For those who had a "dream engagement ring diamond"... how did you keep yourselves from buying it on your own?

[margauxmines]

Question in the title!

While it's a ways away, I've decided that I would like a true antique OEC, ~1ct thereabouts, for my future ER.
The problem is... I see so many nice ones that—theoretically, and with a good amount of determination—I could buy myself. like, not for the engagement ring. Just for a ring I'd have made myself.

My boyfriend has not bought me a diamond anything over the course of our relationship as he says the ER wants to be the first diamond he gets me. He has bought me sapphires and spinels but not a single diamond. Not even a little side stone or a pavé anywhere.

Ah, I don't know! I think I just want someone to talk me out of this spending mode I'm in.

 

[Bron357]

Hmmm.
Obviously your other half sees diamonds as the “special gem” for an engagement ring.
So, I would suggest you don’t buy yourself a diamond ring.
By all means, if you must, buy yourself an OEC pendant or a sweet pair of diamond studs, but not a diamond ring.
Leave that special event for him.
Just make sure he understands your preferences ie OEC, over 1 carat whatever.
There is NOTHING worse in my opinion, especially if you have a specific idea in mind and are very much looking for to it to get SOMETHING that is the antithesis of your dream.

 

[Niel]

I would probably tell my boyfriend I want a diamond and you can buy it for me or I’ll buy it myself.
If he wants to then he will if he doesn’t you shouldn’t have to wait for somebody else.
It’s got as much significance as you assign it. If you just want a pretty bauble then go out and get it.

 

[Redwoods-hiker-girl]

I didn't. I just went ahead and bought one, and then another, and another. I like variety.

My better half asked me to leave at least a few shapes and styles for him to choose from whenever the time comes. I can manage that.

 

[purplesilk]

If you can afford, buy yourself: get whatever makes you happy, wear it proudly because you're an independent human being and you're worth it.
When and if comes the time of the engagement ring, you'll get another diamond ring.

 

[chere]

My DH and I are non-traditional. From the beginning, I told him not to buy me anything, including my ER. I picked my ER and he surprised me with it when he was ready.

I want to wear things that suit my style and personality. And I once worked with a woman going through a messy divorce and she was cleansing her life of jewelry and designer bags from her ex. I never wanted to be in her situation.

The DH surprises me with new tech which I am happy to keep.

 

[maisie2]

I say go for it. I bought myself a diamond ring because I wanted one. I will happily wear a second diamond ring when the time comes that I’m given an engagement ring.

 

[yssie]

I would probably tell my boyfriend I want a diamond and you can buy it for me or I’ll buy it myself.
If he wants to then he will if he doesn’t you shouldn’t have to wait for somebody else.
It’s got as much significance as you assign it. If you just want a pretty bauble then go out and get it.

This.
If your parents got you a diamond ring - would your partner be upset that you wore it? Would you respect him if he was?
You do you. And if that means buying yourself a diamond ring, independent of an engagement, independent of anything to do with your partner at all, well why the heck not?
And your partner should do him, too, and he’s welcome to preserve the sanctity of his first gifted diamond to you

 

[DutchJackie]

Good question. We are Northern European here and we wore a pair of bands for our engagement. And when looking for wedding bands there’s usually some small diamonds in the woman’s band. Our running joke was that I would “earn “ my diamonds. Meaning I would receive my first diamond jewelry for a wedding anniversary. I chose a more plain band design because that’s what I wanted. I just felt that I needed to “defend” that choice. Hence the running joke That anniversary has passed and I have several diamond jewelry pieces now (small by PS standards). Until then DH gave me topaz, sapphire and pearl jewelry. I didn’t have a dream diamond piece. I wished for sapphires. So it didn’t effect me much. For you it’s different, so I would really talk about it with your partner!

 

[margauxmines]

Hmmm.
Obviously your other half sees diamonds as the “special gem” for an engagement ring.
So, I would suggest you don’t buy yourself a diamond ring.
By all means, if you must, buy yourself an OEC pendant or a sweet pair of diamond studs, but not a diamond ring.
Leave that special event for him.
Just make sure he understands your preferences ie OEC, over 1 carat whatever.
There is NOTHING worse in my opinion, especially if you have a specific idea in mind and are very much looking for to it to get SOMETHING that is the antithesis of your dream.

I am in the midst of preparing a Google Slides deck for his future reference on the centre stone, setting, metal, etc. I prefer. Right now he's only got two choices for the centre: a 1ct+ true antique OEC diamond or a 2 ct+ Padparadscha!

I think this makes sense though, maybe a pendant or studs...

Would an OEC moissy count?

 

[margauxmines]

I would probably tell my boyfriend I want a diamond and you can buy it for me or I’ll buy it myself.
If he wants to then he will if he doesn’t you shouldn’t have to wait for somebody else.
It’s got as much significance as you assign it. If you just want a pretty bauble then go out and get it.

If you can afford, buy yourself: get whatever makes you happy, wear it proudly because you're an independent human being and you're worth it.
When and if comes the time of the engagement ring, you'll get another diamond ring.

I say go for it. I bought myself a diamond ring because I wanted one. I will happily wear a second diamond ring when the time comes that I’m given an engagement ring.

I have bought myself diamonds, yes! I posted a small little suite of them here recently where everyone gave really helpful opinions on what "kind" of diamonds they might be.

Last year I got myself a pretty little 0.50ct GIA oval for my birthday. I also have "diamond odds and ends": a 0.60ct champagne round, a slightly milky-pink little 0.30ct round as well. And tonnes of pink diamond melee, which I'm such a sucker for. Anyway, what I mean to say is... I have a delicious little problem and it starts with d and ends with iamonds.

Of course they're all really bitty things, nothing like the dreamy sparklers that are on here—not yet!

My bf is very supportive though and is always happy for me when I have a new pretty rock. He just says he will absolutely not buy me one until the engagement ring.

 

[margauxmines]

I didn't. I just went ahead and bought one, and then another, and another. I like variety.

My better half asked me to leave at least a few shapes and styles for him to choose from whenever the time comes. I can manage that.

I like this strategy. Can never have too many diamonds!

My DH and I are non-traditional. From the beginning, I told him not to buy me anything, including my ER. I picked my ER and he surprised me with it when he was ready.

I want to wear things that suit my style and personality. And I once worked with a woman going through a messy divorce and she was cleansing her life of jewelry and designer bags from her ex. I never wanted to be in her situation.

The DH surprises me with new tech which I am happy to keep.

This is so lovely, thank you for sharing! I love that you have that kind of understanding. Plus, new tech is really cool and keeps you up-to-speed with everything going on!

My bf also tends on the practical side of gifts, so he's always trying to "smartify" my home with gadgets and stuff. He gave me an Apple watch for Christmas and though I was resistant at first, it's practically glued to me now. If there was a way to charge it and shower without taking it off, I'd do it.

This.
If your parents got you a diamond ring - would your partner be upset that you wore it? Would you respect him if he was?
You do you. And if that means buying yourself a diamond ring, independent of an engagement, independent of anything to do with your partner at all, well why the heck not?
And your partner should do him, too, and he’s welcome to preserve the sanctity of his first gifted diamond to you

Ah he's no issues if I get myself or if my parents get me a diamond! My mom has passed on a lot of her diamond rings to me and my dad also paid for the diamonds in a ring I am having made. My bf just doesn't want to give/buy me one until it's THE one. Which I totally respect. I think it's endearing!

I'm just a greedy little sparkle goblin.

Good question. We are Northern European here and we wore a pair of bands for our engagement. And when looking for wedding bands there’s usually some small diamonds in the woman’s band. Our running joke was that I would “earn “ my diamonds. Meaning I would receive my first diamond jewelry for a wedding anniversary. I chose a more plain band design because that’s what I wanted. I just felt that I needed to “defend” that choice. Hence the running joke That anniversary has passed and I have several diamond jewelry pieces now (small by PS standards). Until then DH gave me topaz, sapphire and pearl jewelry. I didn’t have a dream diamond piece. I wished for sapphires. So it didn’t effect me much. For you it’s different, so I would really talk about it with your partner!

Awww what a cute story! You stuck to your guns for sure. A happy ending too—several diamond pieces now greet you whenever you open your jewellery box!

Sapphires are enchanting as well, and I'm glad your DH also gifted you with that special stone.

 

[purplesilk]

One gal used to say to her boyfriend: "The longer I wait, the bigger you have to buy!"

 

[caolsen]

Going to come out of left field here with a TOTAL different angle. How about you tell you BF you will buy what you’d like, but not wear it as an engagement ring out of respect for his wishes.

The notion that a women should get her first diamond from her betrothed is dated and misogyny incarnate. Pre marriage rings represented a ‘she’s mine’ aka a brand on livestock, a pre contractual expression of possession of the women, who in most nations, historically, lost any civil liberties upon marriage and was legally subservient to her husband. Nor is the tradition of a diamond engagement ring very old, we all know how DeBeers created that market.

The US overly mystifies the whole e ring thing. See so many young men here turning themselves inside out trying to get it *just* right, which is sweet - but damn, it’s just a ring.

This sentiment is not directed at you, personally, but at the whole institution of engagement rings. I’m married, happily, and buy my own stuff. The sentiment is for our wedding bands, we didn’t even do a meaningful engagement ring. i wear my wedding band all of the time but every other ring I own, I bought, and swap out, keep or sell, based on whims and fancies.

My secret to a 20+ marriage - it’s a partnership, we talk about things, we tell each other studs, from there we discuss and negotiate. Neither of us ever asks for permission...

 

[missy]

My DH and I are not traditional in many senses of that word.

Sure his proposal was "traditional" in that he bought me an ER and surprised me with the proposal. But that is where it ends.

I didn't take his last name when we married. He 100% supported that as we both feel it is an outdated and old fashioned tradition. Also, I had been wearing a diamond ring when we met and dated all through our courtship. It was handed down from my great grandma to my grandma to my mom who let me wear it. Greg never cared nor felt funny about me wearing a diamond ring. I wore it on my right hand that is true.

After he proposed I realized that I didn't love the ring. I told him the next day lol. It was at first hard I think for him to hear but then he quickly realized the ring wasn't what was important nor did it symbolize anything but what it was. A pretty diamond ring. So we went about finding one I liked better.

That journey took many years and a few rings were bought and sold along the way. It was a learning process the entire time. I didn't know what I wanted at first and mistakes were made on my part. As well as Greg's part when he first bought the ring with no research. And overspent for it too. But ce la vie. We got to where we are by going through the process.

My point being our relationship is based on (and always has been through dating, courtship and marriage) trust, respect, love and communication. And Greg heard me loud and clear and did not take it personally nor give it meaning where there was none. And ultimately, though it took more than a decade, I ended up with my dream ER. And I was the one who found it. Not Greg. I mean you could say he bought it for me but our money is our money. Not his, not hers, but ours. So I guess we both bought it if you think about it like that. But he took care of the transaction and he re proposed to me all over again when it arrived. Very romantic.

It is what you make it to be and don't give a diamond ring anymore meaning that what it is. A pretty ring to wear and enjoy. A measure of a good relationship has nothing to do with who bought what and whose idea it was but rather how much you love, trust, respect each other and how well you communicate and really hear the other.


Life is short. Buy the shoes. Buy the diamond. Enjoy.

 

[purplesilk]

Plenty wise points of view.
The OP is a smart independent woman, I don't see any frustration drama here, just a funny talk between gals.

 

[maryjane04]

One gal used to say to her boyfriend: "The longer I wait, the bigger you have to buy!"

Haha this!! At first I wanted a 1ct.. then all the years waiting and on PriceScope. 10 years later, I feel like 3ct is the new 1ct lol.

P.s. I did end up buying a 1.3ct for myself instead of waiting, who knows how long that was going to take.

 

[purplesilk]

@maryjane04 : I love your positive attitude!!!

 

[Lucy-In-The-Sky]

I didn't. When I found the one, I jumped on it.

 

[oncrutchesrightnow]

Aw, I’m in the minority and feel weird because usually I would agree with the above opinions BUT… if you know for sure that he is going to buy you one soon, let him have his moment.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I'd go for an OEC pendant or studs for your purchase since you want an OEC engagement ring. I would personally express the desire to help pick out your e-ring. I got married way before you were born, and I will tell you that my husband and I went to a jewelry store, so I could show him what I liked before he bought the ring. He bought the one I liked best and surprised me with it, although today it would be much different in that I'd just email him the link for the diamond and setting I like best! I wouldn't let him buy me any diamond as a surprise even today, because I am very particular about getting a very fine cut, and that means I'd have to pick it out myself!

 

[Garnetgirl]

Hubby and I went shopping together before we got engaged. So I got to choose the setting that I liked best. And the diamond I wanted was an MRB, which we picked separately.
We decided ahead of time on the date we would get engaged, and which restaurant we would go to. Boring, I guess!

After over 40 years of marriage, I got a right hand ring. We shopped together for that diamond too. And I chose a setting by CVB, which I had only seen online beforehand.

 

[misscamels]

I didn't. When I found the one, I jumped on it.

SAME!
The problem? I still shop even after buying it!

 

[CSpan]

I had 2 prior rings (and 2 prior fiancés) who picked out rings that were fine but never made my heart leap. I had my grandmother's ER as well and that was gorgeous. When I got engaged to DH I picked my own ring/diamond. It is perfect and I knew I had a winner of a man, who just wanted me to be happy.