elopement plans?

[pavelover]

Hi Everyone,
I have been reading on here for quite a while, and am finally ready to post! I have to say I am a bit addicted. I love reading about your rings and your adventures.

I have a question for anyone who is considering eloping- How did you figure out that is what you wanted to do, and that you wouldn''t regret it later...How did you deal with family friends?

I am not actually engaged yet but my ff- I love saying that has purchased the ring!

I am really leaning towards something private or extremely small. I would like to hear from anyone who has done this.

Thanks for any information that you have.

 

[kimberlina13]

I''m not eloping, but all this wedding planning wackyness has sure made me consider it a couple of times.

I would think about what would be the things that are must haves that you would not be willing to compromise on. If they are things that can be transferred to eloping (i.e. big poufy dress) then I would say go for the eloping, but if they are things that are unique to a traditional ceremony, reception wedding, then go ahead with that, but keep it on the small end, and if people ask, just say that you''re keepin it close family and friends only.
HTH

 

[pavelover]

Date: 6/26/2007 7:39:57 PM
Author: kimberlina13
I''m not eloping, but all this wedding planning wackyness has sure made me consider it a couple of times.

I would think about what would be the things that are must haves that you would not be willing to compromise on. If they are things that can be transferred to eloping (i.e. big poufy dress) then I would say go for the eloping, but if they are things that are unique to a traditional ceremony, reception wedding, then go ahead with that, but keep it on the small end, and if people ask, just say that you''re keepin it close family and friends only.
HTH

hi kimberlina,
thanks for your speedy reply. I can imagine that the planning can make some people crazy. It definitely would make me crazy. I think I can live without the reception, big ceremony etc. I would like a pretty dress and some sort of photographer, pictures for memories...I am kind of nervous about dealing with my family. I don''t want to hurt them but don''t want to deal with any drama around these plans.

 

[neatfreak]

We're doing a destination wedding in San Francisco with only 40 people. It has worked out VERY VERY well so far for us. The planning has been pretty easy for me, we got an incredible location we could have NEVER afforded with more people, and all our closest friends and family will be there without the pressure of inviting everyone we know.

Perfect for us. I know we won't regret it because everyone important to us will be there, we just cut out all the "extra" people.

 

[pavelover]

hi neatfreak. Your destination wedding sounds awesome. san francisco is almost my home city so it wouldn''t exactly work. How did you narrow down what you were going to do? Did you have hesitation in asking people to travel far for your ceremony? I am worried about putting people out. I know I shouldn''t, but I do. I guess I am thinking I can avoid the whole thing just by keeping it private. I hate to obsess over this so much. Did you have yours and your fh parents support?
thanks

 

[therighttime]

Hi pavelover and welcome to PS.
I''m having a VERY small family-only ceremony. Very simple with no decorations, flowers, candles, music... just us, the vows and our immediate families. BUT after that we are having a reception of around 80-100 of our closest friends and extended family. I have been very happy with the choice I made to handle it this way. I haven''t had the headaches or COST of planning something elaborate, but have had the fun of planning a small informal reception (barbecue and country bluegrass band!) The planning has been just enough fun to make me feel like a bride, but not enough to cause stress or financial strain on anyone!

For us, eloping would''ve hurt our families since they couldn''t have been there. However, I think a small destination wedding would''ve been lots of fun.

Good luck with your decisions!

 

[surfgirl]

A great book to get is called "Let''s Elope" by Scott Shaw and Lynn Beahan. Lots of great tips and specific mentions of protocol and how to plan for specific destinations. It also has about half the book dedicated to WHY elopements are an excellent way to go. Now mind you, neither of us needed to be talked into eloping, we''ve wanted that from the beginning...but the first half of this book is for couples who aren''t sure. It gives you A LOT of good, solid reasons for eloping, along with how to handle, family, etc.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/26/2007 9:01:37 PM
Author: pavelover
hi neatfreak. Your destination wedding sounds awesome. san francisco is almost my home city so it wouldn''t exactly work. How did you narrow down what you were going to do? Did you have hesitation in asking people to travel far for your ceremony? I am worried about putting people out. I know I shouldn''t, but I do. I guess I am thinking I can avoid the whole thing just by keeping it private. I hate to obsess over this so much. Did you have yours and your fh parents support?

thanks

Well, we both just love SF, and are hoping to move there once we finish our Ph.Ds. Once we realized that our fav. restaurant there (also conveniently on the bay with a view of the GG Bridge!) was affordable we just said, lets do it!

The distance wasn''t an issue because our families are scattered all over the US anyway. Wherever we had it was going to be an imposition for different people. PLUS we knew that our immediate friends and families could afford to travel there, so we didn''t hesitate. Our parents fully support the decision, so that part was easy. The decision would have been harder if we knew it was going to be a financial burden on our closest F&F.

I think the difference between really putting people out and merely asking them to travel is whether the wedding is in the US or not. Logistically, it''s a lot harder and sounds more inconvenient to ask people to travel outside the US, especially with the new passport restrictions. If you keep it within the US AND your closest families and friends could afford to travel there, go for it!!!

 

[Nicki]

We''re eloping on Sept. 30th. We''ve decided to not deal at all with family by just keeping everything (including our engagement) a secret. Unfortunately, this means I can''t actually WEAR my engagement ring!

Everyone will find out afterwards when we send them the photos.

We''re getting married near our home. We wanted someplace close by, but I refused to be married in a courthouse. Neither of us are religious, so churches were out, too. We ended up deciding to get married in an indoor butterfly garden. So, our guests will be the butterflies and the koi in the koi pond. You couldn''t really ask for better-behaved guests!

 

[beachbound]

We''re also eloping. We''re going to Florida and having the ceremony and pictures taken right there on the beach. It will be our parents and siblings only, ten people max. Afterward, we will probably come back and have a reception after a few months. Our friends are having a wedding the weekend we get back, we start school the week after that, so it just seems fitting to wait to have the reception after things settle down a bit. We both wanted to elope for many reasons. His family doesn''t get along very well (his parents are divorced), we didn''t want to spend a ton of money, we both don''t like being in the limelight. I shook all the way down the aisle at my friends wedding, so I knew I couldn''t walk down it being the literal center of attention. A few friends were disappointed they couldn''t come, but they are happy for us.
Nicki, getting married in a butterfly garden sounds gorgeous! I love the idea of such beautiful surroundings!

 

[love is in the air]

Date: 6/26/2007 7:34:17 PM
Author:pavelover

I have a question for anyone who is considering eloping- How did you figure out that is what you wanted to do, and that you wouldn''t regret it later...How did you deal with family friends?

I''m an older bride and have been in enough weddings to know I want no part of planning a traditional wedding. although my fiance and I could afford a very expensive wedding, neither of us feels that that kind of spending is a good return for us personally (others mileage may vary, and we respect that).

we''ve decided to do a destination wedding and to let family and friends know when and where in case they wanted to join us in the Caribbean for the ceremony, and then we will have a blessing of the vows with our rector and a friend who is an Episcopalian priest at our house at a later date with a very simple reception afterward for friends and family.

everyone I have told about our ''elopement'' has emphatically said "that is a GREAT idea."

 

[Dee*Jay]

The happy hubby and I eloped in Las Vegas on a new year's eve almost 9 years ago. I wouldn't do a thing any differently (well, OK, I would have thought to bring my own flowers rather than using the lame bouquet they gave me as part of the package).

Once we told everyone that we got married my father was disappointed (for about 10 seconds) that he didn't get to walk me (his only daughter) down the aisle, but then he cut us a nice fat check and got over it. My mother's only concern was to make sure my father was not there since she wasn't (they got divorced over 30 years ago and still HATE each other -- one of the big reason I didn't do a traditional wedding in the first place).

All's well that ends well. We plan on renewing our vows with Elvis next year for our 10 year anniversary. Hope I can fit back into that dress...

 

[pavelover]

hi all,
thanks for all of your replies. I really appreciate them. It makes me feel better to see how many people are of the same mind!
the ideas everyone has are fantastic.
I will keep you guys informed about what will happen. I am putting the cart before the horse just a little since i am not officially engaged, but I just wanted to see what others are doing.
thanks again!