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Engaged + Wedding excitement. etc. just some q''s

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Patchee

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I was just reading AAAA''s post about her not liking her proposal and ring etc. and it got me thinking about something completly different
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Once you were proposed to did you gun-hoe it and start wedding plans? Did you wait any time limit before you were married? Like how long? We are planning a 2009 Fall Wedding but I am noticing others that are recently engaged and some of them are planning for a in 8 months wedding. Is this common?

Other questions I had was your FI excited to jump into the wedding planning with you or did he feel like he did "his job" on the ring, proposal and such?

Last night I said to FI what do you think about so-and-so place for a reception place, he said I am not ready to start looking. I said we have to plan and book soon as places fill up quick. I was a bit bothered by this but he said we just got engaged, let''s enjoy that for a while first - which made sence to me... not sure if a hint of bridezilla came out
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but then I dropped it and we went on with the night.

Was your FI ready for the next step right after the engagement? Just curious as this is my first
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and last
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wedding and I am kind of dumb to what happens next!
 
We had gabbed a lot about wedding ideas before the actual engagement. Various factors meant that March-April was the best time for us to get hitched (so, around an 8 month engagement) and after the first month, I had location, florist, dj, and dress locked and loaded (at least for WP2). FI is VERY keen on being involved in all the decisions, so long as he doesn't have to do any of the work.
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This has been the subject of the occasional tiny spat betwee us. But he gets excited about each stage of planning and has definite and strong opinions about most aspects.

Getting a venue locked and loaded as soon as comfortable is probably a good idea. Then you can leave the rest of it to do at a leisurely pace. It's just that, until you know what kind of wedding you're having and when, it's hard to do anything else.

Are you worried that your FI's hesitance to move forward with the wedding plans is...uh...sinister? In the context of your long wait to get engaged? Is that what you're asking?

ETA: If you're looking at Fall 2009 (i.e., almost TWO WHOLE YEARS from now) then yeah, I think you can sit tight for a while. But what I would do is get him to agree as to when you will start looking at venues. So "OK honey, how about we go look at venues together in June?" Get him to commit, then you're good to go and don't have to fret.
 
Hi Independent!

Thanks for you thoughts. Maybe I do feel like geeze took forever for the engagement and I fear it taking forever to actually walk the isle. I am ok with the Fall 09'' wedding even if it is some time away because although we have the money to have the wedding we want now we instead decided to joint that account and match for match and save for the wedding so there is no disruption of our other funds and I think that''s a great idea... it was my idea.

He was adimient (sp) on seeing the places because I said hey me and H (my sister) are going to look at so and so and he said I want to go but I am not ready for that yet.

I am in the over excited now let''s get this going stage right now!

All and all. Happy and love my ring and it''s not such the ring but the person who comes with it!
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FI and I started planning 2 days after we got engaged because we wanted to wed fall of 2008 (places book up fast by us). His attitute was that it took him a long time to propose (we were dating for 7yrs) so he understood why I was anxious to start wedding planning.

I don''t think you really need start immediately unless you have a specific vendor/date that you want and you know it will book up fast. 10 months ahead of our wedding date we had no problem booking anything.

If your FI does not want to start yet, an idea is to do some background research on vendors so you can narrow down the list for when he is ready.
 
He proposed in mid-December, we started planning in the beginning of January (we wanted to wait until after the holiday madness and just enjoy the idea of being engaged for a bit), we were married the first weekend in August. I was never gung-ho about planning, we did it at a reasonably leisurely pace and enjoyed every bit of it. My husband certainly didn''t dance a jig every time we had to complete a wedding related task, but he did do all of the planning with me (he was a silent partner
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).

It''s great that you''re so excited, and so willing to work with your FI to plan at a pace that is comfortable for both of you.
 
I got right to the wedding planning because I was not flexible on dates. I work in a school and had to make sure that my wedding fell during one of the school holidays. i didn't want a summer wedding so I had two possible dates, december 27th and february 14th. For this reason, I jumped right into the planning and booked my hall the weekend after i got engaged (february 14th 2009 was already booked!.) I could have waited on the other stuff but am glad i didn't. I was literally in my photographer's office signing the contract when another couple came in who was getting married the SAME day as me! The same thing happened when I booked my hall, someone called asking for the same date about 30 minutes after my contract was signed.

ETA: If you are in an area where things book quickly, I wouldn't wait too long to start. Sometimes guys don't realize that it takes a long time to plan and that some places are booked 2 years in advance. Good luck!
 
We were engaged in February of '07, and I waited about two weeks before I started planning. I made a list of everything that needed to be booked and an approximate order for doing so, then started on phase 1: the venue.

It was April '07 before we started calling venues, and we found that many of them were already booked through December '08. These weren't high-demand venues, either (those were booked through Fall '09
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). In May '07, the venue we ended up loving had only four dates spread through September-Novemeber '08, so we chose October. This meant a 20-month engagement, even though we'd initially planned on 8-14 months.

So from my perspective, the sooner you jump on the venue booking, the better. I've had some rude awakenings as to how quickly other vendors book up, as well (Photographers at 12 months out, Officiants at 10 months or more out, yeesh!) when my favorite vendors were not available for our date, even though I thought I was following a good planning timeline.


Tell your FI he's being silly
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Mostly kidding... you should both be comfortable with the pace, but there has to be a limit to putting things off - especially if you live in an area where things book up quickly (like I do).
 
We knew which venue we wanted so we went down to it two weeks after we got engaged to book it. We could only get a thursday as we needed a summer wedding and it was booked up on Saturdays until 2011. That''s all that we''ve done so far. We''re going to meet the photographer a month from tomorrow and we''re hoping to meet the priest that day too to book the church. I have a ton of videographer demos to go through but I''m being really lazy. If you''re looking for fall 09 I''d probably book the venue soon just so you have it and you can leave the rest till later.
 
We were engaged in Feb. of ''07 and we both knew we wanted to be married that year--for DH, 2008 was way too far away. By the time he proposed he was really ready to be married, so for him even waiting 7 months seemed like a long time. He wanted a wedding (I was all about eloping), so I told him that the fall of ''07 was about as quick as we could feasibly do it. He was really involved with the wedding planning--he had his own tasks and we went to all the big appts. together. There''s no way I would have been happy doing it on my own. I really think it depends on how big of a priority the wedding is to both of you--if the wedding isn''t all that important to him, then he might not be as excited. I can relate--I was really excited to get MARRIED, but I was indifferent to the wedding. In hindsight, planning it with him was a lot of fun. You should both have fun with it!
 
Wow, I am so glad you brought this up! I think that sometimes the guys, deprived as they are of Martha Stewart Weddings and Modern Bride
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, don''t understand how much planning is involved in pulling off a wedding, or how far in advance dates fill up. I think a fair rule of thumb is if your wedding is less than two years away, then at least book major vendors and your venue, soon. Then work out the menu and the linen choices later on.

We are not engaged yet but will be very soon. I am really excited to get engaged but I think the fact that we are not planning on getting married until 2011 is going to put some people off. My BF is about to start law school in the fall and I am adamant not to go into debt for this wedding (and trying to keep away from loans for his education) and neither of our parents are in the right place to pay for a wedding either. And we live together already so there is less of a rush to get married.

That''s not stopping me from doing a little teensy bit of planning - I think we''ll book a venue this spring or summer, and I just commissioned an artist to create a graphic emblem out of both our names for wedding invitations even though that is obviously a long way off.

I suppose in terms of planning, I have a huge advantage - I am more likely to book a coveted vendor or venue. But I am dreading answering the question, "So when''s the wedding?" I''ll admit I kind of want people to think my engagement is a big deal, but I think the impact will be lessened once people realize it''s going to be a while!
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Patchee, when I got engaged 5+ years ago, my DH was all about getting the ball rolling re. wedding planning. I was the one who wanted to sit back and enjoy being engaged for a month or two...kind of a role reversal. However, there is a 7 year age difference between us, I was 25 and he was 32 when we got engaged, and most of his friends had already gotten married and were moving forward, i.e., buying houses, having children, etc. So he was much more ready than I to set a wedding date, find a venue, etc. He also grew up in the area (chicago), and he knew better than I that it was important to get our butts moving on finding a venue, at the very least. Anyway, we got engaged in December and had wedding planning underway by mid-January, about a month after we were engaged. It went pretty smoothly...we each did some legwork, visited venues together (maybe 10 total?), and finally I found the one we ended up with and that was that. He wasn''t overly involved in the planning, but definitely not disinterested.

I think the most helpful thing to me re. visiting venues to narrow down our choices was that we''d make dates out of them. For example, we''d set an appointment after work to visit a site, then we''d grab a bite to eat somewhere nearby afterwards (usually places we''d never dined before) and talk about and make notes on what we did or didn''t like about the site. It was fun, we got a lot accomplished, and we felt like we were doing it as a team which was great.

I wonder if you take the initiative and add in some sort of reward as far as wedding planning (like we did, with dinner out after viewing a site), your FI would become more interested/involved/excited? Once he sees that it''s just baby steps to the end result, I bet he''ll catch on to your enthusiasm and want to be right by your side throughout the planning process. Good luck!
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I knew when we were about to get engaged that FI was not thinking about getting married in the next year. For him, engagement was a commitment and a step further in our relationship in itself and not only a step leading to marriage, and he didn''t want to rush the next step. Also, he was ready to make that commitment right now, but wanted be to graduate before we were married, which was 2 years later.

Vendors can book up pretty fast, so we started planning and booking about 6 months into the engagement. We''re very glad we did too, because we''re paying 2007 prices for our 2008 wedding and saving a lot of money.
 
Hi Patchee
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I was all about the wedding planning even before I got engaged, as I knew I did not want to wait until 2009 for the wedding. And now that the proposal has happened I am rushing to get things done for a July 12 wedding. I do think that this is a little quick, I think more people are taking around a year to plan a wedding. FI definitely has not jumped in by any means, but as my other posts have stated, he thinks you can plan a wedding in 2 months......
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. However, since you are planning a Fall 2009 wedding I think you have plenty of time and your boyfriend is kind of right. Just enjoy being engaged for awhile, wedding planning will be stressful. So enjoy unstressed bliss for a couple of months!
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Good question! I think it really differs from guy to guy. Some see it as yes, I''m ready NOW and others as a distinct separate step. We were a little older and my DH surprised me with the proposal and ring - we LOVED each other, but had never talked about the M word per se (and definitely had not discussed rings). I waited about 2 days and said "when were you thinking about getting married?" His response was ASAP! We got married 4 months later - Kleinfeld''s dress and the whole thing - they CAN do it !) I''m very decisive and we were actually ready in 3 months, but we had to take a date the church and club could do! From 1st date to alter was 22 months. I let him participate in anything he wanted, but didn''t push things he didn''t seem interested in (like flowers and music). He really got into choosing the cake (chocolate in & out!) and the guys outfits (Navy blazers etc. - married at Cape Cod). It all worked out for us - 4 kids later and madly in love, but I can fully appreciate some guys wanting some breathing room before any planning begins - we''re just "get on with it" kinds of people (pregnant by the 1st anniversary, pregnant with #2 by #1''s 1st b-day - you get the idea!) There''s NOTHING wrong with waiting and enjoying the engagement in and of itself! Good luckl!
 
I got engaged in July of 2005... We had been dating for 5 years at that point, and I knew that I wanted to get married pretty quickly, but I also recognized the importance of sitting back and enjoying the engagement period at least a little bit. I didn''t seriously start looking into venues until October 2005... so we spent 2-3 months just enjoying ourselves and occasionally throwing around ideas. We did know from the beginning that we wanted a small, simple destination wedding, so that made it a lot easier. Once we had our venue, we knew our date (February 2006), and things fell into place then. So we planned the wedding in about 3 1/2 months. So I guess from the time we got engaged until we got married was 6 1/2 months in total.

Honestly, if we didn''t do a destination wedding, I don''t think it would have been nearly as easy (although possible) to plan a wedding in that short amount of time, especially in Chicago (where we live) and because we would have had probably 3 to 4 times as many guests. As far as what is "normal" for an engagement period, I think it really varies. Most people I know planned for at least a year to a year and a half in advance.

After the proposal, my DH pretty much felt like his work was done. LOL. I admit that I did the majority of the planning, but he was supportive and gave me feedback when I asked for it. I have other guy friends who told me they felt the same way. They had spent months researching diamonds, settings, etc., getting the proposal plans together, that after they proposed, they just wanted to sit back and not think about anything!

I think the other ladies who responded had some good ideas... even though your wedding is a little ways away, it may not hurt to look into some venues and then in a few weeks, run them by him. At some point, you will probably have to remind him that booking the venue soon will help you guys out quite a bit, and then you can take your time getting the other details in place.

Best of luck! This is an extremely exciting time and don''t feel like you should curb your enthusiasm entirely, but you may want to give your guy a little break... for now!
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Hi Everyone. I just sat here and read everyone of you Ladies post. They were awesome to read and see how we all plan, when and how and what''s what! And here I thought he was dragging his feet and we were not moving anywhere in planning but in all reality we are right on target. I have looked at some vendors and checked dates with them, have found a place that I love and they have the date I want open but we just have not toured or made any firm commitments.

I certainly applaud all of you who got engaged and married in the next few months! I am finding it so overwhelming that when I initially posted this post I was like it''s going to take forever, FI is dragging his feet etc. but it takes time to plan these things and funding to do so.

Monarch I feel like you although I don''t have a role reversal like you did (Which I think is really neat for a change) ... I don''t want that huge wedding and he says he doesn''t either but something tells me this is going to be one of those all out bashes.

Kim 7 months to plan and walk the isle? Will you come to NY and go to brides shows with me? pretty please?
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Brook.lynn No debt! I''m with you on that. That''s a hugy with us too. We have a house that is just about paid off (3 more years), no car payments (they are newer cars too) no credit debt and I''ll be dammed if i am going to go into debt for a party for other people!
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I think of wedding as just that some times. I heard that the day just flys by - you remember not much, is this true?? I am so excited but feel sad all in the same to think that We *I* am getting all built up for the walk down the isle just to have it here and gone in one day!

I have so much more to reply to some of you but I am so busy working right now! Thanks so much and it''s truly great to have everyone''s advise!
 
My BF and I have two sets of friends that have gotten engaged in the last month and one is having their wedding in June! They have been together for years and were planning and had set the date before the actual proposal. The bride is amazing and super organized and already had her dress picked out before the proposal. I know they will pull of a beautiful wedding in a small amount of time. The other couple had only been dating a few weeks and is planning theirs for spring 2009. I was glad to hear they were taking some extra time before the wedding because I''m sure they didn''t have tons of time to plan anything before the proposal. Its such a contrast between the two couples.

I think a year is a pretty standard timeframe for all the planning that needs to be done. If you can do it in under a year, that''s amazing to me and you deserve a medal! We don''t live in a big city, either...which is good and bad. Good because there''s not as much competition for venues, but bad because there''s a smaller selection of venues and services to pick from.
 
I totally refused to look at anything to do with weddings before I was engaged.

FI proposed on xmas eve 06, and I had the deposit on the venue by the first week in Jan 07 for 26/07/08. I did know the venue I wanted - but didn''t go and look at it properly until 5 months after I booked it. If I''d waited till March, I would not have got any date in 2008. I picked date and venue on my own.

As I have 19 months total, I booked the photographer (a friend) straight away and asked another friend to do the flowers with me.

I then took it easy - read a lot of wedding ****, and thought about the overall look I wanted. I found my dressmaker in November, made my wedding-cake and ordered Save-the-Dates in December, and hope to book up the music this week.

Still to do are making up my favours, BMs dresses, ordering wine (going to Italy at end of Feb to do that), ordering invitations, placecards and orders of service.

FI has been entirely uninterested - other than buying his morning suit, which we did 2 weeks ago (he needs to wear it at my cousin''s wedding in May hence the early purchase). He''ll look at things I''ve done and say that''s great, but that is it. He trusts my judgement, we like the same kind of things and planning events is my day job, so he knew better than to get too involved!

I would not have been able to do the thing in less time - my job is way to stressful - and I''ve enjoyed having the time to do things slowly and really think it over.
 
morning suit??? whats a morning suit? I know your not from the USA but I am really confused...

explain...

also anyother traditions you are incorporating into your weddings? I would love to hear those....
 
Date: 1/18/2008 8:41:19 AM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
morning suit??? whats a morning suit? I know your not from the USA but I am really confused...

explain...

also anyother traditions you are incorporating into your weddings? I would love to hear those....
You do have it in the US - Ronald Reagan wore morning dress to his inauguration in 1981



Pandora's Complete Guide to Morning Dress:
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Morning Coat- a black single-breasted coat, with one button, and sides curving away into a pair of tails behind. (not an evening tail coat which is short at the front) The tails should come down to the back of the knee. (Charcoal and dove grey are worn at Royal Ascot - but only the bridegroom or bride's father can wear those colours at a wedding if they so wish).

Trousers - black and grey stripes, single pleated and no turn-ups, worn with braces.

Shirt - White double cuffed with stiff collar

Waistcoat - plain grey or buff waistcoat with pockets

Tie - either a normal tie or an 'ascot' cravat with pearl pin. (wing shirt collar and single cuffs with an ascot, plain collar and double cuffs with a tie.) - I prefer a long tie to an ascot.

Shoes - Plain black dress or oxford shoes without brogueing.

Accessories:

Top hat - Black silk or grey (optional)
Gold pocket watch and chain - goes in waistcoat pocket
Gold cufflinks (essential!)
You should really have kid gloves and a cane, but 99% of people don't do that anymore.


It's the most formal of daytime wear in the UK. (for state funerals and very formal occasions, you would wear a black waistcoat and tie.)

Most of the men coming to my wedding will wear full morning-suit, rather than just the bridal party, otherwise formal business suits. Hence why FI bought his morning suit - a lot of my cousins aren't married yet, so it will ultimately be cheaper than having to hire one every time!

My father, brother and uncle will all definitely wear top hats (they are 6ft 5", 6ft 6" and 6ft 8" to start with, so they look like giants...), and I would imagine a large number of the others. FI doesn't want to wear a top hat, and I'm fine with that - some people can carry them off, some people just look silly, and I think he's one of the latter!


Other UK traditions:

These are some I am using.

Hat's for all the female guests. I was very surprised when I was at FSIL's wedding in Chicago that FI's mother and I were the only ones out of 200+ guests who were wearing them (FSIL asked me to, but I thought americans wore them too
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) Loads of people kept coming up and saying how brave I was
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- okay, it was a full-on HAT with feathers etc, but I've worn it to UK weddings and not even had a raised-eyebrow!)

Silver sixpence for my shoe - to bring wealth.

Fruitcake for my wedding-cake (I've already made it - and it's being 'fed' brandy every other week
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). We will keep the top tier for the birth of our first child (traditionally it's the Christening cake.)!

Here's a picture of full morning suit - couldn't find any great photos. This is from 1901 - so the coat is slightly shorter than it is today.

Morning_dress_1901.jpg
 
Ooh, a proper wedding cake. I wish I could talk my bf into that. But apparently I''m the only person left alive who likes fruitcake. (Although mine does disappear every time I make it, so...)
 
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