is sharing their stories and their feelings. Wow. I want to make sure you all know how much it means to me to have you all here in this dialogue together.

--------------------------------------------------
Blackpaw, Steph, Kimberly, Packrat, DrK, Charger, Mara, MrsMitchell, Tiffany, TaoVandel....thank you for all your kind words!! I am very encouraged by those of you who have had children or healthy pregnancies after losses. It''s so nice to see happy endings!



Geri, I am so glad that the worst seems to be over for you. And I smiled when I read about your wine and soft cheese picnic, with your toast to new beginnings. It is NOT superficial at all of you to be excited about having your perfect dream wedding...I think it''s very healthy that you''ve found some reasons to be happy about the way things have turned out. I think it''s fantastic that you will wear your dream dress, and have your dream honeymoon, and how awesome is it that you will likely get to start trying again on your honeymoon?!?! I think that''s really special!
I had some similar feelings too...like knowing that now we can go on a nice vacation together (leaving for the Mayan Riviera in 2 weeks!!) and I can enjoy drinking wine, dancing, all the foods, etc with my husband without worrying. Also, I can get healthier and lose some weight before I get pregnant again...I''m about 20lbs heavier than my ideal weight, and I would really love to at least get closer to that ideal before I get pregnant again! I also find myself more carefully considering exactly when we want to try again...I honestly didn''t expect to get pregnant so quickly (during our very first month of TTC!) and I think maybe there was a teensy little part of me that wasn''t as ready as I thought I was (but boy was I excited!), so I''m treating this as an opportunity to re-center myself before we try again.



Siamese Kitty, thank you for sharing your story. I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to carry your son for so many months, to get to know him, to labor for so long, and then, as you mentioned, to go home empty-bellied and empty-handed. I just can''t imagine. For me, I feel that a loss like yours would be so much more difficult to survive than an early one like mine...and I am sooooo impressed and encouraged by your strength and resilience. You are amazing. BIG hugs to you.



Kit, I hear you on the jealousy thing. The day I had my second ultrasound was the worst, because that ultrasound confirmed that things were headed in the wrong direction, but since there was still a weak heartbeat, we just had to wait another week to confirm that things were truly over. We had the ultrasound done by the tech, and then had to wait for 10-15 min in the waiting area before we could see my doctor. Sitting next to us in the waiting area was another couple...she had a beautiful near-term belly, and they were sitting close, looking at their ultrasound pic printouts, smiling and laughing and trying to decide if the baby had his nose, or her mouth...of course, we didn''t have any pics printed out to look at, because I''m sure the tech assumed that we wouldn''t want pics of our dying baby...I felt such pain and jealousy at that moment. I just sat there with tears rolling down my face, trying not to cry because we were surrounded by strangers...I just lost it as soon as we were directed to the exam room.

It''s better now, and I can look at other pregnant women without feeling that extreme jealousy I felt that day, but I''ll admit, I still have little pangs here and there when I see baby clothes at the store, etc.

On the other hand, I think the fact that I was working in the Level III NICU last month during all of this was important. I took care of a lot of sick babies who had been born with totally unfair medical problems....which made me grateful that my situation ended when it did, if there was going to be something wrong with the baby. Just seeing the families with these ill newborns made me think, wow, things could definitely be worse. An early pregnancy loss is hard, but having a critically ill baby must be even harder. My heart just ached for the babies and their families.



SomethingShiny, I like what you said about deciding to live YOUR life. It''s true, I have a pretty awesome life as is right now....my hubby and I have an awesome marriage, enough money to live comfortably, fantastic family and friends, 3 super cute and fun kitties....and I''m going to enjoy all these things right now!


BellaMezzo, thank you for your kind words, and good luck as you start your TTC journey!! I will be following the TTC thread and rooting for you and the other ladies who are trying right now!


Circe, big big hugs to you as your due date approaches. You''re right, there is no "supposed to be,".....we feel what we feel, and our lives go the way they go...and though we may not understand why, things happen, and we just have to do the best we can with what we have. And I think this group of women here demonstrates beautifully the strength and resilience of the human spirit!! Yes, here''s to a brighter 2010!


Noel, I''m glad my posts have helped you! Really, it''s been very therapeutic for me to be able to get my thoughts and feelings down on "paper", and I''m glad that my sharing them has meant something to someone else too. Yes, what packrat said reminded me of what my dad said too! I hope you''re feeling well...keep us updated on how you''re doing.

--------------------------------------------------
Sooooooo on this first day of 2010, I''ve been thinking a lot about what the year will bring. Will we have a tiny newborn this time next year? Will I be pregnant this time next year? Will we still be waiting?

I haven''t decided what I think about when to start trying again. I guess what I''ve decided for now is not to decide. LOL. With my HCG still in the 300''s as of 2 days ago, we''ve still got a bit of time before it''s even physically possible again. My doc says to try to wait 3 cycles, but like Kit says, I''ve also heard and read that there''s no amount of time that you HAVE to wait, and that your body will get pregnant again when it''s ready. I know she won''t scold me if I show up pregnant again before my 3 cycles are up, but then again she must have learned something from her experience that says it''s better to wait....??

Part of me really wants to try as soon as we can, but the other part wonders if I should just enjoy a little more time with hubby sans-baby for now....ugh. I just don''t know. It was easier 2 months ago when the decision had been made for me!

Maybe we''ll try to prevent until I''ve had one normal cycle, then just let things happen as they may, without temping and charting and purposefully pinpointing ovulation...then it will just happen when it''s supposed to happen.

Anyone else having thoughts about when to try again?

 

[noelwr]

I read all the posts yesterday but couldn''t think of anything to say, so just left it at that.

nothing so far. I have very tiny cramps sometimes, but that could be anything. I woke up in the middle of the night with a pretty sore cramp on the left side thinking here it comes, but when I turned on my side it turned out to be gas and once I let it out (haha), the cramp was gone. today we were at a store and I felt my underwear go wet so I went to the toilet, but it was just regular discharge with no blood. so I''m thinking my body is just not going to do it, though I''ve lost all pregnancy symptoms so the dip in hormones should trigger it, right? I can''t find on the internet exactly *what* triggers your body to miscarry. I think it''s drop of hcg levels. anyone know?

I don''t have any jealous feelings towards others, but that said, I don''t think anyone should feel weird about being jealous. your feelings are what they are, and they are not right or wrong.

my mom called me yesterday and, god bless her heart, she really creates her own world. like she thinks penguins must be fish because they swim so well and just realized the other day the universe doesn''t consist of just our galaxy. anyway, she was telling me yesterday that I really need to get this pregnancy removed if it doesn''t happen on it''s own because if I get pregnant again then maybe the dead baby will attach itself to the new one.

sounds like a horror movie! well, I didn''t want to explain it all to her, so I was just like yes, mom, I''ll make sure.

HOUMedGal - I hear ya on not being as ready as you thought. we got preggers the 2nd month of TTC, and that also took us by surprise considering we thought it would take several months.

regarding when to start TTC, again, we will as soon as possible. that''s why I''m hoping this m/c goes naturally as I think my body will be ready sooner than if I have a d&c. but if there''s no medical reason for me to wait to TTC, then I won''t. we won''t be on a mission (it''s not a race), but I also want to get back to bding (regardless of the result) so that life feels normal again. we will also not be temping/charting, but that''s the decision we made initially that either it happens for us naturally or we accept that it''s not, and we are also happy to spend the rest of our lives just the two of us. we went into this with the agreement that a baby isn''t our end-all-and-be-all which I think has also helped in dealing with the m/c.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

I''m broken for everyone who''s gone through the loss of a baby, no matter how early into pregnancy it may have happened. The thing about that is, regardless of medical terms, people connect to their child, and losing something that you''re supposed to be able to watch grow up has to be hard. I pray everyone finds peace and strength to carry on and try again when the time is right.

My best friend lost a baby last year toward the beginning of the year; I''ve known a lot of women who''ve had miscarriages, but my best friend''s sticks out because she was so open with her feelings during and after the event. She was early on, about 9 weeks but the baby was measuring closer to 6, they never found or heard a heartbeat, and she wanted to be positive, but was tempered with caution at the same time. It was their first cycle of trying and when she told me she was pregnant, she told me she felt bad that it happened so fast for her and that it was taking so long for us..... then when they lost their baby, she said she sort of felt like that was her "payback" for getting pregnant so quickly. She doesn''t feel this way any longer, but since they''ve not become pregnant again (that I know of... she called and left a message for me to call her this weekend!! so I''m hoping for good news), she says she''s thankful for the time she was pregnant, because now, nearly a year later, she holds to the fact that if you become pregnant once the chances are higher that you will become pregnant again.

During the time that she was losing the baby (it was long and drawn out, but they didn''t want to do D&C), she would call me to tell me about the ache in her body because her body wanted to be pregnant so badly. She said that aside from hormones being wonky, her body was so "off" and that it was confused as to where her baby had gone. She said that was the hardest for her, having her body''s systems trying so hard to continue with pregnancy (the breasts, the hormones, the bloating) when there was no pregnancy that would go full-term. She said that her body liked being pregnant and didn''t understand why it was fading.

I''ll always remember that because not only did her heart want the baby, her body wanted it, too. Just showed me how intense the loss is, because it effects all of you, not just emotionally. For some, the "symptoms" of pregnancy fade quickly, but she''d already grown a full cup size and that took well over a month to drop down again.

I pray that each woman (and family, because dads are connected to their baby early on, too) who endures this loss, which seems so pointless and wrong, will go on to find peace and a child in their arms, not to replace, but to continue on the love of a parent to a child.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/2/2010 10:57:16 AM
Author: fisherofmengirly

During the time that she was losing the baby (it was long and drawn out, but they didn''t want to do D&C), she would call me to tell me about the ache in her body because her body wanted to be pregnant so badly. She said that aside from hormones being wonky, her body was so ''off'' and that it was confused as to where her baby had gone. She said that was the hardest for her, having her body''s systems trying so hard to continue with pregnancy (the breasts, the hormones, the bloating) when there was no pregnancy that would go full-term. She said that her body liked being pregnant and didn''t understand why it was fading.

I''ll always remember that because not only did her heart want the baby, her body wanted it, too. Just showed me how intense the loss is, because it effects all of you, not just emotionally. For some, the ''symptoms'' of pregnancy fade quickly, but she''d already grown a full cup size and that took well over a month to drop down again.

Fisher, what your friend went through is quite familiar. I opted for a D&C as the baby stopped developing 2 weeks prior to our discovering I''d miscarried and there were no signs that a natural miscarriage was gonig to occur anytime soon. I bled for weeks after the miscarriage, had a period, and then felt pregnant all over again the following month. It felt like my body was clinging to pregnancy even though there was no longer a baby. It was excruciating.

Geri and Noel, I hope you are both doing okay. Lots of good thoughts headed your way.

 

[HOUMedGal]

Date: 1/2/2010 10:46:57 AM
Author: noelwr

my mom called me yesterday and, god bless her heart, she really creates her own world. like she thinks penguins must be fish because they swim so well and just realized the other day the universe doesn''t consist of just our galaxy. anyway, she was telling me yesterday that I really need to get this pregnancy removed if it doesn''t happen on it''s own because if I get pregnant again then maybe the dead baby will attach itself to the new one.

sounds like a horror movie! well, I didn''t want to explain it all to her, so I was just like yes, mom, I''ll make sure.

Noel, I definitely laughed out loud when I read what you wrote about your mom.

I know how you feel right now....I was definitely overanalyzing every little twinge while I was waiting to miscarry...waiting sucks, huh?


Fisher, thank you for your sweet post and your prayers. It''s good to see you around again....I just read your post on TTC and am happy to hear that your hiatus has brought you to what seems to be a good place! I think 2010 is your year, lady. I totally understand what your friend said about her body wanting to be pregnant.

Like you, KimberlyH, I never had any spotting whatsoever while waiting to miscarry, and now it seems that it''s taking a while for my hormone levels to drop (HCG was still 318 2 weeks after D&C)...boobies still bigger, still bloated....*sigh*. Oh, AND on top of all that, I thought I was done bleeding because I had gone a good 2.5 or 3 days without any....but no. Woke up this morning with bright red blood again. Grrrr. It''s now been 17 days since my D&C....I wonder how long is still "normal" to bleed post-D&C? I guess it''s just variable from woman to woman.

 

[somethingshiny]

HOU~ I just wanted to post to you real quick. A friend had an IUD removed and had some weird problems where they gave her a D&C. After bleeding for nearly 3 weeks her doc had her come in and discovered that she got a uterine infection. She had lots of pain and clotting. I just wanted to let you know in case you start getting worse symptoms. Hope everything is okay. More hugs to you!!

 

[Mara]

noel re: your mom, it's good that you have a sense of humor about what she said, my mom is extremely morbid like that sometimes and i am always like really mom?? anyway, hang in there whatever you decide to do.

my heart aches for all the women who have had to endure a loss. i have a few friends who are trying and one who also went through no HB at 8-9 weeks about 3-4 months ago. she is always eager to hear about how i am doing, though i always wait for her to ask first... and she can't wait for it to happen to them again. i love her positive nature...but she had a hard time as well. it took her ~3 months for her hormone levels to regulate.

strange factoid that my dr told me about in the beginning. that a fair amt of pregnancies are started then lost without us even knowing...because your body typically takes care of it so quickly. she said ... you might have conceived, but by the time your period came around it's gone, so maybe period is a few days late and maybe it's a little bit heavier than normal, but chances are you would not even know what happened unless you were TTC or very hyper aware of cycle.

it struck me just how mechanical our bodies are..and how it really does try to take care of things itself. and it made me also wonder just how many women out there have had this happen, and never even knew. it also drove home that it's such a strangely biological thing that WE don't have control over. one of the biggest things i have had to learn about all this, is that it is mostly out of my control. and given how much time we spend controlling environments and situations around us, it is an extremely hard lesson to learn especially when it is SO connected to the heart.

sending wishes to all you lovely ladies for peace, and keep supporting each other.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/2/2010 1:48:06 PM
Author: HOUMedGal

Like you, KimberlyH, I never had any spotting whatsoever while waiting to miscarry, and now it seems that it''s taking a while for my hormone levels to drop (HCG was still 318 2 weeks after D&C)...boobies still bigger, still bloated....*sigh*. Oh, AND on top of all that, I thought I was done bleeding because I had gone a good 2.5 or 3 days without any....but no. Woke up this morning with bright red blood again. Grrrr. It''s now been 17 days since my D&C....I wonder how long is still ''normal'' to bleed post-D&C? I guess it''s just variable from woman to woman.

HOU, I actually spotted through 5 weeks of the pregnancy, had two ultrasounds where everythng looked great and then the third u/s as part of the nuchal screen where the miscarriage was discovered. I also spotted though 5-6 weeks of my current pregnancy. I have low platelet count, discovered during this pregnancy, which is the apperant cause of the bleeding both times.

I bled for about 3 weeks after my D&C and then had a period 2 weeks after the bleeding stopped. I''m so sorry for your frustation.

****

To touch on what Mara said, after I miscarried I spent a ton of time reading anything I could get my hands on regarding the subject. Estimates are that between 25%- 70% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, but most occur before a woman even know she''s pregnant. 25% is the number reported by the AMA, those are pregnancies that are counted/recognized by OBs as miscarriages.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Mara,

Yep, my dr. told me the same thing and is fairly certain we did conceive in January 2009, but that the baby was lost extremely early on, and my period came only three days late. I was charting and monitoring things at the time, and went beyond 18 DPO, which is when they say a person can assume a pregnancy has taken place. I didn''t get a positive pregnancy test, but my dr. said that typically, pregnancies this early on will not have a positive because while you''ve conceived, it''s already a "botched" pregnancy to begin with, so you may not develop the hormone levels needed to get a positive test. In a way, it makes me feel good to know that I very likely did carry a baby for a super brief time, like my body is in fact capable of it and can do it again, but in other ways, it makes me sad to know that my body had something growing and couldn''t keep it alive. Aye, no control of such a precious part of a person/family''s life is *so* hard to grasp on to.

Another thing I find amazing is how many women have gone through loss, but we''d never have known if not for being in the same shoes as them, or at least in the same process of trying for a baby. It''s a topic not often spoken of, and it seems like there is such a need for support and comradery through the process, and the aftermath that follows, for a lifetime for many.

 

[HOUMedGal]

Date: 1/2/2010 4:36:01 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 1/2/2010 1:48:06 PM
Author: HOUMedGal

Like you, KimberlyH, I never had any spotting whatsoever while waiting to miscarry, and now it seems that it''s taking a while for my hormone levels to drop (HCG was still 318 2 weeks after D&C)...boobies still bigger, still bloated....*sigh*. Oh, AND on top of all that, I thought I was done bleeding because I had gone a good 2.5 or 3 days without any....but no. Woke up this morning with bright red blood again. Grrrr. It''s now been 17 days since my D&C....I wonder how long is still ''normal'' to bleed post-D&C? I guess it''s just variable from woman to woman.

HOU, I actually spotted through 5 weeks of the pregnancy, had two ultrasounds where everythng looked great and then the third u/s as part of the nuchal screen where the miscarriage was discovered. I also spotted though 5-6 weeks of my current pregnancy. I have low platelet count, discovered during this pregnancy, which is the apperant cause of the bleeding both times.

I bled for about 3 weeks after my D&C and then had a period 2 weeks after the bleeding stopped. I''m so sorry for your frustation.

****

To touch on what Mara said, after I miscarried I spent a ton of time reading anything I could get my hands on regarding the subject. Estimates are that between 25%- 70% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, but most occur before a woman even know she''s pregnant. 25% is the number reported by the AMA, those are pregnancies that are counted/recognized by OBs as miscarriages.

Oh wow, I didn''t realize you had spotted so much! I just read what you had written above about finding out the baby had stopped developing without any signs of a natural miscarriage on the horizon...I guess THAT''s the part we have in common. I''m glad you at least have an answer to why you have spotted so much, and that it''s something your doctor is aware of now, so that he/she can treat you appropriately if needed!

The bleeding I had earlier today has now all but stopped...just a little tinge on the TP. So I guess that''s good.

You know, those stats on how common miscarriage really is kinda made me feel better through all of this...it''s almost like, once you start talking about it, other women come out of the woodwork with their own miscarriage stories!!! Sooo common.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/2/2010 9:13:26 PM
Author: HOUMedGal

Date: 1/2/2010 4:36:01 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 1/2/2010 1:48:06 PM
Author: HOUMedGal

Like you, KimberlyH, I never had any spotting whatsoever while waiting to miscarry, and now it seems that it''s taking a while for my hormone levels to drop (HCG was still 318 2 weeks after D&C)...boobies still bigger, still bloated....*sigh*. Oh, AND on top of all that, I thought I was done bleeding because I had gone a good 2.5 or 3 days without any....but no. Woke up this morning with bright red blood again. Grrrr. It''s now been 17 days since my D&C....I wonder how long is still ''normal'' to bleed post-D&C? I guess it''s just variable from woman to woman.

HOU, I actually spotted through 5 weeks of the pregnancy, had two ultrasounds where everythng looked great and then the third u/s as part of the nuchal screen where the miscarriage was discovered. I also spotted though 5-6 weeks of my current pregnancy. I have low platelet count, discovered during this pregnancy, which is the apperant cause of the bleeding both times.

I bled for about 3 weeks after my D&C and then had a period 2 weeks after the bleeding stopped. I''m so sorry for your frustation.

****

To touch on what Mara said, after I miscarried I spent a ton of time reading anything I could get my hands on regarding the subject. Estimates are that between 25%- 70% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, but most occur before a woman even know she''s pregnant. 25% is the number reported by the AMA, those are pregnancies that are counted/recognized by OBs as miscarriages.

Oh wow, I didn''t realize you had spotted so much! I just read what you had written above about finding out the baby had stopped developing without any signs of a natural miscarriage on the horizon...I guess THAT''s the part we have in common. I''m glad you at least have an answer to why you have spotted so much, and that it''s something your doctor is aware of now, so that he/she can treat you appropriately if needed!

The bleeding I had earlier today has now all but stopped...just a little tinge on the TP. So I guess that''s good.

You know, those stats on how common miscarriage really is kinda made me feel better through all of this...it''s almost like, once you start talking about it, other women come out of the woodwork with their own miscarriage stories!!! Sooo common.

I should have clarified, the spotting wasn''t indicative of miscarriage because it had been going on for weeks but ultrasounds provided sound evidence that the baby was perfectly fine, I''m just a bleeder. So we went to the 3rd ultrasound thinking everything was okay (I still had a nagging feeling, but my husband was positive everything was just fine).

The stats helped me too. I did get to a place where I had read too much and it was becoming obsessive and I''d started to think I had every malady associated with miscarriage, so I stopped reading, but having information did provide me with some comfort.

I''m glad your bleeding has stopped, will keep my fingers crossed it doesn''t come back. Such a sad reminder of what has occured.

 

[HOUMedGal]

Soooo I was just reading through what I posted above, and realized that it could potentially be interpreted as offensive...so just wanted to clarify!!

I don''t mean to cheapen anyone''s individual experience by saying that people "come out of the woodwork" with their miscarriage stories once you start talking about them with other women. I have been so very grateful to all the women, here in our forum and in person, who have shared their own personal stories with me when I opened up about my experience...all I meant by the comment above is that I have really been surprised by just how many women do have stories to tell when it comes to pregnancy loss, and that hearing all the stories that I have heard has served to encourage me, and to make me feel that I am nowhere near alone when it comes to what I''ve been through lately. Thanks so much to everyone who has been a part of this dialogue!!

 

[HOUMedGal]

Date: 1/2/2010 10:47:42 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 1/2/2010 9:13:26 PM
Author: HOUMedGal

Date: 1/2/2010 4:36:01 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 1/2/2010 1:48:06 PM
Author: HOUMedGal

Like you, KimberlyH, I never had any spotting whatsoever while waiting to miscarry, and now it seems that it''s taking a while for my hormone levels to drop (HCG was still 318 2 weeks after D&C)...boobies still bigger, still bloated....*sigh*. Oh, AND on top of all that, I thought I was done bleeding because I had gone a good 2.5 or 3 days without any....but no. Woke up this morning with bright red blood again. Grrrr. It''s now been 17 days since my D&C....I wonder how long is still ''normal'' to bleed post-D&C? I guess it''s just variable from woman to woman.

HOU, I actually spotted through 5 weeks of the pregnancy, had two ultrasounds where everythng looked great and then the third u/s as part of the nuchal screen where the miscarriage was discovered. I also spotted though 5-6 weeks of my current pregnancy. I have low platelet count, discovered during this pregnancy, which is the apperant cause of the bleeding both times.

I bled for about 3 weeks after my D&C and then had a period 2 weeks after the bleeding stopped. I''m so sorry for your frustation.

****

To touch on what Mara said, after I miscarried I spent a ton of time reading anything I could get my hands on regarding the subject. Estimates are that between 25%- 70% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, but most occur before a woman even know she''s pregnant. 25% is the number reported by the AMA, those are pregnancies that are counted/recognized by OBs as miscarriages.

Oh wow, I didn''t realize you had spotted so much! I just read what you had written above about finding out the baby had stopped developing without any signs of a natural miscarriage on the horizon...I guess THAT''s the part we have in common. I''m glad you at least have an answer to why you have spotted so much, and that it''s something your doctor is aware of now, so that he/she can treat you appropriately if needed!

The bleeding I had earlier today has now all but stopped...just a little tinge on the TP. So I guess that''s good.

You know, those stats on how common miscarriage really is kinda made me feel better through all of this...it''s almost like, once you start talking about it, other women come out of the woodwork with their own miscarriage stories!!! Sooo common.

I should have clarified, the spotting wasn''t indicative of miscarriage because it had been going on for weeks but ultrasounds provided sound evidence that the baby was perfectly fine, I''m just a bleeder. So we went to the 3rd ultrasound thinking everything was okay (I still had a nagging feeling, but my husband was positive everything was just fine).

The stats helped me too. I did get to a place where I had read too much and it was becoming obsessive and I''d started to think I had every malady associated with miscarriage, so I stopped reading, but having information did provide me with some comfort.

I''m glad your bleeding has stopped, will keep my fingers crossed it doesn''t come back. Such a sad reminder of what has occured.

Thanks Kimberly. It is a sad reminder, and getting rather annoying at this point. Getting tired of pads and pantiliners! LOL!

 

[HOUMedGal]

So here''s another question for you ladies who have survived a loss (or losses) and went on to have healthy pregnancies...when you did get preggo again, how in the world did you not worry your tail off during your entire 1st trimester?!?!

Or DID you just worry your tail off?

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/2/2010 11:02:56 PM
Author: HOUMedGal
So here''s another question for you ladies who have survived a loss (or losses) and went on to have healthy pregnancies...when you did get preggo again, how in the world did you not worry your tail off during your entire 1st trimester?!?!

Or DID you just worry your tail off?

D&C done April 1st -- thought you were having a baby, April Fools! But you get to spend some quality time in the maternity ward at the hospital where your baby would have been deilvered. Bled for several weeks, had two periods, got pregnant mid-June, positive pregnancy test July 3rd. My OB shared that in her practice she noted a 10% higher second miscarriage rate for patients who didn''t wait a full cycle to try again, she said it was our choice and that the information was antecodtal but noteworthy as she''s been practicing for 25 or so years. We took her recommendation. My second cycle was a bit wonky, as I mentioned I still had all the symptoms of pregnancy, and our attempt was half-hearted. Third time was the charm? I got pregnant the first month our first time around.

I worried, and spotted, and worried some more the entire first trimester this time around. The fear disapated around the 15th week. At 30 weeks my husband is still scared and tells me frequently he''s ready for her to be "here," while patting his chest. He has become extrordinarily overprotective of me as a way of protecting the baby. It''s a bit extreme at times, but I totally understand where he is coming from and as a result I acquiesce to most of his requests (and I''d be a fool not to, most of them involve me not doing any sort of work around the house

).

 

[Kit]

Thank you to everyone who commented that they could relate to the jealousy thing, or that it was "normal." Sometimes I feel like I''m turning into an angry bitch about this whole thing, I guess it''s good to know that it (hopefully) is just a phase that I will get over. I am pretty sure that if/when I get pg again those feelings will subside.

Siamese Kitty, Circe, Kimberly H, I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through. Kimberly, I''m so happy to hear you''re a few weeks away from delivering your baby. Hopefully your baby will help you with the healing process. It''s interesting about what you shared about your family not knowing. A friend who had a m/c also didnt'' tell her family because she was only like 6 weeks along, and actually it made it harder because the family wasn''t able to emotionally support her in the way that they would have been had they known, you know? It''s a tough choice regarding who to tell, but my advice to friends now is, only tell the people who you''d want to support you if something bad happened. I am always so amazed at people who go shouting it from the rooftops at an early stage. I mean, it is a personal decision and I respect that but I wonder if they really know what they are doing? My cousin announced on facebook of all places that she was like 4 weeks pg and then announced later that they had heard the heartbeat. What will she do if she miscarries a few weeks later, post that on facebook as well? Maybe it''s a generational thing. Hmm. For me, I definitely could NOT have handled telling person after person what had happened, it would have absolutely killed me.

Hou, I hope you feel better soon. I remember after my D&C thinking, okay enough already! I am so done with this! I bled for about 2 weeks after. I hope you are not in pain. Hang in there. Hugs.

Noel, I am thinking of you. Our bodies can be so stubborn. I often think that without my D&C I would have waited weeks for my body to catch up. This is not to say you should rush into a procedure you are not comfortable with. I think that natural is better, however what you are going through right now is kind of cruel, you know? I can''t remember how far along you are, but my Dr. (I think) told me that even though the fetus was gone the placenta and other tissue in the uterus was intact and would continue to produce hormones, which is what caused my pregnancy symptoms to continue. I guess your body just goes on autopilot or something. Anyway, my thoughts are with you.

Fischer, thank you so much, as always, for your kind words and thoughts. I appreciate them, I know we all do!

Mara, thank you for your helping to keep perspective, I know I can personally use all the perspective in the world.

I am so thankful for the community here on PS and I think this thread is helping to combat the isolation, lonliness and grief that we are all experiencing to one extent or another. I know I am feeling better being able to share my feelings on here and get validation that I am not alone, and I can learn from other women who have had similar experiences.

 

[somethingshiny]

Date: 1/2/2010 11:02:56 PM
Author: HOUMedGal
So here''s another question for you ladies who have survived a loss (or losses) and went on to have healthy pregnancies...when you did get preggo again, how in the world did you not worry your tail off during your entire 1st trimester?!?!


Or DID you just worry your tail off?

I did worry. In fact I never told anyone, sometimes DH didn''t even know before I lost another baby. It wasn''t until I got pregnant with JT that I FELT different. I WASN''T worried. I told everyone immediately. I did a lot of praying to not fall into the worrying again and I didn''t. It had been over 2 years since the last miscarriage so that probably helped.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/3/2010 11:51:01 AM
Author: Kit

Kimberly, I''m so happy to hear you''re a few weeks away from delivering your baby. Hopefully your baby will help you with the healing process. It''s interesting about what you shared about your family not knowing. A friend who had a m/c also didnt'' tell her family because she was only like 6 weeks along, and actually it made it harder because the family wasn''t able to emotionally support her in the way that they would have been had they known, you know? It''s a tough choice regarding who to tell, but my advice to friends now is, only tell the people who you''d want to support you if something bad happened. I am always so amazed at people who go shouting it from the rooftops at an early stage. I mean, it is a personal decision and I respect that but I wonder if they really know what they are doing? My cousin announced on facebook of all places that she was like 4 weeks pg and then announced later that they had heard the heartbeat. What will she do if she miscarries a few weeks later, post that on facebook as well? Maybe it''s a generational thing. Hmm. For me, I definitely could NOT have handled telling person after person what had happened, it would have absolutely killed me.

Kit, for the first few months of my second pregnancy I was torn, wanting to be excited but feeling like in doing so I was going to forget the first pregnancy. Obviosuly, not rational or logical but it was how I felt.

I had multiple reasons for not tellling my family I was pregnant: first, we had never told anyone we had decided we wanted kids or that we were "trying" (too awkward for me, it would seem like announcing "I''m having unprotected sex with my husband!") and my sister was going through a very difficult time and leaning on my parents quite a bit, so when within two weeks of discovering I was pregnant I started spotting there just never seemed to be a good time to share, and I wanted the news to be joyful for them, not "I''m pregnant and bleeding." Strangely enough, that''s what it ended up being the second time around, they came to visit when I was 7 weeks along and I started spotting the day they arrived, there was no way I could hide the pregnancy so we shared and hoped together. I did eventually tell them about the miscarriage, it helped explain a lot for my mom about why I insisted no one know until the second trimester (she''s a bit pushy and it was very hard for her to keep a secret). I did share with some good friends and they were a great support for me. Time really does help heal, and you''ll find special ways to remember too.

Your advice is the same I have given to a few frends.

I''m really rambling here; my experience made me so aware of how important it is to get to talk about this subject, please forgive me for being so verbose. When people such as Circe, Natalina, IndyGal, Siamese Kitty and Somethingshiny have shared their stories I am in such admiration of their strength (and leave me feeling a bit melodramatic, which is not my typical modus operandi) and so thankful that they are willing to talk about it, because I know talking about it really helped me work through the experience.

 

[ponder]

Date: 1/2/2010 11:02:56 PM
Author: HOUMedGal
So here''s another question for you ladies who have survived a loss (or losses) and went on to have healthy pregnancies...when you did get preggo again, how in the world did you not worry your tail off during your entire 1st trimester?!?!

Or DID you just worry your tail off?

After experiencing two identical misscarriages in 4 months, my dr refered me to a reproductive endocrinologist. Mentally this was very healing for me because it allowed me to aggressively persue a successful pregnancy instead of waiting to get pregnant and have another m/c. After alot of time, money, and blood work my RE had a suspected cause and we were given the OK to try again with the help of a handfull of pills each morning and two very expensive hormones.

I remember the sixth day after my missed period, I had an appointment and I could not believe I was still pregnant. I had never gotten this far. It really helped that I had weekly appts with ultrasounds and biweekly blood draws. I only had to wait a few days for reassurance instead of weeks in between appointments.

I did begin to spot twice in the first trimester. The first time I amost died inside. I immediately thought that it was over. My husband held me while I cried myself to sleep that night. I did not call my MD b/c is was a Saturday and I knew that there was nothing they could do if I was having a m/c. Bleeding tapered off the next day and my US on monday was fine.

The second time (around week 10) I was at work and had some spotting and managed to remain calm until I got to my MD and everything was fine. Then I started crying.

You will worry a million times a day, everyday until you deliver. It never went away for me. I breathed a huge sigh of relief every time I went to the bathroom and there was no blood. Then I worried if I went to long without feeling her move. In the last trimester I would listen for her heartbeat with a stethoscope if her movement was not frequent. Then I worried when my water broke and I went into preterm labor.

 

[HOUMedGal]

Kimberly, I''m so excited for you...30 weeks!! Not much longer now!!

It''s pretty cute the way your hubs is so protective of you and the little one.

Gosh, I just can''t wait to feel what it''s like to be pregnant...I just feel like I only got the tiniest taste of it (i.e. the sore boobies and nausea), and none of the fun parts (like having a cute belly and feeling/seeing the baby move!). That will be so much fun.

Kit, thanks for your thoughts and hugs! I''m not in any pain at all, just annoyed at the spotting. Actually, I''ve had very little cramping after the first couple days post-D&C.

SomethingShiny, that''s pretty neat that you immediately felt different with JT. I hope that I feel somehow different the next time I get pregnant, because I think that will help me to not worry so much.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Just for fun, I peed on a stick this morning, and the line is suuuuuuuuper duper faint now (whereas about a week ago it was definitely still positive), so that makes me feel more encouraged about my HCG dropping even more.

Noel and Geri, how are you ladies doing? Hanging in there?

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/3/2010 2:26:22 PM
Author: HOUMedGal
Kimberly, I''m so excited for you...30 weeks!! Not much longer now!!

It''s pretty cute the way your hubs is so protective of you and the little one.

Gosh, I just can''t wait to feel what it''s like to be pregnant...I just feel like I only got the tiniest taste of it (i.e. the sore boobies and nausea), and none of the fun parts (like having a cute belly and feeling/seeing the baby move!). That will be so much fun.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Just for fun, I peed on a stick this morning, and the line is suuuuuuuuper duper faint now (whereas about a week ago it was definitely still positive), so that makes me feel more encouraged about my HCG dropping even more.

Noel and Geri, how are you ladies doing? Hanging in there?

Time is moving way too quickly, and I''m spending time every day just enjoying this stage. I think my experience has made me appreciate the process moreso than I would have otherwise; silver linings, I''m always on the hunt for them.

So glad your HCD levels appear to be dropping further.

So looking forward to watching you, geri, and noel move on from this stage (I know the three of you are more than ready for that time!). Lots of good thoughts for the three of you.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I am so sorry for everyone suffering losses. I am often amazed at how PS is such a microcosm of all the wonderful and terrible things that can happen in our lives. I know I shouldn''t be surprised because it is a community of people, but in real life peple don''t often talk about these things and so they are just so much more apparent here on PS. My heart goes out to all of you.

Siamese Kitty Your experience breaks my heart. About a year ago a friend of mine here on PS, Independant Gal, lost her twin boys at 24 weeks after 4 weeks or so of early labour contractions. Her experience touched me so much because our due dates were so close and I think of her every time I see my little boy. Anyways, she wrote a lot about her feelings and her experience in the pregnancy thread in October of 2008, and I started a support thread for her and she wrote elquently there about her experience. I don''t know if reading about others'' experiences losing their babies late in pregnancy helps you, but if it does and you have the time, look for her posts. She was a wonderful person and expressed her feelings so well. She disappeared from PS shortly after. Anyways, your posts just reminded me so much of Indy''s experience, and your eloquence, strength, and thoughtfulness during such a difficult time are inspiring for anyone dealing with difficulties in their life. Again, I am so so sorry for your loss, I hope the future brings you healing and happiness.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 1/2/2010 11:02:56 PM
Author: HOUMedGal
So here''s another question for you ladies who have survived a loss (or losses) and went on to have healthy pregnancies...when you did get preggo again, how in the world did you not worry your tail off during your entire 1st trimester?!?!

Or DID you just worry your tail off?

I worried for the whole pregnancy. I had some bleeding on and off, so I was sure, right until delivery, that every day would be the last day of my pregnancy and that it would all come to an end. I was having cramps too and I actually thought at one point, come on, lets get it over with...

I went to the drop-in midwife clinic a lot and had many, many scans. I was scared sick before each one and the reassurance wore off about 10 minutes after I left the building each time.

I don''t suppose that''s helpful to know, but you did ask! It''s one of the things that puts me off TTC again, to be honest. The anxiety was, for me, almost unbearable. On the other hand, I didn''t have many of the physical discomforts that a lot of people have during pregnancy, so maybe it all balances out. I had M/S a little, but no pains, aches or other problems to worry about. My recovery time after my c-section was fast, too. I went home after 24 hours. I think after all that anxiety, nothing physical could be that bad, if that makes any sense?

Dreamer, I think of Indy and her boys often too. If you''re in touch with her elsewhere, please give her my best wishes.

 

[Kit]

Date: 1/2/2010 11:02:56 PM
Author: HOUMedGal
So here''s another question for you ladies who have survived a loss (or losses) and went on to have healthy pregnancies...when you did get preggo again, how in the world did you not worry your tail off during your entire 1st trimester?!?!

Or DID you just worry your tail off?

Speaking of this, has anyone heard of buying a fetal doppler for personal use? Now, I am not talking about what Tom Cruise did e.g. buy an entire ultrasound machine for Katie. No, just one of those little handheld things that you can use to hear the heartbeat. They sell them on eBay. I am thinking if these are safe and reliable then why not spend $75 or so to ease the worry?