FMIL''s guests...?

[BriBee]

I did a search for this and didn't come up with much, so I thought I'd ask here. We're in the early, early planning process, and have already come across a sticky situation. We are putting together the guest list and have already exceeded 200 people (not by much though) and I was hoping for maybe about 150 people. Anyway, today FMIL was here and I showed her the list to make sure I hadn't left out any of her family or other important people, she seemed to think it was fine. Later though, she started asking about the girls she works with, her husband's (not FI's dad) sister and brother in law, and some other friends. I managed to side-step the converstaion for now, but how am I going to handle this? My parents are paying for the wedding, and FI and I may end up chipping in if we go too far over the head-count or budget. FMIL and FFIL don't have a lot of money, and haven't offered to chip in (although they will host the rehearsal dinner, I think). So how do you figure this stuff out? They want to invite more people (whom I've never met) and we're already over our original limits. Nothing is set in stone yet since we don't even have our venue, but I don't want this to turn into a big thing.

 

[basil]

My parents are paying, so we made a list of how many people they wanted to invite, and how many people we wanted to invite (meaning fiance and I). We told fiance''s family that they could invite up to x number of people, which was based on how many people my parents are inviting. We felt that this was fair, and fiance''s family put up no complaints. Their guest list is a little bit over what we had specified, but it is nowhere near what it would have been had we said "so, who do you want to invite?" with no guidelines.

 

[BriBee]

That''s a good way to do it, I wish I had thought of this BEFORE I started

It''s just tough because we''ve already put the list together ourselves and gotten approval from moms and dads etc... So she originally said it was fine, and now she''s thinking of all these extra people, and that''s where it''s getting iffy.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/18/2007 10:22:35 PM
Author: basil
My parents are paying, so we made a list of how many people they wanted to invite, and how many people we wanted to invite (meaning fiance and I). We told fiance''s family that they could invite up to x number of people, which was based on how many people my parents are inviting. We felt that this was fair, and fiance''s family put up no complaints. Their guest list is a little bit over what we had specified, but it is nowhere near what it would have been had we said ''so, who do you want to invite?'' with no guidelines.

This is the easiest way to do it. Just give them a number and tell them THEY get to decide who to invite.

 

[saltymuffin]

I think you have to deal with this in relation to the list that she already approved. Next time the issue comes up, mention that you are happy to swap out any guests she wants, but that you need to know by x date to get the invitations out. If she outright states that she wants these people in addition to the existing list, you''ll have to say that the guest # has already been reached. It would take a very pushy FMIL to insist on more guests after the fact when she isn''t contributing to the wedding. If she is that pushy now is the time to start to learn to deal with it. . .

 

[surfgirl]

I think salty''s approach is really the most tactful way to go. In addition, I''d tell her that you both really want to be surrounded by people who YOU are close to and who know you both very well. Full stop. It sounds like these people aren''t close to YOU, they''re close to HER, and it''s not HER wedding, it''s YOUR wedding, right?