Friendships...a guy''s vs. a girl''s perspective

[zoebartlett]

As I type this, my FI is talking to one of his friends on the phone. He''d consider this guy one of his best friends, although they only talk once every few months or so. In the 4+ years my FI and I have been together, I''ve only actually met his friends (all of them) a handful of times. It doesn''t help that we live sort of far away from the majority of our friends (most are at least a 45 minute drive or more away).

Every once in a while we talk about the differences between guys'' and girls'' perspectives on friendships. My FI could easily go MONTHS without talking to his friends but then they usually pick up right where they left off. I''m the complete opposite. I love chatting on the phone and I love getting together and hanging out with my friends.

It strikes me as funny how different guys and girls are. What''s your take on friendships? Do you and your boyfriend, FI, or husband see things the same way or not?

 

[Harleigh]

Oh my...my FI and I just had a conversation about this...we are the exact same as you and your FI!

He can go months and months without talking/seeing his friends, and then when they do, it was like it was just yesterday.

Now me and my girlfriends, most of us speak several times a week, and my BFF and I talk every day.

I do have two or three friends that don''t live locally, and when we do speak or get together, it''s almost like not a day has gone by, and I really do appreciate being able to have friends like that.

No telling the differences between men and women!

One of the many mysteries of the world, I suppose!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I''ve had several acquaitances through the years--girls I''d chat with or go to lunch with sometimes. In college they were classmates, then they were colleagues or even members I''d meet on a forum, haha. We usually grow apart at some point, but I always enjoyed the friendships while they lasted. I only have two or three very, very close friends and those are the friends with whom I can go for months without talking and we pick up like we never missed a beat. I think that in your life there are only a handful of friends that you will keep for more than 30 or 40 years.

 

[threepwood]

My husband and I are the opposite of you and your husband, ZoeBartlett. I am the kind of person who like meeting up my friends once in a few mths but my husband like seeing his friends more often

 

[sumbride]

Date: 3/18/2008 8:58:37 PM
Author: threepwood
My husband and I are the opposite of you and your husband, ZoeBartlett. I am the kind of person who like meeting up my friends once in a few mths but my husband like seeing his friends more often

Me too. I can always pick right back up where I left off and often go months between conversations, but I still consider them close friends... I''m just not a phone person and I don''t have a lot of free time. My DH talks to his friends CONSTANTLY. Little bits here and there, and never very long conversations, but he talks to most of his friends a few times a week.

I think the difference between us is that his friendships, though constantly chatting, are a little more surface level than mine. I feel like the friends I have now will always be in my life. I''m not that sure about some of his.

 

[bee*]

D and I would be about even in that we both meet up with our friends weekly, normally the big group together. We''ve all known each other for over ten years so at this stage, his best friends are my best friends also and vice versa.

 

[Erin]

I don''t have any ''always there'' friends. It seemed my high school friends either ran far away from home never to return or they had families early and we lost having much in common many years ago.

In college I had great friends, too. But none of them lasted five years after graduation.

I made good friends in Chicago, but since moving away, we''ve grown apart.

I have a couple good friends here, but if I were ever to move again, I''m not sure if they''d withstand.


My boyfriend on the other hand has friends in all three of those groups. I love to hang out with his high school buddies and their wives. You can just sense the unconditional love and support they share. I am, admittingly, a little envious.

 

[jas]

Interesting...sometimes I wonder if I''m a guy in disguise. I cannot stand chatting on the phone. At all. I''m really bad at sustaining female friendships; most of my dear friends are male.

I''ve had more problems with female friendships than male...I''m so not good at a lot of the "games" some (SOME) women play. I''m sorry if that sounds horrible...please note that I know it''s just SOME women who do that...I''m just someone who seems to attract that kind of female into my frienships.

That being said, I do adore the two really close female friendships I have. Fortunately, they are like me...we check in with each other once or twice a month, hang out with each other about that often, and it never feels strained.

DH is on the phone with his pals constantly, but they grew up together.

 

[princesss]

BF and his friends get together a lot (a few times a week). I get together with each of my my friends about once a week, but don''t stress out if it''s less than that. My best friend and I talk maybe once a month, but there is a clear understanding that if one of us needs the other one, a phone call is immediate and *always* taken (no matter what, even if just to say, "Can''t talk now, I''ll call back in x hours."). However, I''m used to my life shifting locations very frequently, so I''m used to making friends that don''t last much beyond moving. However, there is always somebody that really sticks (and I''m lucky, I think I''ll be leaving college with 2, plus BF! Maybe more...). However, BF has friends that he''s known his whole life, and he likes to see them a lot.

 

[zoebartlett]

I find it fascinating how differently everyone views friendship. Some people love talking on the phone and others are okay with just chatting once a month or so. I have a few friends from college that I know I''ll have for life. One kind of comes and goes at times (depending on what''s going on in her life), but the others are people I know I''ll always have in my life.

Do you find one way friendships bothersome? I was talking about this with some friends at work the other day. One person said that she''s not bothered by them because she figures her friends get in touch when they can and she''s very relaxed about it all. Another co-worker said that she has no time for people who take, take, take but never give.

 

[princesss]

I have no time for people who want to be my priority, but don''t make me theirs. All of my friendships are two-way, because I get sick of being the only one to make effort. There are people that I used to be close with that I gave up on because I was always the one calling/scheduling/pushing the friendship. So I just wrote them off, and I''m a lot happier. I want friends that want to see me as much as I want to see them.

 

[bee*]

I have no time for one way friendships. When I was in secondary school, one of my best friends never rang first and always expected the rest of us to call and arrange things. I just got so sick of it.

 

[chiapet]

I don''t think it''s a guy thing vs. a girl thing. I think it''s got more to do with your personality. My DH is definitely more like your FI. He''ll go for years without talking to a friend and then they''ll "find" each other on facebook and now they''re best buddies again. I have 4-5 close friends that I talk to almost daily and then I have people who I keep in touch with once every few months.
My observation is that guys make friends so much easier than women.

 

[monarch64]

Ha ha, DH is totally the "girl" when it comes to friendships, he is ALWAYS on the phone talking to friends. I''m more of an emailer, and when I have phone conversations it''s more about catching up after a few weeks, with a glass of wine in one hand and the phone in the other...usually for a good hour at a time! DH''s conversations with his friends, otoh, last about 5 minutes tops.

 

[KimberlyH]

DH communicates (email, phone, lunch) with his closest friends at least once a week (and Jas, all of his closest friends are female, so he falls in your camp, although he does have male friends, by extension, because he gets along well with his female friends'' spouses).

My dearest friends, including my mom and my sister, live at least 150 miles away from me. I email my mom on a daily basis, we talk a few times a week. I talk to my sister every few weeks and we email once or twice a week. I communicate with my girlfriends once every few months and I visit them every 6 months.

I haven''t made many friends where I live (I moved here about 2 years ago). I do have a few acquaintances and we get together on occasion for dinner or lunch and we email sometimes, but not very often. It''s been a tough transition for me, as when I lived near my girlfriends we got together at least once a week.

I am another phone hater, I only talk on it if it''s to people I can''t see as often as I''d like.

 

[allycat0303]

Intresting question: I am the type that can go many months without talking to a really close friend and still feel like they are really good friends. In contrast my guy talks to his friends a lot but the discussions are ALWAYS limited to sports. They don''t talk about jobs, family, and my guy doesn''t even know who is dating who (if at all) so to me, that''s a pretty superficial relationship. His friends are never sad, angry, disappointed or frustrated... they live perfectly happy contented lives, with no issues whatsoever. Or at least none that they would EVER talk about. Even his best friends are like this.