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Ever worry about your ERING?

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lilmaria

lilmaria

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 22, 2006
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213
I was at the gas station yesterday and something upsetting happened. As I was pumping gas, a car full of men (loosely) circled around and moved from the pump behind me to the pump beside me. One of the men (maybe 19 yrs old or so) gets out of the car and approaches me. The following ensues:

him - whats your name
me - blank stare
him - you dont have a name
me - not interested
him - what do u mean ur not interested
me - i have a boyfriend (why did i say boyfriend when we just got engaged? anyhow)
him -i''m sure u just say that
me - (STUPIDLY) flashes my ring
him - wow look at that rock, ok ma, (proceeds to his friends and says we should take that rock, nah just kidding)
me (heart pounding, feeling like a fool - why would i do that?)
him - tell your fiance he''s a blessed man - you have a great body
me - thanks (get in car, fly home w/heart pounding)

why in the world would i flash my ring? thats like - hey, rob me. i never felt so stupid in my life. anyway, this has me wondering -

has anyone else felt uncomfortble in public b/c their ering/wring is sparkly? what do u do in these situations?
 
ooo, how scary LilMaria! I can''t really say because I don''t have any sparklies at the moment.... But I know my heart would be pounding too. And don''t be thinking you were stupid. It''s so hard to think in situations like that - exactly why you said BF instead of fiance, you couldn''t really think. This is a good reminder though that we should actually think about what we will do if we do find ourselves in these situations and make choices now of what we will do. Then when the time comes we won''t have to think we''ll just do! Have your fiance give you lots of hugs!
 
Creeps
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The adrenaline had kicked in and it is easy to panic in these situations plus you were probably trying to get them to back off by showing them your ring, then realized it wasn''t the best thing to have done - don''t feel bad, it is hard to keep a cool head at these times. Thank goodness you are ok and as Sunkist says, make a plan what you would do in the unlikely event it ever happens again. Also don''t forget the old trick of spinning the ring so the diamond is hidden under the bottom of your hand if you ever feel threatened or unsafe again. If you can, next time you need gas, get your fiance to go with you or gas your car.
 
thanks for the encouragement. my fiance was on his bike and decided to go home before i got to the gas station. i always thought i could handle myself, but it was very creepy. fi told me that its a good thing is was daylight as they prob wouldnt have done anything and i think he felt helpless too b/c he didnt wait for me. i cant expect him to gas up both cars, life happens but i am going to try to turn my ring when i am in certain neighborhoods. ugh, so frustrating.

anyway thanks for listening. i guess i should start getting ready for work. have a great day ladies n gents
 
LilMaria,

First, don''t kick yourself in the but too hard. Second, try to learn from what happened. You were obviously caught off guard. I was once followed (earlier this year) by a man from the Burger King where I had just purchased lunch to my office building next door. I felt as if I was being followed, but when I turn around, did not see anyone. When I got the building vestibule, he confronted me and asked me if I was married. I flashed him my ering/wedding ring too. I was certainly freaked out about it.

If you have not done so already, please fully insure your ring for its full replacement value. I know it won''t replace the sentimental value of your ring. But it is certainly not worth getting hurt or worse if someone robs you.
 
I''ve had this happen to my in foreign countries a few time; however my solution was just to wear a fake wedding band, so that''s obviously out.

I don''t think you necessarily did the wrong thing--the important thing to note her is that it did work and make them back off. That said, as others have suggested, getting it insured and turning it around in rough parts of town aren''t a bad idea..

I''m sorry that happened to you
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Sounds scary.
 
Next time some crud asks you your name, just say "My name is f
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k off". Works like a charm.
 
Date: 4/21/2006 8:47:37 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Next time some crud asks you your name, just say ''My name is f
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k off''. Works like a charm.
Click to expand...
Is that from MB''s Little Book of Replies? Love it!
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OMG...that must have been very frightening.

In situations like this, we don''t always think straight.


I always jokingly say that a robber would have to cut my hand off to get my ring....but in reality, that isn''t true, I wouldn''t risk my life for a piece of jeweller. These days people get robbed and assaulted for mobile phones!!!

I am so glad you''re ok
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Awe, I''m sorry that happened to you..don''t feel silly though I probably would have done the same thing.

I don''t get why guys (who we don''t know) think that saying to us ''you have a great body'' is such a compliment. Coming from you BF/FI/Husband, SURE but not from some creepy dude circling a gas station.
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I''ve done the same thing more than once. I tend to be overconfident, so I don''t always think before I act in those situations.
 
lol caribou i have often wondered that myself. or wondered why some men think that catcalls or whistles or things screamed out of a car are supposed to feel flattering to you?
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lilmaria, scary story but you handled yourself well...i would have flashed my ring too, i think that it''s just the instant instinct thing to show you are not lying..you don''t think about your ring at the time when you are just trying to get out of the situation. i have done that once or twice too at parties when guys approach me, one guy with greg standing right next to me was trying to hit on me, i was like DUDE I AM MARRIED. dork! greg just thought the whole thing was hilarious.
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I hate how so many guys don''t believe that girls are attached unless we have a ring on.
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I''ve had to deal with veeeeery persistent men who just did not believe me, and I used to be too nice to just say, "Look, I''m not interested, F off."

Lilmaria, that sounds like a scary situation. Luckily nothing came of it.
 
Ack, that''s scary!! I''m glad you''re safe... Freaks!!
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Don''t beat yourself up over flashing your ring, I probably would have done that too. Sometimes we just don''t think straight when we''re scared...

And I agree... Whistles and catcalls and being told "you have a great body" by a stranger is in NO WAY flattering. Ugh. I mean, what is this? The stone age??
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That IS scary. I probably would have done the same thing. Yikes!! I love MB''s expression, wonder what they would have said to that?? LOL!!!
 
Date: 4/21/2006 8:47:37 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Next time some crud asks you your name, just say ''My name is f
11.gif
k off''. Works like a charm.
Click to expand...
This is a great comeback line, but honestly, I wouldn''t recommend you use it...

It could instigate a threat to the a** who was trying to scare you and set him off...more importantly, keeping a cool head (as others have suggested) and indicating to the guy that you won''t be a victim (body language, attitude, etc) will more likely than not deter the guy from doing anything knowing that you''ll fight back. Always be cautious and very aware of your surroundings...the more that you show that you''re not a victim, the less likely you''ll be victimized...

I''m glad you''re okay...what a scary experience!
 
Situations like that are always scary. But I think you handled it very well. If you keep a confident posture most of the time these things settle themselves. You can only be a victim if you have a victim mentality.
Me and my FI both work in Manhattan and something similar happened to her. She is a kick boxing instructor though so she carries herself well. This guy wouldn''t leave her alone and was following her down the street asking all kinds of stupid questions and saying stupid things to her. She basically blew him off and kept walking.... Until he grabbed her by the arm, then she turned around and kicked the guy in the face and broke his jaw. The streets were kind of crowded so thank God a few other people saw it because the guy wanted to press charges. It was pretty sad, he was trying to come off as some kind of victim of a crime, like he got assaulted. The funny thing is after it happened she felt really bad and stayed around to help the guy. She said it was all instinct and she really didn''t want to hurt anyone. Needless to say I never pick on her for wearing those 3 inch heeled boots anymore, I don''t even know why I bought her mace!
 
When I was engaged in 2001, my girlfriends and I went to a hip-hop club. There were lots of young guys, drunk guys, and guys that just wanted to feel up the women as they passed. Unfortunately, I got slightly groped somewhere along the way. I quickly shoved aside, and stuck to where my girlfriends were, huddled, since the place was completely packed. After we left, I came home my ex-FH asked me, "did you wear your ring?" I lied, "yes, I did." But actually, I took it off before going into the club, shoving it down deep into the 5th pocket of my Levis.

I''m not stupid. It was a BMW ($50k ring) waiting to be stolen on my finger, if I''d left it on my finger. Guys aren''t stupid; they''ll rough a girl up just to rob her of her jewelry.
 
I might add, but if some guys came up to me at a gas station, I''d step to the other side of the hose, near my door (since mine is on the side of the driver''s side door), and be ready to pull out the pump, in case the guy made a threatening move toward me.

I also tend to keep a pen, pencil, or some pointed object handy, if I''m someplace, at night, even briefly. I live in a mediocre neighborhood. The house 2 doors down sold for $1.2 million, but the neighbors two houses in the other direction, have a family whose son tried to rob another house in the city next to ours (it was in the police blotter).

So.. Protect your ring like you would your cold, hard cash. There really is no insurance against some 4$$hole who''s a selfish pr**k, willing to get what HE wants WHEN HE WANTS IT.
 
Being no where by the age of 18-19 anymore that stuff does not happen to me.

At bars, how is some one going to get your ring off your fingers without knocking you out? At the gas station what did you think they were going to do? Was it only them and you and the station?

I like in a city, rather large city but people here are more concered about peddling drugs, whores and chopping cars.. People''s ering on their fingers ... naaa.
 
While they may need to knock you out if you''re unarmed, what if they pull a knife or a gun? I think that most people would rather hand over the ring than be shot and possibly die. (Sorry to be so morbid.)
 
what I''ve always been told is that if someone pulls a gun/knife, to throw your purse in the opposite direction and run.

I always thought that might startle them into shooting, though, personally.
 
This thread has just reminded me that I keep meaning to take a self defense class. I''m not really sure what to do in that situation, but fortunately I''ve never been in it.
 
we had some really creepy guy around here 2 weeks ago, eyeing up everyone in the park, he wasn't doing anything, just riding around checking everyone out just a little TOO well (i turned my e-ring into my hand every time he came by)...well a week later there was a 14 year old girl stabbed a block away, after she refused to give him her phone #, it sounded like the same guy from the descrip and i guess he had been stalking her. he was underage too like 16. they just caught him...anyway greg wants me to get some mace or pepper spray or something to keep with me. i told him i would probably end up spraying myself with it accidentally!!
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but it sounds like a good idea. i have taken kickboxing from a karate instructor and am pretty strong, but i don't know if i could actually USE it if threatened, who knows...adrenaline if you are threatened can really give you the extra push but i hope i never have to find out!
 
Mara,
I think you''d be suprised what you are capable of when push comes to shove. A lot of time martial arts is so engrained into your head that it''s second nature. I mean you practice and practice but never actually apply it until BOOM, you need to. Then all the training that you have just flows out of you without even needing to think about it. I got my black belt back in high school and haven''t trained since (I''m 32 now) but I feel if I was ever in a situation were I needed to defend myself I could without having to think too much about it.
P.S. Spraying yourself with mace is a lot harder than you would think, I know you live in the bay area and it''s not like here in Manhatten, but I''d carry mace if I was a women no matter were I lived.
 
I hate those type of situations and I too think that what you did was a natural response and since nothing bad happend next time you will just know not to do that again. Insuring the ring definately gives you more piece of mind.

Typically, if I am in an environment that I don''t feel safe in (e.g. NY transit/MTA) I just turn my ring around. If a guy approaches me I usually either (a) ignore him and pretend he is not there (b) if he is in my face and I have no choice but to address him I will just say "not interested" and ignore them after or (3) if he approached me in a nice/respectable way I would just say sorry I''m engaged without showing my ring. If they don''t want to believe you that is their own problem.
 
I often leave my ring at home now due to unwanted attention. Of course it was natural to flash it so they saw you were indeed engaged...but creepy too. I was with my son at the mall and some guy in the sunglass store saw my ring..."Oh my god...how big is that?! How much did it cost?!" Like I am going to say anything...I just played dumb. A friend of mine''s mom was accosted in daylight by some guy demanding her ring, a nice pear (this was many years ago) and she was scared but kinda laughing while pretending to take it off, said, "Oh wow! This is a fake one from the shopping channel! I can''t believe you think it is real! I am shocked" or something to the effect and the guy said forget it and rushed off...I do not know if it is totally factual but it sure is smart if the story is true!!!
 
Don''t feel bad. I''ve always thought of myself as a real ''kick a$$'' kinda girl. I''m always the first to be discusted with these wimpy whiny girls( the first to get killed of in horror flicks. Falls down, screams, dies
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) Well, two weeks ago I had to go to the Child Support Office because ex isn''t paying-again. I had to park up the street kinda next to an alley. The office is down the block, next to a probation office and across from the court house. Well, I had my wallet in my hand(I know, wrong thing to do. It was a LV too) walking down the street. Now, our town is too small for a courthouse and such and this town is next over and not too much bigger and crime is next to nill but still, no excuse. This guy comes from behind me, witness say he JUST LEFT THE PROBATION OFFICE!!!!!!!, and grabs my arm. My wallet was in my other hand and this arm was severly injured a few months back and is still not healed. So what do I do??? NOTHING!!!!! I''m madder at myself than with him. Anyway, another guy leaving the probation office grabs him and two others that had just drove by stopped and helped. The guy got loose and started running and the first guy and one of those that stopped to help chased after him. The police told my I shouldn''t have been flashing my wallet around in the first place and left. They checked with probation for a name for the guy and said they''d call me. Two weeks later....nothing. Since he didn''t get my wallet and basically my hurt arm was more hurt and my pride took a beating, I''ll just chalk it up to a learning experiance.
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amended>..I did not mean it was creepy to show your ring I meant it was creepy that the guy kept at you and even when you showed your ring he was in your face!!!! It just came out wrong when I tryped it!
 
thanks for all of the encouraging and thoughtful responses. i plan on using a different gas station next time b/c this one creeps me out too much. I wouldn''t say the f***off bit, b/c i wouldn''t want to challenge him. I usually ignore them and walk away or smile and get away as quickly as possible.

my ring is only 2 weeks old today, so i don''t have any insurance plans on it. do i put it on my homeowners policy or is it better to take out a separate insurance plan? any recommendations? I live in FL right now, does it vary by state?

Thanks again, for the empathy. I feel much better and at least now I know to watch where I flash!

hugs to all
 
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