Engagement ring ettiquette question

[Deelight]

This might be a silly question but I am a little stumped and thought my fellow PSer''s would know.

As many of you ladies may or may not know my FF and I are soon going away on our RTW trip and I know he plans on popping the question while we are abroad, we will be due back about 2 days before a good friend of mine gets married. We planned on mostly telling people when we get back.

As my friend is getting married is it wrong/rude to msg/tell people either a couple of days before when we get back and then wearing the ring to the wedding and if a friend asks answer discreetly? The other option is telling people later after the wedding but then people might think I was a git for not saying anything earlier and making a fuss out of nothing.

The last thing I would want to do is upset someone or steal someones thunder not that I think I could my friend will make a stunning bride.

TIA

 

[meresal]

If this is a really close friend, then maybe you could just ask her about it. Do alot of people already expect that it is going to happen on this trip? or will it be a surprise to most?

 

[Deelight]

I think some people might hope it is but we have not told anyone or alluded to it all very hush hush we want it to be a surprise. I don''t think anyone would ask me directly because they know how much I have been bugged in the past by people asking, so no chance of asking before we leave.

 

[meresal]

When you get back I would call the people that you know you "need" to call. Best friends, family, etc... and then the others that just aren''t as close, I would wait for them to recognize it at the wedding and then discretely tell them. I wouldn''t think that you telling your close friends is taking away from the big day at all.

 

[Deelight]

Thanks Meresal that''s my train of thought I am just a little of a worry wart and would hate to think I might upset someone.

Once that ring is on I don''t ever want to take it off ever

 

[Pandora II]

The daughter of my FIL''s wife got engaged a few days before our wedding. She told me at the end of the night when we were heading back to the hotel and said she hadn''t wanted to say anything before in case we felt that she was stealing her thunder.

If we''d known, DH would have mentioned it in his speech and offered her our congratulations. I don''t see any problem at all. People were there for our wedding so it wasn''t like it wasn''t our event, and what could be better than also celebrating someone elses future commitment and happiness.

Maybe that''s just me though.

It also depends how it''s done - if it had been my witch of an aunt''s daughter getting engaged, my aunt would have made a huge big thing about it as all the family would be there. That would have annoyed me - but probably because I loathe my aunt!

 

[Babyblue033]

I thought about this because we almost got engaged the week before our friend''s wedding (ended up getting delayed due to the ring). And my FI and I had decided that we would not tell everyone right before or at the wedding, and that I would not wear my new e-ring to the wedding. Personally we felt the day really should be all about them and us announcing our engagement will be a distraction. Whether they would''ve felt that we were stealing their thunder or not, we just didn''t want to take that chance and we would''ve waited after the wedding to let everyone know.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I think there is a difference between annoucing your engagement to everyone and making a big scene about it and simply wearing your ring and answering "yes" when (and if) people notice and ask if you have gotten engaged. You can be discreate without completely hiding the fact that you got engaged.

Very close family and friends should most certainly get a nice call from you and FI. I wouldn''t have the least bit hesitation in being completely amped when you talk to them either!

I loathe this whole concept of stealing some other couples thunder on their wedding day. Personally, I do not think it is possible. Really, what''s the difference between admitting that you are engaged and hearing "you''ll be next" all day long??

 

[Blair138]

This happened with FI''s friend-he got engaged a few days before our other friend''s wedding, his FI wore her ring but didn''t formally announce it until after the wedding-it would have been a nice gesture if the bride to be wasn''t such a little brat about it.

If the bride if a good friend of yours-maybe you can find a discreet time to tell her at the wedding or before-my cousin''s friend told her she as pregnant at her wedding and there is actually a picture of that exact moment-no one knew her family and my cousin at that point and my cousin liked being able to look back at that picture and have a little ''secret''

 

[Bliss]

Wow, so exciting for you!!!!

How nice that you are so sensitive to others'' feelings. I would definitely call those in your inner circle to share in your joy.

I''m going to be a bride myself, and if one of my friends announced her engagement near or at my wedding, I would be doubly overjoyed for her! It would be a double party!!! That would just make the day even better. I wish that would happen, actually! Heehehee! I have a dear dear friend who is coming to our wedding with her bf and I am hoping they will come engaged!!!! Or maybe he could pop the question after the ceremony during the reception when they steal away for a moment. It would just be so memorable for me to share in her joy. Anyway... that''s just me.

I think a lot of brides might be miffed, probably because around wedding time they are so stressed and walking a fine line of sanity anyway.

Very fine line. So proceed with caution. Stuff they wouldn''t usually care about has a tendency to become BIG DRAMA around & on the big day.

 

[sba771]

I understand your concerns and I felt them too a little while ago. My FI proposed late April and his brother was getting married at the end of July. They had been engaged for over 18 months but it was still "their time". So at the bride''s shower when people tried to ooh and ahh my ring I thanked them but didn''t really show it and said it was the bride''s time, same thing at their wedding since I was meeting a lot of family and family friends and they wanted to congratulate us. Just be gracious but quite about it.

The only downside and it still bugs me a little is that as a result of downplaying it so much in an effort to respect them, no one has made any kind of fuss over me or my ring and as a girl who was really looking forward to it- it sometimes makes me a little sad...even though I know how pety it is

 

[Tuckins1]

To me, I don''t think it''s that big of a deal to tell people before the wedding. I wouldn''t just wear the ring to the wedding without telling people, because it will cause more of a fuss that way. My friends got engaged just before our wedding and didn''t tell us because she didn''t want to "steal my thunder"... I thought she was crazy!! I''m not that vain. The bride is always going to get all of the attention, so whatever. Unless your friend is the kind of girl the is a "diva" or needs all of the attention on her all of the time. Then I might wait till after the wedding.

 

[Deelight]

Thanks Pandora, Babyblue, Keepingthefaith, Blair, Bliss, Sba and Tuckins

I know if the positions were reversed I would be over the moon, and I think she will be happy as well but I am on over thinker and worrier so I just wanted to be careful.

Thanks for all the advice it is much appreciated.

 

[neatfreak]

As long as you don''t ANNOUNCE it at her wedding, talk endlessly about it at her wedding, or something like that, then of course you should tell people before the wedding! Just make sure that HER wedding day is all about HER, and you should be totally good to go. No need to hide your good news as long as you aren''t making the announcement at her wedding.

 

[radiantquest]

i think the majority has spoken. i think you should tell the close people (parents, best friends) and i would tell the bride before the wedding. with a couple days notice would be best, that way if someone does oohh and aaahhh at the wedding she will already know what its all about. i think that even if there was a chance for a bride to get miffed it would be better if it wasnt a surprise to her on her wedding day

 

[tberube]

If your bride friend has any sense about her, she''ll be just as happy to hear about your engagement on her wedding day as any other day. I mean, it''s not like your boyfriend will be dropping down on one knee and proposing AT their wedding, while they''re cutting their cake!

I have a friend who is potentially getting engaged between now and my wedding (which is only weeks away) and if the first time I heard about it was on my wedding day I would be absolutely BURSTING with happiness for them!! The day is all about weddings anyway, what''s better than hearing more about upcoming weddings!!

Nope, that wouldn''t worry me for a second. The 6 pregnant ladies coming to my wedding, now that DOES worry me a bit...two of them will be full term and I can''t think of anything that can bring down a wedding faster than someone''s water breaking on the dance floor. Well, except maybe my veil catching on fire....heehehee.

 

[Deelight]

Neatfreak I agree and I definitely would not do anything of the such, her day is all about her and her grommie and that is the way it should be. Radiant Yup I think it is a landslide, I told FF what the girls here had to say so we are all good to go . tberube LOL he wouldn''t get a chance to pull such a stunt not that he would, but I have already told him if he doesn''t do it before the second last day of our trip I will steal the ring, get down on one knee and propose to myself

, congrats to your preggie friends as well I hope that the 2 ladies make it through the night without the baby coming but how exciting all those babies.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 8/8/2008 10:17:52 AM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
I think there is a difference between annoucing your engagement to everyone and making a big scene about it and simply wearing your ring and answering ''yes'' when (and if) people notice and ask if you have gotten engaged. You can be discreate without completely hiding the fact that you got engaged.


Very close family and friends should most certainly get a nice call from you and FI. I wouldn''t have the least bit hesitation in being completely amped when you talk to them either!


I loathe this whole concept of stealing some other couples thunder on their wedding day. Personally, I do not think it is possible. Really, what''s the difference between admitting that you are engaged and hearing ''you''ll be next'' all day long??

Ditto everything KTF said (took the words right out of my mouth!), especially the bit in bold.

Deelight, not that I want this to happen, but I love the mental image of you stealing the ring and getting down on one knee to propose to yourself.

 

[Independent Gal]

I think it totally depends on your friend (the bride). Personally, I would be SO EXCITED if one of my friends arrived at my wedding with a shiny new rock. In fact, I tried to convince my bff''s guy to propose before our wedding so I could announce it at the wedding and toast them (no dice... took him another 6 wks to propose).

And I got engaged a few days before my friend''s wedding. We just didn''t make any fuss or draw attention, but the bride noticed immediately, got super excited, and quickly added a question to her ''ice breakers'' along the line of ''which friend of the bride''s just got engaged last week?'' to add to the fun.

Only a very spoiled selfish person thinks there is not enough joy around to be happy for a friend on your own wedding day. So long as YOU don''t make a fuss about it on her day, I don''t think it''s an issue. But if you think she''s the sort who would be a little spoiled about that kind of thing, then take pre-emptive action.

 

[honey22]

Date: 8/9/2008 9:07:15 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 8/8/2008 10:17:52 AM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
I think there is a difference between annoucing your engagement to everyone and making a big scene about it and simply wearing your ring and answering ''yes'' when (and if) people notice and ask if you have gotten engaged. You can be discreate without completely hiding the fact that you got engaged.


Very close family and friends should most certainly get a nice call from you and FI. I wouldn''t have the least bit hesitation in being completely amped when you talk to them either!


I loathe this whole concept of stealing some other couples thunder on their wedding day. Personally, I do not think it is possible. Really, what''s the difference between admitting that you are engaged and hearing ''you''ll be next'' all day long??

Ditto everything KTF said (took the words right out of my mouth!), especially the bit in bold.

Deelight, not that I want this to happen, but I love the mental image of you stealing the ring and getting down on one knee to propose to yourself.

Me too! I had a little giggle imagining her doing that. Don''t forget so tell yourself how wonderful you are, how you have changed your life, made you the happiest person ever, and you really new new diamond earrings to complement this gorgeous ering I am giving you (me).

 

[Dreamgirl]

I get not wanting to steal her thunder. But what about YOUR thunder? It will be one of the happiest times in your life, you should share and not stay mum about it!!

I agree with neatfreak 100% Announce it to the world...let everyone know. Just dont do it at her wedding and then I think everything would be fine. She should be just as happy for you as she is for herself.

 

[Haven]

Date: 8/9/2008 3:11:38 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
I get not wanting to steal her thunder. But what about YOUR thunder? It will be one of the happiest times in your life, you should share and not stay mum about it!!


I agree with neatfreak 100% Announce it to the world...let everyone know. Just dont do it at her wedding and then I think everything would be fine. She should be just as happy for you as she is for herself.

Big ditto. I never understand people who aren''t happy for their friends because they feel that others'' happiness interferes with their own. So strange.

Sing it from the rooftops, and wear that ring in good health and great love!

 

[Deelight]

Date: 8/9/2008 10:47:11 AM
Author: honey22

Date: 8/9/2008 9:07:15 AM

Author: gwendolyn

Date: 8/8/2008 10:17:52 AM

Author: Keepingthefaith21

I think there is a difference between annoucing your engagement to everyone and making a big scene about it and simply wearing your ring and answering ''yes'' when (and if) people notice and ask if you have gotten engaged. You can be discreate without completely hiding the fact that you got engaged.



Very close family and friends should most certainly get a nice call from you and FI. I wouldn''t have the least bit hesitation in being completely amped when you talk to them either!



I loathe this whole concept of stealing some other couples thunder on their wedding day. Personally, I do not think it is possible. Really, what''s the difference between admitting that you are engaged and hearing ''you''ll be next'' all day long??

Ditto everything KTF said (took the words right out of my mouth!), especially the bit in bold.

Deelight, not that I want this to happen, but I love the mental image of you stealing the ring and getting down on one knee to propose to yourself.

Me too! I had a little giggle imagining her doing that. Don''t forget so tell yourself how wonderful you are, how you have changed your life, made you the happiest person ever, and you really new new diamond earrings to complement this gorgeous ering I am giving you (me).

LOL Gwen and Honey I can see it now, Dee I feel like no on knows me better, you complete me, the momment I meet me my life changed and I know this is the right thing to do will you marry you?

I hope I don''t have to resort to it I suck at proposals as you can plainly see but I might do mock up in my SMTR thread just for you girls.


Indygirl, Dreamgirl and Haven thanks for chiming in and the well wishes I seriously can''t wait to tell everyone I am the worst at lying, or keeping my own happy secrets and this is a juicy doozy and I just want to spill. Thank God for this forum or I think I would explode, FF gets his fair share of it, poor bugger.

Less then a month till we depart and then there will be less then 7wks till I become a future wifey, OMG this is seriously the most nerve racking, exciting, time - the anticipation is getting to me, must remain calm.