Facing proposal expectation disappointment...

[catty77]

My boyfriend and I are going away for the night this weekend. He booked a room in a really nice hotel a few months ago, which is really unlike him. He usually waits for the last minute for everything and I thought that if we went on this trip we''d stay at like a HoJo or Days Inn to save money since we''re so cheap, ha. So naturally, between all that and the hints I thought he was dropping I was convinced that this would be IT. For over TWO MONTHS now I''ve been trying to keep my hopes in check, but deep down I knew this was it. I even told a few of my close friends.

Confession: I''ve been a snooping fiend, which is bad, I know. Fact is, I have found absolutely no hard evidence that he''s proposing and now I''ve gone from being 98% sure he was proposing to 100% sure that he''s not. I''m convinced that he really intended to do it back when he booked the room, but for whatever reason changed his mind. Or just got lazy. It makes me so sad, and actually a little angry and bitter too. How do you guys deal with this disappointment? I really don''t want to let it affect our weekend, and I''m trying to get it all out of my system now.

Also, going forward I''m vowing not to snoop anymore. I swear. I do want it to be a surprise when and if it does happen.

 

[allycat0303]

Catty, I think all of us have done a little snooping in our time, so no reason to feel guilty. Try to focus on the trip and having a romantic time with him, and to enjoy the moment. You can be angry and disappointed if he doesn''t propose ONLY after the trip. (Just in case you do have a surprise in the works from him) chin up!

 

[chocolatefudge]

Catty, you still don''t KNOW tht he won''t propose! Maybe because he knew you would suspect it when you found out about the hotel room he is being sneaky about the rest to put you off.
I know it''s easy to tell you just to enjoy yoursef but I understand how it feels to *expect* a proposal and then for it not to happen- hey, it''s hppened to me every single holiday for four years! I was so convinced it would happen last Christmas and had to try soooooo hard not to show my disappointment.

I''ll just say the same again, you don''t KNOW it''s not happening. Just relax and try to have a good time

 

[gwendolyn]

I''ve been in the sort of situation where I''ve thought I had things figured out and got preemptively angry at J for things he hadn''t done yet, and/or reasons I thought I knew he did or didn''t do things. Afterwards, I ALWAYS feel like a jerk. Even if things weren''t what I hoped they''d be, they have NEVER been as bad as I think they are when I''m preemptively angry at him. I get into a black mood and see everything the worst way possible, and come up with the least flattering reasons for him to have decided the things I''m assuming he has, and it''s not nice of me. I want him to give me the benefit of the doubt, so I need to remind myself to do the same for him sometimes.

I KNOW it''s hard to pull yourself up out of the disappointment and brainstorming about what''s happening and why. If you are looking for advice, I would suggest that you try to remember that you''re with the man you love who loves you too, and that he (until he proves otherwise) deserves your faith.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I’m going to be the Negative Nelly and advice against thinking that maybe he’s got something surprising for you up his sleeve. Afterall, that is the original thought that got you in trouble in the first place. If he does have something planned then that’s awesome and you get what you want but if he doesn’t you may end up having a terrible night away and no one wants that to happen.

Try and enjoy the weekend away for what it is: time your man put aside especially for the two of you at a very nice sounding hotel

. I know how easy it is to get caught up in the game of "what if". I have ruined my fair share of weekends away because I convinced myself it was going to be The Weekend. The result is that now my SO and I seldom plan weekends away because he felt like the time away never made me happy.

Almost every lady on here has had disappointing experiences because they thought for sure their SO’s had planned a proposal and almost all of them regret having ruined a special moment with their SO’s because they let their speculations take over. Don’t be bitter or resentful towards him because you thought that he was originally planning to propose and have now concluded that he decided not to for whatever reason. That is completely unfair to him.

I’ve learned to stop the over analyzing and speculating whenever my SO makes a suggestion that seems a little out of the ordinary because when I create scenarios in my head that do not play out, I end up hurt and if I act upset my SO ends up hurt too. It’s a lose lose situation. So now I live by this motto: “It is better to be pleasantly surprised than to be bitterly disappointed.” I don’t allow myself to build expectations. I don’t speculate with myself or friends. I just trust that my day will come and the less I try and figure out when, the faster it will arrive and the more surprised I will be.

I’m sending some dust your way and hoping that you have a weekend away that rivals your dreams regardless of the final outcome!

 

[catty77]

Thanks, guys. I appreciate the responses. I know I''m being completely unfair to him and I feel terrible. It''s just hard reconciling the logical side of me that knows all this with the emotional (and slightly crazy) one.

I''m going to try to put it all aside as best as I can and just try to live in the moment and enjoy all the good stuff going on right now. Not only am I putting a damper on our relationship, but I''m also giving myself bigtime anxiety - which is downright silly. Before yesterday, I was actually in a really good place regarding this whole situation. I just have to find that place and be zen again. Easy enough, right?

 

[bee*]

I agree with ktf-I wouldn''t get my hopes up either. Try and enjoy the weekend-you''re still on the weekend with the person you love. If it doesn''t happen then have a chat about things in the next few weeks afterwards to see where he is on things. Have a great time!

 

[choro72]

Just enjoy your weekend! Have fun