Everyone''s getting engaged... but me!

[ringless]

I am sure i''m not the only one, but literally everyone around me is getting engaged! Even my next door neighbor! I am of course so happy for my friends but I can''t help but be a little envious and jealous as well. I cry everytime I hear another person gets engaged. I have been trying to listen to others advice about just living my life as normal, doing things for me, and trying to just enjoy our time together... but, how can I when everyone elses great news is being flashed in my face (literally, they are like, SEE MY BEAUTIFUL RING

)... UGH. So I am just sad, and very dissapointed... just waiting.
It will be almost 7 years of us dating this September, which also makes me sad to hear that my friends who have been with their boyfriends only a year or two are getting engaged before me. I know it''s not right to think that way, and that everyone has their own timeline, etc. but it just makes me sad.

Hopefully some of you can understand where I''m coming from... good luck to everyone!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Nope, you are not alone. There are a lot of ladies out there in your shoes (myself included). It seems like most people go through the engagement boom with their friends at some point in time.

Have you spoken to your SO about a timeline? Do you have an idea of when it may happen? I know about a year or so ago I felt like every time I turned around another friend was getting engaged. At first I found it very upsetting but over the past year or so I''ve just accepted the fact that my turn will come some day and I don''t get as upset as I once did when friends take the next step.

 

[ringless]

Yes, we have talked about it for about two years now... more so lately. We agreed on getting married in 2010 and that we both wanted a semi-long engagement (1 - 2 years), which would be us getting engaged this year. He knows how I feel about it, and I know how he feels about it. We are pretty much on the same page, it's just really a matter of WHEN. He realizes that everyone around us is getting engaged and married, we've been to 3 weddings just last year! I guess his main concern was to graduate from school and have a real job where he had a good income coming in (to buy the ring, support us, get a house, etc.) so he will be graduating in May (thank you lord!) and already has a job and will start working there full time when he graduates which is pretty exciting. I am hoping he proposes this spring/summer. I just dont know how much longer I can stand waiting and watching everyone else getting engaged!

Thanks so much for your support... it means a lot! Have a great day!

 

[catty77]

I know how you feel! It feels like EVERYONE has gotten engaged this past year. In fact, I call my boyfriend the last man standing - since all of his close friends are either already married or just got engaged. Sigh. I''m try to stay positive and fight the feelings of bitterness, but it''s definitely a challenge. I''m also trying to remind myself that my time will come soon enough and that ultimately it will be worth the agony of the wait.

 

[ringless]

whew... good to know there are others out there like me. It stinks... I always feel so sad about it. I haven''t really brought up getting engaged/married in a while, so it''s like, even worse. Sometimes my bf will ask "what''s wrong" and I dont want to keep saying "I''m sad bc you wont propose" so I say nothing... it''s depressing. I have already let him know, so now it''s my turn to wait I suppose.

 

[catty77]

Oh I know, I do the same thing. Then I get mad at myself, because who would want to marry such a miserable mess??? Ha. That''s why I''m so glad I found this message board, and a few others. It''s really encouraging to know that I''m not the only one who feels like this and it seems like a great outlet to get all the thoughts out rather than bottling them up like I''ve been doing for so long. Hopefully venting here will help us get through this very trying time!

 

[Bia]

Ringless:

What does your BF say when you ask him about the prospect of getting engaged? How often do you bring it up? My BF will tell me "Babe, this is the year...how do you feel about that?" and yet, nothing yet. So...I don''t know. I don''t like to bring it up because I don''t want to seem so eager or pathetic but at the same time, I don''t want to wait so long because I''m going nuts. Its definitely "do or die" time.

One promising thing was last night, on a drive home from his parent''s house, he told me that he was thinking of telling his parents that he wanted to marry me...but seriously tell them. Whatever that means. His mother is waiting, I just know it LOL.

Here''s hoping.

 

[luckynumber7]

ringless,

you''re not alone. my bf and i are going on 7 years and we''re still not engaged. i used to ask him everyday (for about a month) about his timeline, etc. and then i stopped. i realized i was getting way too obsessed about getting engaged and i didn''t want him to feel pressured. a few weeks ago, he told me he was ready and we''re now in the process of buying my ring.

all i can tell you is to hang in there and be patient. good luck.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 3/31/2008 12:35:01 PM
Author: Bia
Ringless:

What does your BF say when you ask him about the prospect of getting engaged? How often do you bring it up? My BF will tell me ''Babe, this is the year...how do you feel about that?'' and yet, nothing yet. So...I don''t know. I don''t like to bring it up because I don''t want to seem so eager or pathetic but at the same time, I don''t want to wait so long because I''m going nuts. Its definitely ''do or die'' time.

One promising thing was last night, on a drive home from his parent''s house, he told me that he was thinking of telling his parents that he wanted to marry me...but seriously tell them. Whatever that means. His mother is waiting, I just know it LOL.

Here''s hoping.

So is Kris'' grandmother! She even offered her mother''s engagement ring to him to propose with if it will get him to do it sooner.

We''ll be up there this summer and he''s going to take a look at it to see if it''s nice--if so, he might take her up on it!

 

[chocolatefudge]

I know how you all feel! It''s 7 years in April for me and my boyfriend and I still feel like we are nowhere near getting engaged

Everytime I bring it up he says, "Do we have to talk about this again?" And gets really grumpy! He always says, "It will happen one day!" One day when?!?!? When I ask if he knows when it will hapen he just gets annoyed and says, "No but it will."
I''m getting soooooo fed up! Just feel like he has no definite plans and so I could be waiting for another 7 years!

 

[aspromised22]

You are not alone in thinking this! I am only in my early 20s and I can think of fifteen friends that are either engaged or married right now. Funnily enough, I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we are concerned about waiting till we are done with school whereas everyone else I know got engaged after knowing each other for six months and are struggling through undergrad and still paying off weddings and engagement rings. It kind of makes my guy and I feel better about ourselves that we are going at our own pace despite everyone asking us every time we see them when we are going to tye the knot. Your time will come, and with any luck, it will be the event of the year because it won''t be in this rush of people getting married right now!

 

[cutiegirl84]

hi! i completely feel your pain. My bf and I have been together almost 7 years too and his college roommate just got engaged after dating 1 year! everyone i know is engaged or married or have been dating for so little time that its too soon to get married. I hate to be a pain and bring up rings and such but EVERYONE brings it up to me or him... "are you two getting married" and it''s pretty embarrassing. we talk about rings and stuff but then he says he doesnt think we should be engaged until i''m done with school (2009), but he is done this year. but i know i''ll have a crazy job when i graduate and will have zero time for wedding planning and fun stuff about being engaged so i wish it would happen sooner. so glad to know there are other ladies with the same issues and we can all vent here instead of at the BF!! i love PS.

 

[ringless]

It''s really nice to know that others have been with their boyfriends just as long (or longer) than me... makes me feel not so abnormal.

I think we just need to keep encouraging eachother... just think we could all be engaged by the end of this year!

 

[Dani511]

I was starting to feel like the only one who felt as though everyone, I mean EVERYONE, around her was getting engaged! I said in one of my earlier posts that suddenly, it seemed as though there was an "engagement boom" happening around me! So many of my friends- even those who haven''t been together with thier SO''s very long, those who had been having relationship "issues", along with the guys who claimed to NEVER want to get married- are engaged "out of nowhere".
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I am still crossing my fingers that it will happen this year. But, in the meantime, I have to watch all of my firends polish thier rings, buy thier gowns, and walk down the aisle. I am happy for them, but at the same time I wonder why it had seemed to happen so easily and suddenly for them.
So, I completely understand how you feel! *Hopefully* it will happen soon for all of us!!

 

[KCCutie]

I thought I was past that phase when I entered my 30''s but apparently not. LOL

Everyone around me and my SO are getting engaged too. His sister, his cousins, my cousins the list goes on and on and to make matters worse they are all younger than us and have not been together as long as E and I have. My mother is about to go nuts since all of here sisters 4 children (all younger than me) are now married and having babies and none of her 4 children are even engaged.

On the plus side my SO did assure his mom the other day that I "am not going anywhere" as he put it. Now she''s jumped on the band wagon and has started looking for houses for us to buy.

It''s like everyone around me has lost their mind over this. I''m so glad I have you ladies so I don''t lose mine too.

 

[dogmama]

Hey Ringless! Hang in there. I just made 9 years with my boyfriend this March and I was getting engagement fever. He was ready and so was I. But it was a matter of finances and timing.

But we just bought our ring last Saturday--something came up that was in our budget, we went and came away with a ring. No one was more surprised by this than me because I was told we''d be engaged in December or next year!! So no, we''re not engaged, but we do have a ring. (So I''m still ringless, Ringless!)

So sometimes when you just sit and go for the ride you might find that you''re engaged sooner than you think! Hang in there and try not to think about everyone else. I''m constantly asked, Well, when are you two getting married? It got annoying because we were just both biding our time. So believe me, you''re not alone!

 

[Hoping&Waiting]

Hang in there girl!!!

I am also in the same boat! Also just finishing up with school 1.5 months left thank god! My SO Has been graduated for quite some time and I know the engagement is for sure happening by this summer. But it doesnt matter, even though mine is rather soon compared to how long I have waited...every time another friend gets engaged my stomach drops.

The next question is .... so when do you think you guys will get engaged? like IN YOUR FACE, even though that is not what they mean at all

Anyway, hang in there, remember how lucky you are to be with your guy for so long, and the long future together you have in front of you!!!

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

It is such a busy time of year engagement wise!! A few of my classmates and friends have gotten engaged, but since a lot of us have a LOT more schooling, it''s not as common as it would be if we were out in the working world at our age.

I had a moment too when my friend got engaged and it really hit me, that the wave was coming.

Ah well, at least it gives you an excuse to talk about weddings and pretty dresses!

 

[Anna0499]

Maybe you should look at the bright side of things to get your mind off your depression for now - you know the man you will marry someday and that he loves you. Just imagine those women who want to get married and find their future husbands but have not been so lucky.

This may be of little consolation but I think it''s always good to remember how great you DO have it as opposed to how good it COULD BE.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 3/31/2008 12:33:05 PM
Author: catty77

Oh I know, I do the same thing. Then I get mad at myself, because who would want to marry such a miserable mess??? Ha. That''s why I''m so glad I found this message board, and a few others. It''s really encouraging to know that I''m not the only one who feels like this and it seems like a great outlet to get all the thoughts out rather than bottling them up like I''ve been doing for so long. Hopefully venting here will help us get through this very trying time!

Ditto. Ditto. Ditto.

Oh...and I LOVE this one -- tell me if you get this -- "Why are you still single?" I have gotten this gem from male friends who are married or gay male friends. My OWN BROTHER (who has no problem being honest with me if he thinks I''m the one with the problem) has said to me, "Guys out there must be stupid, because I don''t see anything wrong with you. You''re beautiful, smart, have a good job, are responsible, etc etc etc. They should be fighting to snatch you up." Well, they''re not. And I''m the girl whose BFs marry someone else in a year or less after we break up. I know exactly how you feel [cracking the bottle of wine and bag of chips to split with you].

Last summer, I had to deal with the wedding of two close friends who have been dating as long as my BF and I have. And they''re this sugary-sweet, sick in love type. I can deal with weddings as long as I don''t hear "so....do you two have plans?" Most of you here know my story, and I don''t like rehashing it and my decisions with other people out of the blue at weddings, Jack and Jill parties and other gatherings. Two weeks ago, I went to the quickie wedding of my BF''s friend''s son, who came home on a 3 day leave from the service with his GF (also in the service). They wanted to get married on leave so they could be stationed together. They''d been dating less than a year and are in their early 20s. And at that wedding, my BF fed into jokes about my not catching the bouquet and "I''m safe for now!" He has no idea why I drank too much at that wedding and why I was very upset on the way home and afterwards.

What makes it worse sometimes is that I am going to be 40 in 6 months. 2 years for someone my age is like 5-7 years for someone much younger. While getting married isn''t that-that-that critical to me, I do want to settle down and make a life with someone, and I don''t want to wait it out for years to find out that my current guy is not The One. I''ve decided that I''ll just wait and see until summertime and then re-evaluate how I feel. Maybe I''ll still be waiting. Maybe not.

I''ve made my choice to wait and see for now, and this board does help me maintain some sembelence of sanity.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[ringless]

*Hoping&waiting*, I am hoping it will be this summer.... but that is wishful thinking... for some reason I'm thinking it will be the end of this year or beginning of 2009. I really dont feel he is "ready" which is obvious since he hasn't proposed but all I can do is do my best and be a loving girlfriend and hopefully it will happen sooner than I'm hoping.

 

[DenverD]

Ringless,

One little tidbit I''ve learned through having conversations with my close guy friends going through this is that they are all pretty old fashioned, even if they don''t want to admit it. When one was talking to me about his relationship with his long time girlfriend his main concern was being able to provide for her. It wasn''t that he wasn''t head over heels (as much as a guy can be

) over her, it''s that he had to have the job, the money, and the stability before he thought he should propose. You sound like a great loving g-friend to stick through him through school, and beleive me once he gets on his feet career and life wise and feels more confident about himself as a guy the engagement is going to be the next natural thing.

Keep your head and hopes up!

 

[Bia]

Do most of the LIW here talk about the issue (proposal) often or do you mostly stay quiet about it? I am afraid to talk about it too much...maybe its just me?

I want so much for it to be genuine, when HE IS READY and not because he thinks I, or our families, expect it. Although its so hard to not slap him across the head and say "WHEN ALREADY!!!???"

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 4/3/2008 2:47:52 PM
Author: Bia
Do most of the LIW here talk about the issue (proposal) often or do you mostly stay quiet about it? I am afraid to talk about it too much...maybe its just me?

I think that depends on the couple. Some seem to talk about it all the time while others are less inclined to bring the topic up over and over. I’d imagine the way your SO reacts to such conversations would probably determine the frequency at which they happen.

Initially conversations about rings, engagement and our wedding were a little strained so I didn’t talk about either topic much. Of course, that was a few years ago. Now, the conversations about our wedding and the ring happen out of the blue. I have noticed that my SO pays very close attention to what I say about cuts and settings and has even had me illustrate to him at a local jewelry store the difference in stone quality. One time he even asked about public vs. private proposals and informed me that he has every confidence he will surprise me despite my protests that I will see it coming a mile away!

All of these things combined have illustrated to me that he is indeed thinking about a proposal (

). It may not be on the forefront of his mind but the thought is there so talking about it seems to be something that comes very naturally. That being said, I certainly do not beat a dead horse by bringing it up all the time and pestering him about when he’s actually going to propose…that’s what I have this board for!!

 

[INdmbLove]

Ringless- We''re going on 7 years also in October. We (I) talk about it often- maybe once a week- Maybe that is too often, but its on MY mind 24/7 and I have to often kind of "check in" on his feelings about it all. Lately he''s seemed excited about it all (he was bringing it up) and promised/reassured me that by the end of this year was still the plan. However, we got in a bit of a tift the other day and he mentioned how that''s not what he REALLY wants... so I''m pretty upset. I can''t tell if that was just something to really dig under my skin and something he didn''t really mean or... the truth. Either way- its not great.

I completely understand how it feels like Everyone is getting engaged- I''m SO tired of the questions about When we''re going to get engaged- I know the people asking don''t mean to hurt me- they''re excited for it to be ''my turn''- but they have no idea how much it stings to not be able to give an answer.

 

[catty77]

I think about it 24/7 too, which is why I''m glad I found this board because it''s a placw where I can vent my crazy thoughts. In the past (ha, well before this week) I''d just stew about it until I couldn''t take it anymore and would have to say something or I''d constantly drop hints. He''s been pretty understanding recently, but I think going forward I''d prefer not to talk about it and let everything run its course. I trust him when he says that he''s going to do it, I just have to trust that it will be sooner rather than later.

 

[dncer228]

ringless,

after reading your post and everyone else''s resonses-I felt bad for being so impatient (lol)!! my bf and I have only been dating a little over 3 years and my LIW obsession started a year ago!! Just the thought of going on 7 years w/NO ring makes me cringe!! but I love him so much, I''d wait it out.

don''t give up hope-he knows how you feel and I''d certainly hope that if he really had no intentions of marrying you-he''d tell you and set your free.

my bf always tells me (although I haven''t mentioned it since Feb when we got into an argument over it around my b-day) that the minute I stop thinking about it and let things be is when it will happen-how the heck do i just stop thinking about it?!!! I really wish men knew what we went through with this (Lol)

I too feel like everyone around me is getting engaged/married. It started last year w/my co-worker getting engaged (they''ve been dating the same amount of time as us), then 2 more coworkers followed suit!! if that wasn''t bad enough-his sister got engaged just 5 months after dating one of my bf''s best friends!! Just this year, we have 3 wedding to attend. all of that can be taxing on a girl who is so terribly wanting to be there herself!! I''ve not said anything to him just b/c it doens''t get me anywhere-he knows how badly I want us to be married and I know for a fact that he would let me go if it wasn''t what he wanted too-I just have to be patient.

hang in there hon-It will happen when it happens. In the meantime, you have all of us to rant to-this website has made me feel tons better!!

I''m actually looking forward to my bf''s stepsister''s wedding this May. I''m praying hard that it puts him in the mood to do some wedding planning of his own. I''ll be watching his reaction towards it all very closely.

Renee

 

[ringless]

wow has my little post grew...!

DenverD - Thank you so much for your kind words of engouragement and sympathy!

I appreciate what you said about asking your guy friends, etc. what they thought that helped. It is hard to wait, but I know in the end it is the best thing to do. I would rather us both be really excited and ready at the same time, then to feel like he's not 100% ready as I am, etc. And of course I want us to be financially stable... I think so many marriages end in divorce over financial issues and I dont want that for us. He is really good at saving and doing things traditionally so I really respect his decision and love him more for it. A couple (friends of ours) that were married a couple years ago were so young and didn't have their careers yet, and are still in school and they're really struggling now so it does put things in perspective!

Bia - Yes, I have been bringing it up lately, especially when someone new gets engaged. I really need to stop doing this. I know in the back of his head when he hears another person gets engaged he automatically feels that "rush" and knows what I'm thinking, so I need to stop taking my frustration out on him. I know my time will come, and that he is aware of my feelings. The next hard thing for me to do is to keep mum when I hear about another person getting engaged... maybe it will catch him off guard!

InDMBlove - Oh gosh, I know how you feel! It does sting when everyone keeps asking when it will be our turn. I've looked at my BF when someone asked us this question and raised my left hand, "hopefully soon" lol. But when someone else asks this, I will just say "when the time is right"...

Dncer28 - Thanks! Hopefully that wedding in May puts your SO in the mood for a proposal! I'm rooting for you!

...and to everyone else, thank you for your support!

 

[Bia]

Ringless:

I am totally there with you. I think we are in a similar boat. Our SO''s are sporadically talking engagements and yet much of time not making a peep as to what they have in mind--or better yet, WHEN. Where as we can''t do anything but obsess to the point of insanity. I hate that I can''t stop thinking about it. I almost resent BF because before he started talking about it, I was perfectly normal--thinking about it on occasion, like a daydream. Now, all I do is research diamonds, look at rings, read every post on PS...it would be hilarious if it wasn''t psychotic!

I am trying to be patient...I guess that''s all we can really do.

 

[ringless]

Bia - Yeah, i'm with you! We are in a VERY similar boat! LOL It stinks to wait so long but I know it will be worth it in the end! I'm going to cry like such a baby when it actually happens! Can't wait for that moment.