plantationcatt
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2005
- Messages
- 270
Oh my. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over four years--and two weeks ago his sister told him that she was having serious trouble with me-she''s been intentionally acted intimidating, been cold, resents me for "stealing her brother" etc. Funny thing is, she''s never been directly mean or rude. There is usually tension between us in the room, but it''s not obvious to anyone else. The last few months, we''ve been on a couple of shopping outings and basketball game by ourselves, and I thought it went perfectly fine, that we were becoming friends.
She''s a couple years older, married, and so I guess I am intimidated to begin with. But I am a nice person, never ever rude to her--I keep telling myself that she doesn''t have a problem with me personally, that it''s just the fact that I am dating her brother.
Last weekend, she told him that the Lord had laid it on her heart to stop being hurtful towards me, and to talk to me. So we had supper and talked for two hours, laid all of our cards out on the table. She apologized, asked for forgiveness--but told me that it was going to take us getting married for her to fully accept me and be friendly, and even then it would be hard. We cleard up some things--she had been thinking for all of these years that I had been inviting myself to family functions (as in 5 person funcitions), when it''s been her mother, or Joel. No one else in the family feels like she does. Her husband and I chatted a few days ago, and he tried to explain to me that it''s just because i''m not in the family, that he can empathize. But no matter what everyone has said, this is just hurting me so badly. I want her to be my sister! I want her to be a maid of honor! I want her to be able to call me and cry on my shoulder when she needs to. I''m not pushing that at all at this stage, that would make her worse. I am just frustrated, it''s almost driving me to drink!
What can I do? I don''t want to stop attending things to keep her from being upset at my presence, but I don''t want to alienate myself from her either? I know I need to let her lead, but I just need some empathy and unbiased advice!
Thanks!
She''s a couple years older, married, and so I guess I am intimidated to begin with. But I am a nice person, never ever rude to her--I keep telling myself that she doesn''t have a problem with me personally, that it''s just the fact that I am dating her brother.
Last weekend, she told him that the Lord had laid it on her heart to stop being hurtful towards me, and to talk to me. So we had supper and talked for two hours, laid all of our cards out on the table. She apologized, asked for forgiveness--but told me that it was going to take us getting married for her to fully accept me and be friendly, and even then it would be hard. We cleard up some things--she had been thinking for all of these years that I had been inviting myself to family functions (as in 5 person funcitions), when it''s been her mother, or Joel. No one else in the family feels like she does. Her husband and I chatted a few days ago, and he tried to explain to me that it''s just because i''m not in the family, that he can empathize. But no matter what everyone has said, this is just hurting me so badly. I want her to be my sister! I want her to be a maid of honor! I want her to be able to call me and cry on my shoulder when she needs to. I''m not pushing that at all at this stage, that would make her worse. I am just frustrated, it''s almost driving me to drink!
What can I do? I don''t want to stop attending things to keep her from being upset at my presence, but I don''t want to alienate myself from her either? I know I need to let her lead, but I just need some empathy and unbiased advice!
Thanks!