Fiance''s Mom is Sad and her Brother is being ''Tough''

[KrWz]

I just recently proposed to my gf and she said yes! We''re both very happy. My only bummer is that her Mom is very sad now and was in tears because of the thought of losing her daughter. I have a good relationship with her mother and she knows i''m a good person but the news is still hard on her. Her older brother upon hearing the news was emotionless and just gave me a head nod. I dunno, i guess thats just the way it is and not everyone is going to be happy initially hearing the news. I''ve told my family and friends and they''re all very warm and happy for us. My gf is overjoyed and her sister has welcomed me into the family with open arms. I just wish her whole family could be a little warmer to the whole thing.

Any ideas or should I just accept it and realize that not everyone will be happy all the time with everything? Thanks guys.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

You''ll just have to accept it and move on...not all families are overjoyed by such wonderful news. We we announced our engagement, my family was overjoyed. My SOs side had a very different reaction. My FIL said a cool "congratulations," while my MIL stayed in the kitchen and refused to come out. She hollered a "congrats" I think, but no warm, fuzzy reception. We later found out that someone had leaked the news to them about our impending engagement (so they knew before I did!!!) and was upset that they didn''t hear it from us first....in reality, after our engagement, we refused to call anyone to tell them until our parents knew first, so how they "found out" was a mystery to us!!!

 

[Momoftwo]

You don''t get engaged to please everyone else, so let it go. I do think her mother needs to move on. The whole point in raising children is to get them to the point that they are self-reliant fully functioning members of society. She isn''t "losing" anyone and that''s unfair and selfish of her to behave like that. Tears of joy, yes, tears of what "she''s" losing, no. As far as her brother goes, he''s probably just involved in his own life and the reality is, her marrying doesn''t really change or affect his life.

 

[JCJD]

Date: 6/4/2005 10:21:39 AM
Author: Momoftwo
You don''t get engaged to please everyone else, so let it go. I do think her mother needs to move on. The whole point in raising children is to get them to the point that they are self-reliant fully functioning members of society. She isn''t ''losing'' anyone and that''s unfair and selfish of her to behave like that. Tears of joy, yes, tears of what ''she''s'' losing, no. As far as her brother goes, he''s probably just involved in his own life and the reality is, her marrying doesn''t really change or affect his life.

Absolutely.

I also think that the brother is just trying to be your new fiancee''s brother (i.e. protector). Did you ever see My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Remember how Toula''s brother and cousin threaten and tease Ian constantly? That''s what this guy is doing.


Congratulations on your engagement!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

to most parents,no matter whom their daughter marries,it''s still not good enough for their baby.

 

[pearcrazy]

I think her brother is just reacting to his mother''s sadness. How old is your fiancee? Is your fiancee moving directly from her parents home to yours? If so, then it is normal for her mother to mourn the loss of her daughter''s childhood. I know when I went off to college and left my parents with an empty nest mother was pretty sad about it, but she got over it quickly when she realized how much freedom she''d gained. Just give it some time, her mother will come around.

 

[Diachi]

Just a thought-It sounds like you didn''t do the traditional "asking for a blessing" and perhaps they are upset about that?

In this day in age, many people *say* that tradition, etc. isn''t important to them but in reality it is...My sister''s boyfriend didn''t "ask" my parents for their blessing and although they didn''t say anything to her about it, confessed to me that they were super disappointed that he didn''t. They were delighted to tell me that my fiance DID ask and love telling everyone about it when he is around much to his embaressment

 

[KrWz]

Well the good news is that the next day my family and myself had dinner with my fiance and her mother. The dinner went by well and afterwards my parents had given my fiance's mom a homemade dessert. It's nice to know that her mother has also invited our family to their home in a weekend or so for another dinner but this time at their home.

It's going to be a tough adjustment on her mother because she is very dependent on my fiance for company, transportation, and other things. One thing she mentioned was that it was sad because she would now be all alone. It's especially tough because her husband (fiance's father) had passed a little more than a year ago. The brother lives at home so at least she will have him for company. I feel that I have a good relationship with her mother (friendly conversations, going on vacation to Vegas, dinners, family outings, etc) so it's not like we will be leaving her all alone either. I'm hoping that the year's time for the engagement will help with adjusting to the idea and the realization that in order to move forward in all of our lives, some things in life need to be changed which include her daughter marrying and moving out.

Thanks guys for your feedback. I guess at times i'm just a little too sensitive to everyone's feelings that I let it get to me. I just need to remember that my intentions are only for the good for all and that not everyone is going to be happy all the time with every single thing. When that happens, I need to let it slide and just keep the positive in sight and keep moving forward.

 

[dietvanillacoke]

it''s a very emotional time! and it''s not going to be the last time this kind of drama happens... lives are being changed, and she really IS losing her daughter to you. well, the good news is that it sounds like you are marrying into a very loving and close family. give it time and trust me, people will come around and everyone will be able to celebrate with you at the wedding.