Family ... ARRRRRGH!

[amileegirl]

You know how you should know better, but you get your hopes up anyway and think that this time it will be different? After all, you never ask for anything and things have been pleasant and then -- WHAM, you remember why you don''t bother?

My whole family is not coming to my Bridal Shower. Not even my own mother.

The excuses? It''s too far to drive (I only live an hour and 45 minutes away AND I somehow managed to travel to see them when I didn''t have a car by taking three busses and a commuter train which translates to a trip a heck of a lot longer than an hour and forty five minutes). "It''s a Sunday and your brother needs a ride to work." Like he can''t take a cab or bus...like I did when I was 20? I''m surprised she didn''t use the dog as an excuse this time. "It''s too far for so and so to go alone." HELLO? Then ride together! Then she''s like..."well you said you didn''t want a shower." What I said was that I wasn''t sure I wanted one since we are an established house but that my MOH wanted to throw me one. I warmed up to the idea and she wanted to and her excitment was infectious (deep down I knew this would happen). Then she says, "We could''ve given you a shower here instead." Well...gee...up to me to do all the traveling...AGAIN. Trying to make ME feel guilty for having the audacity to have my MOH host my shower. She''ll come out here for a "dry run" to make sure they don''t get lost but won''t consider my bridal shower as part of the trial run? See...now if I don''t send an invitation to the rehearsal dinner (which will get refused anyway) noses will get bent out of shape!

I let myself brood for a few hours and then shrugged it off. My MOH is more pissed than I am. I''m used to it and I know I should know better.

 

[sumbride]

I''m so sorry! That royally bites!!! It sounds like you''re used to the selfishness, but that doesn''t make it any easier. I''m glad your MOH talked you into a shower... sounds like SOME people DO want to be there for you! Try to focus on that. And if she insists that you have one "there", tell her 1) the mom can''t throw the shower and 2) it''s ok to have more than 1 shower!

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m sorry too! I agree with Sumbride. For their daughter, cousin, sister, etc., you''d think your family would make the effort. I''m sorry you''re going through that.

 

[Gypsy]

I''m sorry honey. I know exactly what you mean. I really do. ((HUGS)). Can you just call her and tell her how you feel, and you are very dissappointed in her?

Of course... the last time I had to do that, it didn''t work. But, maybe it will for you. ((HUGS))

 

[robbie3982]

That sucks! I''m so sorry!

There''s been a lot of stuff like this surrounding my wedding with various family members, so I know how you feel

 

[amileegirl]

Date: 6/12/2007 5:21:48 PM
Author: Gypsy
I'm sorry honey. I know exactly what you mean. I really do. ((HUGS)). Can you just call her and tell her how you feel, and you are very dissappointed in her?

Of course... the last time I had to do that, it didn't work. But, maybe it will for you. ((HUGS))

Thanks for the hugs. If only it could be that simple!

Well, see, unfortunately if I call her again to say I am upset and really wanted her there, ultimately the conversation would turn into me needing to "get over it" and it being my fault and why am I making her feel guilty and me being selfish and inconsiderate and not thinking of other people and how I don't appreciate anything she's ever done for me...blah blah blah. And then it would probably just turn into everything I've ever done wrong over the past 33 years (pretty much a repeat of the psyche crushing of 1993 which was a repeat of the same browbeating of 198. Then I'll feel like crap, and then I'll start to believe it and then I'll feel like I don't deserve a shower. Same record different decade. So...nope...not worth the effort.

You know, I really think the real underlying reason I won't ever ask for financial help with wedding expenses (or any other expenses over the years) is that I don't want to owe any favors. I'd rather sell a kidney. You know...reduce the ammo against me I guess.

 

[amileegirl]

Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it.

I usually don''t let things like this bother me any more, it was just that, I don''t know, I guess my FI couldn''t see what I kept telling him about and I was thinking that maybe I was just overreacting. So...I let my guard down and the shoe promptly fell on my head

 

[Gypsy]

It''s okay honey. Believe me. I know exactly what you mean as it''s something that has happened to me with my family a few times... actually its like once a year it happens... though it tapered off to once every two years while I lived on the east coast.

(((MORE HUGS)))

Just vent and get it all out. Then close it off and move forward best you can. Sorry you are going through this. When I read your post I got an angry hot ball of fire in my belly. ((HUGS AGAIN))

 

[basil]

Ugh. That''s such a bummer. I''m sorry, Amileegirl

 

[amileegirl]

Well, my shower was cancelled.

My family was half. The other half (some of them my family) didn''t even give the courtesy of an RSVP. It makes me feel like just because I''m not a young twenty something bride that people think that it doesn''t matter.

So my MOH, bridesmaid, MIL, and MOH''s Mother are taking me to have lunch celebration instead. My MOH is soooo disappointed and mad at people on my behalf. I''m still hurt by the fact that my MIL and MOH''s Mother are going but my own mother isn''t.

 

[Skippy123]

Wow, I am sorry. What awful luck. I hope you can get them to come on a better day. So sorry. Hang in there and keep us posted. Thinking of you. hugs.

 

[surfgirl]

amilee, I know you''re disappointed but you know what? This smaller celebration sounds lovely and quite honestly, at least people who love you and want to celebrate your impending marriage are happy to do this for you...I think it''s lovely that these women want to make sure you have a nice shower, regardless of the size. I know you''re disappointed by your family and others not seeming to care...but this truly sounds like it could be a very sweet, intimate and memorable event. I hope you enjoy it and take away good memories from it. You have a core group of people around you who DO care...