Emotional Difficulties During Perimenopause

[Jambalaya]

I'd love some feedback from women who have trod this path afore me...

I'm almost 48 and have been having symptoms of the change since I came off the pill at 43. They varied, but I reckon I'm now about 50-70% through it. (I won't bore you with the list of symptoms/family history that allow me to guesstimate my timeline.)

In this later stage, I've been finding that for about 10-14 days before my period, I literally feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of disaster and as if my whole world is about to fall apart. I would actually say that in the 2-3 worst periods I've had this year, I would qualify as mentally ill in the run-up. Then, the minute I start my period, a lovely calm comes over me. I don't even need to go to the bathroom to confirm that I've started. I know I have; the emotional relief is instant.

I'm not on my period right now, and yet a couple of days ago, I felt like everything in my life was about to fall apart, and the two hours later I felt nice and calm.

Has anyone else experienced this emotional rollercoaster during the change? This feels completely different from regular PMT when I was young, which was feelings of irritation in the 2-3 days before. This is full-on "My whole life is going to fall apart any minute" stuff, and feels like a crisis each time.

I'm already on Lexapro; I can't imagine how much worse this would be without it.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Begonia]

So sorry to hear this @Jambalaya! That sounds likes it's pretty awful and frightening.
I hope you have some womenfolk in your family that are supportive?

I had very bad emotional PMS before I went into menopause, and was argumentative, reactionary, and would catastrophize. For the brief time I was perimenopause (maybe 2 years) it got worse. I went into menopause very early - 42 - too early in fact, as I now have osteoporosis. Additionally, as menopause got closer, I developed a feeling of (and maybe there's a better word for it, but I can't figure out what it is) amnesia. It was/is really weird. Logically I know my name and who I am, but I feel so lost. Like the parts of my brain that logically knew me werent connecting with the part that had no idea who i, or my family were. It was frightening. I still have it, 14 years later. I had no aunts or Mom or sister to help me thru it

I didn't seek help, as my doctor is a useless twit, and there aren't any women's clinic where I live. I can't offer much help, other than to try to reassure you in some small way that others hit the peri/meno wall pretty hard too.

I spend a lot of time self calming and saying to myself that the feeling is the same, don't let it scare you, you'll be okay, don't believe everything your brain tells you. Still, it's exhausting and aggravating.

I hope you can source some doctors who specialize in menopause, and that they can offer you some help/relief/comfort. Thinking about you as you go into, and hopefully through this

 

[DutchJackie]

I don’t know if it’s helpful. But your story said to my brain: menopause barbie. It’s a YouTube channel by an American lady. She came in my recommended a long time ago and I watched some of her videos.

 

[Arcadian]

My suggestion is to get bloodwork done first just to see where you really are. Then address those things.

Because I had a partial hyst quite young, I can't say I ever went into peri. But it was also very evident when I hit menopause even though at the time I did I had dr's tell me things where "fine" (like sh&t they were!)

You then have some decisions to make esp. how you want to go forward.

What I will tell you is find a Dr who will listen and not poo poo what you're going through. It is very hard to manage alone.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Everyone experiences some of these things; to which degree they do varies. I too would have your gyno do blood work to see where you are in the process. I was told the average age of menopause - defined as the absence of menses - is 51. For me it was pretty spot on. If it holds true for you, you have several years to go and you may very well want to talk about other meds to help alleviate some of the symptoms.
My doctor (female) was always asking me about hormone therapy. I did not want it as I felt like it was just going to prolong the process. It is part of aging and I had a friend and family member who ended up with breast cancer that was specifically linked to long term hormone use. They had lumpectomies and treatment and are fine but I just didn’t want to risk it. She agreed that I was probably better off - unless I felt like the hot flashes and mental piece were unbearable. Neither were and I just decided to gut it out. Everyone is different though and thresholds are different as well.
I asked her though why it was such a long process with surges in hormone levels. She said if it happened all at once instead of gradual, you would probably have a nervous breakdown. She is probably right about that! Best advice - make an appt. for yourself and discuss it all with your doctor. Best of luck - it won’t last forever!!

 

[Jambalaya]

So sorry to hear this @Jambalaya! That sounds likes it's pretty awful and frightening.
I hope you have some womenfolk in your family that are supportive?

I had very bad emotional PMS before I went into menopause, and was argumentative, reactionary, and would catastrophize. For the brief time I was perimenopause (maybe 2 years) it got worse. I went into menopause very early - 42 - too early in fact, as I now have osteoporosis. Additionally, as menopause got closer, I developed a feeling of (and maybe there's a better word for it, but I can't figure out what it is) amnesia. It was/is really weird. Logically I know my name and who I am, but I feel so lost. Like the parts of my brain that logically knew me werent connecting with the part that had no idea who i, or my family were. It was frightening. I still have it, 14 years later. I had no aunts or Mom or sister to help me thru it

I didn't seek help, as my doctor is a useless twit, and there aren't any women's clinic where I live. I can't offer much help, other than to try to reassure you in some small way that others hit the peri/meno wall pretty hard too.

I spend a lot of time self calming and saying to myself that the feeling is the same, don't let it scare you, you'll be okay, don't believe everything your brain tells you. Still, it's exhausting and aggravating.

I hope you can source some doctors who specialize in menopause, and that they can offer you some help/relief/comfort. Thinking about you as you go into, and hopefully through this

Thank you, Begonia. My mom is passed but I have a female cousin.

I'll try not to let it scare me. That's good advice!

 

[Jambalaya]

I don’t know if it’s helpful. But your story said to my brain: menopause barbie. It’s a YouTube channel by an American lady. She came in my recommended a long time ago and I watched some of her videos.

Fantastic; I will watch her. Thanks for the recommendation!

 

[Jambalaya]

My suggestion is to get bloodwork done first just to see where you really are. Then address those things.

Because I had a partial hyst quite young, I can't say I ever went into peri. But it was also very evident when I hit menopause even though at the time I did I had dr's tell me things where "fine" (like sh&t they were!)

You then have some decisions to make esp. how you want to go forward.

What I will tell you is find a Dr who will listen and not poo poo what you're going through. It is very hard to manage alone.

Thanks, @Arcadian!

My understanding is that it's very hard for blood tests to tell you where you are in the process, because your hormones are so up and down that it's difficult for a snapshot or two to give an accurate picture. But I bought some ovulation tests and have not caught myself ovulating yet, even though my periods are regular right now (having skipped a few in the last couple of years, which is definitely change-related because I've never skipped periods before in my life!)

 

[Jambalaya]

Everyone experiences some of these things; to which degree they do varies. I too would have your gyno do blood work to see where you are in the process. I was told the average age of menopause - defined as the absence of menses - is 51. For me it was pretty spot on. If it holds true for you, you have several years to go and you may very well want to talk about other meds to help alleviate some of the symptoms.
My doctor (female) was always asking me about hormone therapy. I did not want it as I felt like it was just going to prolong the process. It is part of aging and I had a friend and family member who ended up with breast cancer that was specifically linked to long term hormone use. They had lumpectomies and treatment and are fine but I just didn’t want to risk it. She agreed that I was probably better off - unless I felt like the hot flashes and mental piece were unbearable. Neither were and I just decided to gut it out. Everyone is different though and thresholds are different as well.
I asked her though why it was such a long process with surges in hormone levels. She said if it happened all at once instead of gradual, you would probably have a nervous breakdown. She is probably right about that! Best advice - make an appt. for yourself and discuss it all with your doctor. Best of luck - it won’t last forever!!

Thanks, @MissGotRocks! That's an incredible answer from your doc about the nervous breakdown! I have NO idea why our hormones have SUCH an effect on our brains and moods. What's the evolutionary point of that? It creates stress in the pair-bonding that is needed for reproduction, which lessens the chances of s*x occurring at the right time, which you'd think Nature would abhor. And the relational stress threatens the security of the babies. I really would have thought that we'd have evolved not to have our emotions affected by hormones.

I can't take HRT because of a huge family BRACA family history of breast cancer.

 

[Jambalaya]

I do no exercise, and I should get back to it because I'm sure that would help.

 

[monarch64]

This entire post makes me want to feel weird about menopause and find all the reasons

 

[Jambalaya]

@monarch64 It makes you want to feel weird about it? I'm not understanding...why do you want to feel weird about it? I don't get it.

 

[lissyflo]

I follow a few menopause specialists on Insta. One set up an app to track symptoms and the top 3 reported nationally (U.K.) are brain fog, anxiety and low libido, ranking above the ‘classic’ symptom of hot flushes. I know that doesn’t help in and of itself, but hopefully there’s some comfort in knowing that large numbers of women suffer the same symptoms and that you’re not alone/abnormal, although the anxiety you describe sounds extreme and must be hugely disturbing for you - huge hugs.

I can't take HRT because of a huge family BRACA family history of breast cancer.

Have you checked with a menopause specialist about this? I think advise and medicine options are changing all the time. I take a body identical form of hrt and my understanding is that, under the age of 51, it carries no increased risk of breast cancer and can be considered. I don’t have a family history so I didn’t discuss this in detail but I have a friend with family history who also takes this form of hrt.

It might be worth talking to a couple of specialists about options just in case there’s an hrt regime you can follow to get you through the next few years until your body finishes the underlying changes? Even if they can’t prescribe hrt, maybe there’s another medication they could suggest to help to manage the symptoms rather than the underlying hormonal cause, instead of or in addition to what you’re already taking.

I really hope you can get some help. Living life feeling like you’re on the edge of a catastrophe for 2 weeks of every month must be hideous, even if you know the feeling does pass. I didn’t have anxiety symptoms but had memory problems amongst other things and it’s deeply troubling when your brain doesn’t work with you. Thinking of you.

 

[nala]

@monarch64 It makes you want to feel weird about it? I'm not understanding...why do you want to feel weird about it? I don't get it.

I wonder if she means that the more we know about menopause symptoms, the more likely we are to think that we have them? As a 48 year old who just missed 3 periods in a row, I find that I’ve memorized the list of symptoms and perhaps I am too eager to ascribe some isolated incidents or moods to the more permanent state of menopause. Like. Maybe I have always been easily irritated or have bad mood swing but suddenly I have a reason to attribute my mood swings to?

 

[nala]

Everyone experiences some of these things; to which degree they do varies. I too would have your gyno do blood work to see where you are in the process. I was told the average age of menopause - defined as the absence of menses - is 51. For me it was pretty spot on. If it holds true for you, you have several years to go and you may very well want to talk about other meds to help alleviate some of the symptoms.
My doctor (female) was always asking me about hormone therapy. I did not want it as I felt like it was just going to prolong the process. It is part of aging and I had a friend and family member who ended up with breast cancer that was specifically linked to long term hormone use. They had lumpectomies and treatment and are fine but I just didn’t want to risk it. She agreed that I was probably better off - unless I felt like the hot flashes and mental piece were unbearable. Neither were and I just decided to gut it out. Everyone is different though and thresholds are different as well.
I asked her though why it was such a long process with surges in hormone levels. She said if it happened all at once instead of gradual, you would probably have a nervous breakdown. She is probably right about that! Best advice - make an appt. for yourself and discuss it all with your doctor. Best of luck - it won’t last forever!!

I can’t love this response enough! It is comforting to know that symptoms vary as do their intensity and frequency. I also appreciate that you were able to go without hormones. I was recently asked after my bloodwork indicated that I’m in menopause. So far, no one I know has opted for hormones and I’m leaning in this direction. Ty for sharing.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I can’t love this response enough! It is comforting to know that symptoms vary as do their intensity and frequency. I also appreciate that you were able to go without hormones. I was recently asked after my bloodwork indicated that I’m in menopause. So far, no one I know has opted for hormones and I’m leaning in this direction. Ty for sharing.

There are benefits and risks to hormone replacement therapy. At some point if you discontinue them, some of the symptoms return to be dealt with again. I just wanted to get through it and be done.

 

[lissyflo]

I get a little ranty about this, so apologies in advance!

The menopause seems to me to be yet another example where women are dismissed and their experiences belittled. A natural consequence of ageing in men is loss of virility, but I have yet to hear doctors in the media advising men to motor on through without their little blue pills and to just deal with the ageing process because it’s natural. Yet this happens frequently for women discussing menopause symptoms. HRT has been described as a lifestyle drug in the national press here, but women aged 45 to 54 have the highest suicide rates in women, with experts suggesting this often links to the menopause and its symptoms (and the age range correlates exactly with expected start of perimenopause to being fully menopausal) . Emotional upset to the point that you consider taking your own life is not something that can be easily toughed out and should not be dismissed as natural ageing in any civilised society.

Emerging evidence suggests that hrt can have longer term benefits across the board, providing protection against conditions like osteoporosis and dementia. A lot of the negatives were particularly prevalent because of older, synthetic hormone treatments that are no longer the optimal treatment.

Obviously everyone’s experience and preferred course of action is specific to them, but I’d definitely want to make a decision with as much information as possible. And I really think the concept of suck it and stop whingeing (written in a national broadsheet paper recently, by a female journalist ) is unhelpful when the impact on physical and mental health can be hugely devastating for numbers of women.

 

[danusia]

I stayed on the pill until I was 47. The week off the pill I got migraines. This lasted about 6 months and decided to stop taking the pill myself. Saw the gyno who told me it isn't menopause until you are 12 months without a period. After 12 months of no periods, I had no menopausal symptoms (also migraines stopped) so the doctor decided to run blood tests to make sure. So no hot flashes, but I would have full blown temper tantrums/rants. I guess there is no blood work for that. It got so bad that I just had to get out of the house and started walking. That seemed to calm me down. Now at age 66 I have not stopped walking or exercising almost everyday. I am one of the most calmest people I know. Everyone else that I know who has gone through this has been on hormone replacement or other stuff I'd rather not mention. My one friend who was on hormone replacement suffered from severe depression after she came off. She is now my walking buddy and it has helped her immensely.

If I ever had to compare this to anything, it is almost like a dog who has the "zoomies" and then calms down.

 

[Sibsgirl]

I'm 51 and in the thick of it. Nearly overnight, I developed extreme anxiety, regular hot flashes, and insomnia. All of these things have been greatly reduced or eliminated using HRT. The only negative so far is irregular bleeding that has yet to settle. I highly recommend you check with your GP, at the very least, to see what might work for you. There's plenty of research to support the health benefits associated. I couldn't imagine surviving long on 1-2 hours' sleep per night, and now I don't have to.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I finally got my periods sorted out after over 30 years of irregularity by eating gluten-free. Here at 43 finally having to deal with this every month vs twice a year is not so fun.

I’m really hoping I can get through menopause fairly easily, HRT is not an option since I’ve already had a stroke. Since my mother is no longer alive I have no idea when to even expect it but I’m guessing I have a while.