General wedding musings...

[FrekeChild]

Please feel free to add your own!

Mine:
Lately I''ve been feeling unenthusiastic about the wedding. I can''t wait to get married, to change my name, etc, but the wedding...just not doing it for me. I don''t care one way or the other about it. It''s 6 months and 30/29 days (not going to look) away, and I just don''t really care all that much. Apathetic is probably the most fitting term actually. Can take it or leave it.

So this past weekend one of FI''s best girl friends, and one of my best friends from high school, got married on the same day (Hawaii and North Carolina if you''re interested, we didn''t attend either) and the past couple of days have brought rounds of pictures from both of them.

My friend''s brought feelings of "Oh I wish I could have been there. Stupid not having any money." and "Wow, she looks beautiful! All elegant and just gorgeous!"

FI''s friend''s pictures brought this overwhelming feeling of, "Wow, I can''t wait to finally do that. Say those vows in front of my loved ones, get dolled up and have what''s inside, be official."

Now what''s interesting is that our wedding has less in common with FI''s friend, and certainly more in common with my friend. The thing is with both, is that their events really have nothing in common with ours, besides the "getting married" part.

So I keep wondering what is it about one that struck me, and what it is about the other that didn''t...

 

[laughwithme]

Great thread

My own wedding musings...

In a couple of weeks, we will hit the one-year mark...i.e. one year left till the wedding. I am still very much in a post-engagement, early-planning high. I have reserved three of the big decisions, church/reception venue/photographer. My to-do list this month and next includes more dress shopping, honeymoon shopping, choosing a pastor, finding an appropriate Christian-oriented premarital class...and then of course having fun with details - for example, I think I found our placecards in Martha Stewart weddings.

...So overall, I have not hit the stressed/panicked/apathetic stage but I know it will hit as we get closer to the wedding.

 

[idreamofcushions]

Is it weird that I'm already apathetic about wedding planning after being engaged for less than two weeks? I'm still excited about the engagement, but not at all for wedding planning. I've always thought I'd be super enthused for all the wedding stuff...but I'm not...at all. In fact, I'm dreading it a little. Maybe after my FSIL's wedding (in two weeks) I'll get that urge.

Good thread, though. Hadn't really put my feelings into words.

 

[princessplease]

Very interesting Freke. Was FI''s friend''s wedding more along the lines of what you guys are planning? Could you ''feel'' the love in FI''s friend pics more than the other pics?
We''re trying to get as much done as possible now since I''ll be back in school in Sept and won''t have much planning time. We booked out photog last weekend and are thisclose to the reception venue booking. We''re just hammering out the financial pieces of the venue. I always wish it was sooner though, so we could finally be married. 14 months seems so far, but I know in reality, it will be here before we know it. OK, done!

 

[cocolaw]

My wedding planning has not felt like I always thought it would. I am in NY and my family and friends are in the south! I bought my dress after being engaged for 2 weeks because I wanted to go shopping with my mom, so we looked while I was visiting over the holidays. I bought the first dress, off the rack, that I tried on. I am making decisions alone, or trying to explain things to friends and mom via the phone and internet. I am planning a wedding in California, and so I had to make a lot of planning decisions during a short trip there a few weeks ago. It has been more like rushed planning in short spurts, without time to really enjoy it or compare options, rather than a 10 month engagement full of planning with my friends IN PERSON, looking through magazines together, trying on many dresses in several stores, meeting with multiple vendors and deciding between them. The planning has been VERY easy, but I feel like it is missing something. Ready to just get to Hawaii and be married

 

[Clairitek]

I keep having the same thought about my small wedding- I am so grateful its a small affair so if something is screwed up I can just laugh about it instead of wondering what the 50 people there that I hardly know think about it. I know myself well enough to realize that if I was a week and 3 days out from a 140 guest wedding I would not be a pleasant person to be around but since we are getting married in front of our best friends and closest relatives I am not that wound up... yet.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 6/10/2009 9:32:44 AM
Author: Clairitek
I keep having the same thought about my small wedding- I am so grateful its a small affair so if something is screwed up I can just laugh about it instead of wondering what the 50 people there that I hardly know think about it. I know myself well enough to realize that if I was a week and 3 days out from a 140 guest wedding I would not be a pleasant person to be around but since we are getting married in front of our best friends and closest relatives I am not that wound up... yet.

Big ditto!

 

[KatyWI]

Freke... do you think it''s the photography? I mean, I know when I see certain pictures I''m like... oh, yeah, lovely, mhmm... But when I see photos by really fabulous photographers full of exquisite light and emotion they almost make my heart hurt!

It sounds more like you''re talking about non-pro photos though, so I really have no idea.

What I''m thinking about my own wedding is that I can''t wait to be married and see all of my favorite people in the same place at the same time, and the band is awesome and friends of ours so it''s going to be the BEST party...

But I am SO OVER the planning. All of the big decisions are made, and now it''s just the details... but I am *so* not a detail oriented person. I couldn''t care less about the place cards or menus or anything else, I just want it to be here. 86 days...

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I just wrote a massive post and deleted it all. No (massive) pity party for Pils- I need to get myself out of this funk!

My major musing, however?

There will ALWAYS be something else to do, and there will ALWAYS be something I have forgotten; and no matter how much I don't want to complete any of the below tasks or don't deem them necessary, for some reason or another, I will strive to complete them all, because the Ghost of Weddings Past (or my mother/friends/family) insist that, "No! You can't NOT have flowers!! And you NEED escort cards. And what about ceremony programs?!"

I feel like I have the majority of things figured out. Bridesmaid dresses picked, grooms attire picked, baker picked, venue, officiant, honeymoon, photographer, DJ, dress, shoes, jewelry, wedding bands...

But then these little things keep creeping up: addressing invites, making escort cards, seating charts, developing our ceremony, finding attendant gifts and an officiant gift, booking travel to Ohio, clothes for the honeymoon, hair appointments, buying makeup, designing the cake, choosing linen colors, making sure attendants get their measurements in, choosing a florist, designing centerpieces, finishing favors, selecting music, finding a stole/coverup, rehearsal dinner plans, finding a cat-sitter, arranging for my dress to be steamed, arranging guest transportation/shuttles, get a wedding license, blahblahblahblahblah.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

It''s less than two weeks away. I am fed up, overworked, tired, and getting physically ill (yeah it happened..I think I caught a cold or something). And my vertigo is still not gone, what the crap!?! I''ve tried reducing my stress level..but other things cropped up that aren''t wedding related and it''s really frustrating.

I am not depressed or overly unhappy or anything like that..I am excited about getting married and being married (moreso the second one than the first) and I am excited about moving this weekend (although that is going to be so exhausting). I guess I feel like this just took way more out of my Mom and me than it needed to..so many people (not my vendors for the most part) caused more issues than necessary or little inconveniences that when you''re already tired, overworked, and sensitive really start to add up. Add that combination to the family drama and you''ve got a recipe for borderline Bridezilla-hood!

On the moving front I am tired of living out of a suitcase (as I have been for about a month) since I am in-between my parent''s house, our apartment where I went to college, and our new apartment next weekend. So 3 places! I mean my parent''s house is still my permanent address (and home) until June 20..but my stuff is everywhere so I only take a select segment of it with me everywhere I go. Suitcase living is not for me! Anyway, I''m trying to keep my head on straight and finish all the things I need to do while packing at the same time. Some things are worrying me like: will it rain? are people going to be late? will I get overheated and sweat and all my make-up come off? will I not like my pictures? Etc. But I am trying to stay positive, and I am getting excited again about the wedding stuff which is a good thing.

 

[sunnyd]

I''m really looking forward to selling a lot of stuff after the wedding... It''s finally starting to hit me that we''re spending a HUGE amount of money on a day. Oy.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:25:12 PM
Author: sunnyd
I''m really looking forward to selling a lot of stuff after the wedding... It''s finally starting to hit me that we''re spending a HUGE amount of money on a day. Oy.

I hear that. Even with my small wedding I still feel the need to sell my dress after I am done with it. Between the purchase and alteration of the gown its costing me around $1800. About $500 more than I wanted to spend. A lot of me feels like that''s a really expensive memento to keep around.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 6/10/2009 8:49:00 AM
Author: princessplease
Very interesting Freke. Was FI''s friend''s wedding more along the lines of what you guys are planning? Could you ''feel'' the love in FI''s friend pics more than the other pics?

See, and this is what I was originally thinking. But....

Our wedding:
Indoor winter affair in Las Vegas at Mandalay Bay. Me in silver evening gown, FI in a suit. Less than 25 people--all of our nearest and dearest. Old Hollywood glamour seems to be the look I''m going for, not necessarily bridal. Great food, very structured (because that''s just how Vegas weddings are), color scheme: blues, black, silver/gray/white. Couple of attendants, far from being anal about details.

FI''s friend''s wedding:
Outside in Hawaii with a backdrop of the ocean. Probably under 75 guests, casual, fun, groom in a hawaiian shirt, bride in a less formal wedding gown, leis everywhere, bride has a flower wreath in her hair. No traditional BMs, everything looks laidback. No color schemes or anal attention to detail. Backyard reception.

My friend''s wedding:
Around 75 people. Outside with a backdrop of a North Carolina lake. Color scheme of white, champagne and black. More formal. Lots of wine, more formal wedding gown-princessy, perfect cake, bride looks very groomed, everyone in tuxes, sunset and reception into the night in tents with chandeliers.

I think maybe it''s because FI''s friends'' had more pictures of important moments, like the bride walking down the aisle, the groom walking down the aisle, them at the altar, etc. My friends'' photos so far consist of mostly the ceremony site, the food and the reception.

So I don''t know...

 

[princessplease]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:50:45 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 6/10/2009 8:49:00 AM

Author: princessplease

Very interesting Freke. Was FI''s friend''s wedding more along the lines of what you guys are planning? Could you ''feel'' the love in FI''s friend pics more than the other pics?

See, and this is what I was originally thinking. But....


Our wedding:

Indoor winter affair in Las Vegas at Mandalay Bay. Me in silver evening gown, FI in a suit. Less than 25 people--all of our nearest and dearest. Old Hollywood glamour seems to be the look I''m going for, not necessarily bridal. Great food, very structured (because that''s just how Vegas weddings are), color scheme: blues, black, silver/gray/white. Couple of attendants, far from being anal about details.


FI''s friend''s wedding:

Outside in Hawaii with a backdrop of the ocean. Probably under 75 guests, casual, fun, groom in a hawaiian shirt, bride in a less formal wedding gown, leis everywhere, bride has a flower wreath in her hair. No traditional BMs, everything looks laidback. No color schemes or anal attention to detail. Backyard reception.


My friend''s wedding:

Around 75 people. Outside with a backdrop of a North Carolina lake. Color scheme of white, champagne and black. More formal. Lots of wine, more formal wedding gown-princessy, perfect cake, bride looks very groomed, everyone in tuxes, sunset and reception into the night in tents with chandeliers.


I think maybe it''s because FI''s friends'' had more pictures of important moments, like the bride walking down the aisle, the groom walking down the aisle, them at the altar, etc. My friends'' photos so far consist of mostly the ceremony site, the food and the reception.


So I don''t know...

Interesting....the similarity between FI''s friend''s wedding and yours seems to be the relaxed and casual atmosphere, so maybe that''s not it. The important moments could be it, though. In those kind of pics, you can actually almost feel how incredibly happy and in love the couple is. FI''s sister had her pics this weekend, and I got this warm and tingly feeling inside seeing some of the pics. It was like I could feel how in love and ridiculously happy they were. Photographers can do some *amazing* things, and it''s awesome when viewers can feel the emotions of the day!!!!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Nice thread Freke!

So my vents/worries/meanderings are:

I look at photos of myself in my dress and I get icky feeling that I will feel like I am too fat or too this or too that on my big day especially since one of the girls in my wedding party is rubbing it in my face that she''s lost weight thus making me feel like crap even though I work out 5 days a week. I may be pleasantly plump but I know I am in great shape.

I am tired of the bickering going on between a few members of my bridal party - it is disappointing that a few can''t act like adults.

I am so sad that my grandfather passed away last week and won''t be at the wedding. I was really looking forward to him being there. Taking his name off the guestlist and removing his Save the Date package was painful.


I am excited to...

Exchange my vows with FI and I can''t wait to see him on our day.

I can''t wait to look at the photos from our day. I love photos.

I am really looking forward to my shower for some reason - I am not sure why as I am not a big fan of loads of attention and hate opening gifts in front of people.

I am excited to see the final results. I have left a lot of control in my vendors hands allowing them to chose how things will look and I am excited to see the final results. Many have contacted me with some mindblowing ideas so I am really looking forward to seing the end result.

I also must admit that I am very excited to eat our wedding cake - our samples were delicious

 

[katamari]

I am feeling a lot of pressure to produce an amazing party. It takes a lot of pressure off the wedding aspect, but it also makes me forget sometime that I am actually getting married in all of this. I feel like I am going on a vacation and then having a party. I don''t know if there is such a thing as feeling "bridal" or "wedding-y" but this is not happening for me. At all.

I also resent how much money we are spending. (Read, how much of our parents'' money we are spending--though we are contributing a good amount on the things we don''t feel it is right for them to buy, like attire and bands). We really have what I think most would consider a reasonable budget, too.

And, more than anything, I just freak out all the time that things will not get done. That we won''t get our cranes folded. That I don''t finish my dissertation on time because I am spending so much time folding cranes. And sometimes I unload this stress unfairly on FI, who is going through all the same crap I am.

On the bright side, I do have the best FI in the world! And, I am getting a GOCCO.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Great thread!

My musings/fears/joys are as follows:

Musings: I am STUNNED at how much work I''ve had to put into this wedding! I thought having a destination wedding would mean less work for me, but now that I know which 40 people are attending, I want them to have the experience I would have wanted...hence STDs, Information Packets, Pocketfold Invitations, OOT Welcome Bags, Bilingual Programs, etc....it''s TOO MUCH!!!!!!

Fears: 1) I haven''t lost any weight as I intended to, I love pictures and I want to look pretty on my wedding day; 2) I am mostly worried that my guests will be disappointed, that they will think, "I spent all this money, and flew out to the middle of the Caribbean, FOR THIS!?!";3) lastly, I worry that my FIs previous marriage won''t be annulled in time.

Joys: 1) One of my BFs from college told me yesterday that she and her hubby booked their trip for our wedding yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes me feel a million times better just knowing that they are going to be there because so many of my FIs friends will be there. I had really been moping around because almost all the guests were either family that FI and I paid for, or his friends. 2) four of my closest friends are taking me to Vegas for a bachelorette weekend; 3) We aren''t registering anywhere so I wasn''t expecting much for my bridal shower, but my friends are really coming through for me and the friend mentioned in #1 even called one of my aunts and begged her to come...how awesome is that?

 

[Haven]

Can I post as someone on the other side of her wedding date? Yes? Really? Oh good . . .

I no longer really remember any of the upsets or difficulties or arguments or vents I had during the planning.

All I can think of when I think of our wedding day is how blissfully happy I was, how profoundly meaningful the words felt as we spoke them during the ceremony, and how every single day since I have felt like the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.

It gets so much better once the actual wedding day gets rolling, promise!

 

[Blair138]

Date: 6/10/2009 11:32:47 PM
Author: Haven
Can I post as someone on the other side of her wedding date? Yes? Really? Oh good . . .

I no longer really remember any of the upsets or difficulties or arguments or vents I had during the planning.


All I can think of when I think of our wedding day is how blissfully happy I was, how profoundly meaningful the words felt as we spoke them during the ceremony, and how every single day since I have felt like the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.


It gets so much better once the actual wedding day gets rolling, promise!

I cannot wait for this-I don''t want my wedding to be ''over'' I just want it to be here!

I am so stressed about money and I just want to be done paying for everything. My friends have sucked and made me feel really bad about our friendships during the whole wedding process. They are not in the wedding, just attending as guests. My cousin (who is a BM) thinks she can tell me what to do all the time and forgets it''s not HER wedding. FI''s friends suck and we always drop everything for them and 2 (maybe 3) guys who were on our list of ''really good friends'' are not coming to the wedding at all.

That being said I KNOW none of this will matter in a few months but to me, right now, it matters a lot. I can''t wait to get past the part of caring about all the petty stupid crap and just marry my FI!