Feeling down...

[snow_happy]

Hi everyone,

I have always found the people on Pricescope to be supportive and lift my spirits when they are down (esp. the LIW time!).

I have something that has made me feel down lately. My father has never met my FI''s family. He refuses to. Last year, at my graduation I had to tell my FI''s family that it would be better if they didn''t attend (because my dad said he never wanted to meet them). He is acting so childish and it makes me furious! I want to just SCREAM at him. Just because I am not marrying someone he "approves of", he makes everything so difficult.

My FI''s sister is having a casual wedding reception this month and my family was invited. They replied that they had made other plans for that weekend which I KNOW is a lie. My mom and brother want to go but my dad will make their home-life miserable if they do. It just doesn''t seem fair. Since my dad is unhappy, he wants to make everyone else unhappy too. I don''t understand.

I thought he would be open to attending since it is casual and is an opportunity for him to meet the future in-laws. It has been a year since graduation so I thought his attitude about the whole situation might have improved (people kept saying "he''ll come around"), but it hasn''t. He still refuses to meet them.

The whole situation makes me so sad. I guess I should start planning a small destination wedding instead of a home wedding like I had originally thought of. I always thought having a wedding close to home would be awesome because the extended families get to meet and everyone gets to know each other. I guess that won''t be the case now. My FI and I can''t afford to pay for the wedding...our families + close friends makes 200! I don''t know... I''m confused, frustrated and upset.

Sorry about the negativity. THanks for letting me vent...

 

[Libster]

Hi,
I''m sorry you are having a tough time. I do wonder why your father has a problem with your FI family? Is there a thread here somewhere that could give the background so we could understand the cause of the problem?

 

[AmberGretchen]

hey snow - I''m sorry to hear about the situation with your father and your FI''s family. I do, however, think that there is something to be said for small weddings and avoiding the stress inherent in planning large ones. My FI and I realized that having the large wedding we originally wanted was going to cost enough to interfere with our hopes of getting a home of our own, and he had a realy good heart-to-heart with his mom, who pointed out that it was important to think about priorities. We''ve decided that a home of our own is more important to us than a big wedding, and in reality, (FI''s mom, who has had both a big fancy wedding and a smaller more intimate second one confirmed this) that sometimes the most joyful and meaningful weddings are those where only the people you can''t imagine getting married without are there. Would it be great to throw a huge lavish party and invite everyone we know? Sure. But I know that we will also have a really beautiful and wonderful small wedding with the people who truly love us and will be part of our life together. It totally sucks what your father is doing, but you have to remind him that ultimately your wedding is about you and he is going to have to either get over being petty and immature or not be invited to/involved in the wedding. Hopefully with time he will see how happy you and your FI are together and he will come around - all parents want their children to be happy, he may just need some time and some help in seeing that this is what makes you happy. And to be honest, if he can''t see that, as painful as it is you may not be able to have a relationship with him after a certain point. GL and please feel free to come here anytime for support - I think the people here are great for that.

 

[ame]

Frankly, if my dad pulled this crap Id tell him to F off and to grow up and not waste my time with his childishness. I cannot even believe how selfish and idiotic he is. Father or not, he needs to be put in his place. Either you or your mom need to grow a set and tell him what's for.

THe fact that he is this way about other folks weddings is assanine, and about yours, unacceptable. Period.

 

[Jennifer5973]

To offer any meaningful thoughts beyond saying I am so sorry you have to deal with this, we must understand why your dad is acting this way....? Frankly, I am baffled.... Is it religious issues? A psycological issue with letting his baby girl go? Something your fiance did to make him act this way towards the family?

It is so sad, regardless--this should be a joyous time all around for you. Hang toucg. And in the end, you have to do what's best for YOU.

 

[snow_happy]

Thanks for all your comments!

I feel better now after re-calculating things and trying to find local clubhouses and stuff to have a wedding at instead of the "wedding places" that are much more expensive.

I think my father has issues about "letting me go" but that is not an excuse. He never discusses these things with me...he just lets his frustrations manifest and divert to something else (a race issue for example). You all are right...he is being immature and unacceptable. I''m not sure if he will go to the wedding or not but I can''t let it ruin me right?

He''s always had some control since he was funding my education but now I''m on my own so &@^#%@ him and his money. I don''t need it. My FI and I will plan the wedding WE can afford and that''s that.

He''s making ME feel miserable and that''s not right. I''ve decided that if he wants to sit and pout in the corner and I''ll let him be but I''m not going to sing and dance to try to get him out of the corner. YEAH. He''s my father and I think I''ll always hope he''s happy with my life decisions but more important is that I''m happy with my decisions right?

Maybe this is a good thing...now we can cut down the guest list for budget reasons

Thanks again everyone. You guys are the best!

-> ->

 

[Blue824]

I''m really sorry to hear he''s being such a pill! You''re right though, ultimately you need to be happy with your decisions!
While he''s been really avoiding talking to you about any of this, have you tried to have a serious conversation with him, tell him how much he''s hurting you?... Hopefully he''ll come around and be there for you though.