First twang of jealousy!

[Parsley]

Hello girls!
I managed to post another topic on this without putting in any content...I can''t see a way to edit the post to make it make sense, or delete it, so I''m very sorry! I''ve messaged admin to delete it is that right?

Anyway!

Had my first real twang of jealousy today. I''ve had other friends get engaged or talk about it or whatever, and I''ve been fine. Today though, one of my friends who isn''t at all fussed about getting married ever, let alone to the guy she''s with, tells me that her bf has started saving for a ring for her. He''d told her he was thinking about proposing after she graduates (next July) but she never really took it seriously. The other day I stumbled upon a gorgeous ring that is totally her style, engagement or not, and showed it to her. She fell in love and sent him the link, and now he''s saving up for it. She''s freaking out because she does NOT want to get engaged for a long time yet, if ever to this guy, and doesn''t know how to tell him. So her, our other female housemate and I were talking about it in her room, laughing about it (she''s one of those people who makes everything funny, so we go along to make her feel better) and making all sorts of jokes etc. Inside a bit of me is feeling like "seriously?!"

Around my friends I don''t show how much I really want this...not necessarily right now, but I''m beyond excited for it. If that makes sense? I have to hide exactly what I''m feeling about it. Every time this kinda topic comes up they say "Oh we totally thought it would be you and H first Parsley!" or "Can you imagine if H actually asked you?" and I have to go along with all this funny stuff about how I''d have to check he wasn''t an imposter and stuff. Gah.

Just a bad day I guess.

Do you guys remember your first pangs of the green eye? As I said, I''m not like absolutely DEVASTATED that she''s getting this before me, just a bit like *sigh* someone who doesn''t remotely want it is getting it. And with a GORGEOUS ring I could never expect.

 

[HopeDream]

Oh Parsley, I feel bad for you - what an awkward situation!

It doesn''t seem fair that your friend''s BF is all ready and your friend is unsure. Meanwhile you''re quite ready and waiting. If only you could trade proposal readyness.

Rings can take a while to save up for though, so your friend might be ready then, but if she''s sill not... oh dear!

I feel bad for your friend too - what if he''s not her "the one" I think turning down a proposal would be one of the hardest things in the world.

Sending Dust your way! (and hoping that somehow you get a proposal first).

 

[luckynumber]

parsley honey you have nothing to be jealous of!!!

do you really want to swap places with a girl who doesn''t even know if she wants to marry the guy??

and don''t get me started on the poor dude: he doesn''t seem to know that the girl he is saviing all that money for is thinking "meh."

i wouldn''t want to be your friend for alll the tea in china.

it''s not about a ring in the end, but the meaning behind it''s promise and acceptance.

your day will come my dear!

 

[bobbin]

Totally!

There has been a couple of instances where the green eyed monster has visited me recently.

The first was when a guy SO went to school with got engaged. Last year he had told this girl that she "was no A" A being his ex-girlfriend. He had also broken up with her and then immediately called her to get her to pick him up from somewhere and drive him home when he was drunk, the whole time being rude to her. They got engaged this year. Whilst I felt sorry for her having an ass of a boyfriend like that, I also kind of thought, well if she is able to get engaged why am I still not engaged when I have an SO that absolutely adores me and really wants to marry me?

The second was a guy from SO''s work. He and his now fiance got together about six months after us. He is in the same industry as SO (obviously) and she is a lawyer (like me), they bought a house and got a dog at the same time as us, generally they were on the same timeline as us. SO came home the other day and told me that he had just found out that they were getting married on the 4th December, meaning they had been engaged for a while. Jealosy again.

I really hate that I feel this way. I try to explain to SO that it does not mean that I think it is a race or anything like that. I try to explain it by saying that it is something that I really, really want, and I cannot get until someone else decides to give it to me, and yet I see everyone around me getting it so easily..

 

[ts44]

I had this one family friend that seemed to be in line to get engaged about the same time as when I was really itching for it to happen. The green-eyed monster was lurking there and I didn''t realize it until one night when I was over at her parents'' place with my father to visit them (my friend lived in another state with her boyfriend). Her father smilingly informed us that they had reserved a date at this great venue "just in case." As it turned out, her boyfriend had called and asked for his blessing.

I have never felt a twinge of jealousy towards this friend in my entire life until that moment. I smiled and congratulated him, but my stomach had just dropped. When I got home I scolded myself for being such a stupid nit about it. Her engagement had nothing to do with making mine happen any sooner or later! But I still felt jealous about it. I think we''ve all had those moments, and I can imagine it being that much more of a needle when the girl is like "meh" about it, to quote a previous poster. At least my friend sincerely loved her boyfriend and wanted to be married to him.

 

[Lozza]

I have felt this way a lot recently. I have been with SO for a long time, and now we''re on the path to getting engaged at the same time (or after) all our friends. I''m helping a friend''s man buy her a ring at the moment, and she is nowhere near as keen to get married as I am. I have no advice, because I haven''t figured out how to deal with this myself yet, but you''re definitely not alone.

 

[lilyfoot]

Parsley, I can empathize with you, but just try to think of what an awesome BF you have, and how awesome the moment he proposes will be, followed by the rest of your lives together

Why do you say you have to hide how you really feel about this subject from your friends? Just curious..

 

[Parsley]

Firefox crashing and losing replies makes me angry.

Grr.

I know I don''t want to be in her position. Just makes me annoyed in a sad kind of way..you know? Doesn''t help that while her bf is thinking about this commitment to her, I''m remembering how I should be so beyond excited right now about a holiday with H in December to Norway...except I''m not cause he said he didn''t want to go anymore. (Long story - not as bad as that reads, I''m just feeling low about it)

Lilyfoot - It''s really difficult to put into words why I feel I can''t talk to my friends about it. I''d just been trying for about 30 mins before firefox crashed!!!

I think part of it is because we''re so young, both 21, still in uni (graduate next july), and because I''m slightly more traditional than my friends. Where their big hopes lie in their careers, which is fantastic, I''ve never really dreamt of my ideal job. The only thing I''ve ever been sure about is wanting to get married one day, and have babies. When people asked me when i was little what I wanted to be, I''d say "A mummy".

I know that I''ve got a *long* wait ahead of me, H isn''t even close to possibly being ready, and I''m fine with that. I know that I''ve got years to wait, and I''ve accepted that. I come here because I need the outlet, a place for people who have been or are where I am. You guys understand the whole thing. My friends are very very loyal. If they think I''m unhappy they will try and help me and I''m so lucky to have them. I think if I told them how much I wanted to get engaged to H then was saw me stay waiting they''d think I was staying in something where he''s not holding up his end, or something. You know? They''d think he was not committed or whatever. He is, I know he is, and I also know that he won''t be ready like I am for a long time. But it''s so difficult to explain that to friends that are looking out for you.

I''m not sure if that makes sense, it''s the first time I''ve tried to put it into words (well second if you count firefox''s games).

P
xxxxx

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 11/16/2009 7:18:05 PM
Author: Parsley

Lilyfoot - It''s really difficult to put into words why I feel I can''t talk to my friends about it. I''d just been trying for about 30 mins before firefox crashed!!!

I think part of it is because we''re so young, both 21, still in uni (graduate next july), and because I''m slightly more traditional than my friends. Where their big hopes lie in their careers, which is fantastic, I''ve never really dreamt of my ideal job. The only thing I''ve ever been sure about is wanting to get married one day, and have babies. When people asked me when i was little what I wanted to be, I''d say ''A mummy''.

Parsley - aaah, I understand. I''m the same age as you, and I can completely understand why you wouldn''t be comfortable talking to other people our age about it.