shape
carat
color
clarity

EVERY woman should read this!!! Pass it on to everyone you know! Even to men, they have mothers, da

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

happygolucky851

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 15, 2008
Messages
146
Through a Rapist''s Eyes (No Joke)

When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady friends, but I forwarded it to most everyone in my address book. My men friends have female friends and this Information is too important to miss someone.

Please pass it along and share it with your children.

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts :

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who''s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse, or doing other activities while walking because they are off-guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5 : 00a.m. and 8 : 30a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. The number two : office parking lots/garages. Number three : public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don''t have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn''t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands

Keys are NOT a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you''re not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are : If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it?, or make general small talk : ''I can''t believe it is so cold out here,'' ''We''re in for a bad winter.'' Now you''ve seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP! or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they''d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you, you can''t beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the Arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it - it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy''s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you''ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble and he''s out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don''t dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!

You may feel a little silly at the time, but you''d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans : If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won''t see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc, and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON''T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat : DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5 A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or parking garage :

A.) Be aware : look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver''s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely WILL NOTbe a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zigzag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic : STOP! It may get you raped or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked ''for help'' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point : Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her ''Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.''

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, ''We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby''s cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby''s cries outside their doors when they''re home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby --- This should be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America''s Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana

I''d like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
 
Great tips! I work DT Chicago, and often arrive to work around 5:30a when it''s still dark...these will help me if I''m ever put in a bad position. Thank you for taking your time to post this!
 
You''re very welcome! My BF just sent that to me in an e-mail, what better way to send it out to women from all around the country and more! I just thought many women would find this useful but also as an eye opener! Stay save everyone!
 
I mean SAFE! haha
 
Great information!

I would highly reccomend that every lady call their local police station and find out if their town offers RAD (Rape Agression Defense) classes. The class teaches you the same information contained in this post and teaches you how to defend yourself if you are attacked.

What you are taught are not kung-fu moves but simple ways to get out of a situation where you are being restrained/harmed. Once your training has been completed the officers actually act out several attack situations where they force you to use the moves you have learned. They will not stop attacking you until you pull the move off correctly. Yes, it is scary but once you complete the course it is very empowering. Totally worth it.

RAD (http://www.rad-systems.com/) - check into it - it could save your life.
 
thank you for the tips! i used to work in mall location, and now work in an even sketchier part of town.
 
Good advice there. Don''t forget that if you are already up close and in a fight, don''t bother to try to punch a guy in the face (it doesn''t hurt all that much), punch them in the adams apple (THAT HURTS) or gouge the eyes. Pain is a great immobilizer
2.gif
...and run like heck.
 
Good information, Happy!

It''s hard to say what you would actually do if you were put in the situation, but I''m pretty sure I would have to be dead before I was raped. I can''t see myself being submissive. I would fight like hell! I just can''t imagine what it would be like to have to live after being raped- think about how mentally damaged you would be! I don''t know that I would ever be able to make love to my SO (or anyone, for that matter) again without having terrible flashbacks... GOSH!

BTW- did anybody see the last ER episode where Angela Bassett was getting mugged, and she kicked the guy''s tail and then escorted him to the ER (where she was the cheif)? ha ha... it was great! I''d like to think that would be me!
 
Point #1 really struck home with me... A couple years ago I grew my hair out to my shoulder blades, and it was really pretty. That one summer, I got ogled at (and even hit on) by 3 creepy old men. My parents noticed this and panicked and suggested I cut my hair. So I did, and have not had problems since...
 
Date: 10/26/2008 12:42:47 AM
Author: Amanda.Rx
Good information, Happy!

It's hard to say what you would actually do if you were put in the situation, but I'm pretty sure I would have to be dead before I was raped. I can't see myself being submissive. I would fight like hell! I just can't imagine what it would be like to have to live after being raped- think about how mentally damaged you would be! I don't know that I would ever be able to make love to my SO (or anyone, for that matter) again without having terrible flashbacks...
I try, for obvious reasons, to avoid these types of threads.

Amanda, I must comment on your post above:

You might be surprised at what some of *us* (survivors) have had to do to make ourselves whole again. And how successfully we work through the episode and go on to live productive, meaningful lives.

Please rethink your expression about how "mentally damaged" a person would be.

The numbers of survivors of sexual assault would amaze most people. And we function rather well in spite of it, thank you.

LS
 
Thank you for posting! This is definitely worth sharing.
 
Date: 10/26/2008 6:54:14 PM
Author: LostSapphire


Date: 10/26/2008 12:42:47 AM
Author: Amanda.Rx
Good information, Happy!

It's hard to say what you would actually do if you were put in the situation, but I'm pretty sure I would have to be dead before I was raped. I can't see myself being submissive. I would fight like hell! I just can't imagine what it would be like to have to live after being raped- think about how mentally damaged you would be! I don't know that I would ever be able to make love to my SO (or anyone, for that matter) again without having terrible flashbacks...
I try, for obvious reasons, to avoid these types of threads.

Amanda, I must comment on your post above:

You might be surprised at what some of *us* (survivors) have had to do to make ourselves whole again. And how successfully we work through the episode and go on to live productive, meaningful lives.

Please rethink your expression about how 'mentally damaged' a person would be.

The numbers of survivors of sexual assault would amaze most people. And we function rather well in spite of it, thank you.

LS

I have to respond to this, too. I don't want to be attacking, but this does really hurt. Messages like these only serve to reinforce society's idea that survivors of rape have something to be ashamed of, and that an individual's inherent worth is somehow diminshed after an attack. Survivors did absolutely nothing wrong and have no shame to bear.

And to be honest, you have absolutely no idea how you'd react. There's a reason that people react as they do in those sorts of situations; the drive to live is strong.

I survived rape as a kid. Of course there are negative effects, I deal with the impact of it everyday. Those effects aren't worse than being dead. In fact, I'm now a social worker largely because of those experiences. I've worked in the justice system, advocating for survivors who are prosecuting their attackers. I've gone to the er with countless women who needed a hand to hold during the exam. I have an intense amount of empathy and compassion, largely because of my experiences.

Yes, sex is an issue. I have a difficult time imagining a time when it won't be. However, SO is kind and caring, and is happy to work through it. My sexual self is not my entire self, there is so much more to our relationship than sex. While it's certainly an important part, it's not sufficient.

Please think before posting. With statistics as they are, it is likely that a number of survivors just read what you wrote.
 
and to address the original post: thanks for the list. it really is sad how much pressure there is on women to change every aspect of their daily lives to feel a sense of safety. there are some good items on there, particularly some self defense moves and the advice to never go with someone to a different location.

also remember, ~90% of rapes are committed by someone known to the survivor. while self defense moves are great, it''s different when it''s someone the survivor cares about and feels emotionally connected to. it''s hard to punch your husband, father, brother in the neck. doing that might even escalate the situation into something truly deadly.

i think the best advice for women is to simply trust your gut feelings. if there''s someone who gives you that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach, don''t ignore it for the sake of being polite. if you don''t feel safe in a situation and you want a friend present, don''t force yourself into that situation because you''d feel/look silly. trust yourself; much easier said than done.
 
Date: 10/27/2008 11:15:21 AM
Author: KatM

Date: 10/26/2008 6:54:14 PM
Author: LostSapphire



Date: 10/26/2008 12:42:47 AM
Author: Amanda.Rx
Good information, Happy!

It''s hard to say what you would actually do if you were put in the situation, but I''m pretty sure I would have to be dead before I was raped. I can''t see myself being submissive. I would fight like hell! I just can''t imagine what it would be like to have to live after being raped- think about how mentally damaged you would be! I don''t know that I would ever be able to make love to my SO (or anyone, for that matter) again without having terrible flashbacks...
I try, for obvious reasons, to avoid these types of threads.

Amanda, I must comment on your post above:

You might be surprised at what some of *us* (survivors) have had to do to make ourselves whole again. And how successfully we work through the episode and go on to live productive, meaningful lives.

Please rethink your expression about how ''mentally damaged'' a person would be.

The numbers of survivors of sexual assault would amaze most people. And we function rather well in spite of it, thank you.

LS

I have to respond to this, too. I don''t want to be attacking, but this does really hurt. Messages like these only serve to reinforce society''s idea that survivors of rape have something to be ashamed of, and that an individual''s inherent worth is somehow diminshed after an attack. Survivors did absolutely nothing wrong and have no shame to bear.

And to be honest, you have absolutely no idea how you''d react. There''s a reason that people react as they do in those sorts of situations; the drive to live is strong.

I survived rape as a kid. Of course there are negative effects, I deal with the impact of it everyday. Those effects aren''t worse than being dead. In fact, I''m now a social worker largely because of those experiences. I''ve worked in the justice system, advocating for survivors who are prosecuting their attackers. I''ve gone to the er with countless women who needed a hand to hold during the exam. I have an intense amount of empathy and compassion, largely because of my experiences.

Yes, sex is an issue. I have a difficult time imagining a time when it won''t be. However, SO is kind and caring, and is happy to work through it. My sexual self is not my entire self, there is so much more to our relationship than sex. While it''s certainly an important part, it''s not sufficient.

Please think before posting. With statistics as they are, it is likely that a number of survivors just read what you wrote.
Thank you KatM.

LS
 
Hi, I''m new here. I started out looking for pretty diamonds, but it turns out this was the thread that pulled me out of months of lurkdom! What wonderful and thoughtful advice. I''ll definitely pass it on to everyone I can.
I''ve been lucky enough never to run into such a situation, however I am of a slightly paranoid nature (my hometown is nicknamed Stab City!) and tend to lock everything behind me and stay in company at night. I agree wholeheartedly that it''s a shame that we have to change aspects of our lives just to feel safe, but it is worth it. We can''t change the world, so all we can do is change ourselves!
It''s amazing to hear from all you strong survivors. Congratulations for not letting anything or anyone bring you down or take from who you are, and even more so for strengthening yourselves and others. Truly inspirational.
 
You have great intentions, but like all mass mailings, please check out snopes before forwarding. This is a compilation of not-based on research email forwards that have been circulating for a long time despite many inaccuracies snopes

Please remember, there is no one type of sexual assaulter. There is no way to judge what you would or would not do in an emergency situation. Try to pay attention to your surroundings for many reasons, but know that factors like hair length and grocery store parking lots are simply not factual. Do take an RAD course, this lists'' dismissing many factors, such as the key to the eye training is not really valuable...find out for yourself in a class.
This forward is sort of helpful, but not at all research based and spreads some possibly harmful misinformation.
 
Taken from Snopes:

1. The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

[fact: this claim is totally unsupported by any studies known to law enforcement - women with all hair lengths, including short hair, and all ages and body types, are raped in seemingly equal proportions]

2. The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors to cut clothing.

[fact: rapists are often/usually more interested in terrorising and harming women than they are in obtaining sex quickly, so clothing is not a major factor in victim choice]
[snip]
4. The time of day men are most likely to attack and rape a woman is in the early morning, between 5 and 8:30 a.m.

[fact: the USDOJ and all other statistical sources agree that most attacks (2/3 or more) take place at night - between 6pm and 6am]

5. The number one place women are attacked and abducted is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.

[fact: another claim totally unsupported by any studies known to law enforcement - there is nothing inherently dangerous about parking lots or public restrooms, what matters is how isolated a place is]

[snip]
7. Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence, but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

[fact: dangerously wrong - the proper statistic is well over 30% of reported rapists carry weapons, which makes the risk that they will retaliate to resistance with a weapon much, much higher]

8. If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

[fact: this implies that there is only one sort of rapist and that all of them will be discouraged by physical resistance - this is dangerously wrong if the rapist is the wrong type who will respond to resistance with an escalation of violence - see Snopes for more detail ]
 
Thanks for pointing out those "facts", swimmer. I really appreciate it.

I''m also deeply disturbed by the characterization of rape victims as "submissive", and the assumption that it''s better to be dead than a rape victim. The friends I have made that have opened up to me about the sexual assaults they suffered were neither passive nor better off dead. They are strong women who focused on their life. They were hardly submissive to their rapists, but in the one case where it was made clear that my friend would be killed for resisting, she opted to focus on surviving and living a full life after the attack. She did not let her life end, nor does she let one day define her life. Yes, my friends struggle, but every day is a better day, and I am in awe of their strength.

Ultimately, LostSapphire and KatM said it best.
 
I ditto those that said rape victims are submissive. They aren''t. Just like victims of other cruel violent attacks are not merely submissive.

On topic: One piece of advice that I heard on the news that I''ve taken to heart is to have your keys handy when walking and headed to your car. They did a special on how easy it was to attack certain women that were fumbling with their keys in their purses. So since then, I always take them out in the store before heading to my car.

The truth is you really don''t know how you are going to react when in that situation. You may find yourself with enough power of 20 body builders to take anyone down...or completely paralyzed. The important thing to remember is to protect yourself as best you can when out alone which includes walking in lit areas and never going out without a phone (in case stranded).
 
Date: 10/28/2008 11:21:31 AM
Author: princesss

I'm also deeply disturbed by the characterization of rape victims as 'submissive', and the assumption that it's better to be dead than a rape victim. The friends I have made that have opened up to me about the sexual assaults they suffered were neither passive nor better off dead. They are strong women who focused on their life. They were hardly submissive to their rapists, but in the one case where it was made clear that my friend would be killed for resisting, she opted to focus on surviving and living a full life after the attack. She did not let her life end, nor does she let one day define her life. Yes, my friends struggle, but every day is a better day, and I am in awe of their strength.

Ultimately, LostSapphire and KatM said it best.
We all respond differently depending on the situation, and how we assess our peril in the midst of it.

Please keep in mind too, that those of us who were drugged, had NO CHOICE.

And while I'm on my soapbox: I Hate it when people say "date rape drug". I wasn't on a date.....I didn't know the guy...it wasn't in my apartment after a romantic evening out...I didn't have a chance to say NO. To use "date rape drug" to me is an offensive expression.

OK now I feel better. Thank you for listening my friends.

LS

ETA: I don't usually put myself out here like this but I sense the need for a bit of education for people who don't understand the dynamics of this kind of assault.
 
LS: Was that to me? Because I definitely agree that nobody knows how they''ll react until it happens, and that all choices are made based on the circumstances at the time.

BTW, I don''t think I said it, but thank you for sharing. I think the reminder that it doesn''t just happen to "other people", but to people in any community we are a part of, is really important.
 
Okay, I've been thinking, and I think I know what you were referring to.

I guess I was trying to say that I don't see doing what it takes to survive/stay as mentally safe as you can as an act of submission, and when I read the post saying a woman couldn't see being submissive, it seemed to me to be saying that it's less about survival and more about lacking the strength (physically or emotionally) which is just not true.

Sorry if that came out wrong the first time around.

ETA: I'm sorry if I upset you, LS, I really didn't mean to.
 
Princess:

You didn't upset me at all!!
9.gif


I was posting in 'generalities'.

LS
 
LS: Whew! *wipes brow*
5.gif
 
Date: 10/28/2008 3:35:30 PM
Author: princesss
LS: Whew! *wipes brow*
5.gif
No worries. I actually thought your comments were insightful and empathetic.

LS
 
Hey ladies,

I just wanted to thank swimmer for the corrections. Something that''s very important to know is, like KatM said, that most rapists/abusers know their victims, and the "attack in the street" scenario, which strangely seems to be what a lot of people believe to be the norm, does not apply. Most of the survivors I know were raped/abused by family members or friends, and would most probably still have been raped/abused if they''d known these tips. Not to mention all the forms of sexual abuse other than rape (harassment, intimidation, inappropriate touching, etc.), which are just as damaging and can''t be prevented by carrying an umbrella. I do understand, happygolucky, that your intention was an honest one to help, so no hard feelings.
28.gif


LostSapphire, KatM and the others - Very well said. The preconception of the submissive rape victim makes my blood boil. Many women fight tooth and nail and still get raped. The worst thing is to feel ashamed of something that wasn''t your fault.
slider_grouphugg.gif
 
Thank you LS for sharing, your message is important.

Thanks Anchor, I felt awkward coming over here (have never posted in LIW), but I''ve seen that forward before and its just so very wrong. The likelihood of being raped by a total stranger is quite small and this makes it seem like you should be aware of predators around every corner (originally it was an advertisement for a RAD type of class), no one can or should live that way. The taillight trick is interesting, but an unlikely situation, the baby crying sound is fictitious, other details are just so wrong, zigzag to avoid bullets? This comes from my military training, but anyone who knows how to shook can still kill you if you are running in zigzags. You are not that fast...even if you are from the Jamaican Olympic sprinting team team; this stuff was written by people watching after-school specials and the Matrix, not safety experts.

I know that people want to feel safe, but forwarding an email is not spreading safety; in this case it is spreading fear and misinformation. If you did forward this to friends, go back and forward them the snopes link, just in case they read your mass forward. If you are a really good friend, ask them to pledge to take a RAD class with you or in their respective cities.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Top