Etiquette question

[SuLi]

Hi everyone!

My fiance and I got engaged two weeks ago, and we''ve started talking about what we would like to do. Since both of us are extremely shy, and I really hate to be in the center of attention, we''re thinking about a destination wedding for the two of us for October 2008 (on our tenth anniversary together as a couple). We would like to throw a fun, informal party once we get back so that we can celebrate the wedding with friends and family.

I mentioned our plans to my friend this weekend and her first question to me was where we were registering for the wedding. I thought that since we weren''t having a traditional "wedding/reception" that it would be over the line to register and ask people to contribute. Can someone confirm this?

Thanks!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

According to etiquette gifts are not obligatory. You can't demand them, and you can't say no to them. You must accept whatever comes your way with grace and a kind thank you. I think you'll find that people want to send gifts regardless of whether you're having an at home or a destination wedding. I personally think registries are good things as I'm one of the aformentioned people who will gift something regardless of where the ceremony is. I think the fact that you're throwing a party after makes receiving gifts even more likely.

Whether you register or not is up to you (but don't call attention to them on invites/STDs etc, if you do register).

Congratulations on your engagement and best of luck with your planning.

 

[surfgirl]

Congrats SuLi! I'm in the same boat as you for nearly the same reasons! I hear ya!!

Anyway, according to the brief paragraphs one can find in ettiquette books on elopements, the only key thing I've seen is that you cannot expect gifts if you're not throwing a reception. However!...according the the only elopement book out there ("Let's Elope: The Definitive Guide to Eloping, Destination Weddings, and Other Creative Options", by Scott Shaw & Lynn Beahan), they say that people will probably be so appreciative that you didn't make them feel obligated to travel to your wedding that they'll probably want to give you a gift anyway and they report that most elopement couples seem to get even better gifts because friends and family didn't have to shell out alot of money for travel, accomodations and outfits for a wedding. I dont know if that's true for elopers here or not, but I am planning on registering because I know my immediate family and my parents oldest friends, whom I've known since I was a child, will want to send something anyway. So it makes it easier for them to have a list to work off of.

Has anyone eloped here already that can tell us about this issue?

Also, I was just reading in a wedding magazine about how to make a honeymoon more afforable and it was suggested to set up a "Honeymoon Registry"?? Does anyone know what this is?