Fiance Has "Change Of Heart"

[brokenheart]

Well my fiance of nearly three years has decided she may not want to go through with the wedding. Our wedding is only a couple of months away. I feel so deserted right now. I feel like I really don''t know what is going on, because the wedding has not offically been called off. She says that I have pushed her away too much, and have not been excited enough about the wedding. Stating that her heart is not were it should be. I''m divorced and I''m 28. She''s never been married and is 22. Her mother has been married like 6 times, and I think she is scared to make a commitment. What should I do? Should I continue to give her space and let her think out these issues, or should I see it as a sign to just cut ties and move on, before getting hurt again. Another issue that was brought up, is she thinks that I do not want to have a child with her. I have two girls from a my previous marraige, and she thinks that I don''t want anymore, which is not true. I am rally confused and don''t realy know what to do. The sucky thing is we work together, so i have to see her from time to time in tis awkward stage. People ask me are you looking forward to your wedding? What do I say to them. This is a very confusing time.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Based on the few things she''s saying, this sounds like it''s more about her than you. She''s projecting a lot of her own concerns onto you, such as the kids issue and yu pushing her away. Translated, she is pulling herself away and she''s not sure about wanting kids herself (aka she''s fearful of that committment).

Either way, maybe couples counseling is in order to determine what she wants for herself and what the 2 of you want as a couple. She''s young...22 is a scary age to determine "the rest of her life," and helping her determine what''s causing her fears will also help you determine what you need to do for yourself...

Best of luck!

 

[decodelighted]

I know it''s hard but try not to OVERreact just yet. Definately give her time to think things through without too much pressure from you. Take that time yourself to consider the fact she may not be as mature or ready for committment as she or you originally thought. If it''s meant to work out it will! It really could just be pre-wedding jitters, or it could be more -- you can''t know yet so don''t give into the urge to just break off all ties out of anger or self-preservation, at least not yet, especially if she''s "just thinking" ... not telling you for sure "it''s over".

If you have to move on - you will when you know for sure. As uncomfortable as this "not knowing" is ... it serves a purpose that will truly benefit both of you in the long run, whether the relationship progresses or ends.

My heart goes out to you both. Please let us know how you''re doing!

 

[Kaleigh]

She's 22, you are 28 with 2 kids. You met her when she was 19?? I say give the girl some breathing room. That's a lot to take on at that age. Plus her mom was married 6 times, no wonder she is scared stiff. I am not being mean, but just trying to get you to see the real picture here. What's that saying if you truly love someone set them free, if they come back it was meant to be?? Or something like that. Of course we don't know your situation, but if it was my daughter, I wouldn't be too thrilled either. 22 is very young!!! If you can go to counseling with her. See what the real issues are. I bet she is just feeling overwhelmed. The issues need to be resolved for a healthy and happy marriage. Let us know how it goes, good luck!!

 

[Small]

My husband wanted to call off the wedding or postpone it 2 months before and it was so hurtful to me. I think it''s normal to have fears before it all happens. It''s such a life changing event and it''s suppose to be forever but there are no guarantees in life so given that I think it''s alot of fear of the unknown. It does sound like she''s having issues. I wouldn''t do anything yet. My husband and I went ahead on schedule even after I called everyone to tell them that we were calling off the wedding

He was scared, we were stressed and fighting all the time...it just wasn''t a good time for us and he felt like it was all crashing around us. I know how you feel...I''ve been there. The only advice I have is to search your heart and listen carefully to what she says...you''ll know in your gut what the right thing to do is.

 

[Mara]

I agree...give her some space. So the wedding hasn''t even been officially called off and already you are asking if you should MOVE ON??? Jeez. Do you really want to marry this girl and spend the rest of your life with her? Do you believe in your love? Do you realize that marriage can be difficult and you don''t bail at the first sign of trouble?

You are 28 and already divorced, I''d give her the space she needs to figure out what SHE wants and needs, and maybe it''s not to be married at 22. Sounds like with her history, she needs to work a few things out for herself as well. Maybe she will realize with the distance that you are the one for her and she wants to get married to you after all. But maybe she won''t. Sounds like she would be an instant step-mom if she married you, that''s a tall order at 22.

However, if you really love her and I hope you do since you were planning to marry her and everything that comes along with it, respect her and what she needs to give her the space she is requesting and don''t take it as a sign she wants to drop you by the side of the road for good.

I''d suggest she gets some counseling, that you get some counseling, and that you both do couples therapy as well. It may benefit you long-term in your future marriage.

 

[movie zombie]

agree with kaleigh.

better a broken engagement than another divorce.......

movie zombie

 

[tawn]

Keep the communication lines open, and couseling is probably a good idea! Go slowly...and good luck!

 

[sosst7]

I agree with what everyone is saying, give her some breathing room and if it''s meant to be, it will be no matter what. I was in a somewhat similiar situation. At that time, my BF (now FI) had been dating for 3.5 years and after doing a year long distance, he was going to move down to where I was after he graduated. I don''t know why, but I totally panicked, I was so used to having my own space that I thought when he came down, everything would change. To make the long story changed, I broke up with him because I was getting freaked out but during our time apart, I kept thinking about how much I really loved him. And a month later, we got back together and we are getting married next month! Sometimes we gotta take a step back from everything to see how much it really means. I wish you the best of luck with this, I know it''s really rough but hang in there!

 

[FireGoddess]

Having seen her parent remarry 6 times and only being 22 I''m sure she''s more than a little confused about the whole marriage thing. I agree with everyone else to give her some space to figure out what''s causing these feelings and if this is something that can be worked through, individual and couples counseling are definitely in order!!

 

[pearcrazy]

I would just postpone the wedding indefinately for now. She''s very young at 22 and you are still pretty young at 28, there''s really no rush is there? If after a few more months she''s making if obvious that you aren''t the one for her then it''s time to move on. Just give her the space she needs without walking away just yet.

 

[moon river]

I agree with Kaleigh too. Listen to her, she''s one smart lady.

You two need to communicate more before making ANY decision. With or without you, she''s gonna need some therapy.