Gap Between Ceremony and Reception - Help!

[Morgie44]

After reading the thread below about things that guests hate and Neat posted about a wedding that had a 2 hour gap between ceremony and reception without any structured activity and I thought Eeeeck! That''s our wedding! I am not really sure what we can do to remedy it though! Our timeline is:

2:00 Ceremony (full mass) so should end around 3:00 maybe 3:15?
5:00 Reception

Normally in our area, receptions start at 6:30 or 7, and so we have moved it up to 5 to cut the downtime down as much as possible on that end. We have a gap due our wedding being Catholic, it seems that almost all Catholic weddings are this way? To make matters worse, my cousin''s wedding is two weeks before ours and they are having a hospitality area at the hotel their OOT guests will be staying at.

Problem is, our wedding falls the same weekend as a Nascar race in the same small town, so of all the hotels I called only 1 would allow us to do a block of rooms for OOT guests, and it is a very small hotel (no meeting rooms, no onsite restaurant etc) so they cannot host such a hospitality area for guests to hang out in between. Both our families are about 45 minutes away from the town the ceremony and reception are in. I am not quite sure what to do - I don''t want our guests to hate us! The only idea I have come up with is to put a list of things to do in the programs? There is a Casino, a small history museum, a conservatory, a mall and ??? that is about it.

Do you all think this will be ok? Any other ideas?

 

[Squirrly]

what is near your reception venue?

 

[MonkeyPants]

Morgie, you''re def on the right track with coming up with a list of things to do. It''s becoming more common in urban areas that the Bride and Groom let their guests do some sight seeing in between the ceremony and reception (if your wedding''s in a touristy area). Create a fun list with a summary and some simple directions to get to these places. Then again, 2 hours isn''t a ton of time to do anything major...is there a bar or lounge near by that guests where guests could hang out?

 

[Morgie44]

Our reception venue is in a smallish town''s down town area - there is a casino, a small museum, a mall, a conservatory, and a few bars. If I included a list of suggestions is that enough? It sounds like people''s biggest (understandable) issues is trapsing around in formal wear in casual settings. Our wedding is probably more semi-formal than formal, but I can still see people being uncomfortable with this...

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Wow, you and I have the same exact wedding timeline! Mine is also a catholic reception at 2 and reception at 5!
Also in a small town, with nothing to really do, lol.

My mother in law is thinking of opening up her house, otherwise...I don''t know what I''m doing about the gap either... It''s actually never occurred to me as weird since all the weddings I''ve been to have been like that.

Our wedding is casual though, so no formal wear.

 

[ams0124]

FI and I went to a wedding very similar to yours, and most of the female guests liked being able to head back to their hotels to change from their conservative church dresses to a more party/cocktail dress and freshen up...I for one was fine with the gap. The bride provided places to see/do and that was fine. I heard no complaints from any of the other wedding guests staying in the hotel.

Don''t stress...I really don''t think that this is going to be something that your guests will hate you for

...and it''s not going to be the determining factor if your guests have fun or not. As long as your a gracious bride, your guests will see that and all will be great!!

 

[mayachel]

I agree, that as a guest this has only occurred with full catholic mass ceremonies. Strange. If you have a wedding website or talkative relatives/groups of friends I would make a point in making sure people know in advance about the gap. When it happened to me, I didn''t know until df and I were there...a good 4 hours from home and not knowing anyone else there. We entertained ourselves, but were annoyed at not knowing this in advance. (Maybe the invitation said there was a reception but not the time?)

A schedule of events for OOT bags may be a good idea. Simply put
2:00-ceremony
3:15-5:15 explore downtown *town name* on your own
5:00pm Dinner reception

 

[Squirrly]

if the bars are walking distance to the reception area how about having cocktail hour, or pre-gaming of cocktail hour at one of them? the casino should have some sort of event room if the bars don''t have an area (though so long as it''s not a sports bar they just might not be busy that early so the guests could have the bar pretty much to themselves)

 

[ms.halo]

Can guests go to the location where the reception is being held early? I think a cocktail hour would be perfect for this timeline. My wedding was similar:

5 p.m.: Ceremony
6 p.m.: Cocktail Hour (in an area outside our ballroom but plenty big enough for multiple tables and 200 guests)
7 p.m.: Reception

 

[neatfreak]

Can you host a cocktail hour somewhere?

I don''t think that having a catholic wedding is the reason I hate to say...none of the catholic weddings (with full masses) I have been to have had a huge gap without something for the guests to do (like a cocktail hour).

As a frequent OOT guest I don''t like having to wait around, in my wedding attire, for the rest of the wedding ya know? I really don''t think guests want to sightsee in their formal attire. If *everyone* is staying at the hotel where your venue is then it''s less of a problem. But if people are scattered at different hotels you really need to do something IMO.

Sorry dear...just one of my pet peeves...

 

[katamari]

For me, it is not the gap itself, but the turning on and off that makes em hate this as a guest. Once I go out, I want to be out. If I wind-down, I want to be done for the night. That is why I hate gaps, when they happen. I just can''t turn it on or off.

If I was a guest, I think that being offered suggestions or options would not be any help with this. Instead, I would want something planned so it would continue with the day. I don''t think it has anything to do with what activity is selected, it just has to keep me going. I would most enjoy an impromptu happy hour somewhere close to the reception. That way it keeps the spirits up and people talking (which would not happen in a museum or conservator setting) instead of having them wind down before you ask them to be ready to dance and party. Plus, with something informal like a happy hour, those who can turn on and off easily could go be in their rooms without missing anything, if they so chose.

 

[CaliCushion]

Personally, I say do not worry about how people who live in town will enterain themselves. However, I''d be concerned with how people from out of town will entertain themselves....especially the people who live 45 minutes away. They will not have time to go home, and may not have a hotel room. Will everyone have a car or means of transportation? If that is the case, I''d see if there was somewhere at the reception venue or even a suite at your hotel where out of town guests could hang out. I don''t think you need to provide alcohol if there is going to be a cocktail party later. A place to hang out, have some soft drinks and maybe some light light snacks.

I don''t think people are going to want to tour around town in heels, and 2 hours isn''t a lot of time, especially if people get lost.

 

[so cal girl]

Morgie-

I had the same timeline for my Catholic wedding last year. It seems most Catholic churches have 2:00 as their latest wedding time, as they usually have a Saturday night Mass at 5:00 or 5:30 they need to set up for.

What we did was add in a cocktail hour from 4:00 to 5:00 at the reception site. Yes, 4:00 is a little early for cocktails, but I preferred that over having a gap between the ceremony and reception. By the time the ceremony was done, everyone had chatted outside for a bit, and gotten over the reception site (which was less than 5 miles away), it was close to 4:00. So it worked out perfectly.

Not sure if it is possible for you to add a cocktail hour at your reception site, but a cocktail hour at a bar within walking distance could also work.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My question about happy hour is that it just seems like too much drinking, lol. I mean from 3pm all the way through the end of the reception (say 10pm), that''s 7 hours of alcohol-related socializing. I worry for my guests livers..lol.

It was on my invitation that there would be a gap, so I don''t think it''ll be a surprise for anyone. And the attire is casual, and the out of town guests are all staying in the same hotel.

And you know, there comes a point where I have to say "you know, I''ve done a lot to try to make this a fun time and try to see to all my guests needs, but you''re all adults, you can take care of yourselves for 2 hours"

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Wow, 2:00 is very early to be the latest wedding time! Most weddings we''ve been to on Saturday were at either 5:00 or 6:00 with the reception immediately following. The reason I wouldn''t like the gap is that I''d get all dressed up with make-up, etc. and to the church by 1:30, but then I''d have to kill time from 3 until 5. You''d basically have to go back to your room and take off your clothes to keep them looking nice and then dress all over again for 5:00. But if this is what your family and friends are familiar with, they may not think a thing about it.

 

[ash313]

My wedding has an even worse gap!

The latest our church will allow Saturday ceremonies is 1 pm! Cocktails don''t start until 5:30. So....4.5 hours. I really don''t enjoy it, but every one of my family members have had the same timeline, so is something that everyone "gets" and is used to.

I think your guests will be fine with it (particularly those that have experienced this in the past). As someone said above, I don''t think any of your guests will despise you for it. If you want to party into the night AND have a full Saturday mass for your ceremony, this is the only option! I''d prefer a gap to an afternoon ceremony that''s over at 5 pm, personally. Although I have been to a couple of those and they were lovely, just not as much fun as late night dancing!

 

[ms.halo]

Date: 6/10/2009 7:27:18 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
My question about happy hour is that it just seems like too much drinking, lol. I mean from 3pm all the way through the end of the reception (say 10pm), that''s 7 hours of alcohol-related socializing. I worry for my guests livers..lol.


It was on my invitation that there would be a gap, so I don''t think it''ll be a surprise for anyone. And the attire is casual, and the out of town guests are all staying in the same hotel.


And you know, there comes a point where I have to say ''you know, I''ve done a lot to try to make this a fun time and try to see to all my guests needs, but you''re all adults, you can take care of yourselves for 2 hours''

Since all of your out-of-town guest are staying at the same place it sounds like your gap will work out just fine.

But I also want to point out that cocktail hour isn''t only about cocktails! It''s also about passed hors d''oeuvres, mingling and meeting new people. It''s a great way for people to socialize before they sit down at tables and it CAN offer a perfect transition for the time between the ceremony and the reception.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 6/10/2009 8:47:57 PM
Author: ms.halo

Date: 6/10/2009 7:27:18 PM

Author: MakingTheGrade

My question about happy hour is that it just seems like too much drinking, lol. I mean from 3pm all the way through the end of the reception (say 10pm), that''s 7 hours of alcohol-related socializing. I worry for my guests livers..lol.



It was on my invitation that there would be a gap, so I don''t think it''ll be a surprise for anyone. And the attire is casual, and the out of town guests are all staying in the same hotel.



And you know, there comes a point where I have to say ''you know, I''ve done a lot to try to make this a fun time and try to see to all my guests needs, but you''re all adults, you can take care of yourselves for 2 hours''

Since all of your out-of-town guest are staying at the same place it sounds like your gap will work out just fine.


But I also want to point out that cocktail hour isn''t only about cocktails! It''s also about passed hors d''oeuvres, mingling and meeting new people. It''s a great way for people to socialize before they sit down at tables and it CAN offer a perfect transition for the time between the ceremony and the reception.

Hehe, well, half the guest list is our friends from college (they almost all know each other), so if there are cocktails at cocktail hour, there WILL be drinking, lol.

 

[Morgie44]

Thank you for all of the feedback. Every Catholic church in town does their latest wedding at 2, so it really is a Catholic problem!


MakingTheGrade - Most weddings I have been to have been this way as well - and I we have always just found a bar and had a few drinks if it was too far to go home or gone home/to our hotel room and hung out and changed from a more church appropriate dress to cocktail attire. I also think that drinking from 3 pm through till 10 pm seems like a bad idea... especially for our group.

Ams - Thanks, that is how I have felt for most of the gap weddings I have been to as well

Mayachel - Our invitations say the time of the ceremony and reception seperately. I can TOTALLY see being annoyed if you were expecting the reception to start after the ceremony and instead had to wait several hours...

Squirrly, neatfreak - If we did a cocktail hour offsite, (which I am not totally opposed to, i just know our families and 7 hours of open bar seems like a recipe for disaster) when the guests arrive at the reception site at 5, do you envision dinner startin right away, or would there be more mingling and cocktails, for how long? Also, the current plan is to have a mariachi band during our cocktail hour and the first part of dinner (Mexican tradition) If we did this, then there would be an hour after dinner, with the mariachi playing but no dancing really. Would that be weird?

Ms. Halo - As of now, our cocktail hour starts at 5. If we moved it up, It would start at 3:30 or 4 So it would be:
2 pm Ceremony
4 pm Cocktails
5 pm Dinner??? That seems waaayyy early for dinner to me no?
Also, if we start the cocktail hour at 4, our reception is for 5.5 hours, so then it would end at 9:30. It is hard enough to throw our families out at weddings that end at midnight, much less 9:30

Katamari - By ''impromptu happy hour'' could we just provide a list of spots to go? or does it need to be something we actually host?

CaliCushion - Almost everyone lives at least half an hour away

FI and I are semi long distance (about 1.5 hours away) so instead of having one family have to all get hotel rooms (both sides have been really hit hard with recession and layoffs) we compromised by having it in between the two towns. We had planned on having a suite at whatever hotel we set up the room block at, but when we booked the church and hall no one mentioned the 60,000 extra people that would be decending upon the town that weekend! By the time we found out, all the hotels were blocked by race teams, except the one we chose, which is nice, but very small with no suites or conference rooms at all. Our reception is at an old theatre, so there really aren''t ancillary rooms that we can use. It is one large room and then the actual theatre itself.

So Cal Girl - What time did you serve dinner? What time did the reception conclude? We only have the space for 5.5 hours, and we were planning on a cocktail hour starting at 5 so dinner would be at 6. If we moved the cocktail hour up, dinner would be at 5 and the reception would end at 9:30 which seems really early for both to me...

 

[Lanie]

Date: 6/10/2009 10:55:55 PM
Author: Morgie44
Thank you for all of the feedback. Every Catholic church in town does their latest wedding at 2, so it really is a Catholic problem!


MakingTheGrade - Most weddings I have been to have been this way as well - and I we have always just found a bar and had a few drinks if it was too far to go home or gone home/to our hotel room and hung out and changed from a more church appropriate dress to cocktail attire. I also think that drinking from 3 pm through till 10 pm seems like a bad idea... especially for our group.

Ams - Thanks, that is how I have felt for most of the gap weddings I have been to as well

Mayachel - Our invitations say the time of the ceremony and reception seperately. I can TOTALLY see being annoyed if you were expecting the reception to start after the ceremony and instead had to wait several hours...

Squirrly, neatfreak - If we did a cocktail hour offsite, (which I am not totally opposed to, i just know our families and 7 hours of open bar seems like a recipe for disaster) when the guests arrive at the reception site at 5, do you envision dinner startin right away, or would there be more mingling and cocktails, for how long? Also, the current plan is to have a mariachi band during our cocktail hour and the first part of dinner (Mexican tradition) If we did this, then there would be an hour after dinner, with the mariachi playing but no dancing really. Would that be weird?

Ms. Halo - As of now, our cocktail hour starts at 5. If we moved it up, It would start at 3:30 or 4 So it would be:
2 pm Ceremony
4 pm Cocktails
5 pm Dinner??? That seems waaayyy early for dinner to me no?
Also, if we start the cocktail hour at 4, our reception is for 5.5 hours, so then it would end at 9:30. It is hard enough to throw our families out at weddings that end at midnight, much less 9:30

Katamari - By ''impromptu happy hour'' could we just provide a list of spots to go? or does it need to be something we actually host?

CaliCushion - Almost everyone lives at least half an hour away

FI and I are semi long distance (about 1.5 hours away) so instead of having one family have to all get hotel rooms (both sides have been really hit hard with recession and layoffs) we compromised by having it in between the two towns. We had planned on having a suite at whatever hotel we set up the room block at, but when we booked the church and hall no one mentioned the 60,000 extra people that would be decending upon the town that weekend! By the time we found out, all the hotels were blocked by race teams, except the one we chose, which is nice, but very small with no suites or conference rooms at all. Our reception is at an old theatre, so there really aren''t ancillary rooms that we can use. It is one large room and then the actual theatre itself.

So Cal Girl - What time did you serve dinner? What time did the reception conclude? We only have the space for 5.5 hours, and we were planning on a cocktail hour starting at 5 so dinner would be at 6. If we moved the cocktail hour up, dinner would be at 5 and the reception would end at 9:30 which seems really early for both to me...

I LOVE mariachi at weddings. It is a mood you cannot describe. Have you already scheduled them? How long are they playing for? Every wedding I''ve been to with mariachi has played at the very beginning or at the very end (but that was in Mexico when it was lik 4am and they started serving breakfast). Take this as you like, but I think a good time frame would be:

Ceremony 2-3
Cocktail hour 5 to 6 with mariachi playing
Dinner at 6, dance floor opens

OR

Ceremony 2-3
Cocktails 5:30 to 7 with mariachi playing
Dinner at 7, dance floor opens

I have to personally say that I am shocked by the comments people have made on here about being annoyed with a gap. I hate them myself, but it truly is unavoidable in many circumstances. I HATE HATE HATE that I have one myself, but we really want to have a night reception, and we aren''t going to have a seamless transition into a reception that ends at 8pm just to appease a few guests!

 

[so cal girl]

I''ll have to pull up my timeline of events from our wedding day when I get home, but I think we served dinner at about 6:00? Cocktails were from 4-5, then people started entering the ballroom at 5:00. Grand entrance wasn''t until 5:15 or 5:30, then we did a handful of other stuff before dinner was served: first dance, father/daughter, mother/son dance, toasts and blessing.

Our reception was over at 10:00. It does sound early, but for all the people that still wanted to party, we just headed over to the hotel bar after that. Most of my family''s friends had to drive an hour to get back home, so I don''t think they would have stayed much past 10:00 even if the reception went longer.

 

[NovemberBride]

Lanie,

I agree. I have never heard anyone complain about the gap - like I said in another thread, DH and I are Catholic as are most of our friends, so this is just part of a typical wedding for us. I do not know of any Catholic Church in the NYC, Philly or DC areas (all areas I''ve lived in for a substantial period of time) that allows a wedding after 3 on Saturdays due to Sat. evening mass, so unless everyone were to have afternoon receptions, there is no alternative.

It would never cross my mind to be annoyed. I really do not think it is necessary for the bride to plan an activity for the gap. Adults should be able to figure out something to do. Even if I don''t know the area, DH and I have no problem asking others what they are doing, relaxing in our hotel room, or finding a local bar to grab a drink. For those who suggested a cocktail hour, all the receptions I have been to included one, usually starting at 5.

 

[so cal girl]

Okay, I pulled up the schedule my wedding planner sent me before the wedding, but I''m not sure if we really stuck to this or not. It seems like things just kind of happened whenever they happened, but hopefully it will give you an idea.

4:00 – 5:00- Cocktail hour
4:45pm Guests allowed to enter ballroom. CHAMPAGNE POURED
4:50 – DJ will Announce for guests to take their seats. Line up wedding party outside ballroom in foyer area
5:00pm – Grand Entrance
5:10pm First Dance
5:15pmToasts:
1. Best Man
2. Matron of honor
3. Father of the Bride
5:30 Bride and Groom will give Welcoming and Thanks speech
5:35 Blessing
5:40 – Meal
6:30 Father/Daughter
6:35 Mother/Son Dance
6:40 Wedding Party/Family Dance **I don''t even think we ended up doing this?
6:45 Open dancing (2-3 songs)
6:55 Cake Cutting
7:00 Honeymoon Dance money bag **We for sure ended up not doing this
7:30 Bridal Bouquet Toss
7:35 Garter Removal & Toss
7:40 Dancing and Party Time
10:00 Last Song

As for people being annoyed at a gap, I wouldn''t stress too much about it. I admit that it is not my favorite thing, but I think people understand that it is not the bride and groom''s fault. It has annoyed me more when the cocktail hour has run up to 3 hours (!) because the bride and groom spend that long taking pictures, because I know they have control over that.

In my opinion, if people are going to get drunk, they are going to do it in 2 hours as easily as they will do it in 6. And, like someone said, cocktail hour is not just about drinks, but hors d''oeuvres and socializing.

 

[katamari]

Sorry to just be seeing your question, Morgie. I DO NOT think you should have to host the happy hour (if you go that route) and I would actually recommend you didn''t. I don''t think it should be about opening the bar early or anything, just giving people something to do who might not otherwise, KWIM?