Family drama already

[ammayernyc]

So yesterday I was so happy... we finally picked our date. The place we wanted finally released contracts so we were able to book it. The date we got was not our first choice, but only becuase my Aunt already told me that ''it might be a problem.'' The problem: her daughter, my cousin, might not be able to find a babysitter. Did I mention that our date is in June 2007?

So, everyone I tell is so happy for us. Except my Aunt. When I tell her the date her response is, literally, "Are you serious? What happened to the other date you were looking at?" Then she proceeds to tell me how difficult it will be for her and her daughter since they have a wedding the next night as well (a relative from the other side of the family). My cousin won''t bring her children to New York even though I offered to get a hotel room and a babysitter for them. Fine, I understand. But, oh my goodness, the wedding is more than NINE MONTHS AWAY and they can''t find a freakin'' babysitter for two nights in a row?

After my aunt kept saying that they will figure out what to do and I shouldn''t worry about it, I think she realized she was being silly, although she did ask me if there were other dates available.

Why can''t she just be happy for me without giving me this grief. Everything I''ve told her about what I want to do her response is, ''Whatever makes you happy'' which is code for ''I don''t like that idea.'' She even saw the place we chose and basically told us she didn''t like it.

Ugh. Okay. Vent over!

 

[Molly1024]

Argh! I know that must be so frustrating for you- sometimes people say things without realizing how they sound. Seriously, there''s either a bigger issue on your aunt''s part or she was just talking without thinking. Don''t worry about it- there will be more issues that come up during wedding planning so this one''s not worth it

 

[sumbride]

That''s definitely not your problem! They have adequate time to figure it out! CONGRATS on booking your venue!

A friend of ours is pregnant right now with her first baby, due in March. Our wedding is next October. She''s already worried about the babysitter situation and she mentioned it to me but not in a "you need to change your date" kind of way... just a "what we will we do?" kind of way. Since she''d have to travel to attend it, I can kind of see her dilemma but I assured her that we knew lots of people in my hometown that would certainly be qualified to look after her 7 month old baby for an evening.... I get that she''s a nervous new mommy-to-be but people have been having babies and getting babysitters for a long time and it WILL be possible!

 

[dani13]

How annoying!! We kind of went through the same thing when we were setting our date- we just finally decided that it is our day, and we are going to try not to let anyone influence us, no matter what. Alot of people are going to feel the need to express their opinions- good and bad. Although its not fair of them to do that, it happens. Just remember that this day is about you and your hubby-to-be, that what I have been trying to do- I know the most important people in our lives will be there no matter what...

On another note- what place did you book??

 

[curlygirl]

Ugh, don''t let it get to you. People should not trouble you with their personal dramas, even if it is family. It''s YOUR wedding, you can pick whatever date you want and have it anywhere you choose. I got soo much grief for having a February wedding but I did it anyway and everyone who was complaining showed up anyway!

Do tell us what venue you have selected--we New Yorkers are dying to know!!

 

[FacetFire]

I totally agree with everyone''s comments. She shouldn''t even be bothering you with this kind of thing. Don''t let it get to you one bit. Enjoy the moment...you have a date! Congrats!

 

[anchor31]

Ack, how annoying... I second what everyone has said about letting it go, I''ve learned in the past 2 and a half months that there will always be someone unhappy out there. They just can''t seem to wrap their brains around the fact that this event is NOT about THEM... Ack.

 

[ammayernyc]

Thanks for encouraging words ladies.
I know my Aunt isn''t saying things to be mean. We''re very different people. I just wish we could either agree more or that she would be more supportive person since my mother is not here and she is my mother''s sister. She keeps telling me that she''ll help whenever and wherever I need her and that she''s planned a wedding before -- but the wedding was the polar opposite of what I''m doing and every thing I''ve liked so far she obviously hasn''t.

Anyway, we''re going to get married at Studio 450 in Manhattan. It''s a loft space -- totally empty so we have lots of work ahead of us. We''re super excited though!

 

[Mara]

you can't please everyone AP! you guys have to do what works for you, it's your wedding.

my girlfriend is getting married next june and her mom just called her to say oh i just realized that your brother's college graduation is the day after your wedding, can you move the wedding? she said NO WAY. and her mom was like well he won't be able to come most likely since he's getting ready for graduation. my girlfriend was like okay, fine if that's what has to happen but we are not moving our wedding date, the venue, florist, photographer are already booked.

she said, can you believe my mom trying to get me to move my wedding date out a week for my brother's graduation? that takes what, 2 hours out of a day? and it's 2 hours away fromm the wedding location. not exactly a big crisis.

but people feel like they can ask you those things because it's inconvenient for THEM. pssshaw! it's touching they want to be there that badly, so guess what? make it work!! them of course. i wouldn't worry, and next time your aunt says something, i would politely point out the wedding is 9 months away and hopefully your cousin can find a babysiter in the next 3/4 of a year.

when we were planning our date, my normally totally mellow dad was saying, oh you can't have it on X date because i always do that big marathon that year in sonoma or whatever. it was a huge deal to him. so when we were choosing a date, we moved around that date and got something else. i don't even remember if the date was avail but i kept his race in the back of my mind. well later he said, yeah i'm not doing that race this year, it's just too stressful for me right now. ummm okay but last year when we were booking the venue it was like life or death that you go. of course he's my dad so he gets a pass but jeez people! hehe.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Ohhh...what a pain. I agree, this is NOT your PROBLEM. There is no reason they cannot find a babysitter this far in advance. The worst that will happen is she won''t come. I think that will be more sad for her than you (in the long run).

 

[diamondfan]

amanda, I am not trying to stir trouble but in a word that is CRAP. I am sure she can figure out a sitter with this much notice. You cannot even begin to try to accomodate all people all the time, so I would seriously not even try. It is YOUR day, your choices. You could pick a date she likes and the day of your wedding one of her kids gets sick or her sitter cancels. Try not to worry, people manage what they want, and she will get there if it is important, I jumped through hoops for people during my son''s bar mitzvah, and got fed up after a while, so just keep in mind what you want and try not to worry about the rest.

 

[JessaJS]

Ya know, it''s funny the junk people come up with to complain about. (The aunt, not you Amanda Panda!!)
My dad didn''t want us to plan our wedding in November because he goes hunting. OH COME ON, you can hold off on the hunting for one day. Sheesh!!
9 Months is plenty of notice to get a babysitter and if they cannot manage that, forget them. Have a wonderful day and congrats on booking your venue!!
My new motto to family members who are being difficult? Save the drama fo yo momma!!
(I crack up whenever I hear that, but it''s so fitting!)

 

[ammayernyc]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I agree... it is crap!

The funny part is that it''s my aunt who''s complaining... and it''s not even her problem. It''s my cousin who has to deal with it. Although, my aunt did complain about ''all that traveling.'' Um, she lives in Long Island (or she may be in New Jersey by next summer). My wedding is in Manhattan. The wedding she has Sunday night is in Long Island. All that traveling? The absolute longest it will be is 1.5 hours! Ugh.

I''m just sad that she had to mention something to begin with.