Feeling Sadder than usual...

[ringless]

So this week has been a rough one for me... it just seems like every night this week my bf hasn't been in a good mood. I have asked him over and over again if anything is wrong, etc. Nothing seems to be wrong, but maybe he's just having an "off" week. I sometimes think he gets his man period! lol Although, I do feel like we have been spending a lot of time together this past week, so that could be it. I really just need to start doing my own thing sometimes. I think I just care so deeply about him that I want to make him happy and sometimes that can get in the way of what I truely need... time for myself, doing what I like to do.
Anyway, so I was going to make Engagement Chicken on Sunday but I feel like it's bad timing. I wanted to do it when we were doing great and have it be something really special.. but since we had a rough week (him being mr. moody and all) I figured to just wait until I feel like the time is right. What do you ladies think?
I guess his 'tude is bothering me moreso now than ever b/c I am really anticipating an engagement... we've been together almost 7 years. (gasp, I know! haha) When I feel like times are tough or that were not as in sync as we normally are it really upsets me! Can anyone relate?

 

[Bliss]

Hey - kudos on resolving to go out there and do your own thing! It's never a good feeling to wonder if your life revolves around your SO. It'll be good for him and for you to get out there a little more! Doesn't have to be something huge and radical. Start small!

And yes, I understand. In the past, I would have crept around on eggshells. In past relationships, I did that and it was really awful to feel anxious all the time. I would let other people's emotions dictate how I felt. And that was really unhealthy for me.

Now, I'm with FI. And we talk about everything. It's good you gave him space. But maybe you should start getting in the habit of talking things out? I used to think guys hated to talk. It's not that, it's that sometimes they need some space to think and then they're ready to talk. I, myself, am like that sometimes I need some space initially to collect my thoughts and feelings before I'm ready for a discussion.

But I'd open up the lines of communication. It's healthy for your guy to open up to you & not bottle up things if he's unhappy. Guy or girl, it feels wonderful to vent/open up the steam valve to a trusted loved one. What a wonderful relief! That has to be built over time and through trust. You have to be able to go to each other for everything and anything with the understanding you will be able to work things out and not overreact. It has to be a sacred open place where you can truly be yourselves around each other.

It's not easy!

But you can do it. It's a lifelong process to grow close to someone you really love.

And I also understand about the being ready for an engagement... you're in a stressful period! Schedule a massage or spa day... get a manicure. Treat yourself. You'll feel a million times better. If you make yourself happy in a positive way, others around you will enjoy your happiness and be happy, too.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Of course I can relate! Afterall, my SO is human which means he has bad days (and lord knows I do too). I tend to back off when he''s in a mood. When he is ready to talk to me about whatever is bothering him, I know he will. I used to try and go above and beyond when he was in a bad mood but I''ve learned that my constant questioning as to what is wrong or bending over backwards probably isn''t going to mend his mood and I''m going to end up frustrated that my "cure" isn''t working. I''ve lived with my SO long enough to know what when he wants to talk about his feelings, he does it without my needing to ask.

If you want to make engagement chicken, go for it as long as you do not go into the process thinking this is magically going to make his mood shift. If you think you will resent his reaction if you cook and he isn''t thrilled - hold off. Just keep in mind...as cute as the idea is, it''s only chicken. If cooking for your intended meant a ring magically appeared, I''d have 10 fingers stacked end to end with rings

 

[ladypirate]

I'm sorry you're having a rough week-- *hugs*

SO certainly gets in his moods (he was in one this morning as a matter of fact). I find the best thing to do is do my own thing until it runs its course and then ask him several hours later if everything is ok. Once he's had a couple of hours to get over it, it's much easier for him to be rational.

Also, engagement chicken is tasty, but it's really just chicken. Maybe rather than focusing on the engagement stuff, tell him you know he's had a rough week and would like to make him dinner to make him feel better. Or chocolate cake--I know that always makes me fell better when I'm in a snit!

ETA: Granted, maybe I'm just hungry--I hit submit and my stomach growled! LOL.

 

[Lexie]

My boyfriend has been very moody as well. Lots of stress and stuff going on, y''know

Whenever he gets in a funk like that, I refer to it as him having "PMS" (P stand for Pie, which is what I lovingly call him, M stands for Moody, and S stands for Syndrome). He''s actually embraced the terminology

It''s hard to stay positive and in a happy mood when your SO is down, and then you in turn end up being in a crappy mood as well

Hopefully it''s just temporary though!

And who knows? Maybe the Engagement Chicken will turn his frown upside down!

 

[choro72]

Here, here, going through the same thing right now!!! I feel you. And you are so much nicer than I am...I''m just mad that he is moody for no reason at all. I have a lot to learn...I need to be able to not take it personally and leave him alone.

 

[ringless]

Girls, thanks for your kind words! I am so sorry it took me all weekend to respond back... i've been pretty busy. I'm happy to say that things have dramatically turned around since my inital post... he is in a much better mood! lol I gave him some space, but we did spend some time together this weekend and it was really nice. We had a nice talk about what i'm "expecting" and he reassured me that I need to stop worrying so much about getting engaged, that when it happens it will be the right timing for both of us and to just enjoy our time together now... which, duh sounds easier said than done. But were fine... things are good and I am really happy we talked about everything.

I didn't wind up making the Engagement Chicken, because deep down I just had a gut feeling it wasn't the right week/weekend to do it.... so i'm holding off until next weekend. I did make him french toast this morning for breakfast and he said "Oh, that's wife material right there"... LOL Gotta love it... so my Engagement Chicken is sure to knock his socks off!

(haha I know it's just chicken, but a girl can dream right?)