First post on BWW... need advice

[kas baby]

Hey ladies! This is my first thread on BWW, usually I hang out in Colored Stones. so, hello

Just a bit of background, I''m a 20yr old undergrad student planning on continuing to grad school and FI (who has two jobs) works as a personal trainer (where he is at right now actually) and works also at a wholesale plant nursery as a crew cheif or something or other. We''ll have been together for 5 1/2 years on this saturday August 22.

I have a dilemma. Not with FI or anything, so its not terribly drastic, but still, causing me some problems. I don''t work during the school year and unfortunately this past summer I barely got any work, so I haven''t made any major contributions to our bank account. FI and I would love to have a nice wedding, nothing terribly fancy, but something that you can obviously tell we put a lot of time and effort into. His very sweet Grandmother has already offered their home and property to host the wedding since we would like it to be outdoors. Its only going to be a party of 150 people at the very most. We are doing everything in our power to save money and cut costs, but it just feels like its going to be too much, even with the small guestlist. We aren''t getting a lot of outside help, just hugs, kisses, and well wishes mostly.

I would love for us to be able to just go ahead and not have to worry about it, but I''m finishing school in Dec 2010, wedding May 22, 2011, a move across the country to either WA or AZ for grad school, then grad school in August 2011. I just can''t seem to justify spending so much money on a party that''s only going to last for a few hours. We''d love to have one though. So I''m torn.

On one hand it really would mean a lot to us, and I''m sure both of our families, if we had a wedding. On the other hand I feel our money might be better spent on the move and starting to pay off student loans. FI keeps telling me not to worry and that everything is going to work out, but something in my mind keeps nagging at me- Am I just over-thinking things?

sorry for the really long first post, but I just had to get it out and tell somebody... so why not the lovely PS ladies?

 

[tyty333]

Hi Kas,
I''m already married but I have noticed from reading a lot of threads on this forum that a lot of people are cutting
their weddings way back. I think its the economy, lost jobs, not wanting to go in debt, etc. Well to start off
I have to say that 150 is not a small get together (maybe from where you''re at but it seems to most people
this would be a pretty good size wedding). Maybe you could do a minimal, backyard garden wedding with BBQ?
Wouldnt be my first choice but should help to keep cost down. If it were me personally I would cut the guest
list down to close family and friends (like 50 or so) and do something still minimal but maybe a little bit nicer.

Just would be hard for me to spend so much money on a wedding when you really dont have too much and
that money could go to better use.

I''m sure the other Brides on here will have some good ideas for you. Keep us posted.

tyty

 

[kas baby]

thanks tyty. I guess I just wanted to know that I wasn''t crazy thinking that maybe we should spend the money on something else.

FI and I sat down and talked about it and made a list of the things we absolutely would like to see happen: dressing up, a fabulous cake, family and friends, good pictures. everything else is more or less "what is expected"

 

[ficklefaye]

hi kas baby, i would have to agree that 150 is by no means a small party, but if you are set on this many guests, i''m sure you can make do, tyty''s suggestion of a bbq might not be a bad idea since it is at your FI''s grandmother''s house, but that would still be an awfully lot for 150, or you can have a picnic lunch or cocktail reception?

 

[Dannielle]

I agree that 150 is by no means a small wedding.. we saved money by cutting our guest list down.. the larger the list the more you need of everything (food, drinks, cake, favours, invitations).

I was trying to find the link to a thread about a young couple who renovated their home and had a gorgeous backyard in the wedding. Does anyone have any ideas what that blog is? There are alot of great ideas there

 

[KatyWI]

Date: 8/19/2009 10:32:02 PM
Author: Dannielle
I agree that 150 is by no means a small wedding.. we saved money by cutting our guest list down.. the larger the list the more you need of everything (food, drinks, cake, favours, invitations).


I was trying to find the link to a thread about a young couple who renovated their home and had a gorgeous backyard in the wedding. Does anyone have any ideas what that blog is? There are alot of great ideas there

I think you mean this thread

And the direct link to the wedding you mention is HERE

Hope this helps, kas!!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Have to agree that while 150 isn''t huge by any means, it certainly isn''t small. FI and I are having very similar struggles with the budget and we are trying to cut people off the list, but it is just so hard when 120 people are your family and very close friends! We are throwing around an appetizers and cake only reception and possibly even a cake/desserts and punch only reception. Because let''s all face it, the food is always the most expensive single item there is. I have 2 books that have been helpful.

Bridal Bargains by Denise & Alan Fields

Priceless Weddings for Under $5000 by Kathleen Kenedy

Kennedy stresses that you choose the 5 most important aspects you want, and give up the rest to cut your costs. Think outside of the box. I have really enjoyed reading her book!

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 8/19/2009 10:37:12 PM
Author: KatyWI

Date: 8/19/2009 10:32:02 PM
Author: Dannielle
I agree that 150 is by no means a small wedding.. we saved money by cutting our guest list down.. the larger the list the more you need of everything (food, drinks, cake, favours, invitations).


I was trying to find the link to a thread about a young couple who renovated their home and had a gorgeous backyard in the wedding. Does anyone have any ideas what that blog is? There are alot of great ideas there

I think you mean this thread

And the direct link to the wedding you mention is HERE

Hope this helps, kas!!

That is it!!! Thankyou

 

[kas baby]

Dannielle and Katy WI: lol! I have that website bookmarked in my favorites as inspiration!! I love how relaxed everything was, and everyone looks like they had such a great time. FI and I would love to DIY most of ours, and I''ve upped my credit load so I can graduate a semester early. That will allow me to move back to his side of the state, get a job, and free up some of my time for projects

Ficklefaye: I''m hoping we''ll be able to do something sweet and simple. May 22, 2011, it''s a sunday. So I''m thinking nobody has really gone to a sunday wedding, so we''ll be able to be different without getting snotty comments from some less nice family members *cough*grandma*cough*

ilovesparkles: I''ll have to look up those books... we''ve already done the ''pick'' five things, but I don''t know, something just doesn''t feel right yet. maybe its because we''re so far out from the date that I can''t seem to get things into perspective.

When I asked Jonathon what he thought our ''5 things'' should be, this is what he came up with:
1. our rings, because we''ll see and enjoy those every day. and we''re getting your ring finished before we even think about mine
2. we have to look really good- not that we don''t already- but, ya know, nice

3. WE HAVE TO HAVE A GOOD CAKE!! none of the dry crap people call cake, and definately not what my cousin had

(for background, I could have made a better looking and tasting cake for under ten bucks)
4. friends and family. they have to be there. no eloping with witnesses
5. great music and a great time. this is a celebration- not a formality, not just a legality. This isn''t about jumping through hoops, its about me being with you for the rest of my life.

what a sweetie

these were all on my list too, so I think we''ve got a good start at least. Any other suggestions?? you ladies have been wonderful- thanks!

 

[SassyB]

Do you have idea of what your budget would be? We are getting married in my Dad''s backyard (this Saturday!!) with about 10 guests. That is all our friends and family. We are spending about 10K. If you know someone who has a rock''n yard or at least big enough it could be a good option for you. Then you can cater whatever kind of food you want, rent a tent if needed. etc.....

Have fun planning!!!

 

[rhbgirl24]

We are in semi the same boat. We both work, but have a lot of student debt - we both have 2 degrees. So we scaled back too - 75 people. However our venue is REALLY expensive pp so, I guess we just handed the money saved right back.

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 8/19/2009 10:39:58 PM
Author: Dannielle

Date: 8/19/2009 10:37:12 PM
Author: KatyWI

Date: 8/19/2009 10:32:02 PM
Author: Dannielle
I agree that 150 is by no means a small wedding.. we saved money by cutting our guest list down.. the larger the list the more you need of everything (food, drinks, cake, favours, invitations).


I was trying to find the link to a thread about a young couple who renovated their home and had a gorgeous backyard in the wedding. Does anyone have any ideas what that blog is? There are alot of great ideas there

I think you mean this thread

And the direct link to the wedding you mention is HERE

Hope this helps, kas!!

That is it!!! Thankyou

OMG! I never saw the org thread but that girl Sherry went to my HS! She was really good friends with my brother. How funny!

 

[kas baby]

personally, I''d like to spend the least amount of money possible. Our location is free, b/c its his Grandparents'' place. They have a beautiful (HUGE) lawn, a nice pond, and it''s private (out in the country.)

I guess I just tend to get overwhelmed because I tend to think at everything that needs to get done all at once. I can''t seperate them into smaller projects like, favors, invites, centerpieces, etc... In my brain it''s "WEDDING!!!!!" then the perfectionist in me goes "AHHHHH!! I can''t do this all at the same time! abort! abort!" then I get upset and feel like a doofus...

another thing: we are paying for this by ourselves (except for beverages and booze, which his parents decided to take on) and in my opinion, if we don''t have enough to pay for it in cash, we''re not buying it. FI is on the same page. so, we''re kind of limited, but really, I don''t want to go crazy. Simple, classy, but mostly, people should have a good time. I''ve been to too many expensive and terribly boring weddings- that is not going to happen to us!

 

[katamari]

Hi kas!

Hopefully I can help, because we are doing something similar for our reception. FI and I are both graduate students and while we were graciously gifted with a wedding, it was still important for us to keep our budget around what we deemed reasonable. We are splurging on a trip for our actual wedding, but our backyard reception at our FI's parents' house will be similar to what you are looking for. We are having a PAR-TAY (because, for us, the fun celebration is of paramount importance) for about 175 guests and it is costing around $9K. We also did a TON of DIY, but it didn't save us any money really and did take up a lot of time (which, as a grad. student is an incredibly precious resource). Here is a rough breakdown of our costs:

Food (BBQ/comfort food catering): $2000
Rentals (tent/tables/chairs/lighting/sound system/china/glassware): $3000 -- the budget killer
Photography: $1000
Van transportation for our guests: $600
Decorations: $400
Paper: $250
Service staff and DoC: $750
Alcohol: $1000

FI's uncle just had a wedding at FI's parents house that was much more casual than ours will be for 75 people that was only $3K. I think you could easily cut our budget to make it more reasonable (obvious exclusions would be to cut the van and the staff and DoC, but we also splurged on nicer chairs and linens, real china versus paper and plastic, round tables instead of banquet tables which required a much larger tent, etc.). If we would have had to do it for $5K, I think we could have done it easy.

Feel free to ask any specific questions. Our reception is Sept. 12th, and I will be posting lots of pictures.

ETA: I also think you are in good position with 18 months out. You can buy things over time to smooth the spending a bit and you can incorporate wedding into all your gifts for one another--a wedding gown or band would make a fantastic birthday present, for instance. And, if you want to DIY, you can have "dinner and DIY" dates. It is a cheesy thing FI and I did, but instead of going out to dinner, we would eat on our patio and then work on DIY projects over a movie or TV.

 

[cleokizzy]

is there a reason why you want to get married by that year? since your in school (and plan to go to grad school) that would put a big financial burden to both of you (unless FI is paying for the bulk of it). even if you get a loan, your finances might be to tight that there won''t be space for other unexpected expense (i.e. baby or sickness)

i remember my conversation with a friend of mine who works as a financial adviser. she told me that it''s not advisable that you combine getting married and going to school at the same time - financially and emotionally. financially because it would require a considerable amount of money and emotionally because your adjusting to the married life AND as a student.

btw, i don''t mean so negative. i''m just sharing my 2cents here...

 

[kas baby]

Date: 8/20/2009 12:27:25 PM
Author: cleokizzy
is there a reason why you want to get married by that year? since your in school (and plan to go to grad school) that would put a big financial burden to both of you (unless FI is paying for the bulk of it). even if you get a loan, your finances might be to tight that there won''t be space for other unexpected expense (i.e. baby or sickness)

i remember my conversation with a friend of mine who works as a financial adviser. she told me that it''s not advisable that you combine getting married and going to school at the same time - financially and emotionally. financially because it would require a considerable amount of money and emotionally because your adjusting to the married life AND as a student.

btw, i don''t mean so negative. i''m just sharing my 2cents here...

thank you for the advice, and you don''t sound negative, just as if you are offering another perspective that may have been overlooked- so thanks!

The timing is going to be pretty much perfect. I will have been graduated for a few months by time the wedding rolls around, and then have a bit of time before grad school starts up. To be totally honest, I couldn''t even imagine moving across the country for grad school without him. The emotional strain on me being away from him for that long- I couldn''t even imagine. He''s the one who helps keep me in check and from going crazy, lol, we''re a team.

We are definately not taking out a loan for the wedding- school, probably, but we''ve been financially stable and smart about our money so far. the only reason we haven''t gotten married yet is because we''d like a wedding and are saving up for it because we hate credit cards, that and my school is on the other side of the state from where his job is. The break between undergrad and grad school just feels like a perfect fit for us. As for adjusting as a student, at the moment I feel like a pro, lol!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 8/20/2009 10:52:49 AM
Author: kas baby
another thing: we are paying for this by ourselves (except for beverages and booze, which his parents decided to take on)

That''s a start, alcohol can eat up a BIG part of the budget.
I ended up with a dinner reception for about 100 at a restaurant, but my alternate wedding would have been an early afternoon wedding outdoors with an elegant and fun dessert reception. It''s much cheaper than a dinner reception, but still a lot of fun since everyone loves drinks and desserts (lets be honest, it''s the best part of a meal!), and it can look really pretty since desserts are often really aesthetically pleasing anyways. Just an idea

 

[Patchee]

Hi KAS - To be blunt - My wedding was outdoor at my house! A bit over 50 people. It costs me $4K that''s it for the reception which was caterer, DJ, Photog, decorations!

Yes, dress, his attire, wedding gift, rings were separate $$$$

Our reception was the best! I still have people telling me it was the best wedding they have ever been to because it was relaxed and more to the point of marriage then a huge - hall like situation.

 

[kas baby]

Well, I talked to FI last night, and the general consensus is that we just desire to celebrate us being together and we''d like to include our family and friends. We''re working out the details slowly, and I''m pumped! Thanks girls, I feel so much better about ''going outside of the norm'' with our wedding.

I''ll be sure to keep you posted