Family matters

[museikchik]

There is a huge back-story behind this which would take years to go into. My Dad (step-dad but I never call him that) has relatives that live in Los Angeles which is only about two hours away from me. These people are really stuck up and criticize my Dad all of the time. He wants to invite them to my wedding because he wants them to know what a good daughter I have been and is hoping I will get great presents from them. Seriously I have only seen these people like twice in the past ten years. They don''t mean anything to me, and I think that you should only have people who really care about you and support you at your wedding. I''ve told my Dad that is not a reason to invite someone to your wedding and I don''t want them there. My FI and I are footing the entire bill for the wedding. I told my dad that if he wants them there he can pay for them but I am not going to (there is like 20 of them). We are paying between $60-80 a person. If you add these additional people it would range from $1200-1600 not including taxes and the service charge. I would much rather have that money go towards flowers or wedding favors. Is it wrong for me not to want these people there?

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

not at all, especially when you are paying for them. my fi''s mother wanted to do the same thing. we gave her a specific amount of people that she could add for her part of the guest list and that was that. she could do whatever she wanted with her number of invites but that was it, no extras.

 

[Lorelei]

It is probably because your Dad is so proud of you, that he wants to show these people what a great relationship he has with his beautiful daughter on her day of all days! He may be thinking that despite all the criticism that he has had to put up with, that he can prove to them that it is unfounded, and that he wants to show them and the world his pride in you, as your Father.

I don't think you are wrong in not wanting these people there, maybe you could compromise if some aren't as bad as others, to perhaps invite only some, with your Father's input, and he pays for them? That way their presence might not be too intrusive to you, and he will be happy too. But if you can't compromise in a way that suits you mainly ( your wedding and you are paying for it) then in my opinion, you have the final say on the guest list and have the right to say no to these people.

 

[Sabine]

No! You are perfectly right to only invite the people you truly want, and I think it''s perfectly fair to ask your dad to pay for them if it is important for him that they come.

 

[swingirl]

You shouldn't have to pay big bucks to help your dad prove anything to his family. If they don't already know you are a good daughter your wedding isn't going to change anything.

Paid for or not, it doesn't seem like you want these strangers. And 20 people that you don't know...what's the point? Although I am all for inviting dear friends of the family who have more of a relationship with the bride's or groom's parents, these people don't sound like they fall into that category.

 

[museikchik]

Thanks everyone for all of your input. I have a reputation for being a "hot head" in my family. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn''t overreacting. It is nice to know that in this case I totally wasn''t.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 4/5/2008 12:29:31 PM
Author: swingirl
You shouldn''t have to pay big bucks to help your dad prove anything to his family. If they don''t already know you are a good daughter your wedding isn''t going to change anything.

Paid for or not, it doesn''t seem like you want these strangers. And 20 people that you don''t know...what''s the point? Although I am all for inviting dear friends of the family who have more of a relationship with the bride''s or groom''s parents, these people don''t sound like they fall into that category.

I SO agree with swingirl on this.

 

[diamondfan]

Not at all. I mean, especially since you are paying and since you do not really care about them and they are not nice to your dad. You can say it nicely, but you are totally within your rights to say no. I think people have to be held accountable for their actions.

 

[Gypsy]

I agree with Swing as well. Facing unwanted guest myself, although only 13 and mom is paying for them, so you have my sympathies. I know exactly how you feel.

 

[Independent Gal]

I think it''s sweet that your dad wants to show you off. But I agree with the others that it is ridiculous for you to have to actually invite them. Besides, how would seeing you get married show that you''re "a good girl"?

If you don''t want them there, you hardly know them, and you''re paying, definitely don''t invite them.