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Friday Wedding Issues

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NuggetBrain

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Since we are paying for the wedding ourselves and had a pretty set idea on our non-negotiables concerning the reception (open bar, apps during cocktail hour, wanting a venue that hosted one wedding at a time) we were very limited in our venue choice. But we found a great one, and decided to do our wedding on a Friday. We''ve already put down the deposit on the venue (which has an in-house caterer), photog, DJ and ceremony site. And we checked with the major players (our wedding party and immediate family) to make sure Friday was okay. They all said it was totally cool, they''d just take the day off of work. We have few people coming in from OOT (maybe 10 tops) and 2 of those are in the wedding party. The ceremony will start at 5, cocktail hour at 6, dinner at 7.

Well, now we''re running into problems. His cousin found out the wedding was on a Friday and completely flipped - she said she didn''t have time to get the kids from school, change and make it to the wedding. And my bridesmaid and best friend found out she might be graduating on that Friday from college, but she said that she would just skip walking because she''d much rather be at the wedding. Now I feel bad - even though she doesn''t care (and I know she doesn''t) I still feel horrible that she might miss her graduation ceremony because of my wedding. And I don''t want to make his cousin upset either as her kids are really looking forward to coming to the wedding.

I spoke to all the places we booked and they all said that I can switch the deposits to the next day without a penalty. The only problem is it will cost us $4,500 more at the venue (no minimum on Friday vs. $6,500 food and drink minimum on Saturday), plus we would lose some discounts at places we''re still talking to for decorations, photo booth, etc (mostly 10-15% off for a Friday wedding). We might even push it back 30 minutes (ceremony at 4:30, cocktail hour 5:30, dinner still at 7) due to photography timing, but now we''re extra worried that will mean more people won''t come. I don''t want to inconvience people, but since our budget is only 15,000 that extra 5 grand minimum is a LOT of money to us.

So I guess the point to this long winded explaination is that FI and I are now wobbling on the idea of a Friday wedding. The atmosphere is going to be not very formal, so people could come straight from work and that would be totally okay with us (ie khakis and a polo, no problem). Should we reconsider doing a Friday wedding? If we don''t, how can we make it clear in the invitations that people don''t have to go home and get all dolled up for the wedding?
 
Have you thought about a Sunday? It seems some venues have that same discount pricing on Fridays and Sundays.

I feel for you and I hope this isn''t the tip of the iceberg with guests having issues...do you have anyone travelling from out of town? That could be problematic, too. I''m going through sort of the same thing with a destination wedding...to be honest, it doesn''t matter to me if the "outliers" come, but I did check with my immediate family to make sure they wouldn''t have problem with it.
 
To be perfectly honest, I agree with your guests...I''ve been to one Friday wedding and had serious issues getting there. The traffic was so terrible that even though I left early, I missed the entire ceremony and showed up just as the reception was starting. So that kind of soured the whole idea of Friday weddings for me. And not everyone can just take the day off work, myself included. I guess I don''t understand when people think "it''s ok, they''ll just take a day off"...because in my line of work (medical resident), taking days off outside of vacation time that is scheduled months in advance is unheard of.

And this is coming from someone who had a non-Saturday (Sunday) wedding and posted in another thread about how great Sundays are! Is your venue available on Sunday instead? That''s one thing you could consider to still save money over the Saturday premiums but allow guests to come and go without taking time off of work or having to deal with kiddie issues.
 
I actually asked the immediately family and wedding party if they would prefer a Sunday wedding over a Friday one back when we were setting the date, and they all said they would hate the idea of having to get up for work the morning after being at a wedding all night. And our circle is definately not the afternoon brunch type - they would all have a lot more fun at a dinner and dancing and cocktail wedding. That's pretty much what made us pick the Friday instead. Any of the people coming in from out of town would probably be flying in on Thursday (his sisters, who are also bridesmaids, and his neice the flower girl might even be flying in from Florida on Weds to spend some time with the family before the wedding). My aunt and uncle are in Atlanta but they're retired and said anything would be fine, and the rest are his aunts and uncles that we don't think will really come regardless. So basically the only OOT people that we feel are "must haves" are his sisters and my aunt and uncle, and they're all coming regardless.
 
I think you should keep things as they are. There will be conflicts for some people, no matter if it is a Friday, Saturday (some people work weekends too), or Sunday.
 
I agree with Bia, keep things as they are and just get the word out that it''s on a Friday.

I''ve been to Friday weddings before and have done both fight through traffic and take the day off and I honestly don''t think it made a difference to either bride. They still looked gorgeous, still married the love of their lives and everyone still had a great time.

There WILL be people that will have to miss your wedding regardless of what day it is. You will still be beautiful, you will still marry your best friend and it will still be the best day of your life!
 
NuggetBrain, try not to let this bother you too much. No matter what day you had chosen, there would be somebody for whom it''s inconvenient. Unless you''re having a teeny tiny wedding, it''s pretty much impossible to find a date/time that''s ideal for everyone. You did what you could by asking around beforehand and considering the needs of your guests.

IMHO, once the venue is booked, it is extremely rude of a guest to complain about the date or time of the wedding. Frankly, I think his cousin is overreacting about the whole thing. Either she can pick the kids up from school an hour early or she can set everything up ahead of time so that they can move quickly that afternoon. It really shouldn''t be that big a deal.

I think Friday weddings are lots of fun...your guests can party into the night and have a whole weekend to recover!
 
Date: 7/13/2009 1:50:57 PM
Author: Bia
I think you should keep things as they are. There will be conflicts for some people, no matter if it is a Friday, Saturday (some people work weekends too), or Sunday.
Ditto. As a fellow Friday bride, I fretted over this a bit, but I realized that I can''t control people''s schedules or priorities. We gave our closest friends and family a heads up that this is what we are planning, and once all of them OKed it, realized that everyone else would be there if they could. We ended up with a Friday because the one available Saturday at our venue next spring, one of FI''s cousins is graduating from college, and a huge branch of the family said they would attend that local event instead of traveling to attend the wedding, so at FMILs urging we looked for another date. That conflict would have wiped out about 1/3 of FIs family though, so for that many people it was worth it to me to look for other options.

$5000 is a significant amount of money to accommodate the few people who are complaining about the date. I wouldn''t put anything on the invite specifically regarding dress code, but you could put something in either an insert on on a website if you have one. Good Luck!
 
Date: 7/13/2009 1:50:57 PM
Author: Bia
I think you should keep things as they are. There will be conflicts for some people, no matter if it is a Friday, Saturday (some people work weekends too), or Sunday.
Ditto. You''ll never please everyone, but it sounds like this is a good solution for most of your guests.
 
I agree that you should leave your plans as they are. There will always be someone who has an issue with the date no matter the day of the week...it''ll always be someone''s bday, someone''s vacation, graduation, work day etc. I think you should just do what''s best for you and the key players!
 
I would keep it on a Friday... however, do you have to have a cocktail hour? If you opted not to, you could push the wedding to 6 and then start the reception at 7? Or just make the cocktail hour and cocktail half-hour, and push the wedding to 5:30. Just some ideas, but like others said, you won't be able to please everyone.

How far away does the cousin live? Is there anywhere at your venue that she could have her children change, leaving her the option to bring them straight from school?
 
I''m having a Friday wedding (in 53 days!!!!!!!!!
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) and most of our guests are from an hour away or more, with the exception of some of our friends. Of the 130 people invited, at least 30-40 are in CT, the rest are between an hour away and 7 hours away by car, a few select people are in FL and CA, and some 30 or so people are our friends who live here in Madison.

No one has dared complain to me about the time they have to take off of work, or any conflicts they might have... and I''m so grateful! I can''t imagine being in your shoes and feeling awful about the day I have scheduled my wedding. I know for a fact that some people aren''t going to be able to come - at least 30 of them! But that will be true of any day, especially when people are traveling long distances. It will never be good for everyone, and you obviously cannot (and shouldn''t have to!) afford pushing your wedding to Saturday.

And my wedding IS formalish, so most people will have to take at least a half day, if not a full day off of work - especially close family/bridal party, as the rehearsal will be Thursday.

I hope you are able to shake off the feelings of doubt and go full steam ahead with your planning.
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Thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate it - I think I''m just kind of a push over when it comes to this wedding. Which is really funny, because normally I''m a pretty steel edged type of woman, but for some reason the idea of someone being upset about the date, or time, or food, or favors, etc makes me a little panicky and sad. God only knows what I''ll turn into when I get pregnant.

We made sure to have a cocktail hour between the ceremony and reception specifically so people could have somewhere to go if they started for the ceremony, got stuck in traffic and realized they weren''t going to make it. I almost like the 4:30 time for the ceremony better because then we have two hours between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of dinner - then we''ll have the cocktail hour start at 5:30 and dinner at 7. It sounds like a long time, but the ceremony''s in St. Paul and the reception''s in Minneapolis, so its pretty much a straight shot up the freeway to get between them. Then if people do get stuck, they still have enough time to enjoy a drink or two and some apps before dinner starts. And if not, they get a whole hour to relax (it will take about 15 minutes without traffic to get between the two so I don''t forsee anybody getting there any earlier than 5:30).
 
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