George Carlin''s Views on Aging

[MissAva]

George Carlin''s Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we''re kids? If you''re less than 10 years old, you''re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I''m four and a half!" You''re never thirty-six and a half. You''re four and a half, going on five! That''s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can''t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I''m gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you''re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There''s no fun now, you''re Just a sour-dumpling. What''s wrong? What''s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you''re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it''s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn''t think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You''ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it''s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn''t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I''m 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them"

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil''s workshop." And the devil''s name is Alzheimer''s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it''s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don''t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

 

[MINE!!]

I love geroge Carlin. I want to read his book, it is titled something like, "Hey Jesus, where''s the Pork Chops."

 

[pearcrazy]

Gotta love George Carlin. He''s one of my favorites. His routine about how we all end up with too much stuff is great too.

 

[larussel03]

I love george carlin...he''s so funny!

 

[Sundial]

Thanks for posting that Matatora! I''m turning 51 this month and I needed to read it!!!

 

[Kaili]

I love that!
It reminded me of something I read by Andy Rooney. Here it is:

"As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here
are just a few reasons why:
An over 40 woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to
ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn''t care what you think.
If an over 40 woman doesn''t want to watch the game, she doesn''t sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And
it''s usually something more interesting.
An over 40 woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she
is, what she is, what she wants, and from whom. Few women past the
age of 40 give a darn what you might think about her or what she''s
doing.
An over 40 woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful
relationships" and commitment." The last thing she wants in her life
is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover.
Over 40 women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with
you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of
course, if you deserve it, they won''t hesitate to shoot you if they
think they can get away with it.
Over 40 women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know
what it''s like to be unappreciated.
An over 40 woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her
women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her
best friend because she doesn''t trust the guy with other women.
A woman over 40 couldn''t care less if you''re attracted to her
friends because she knows her friends won''t betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins
to an over 40 woman. They always know.
An over 40 woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not
true of younger women.
Over 40 women are forthright and honest. They''ll tell you right off
you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don''t ever have to
wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise over 40 women for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it''s not reciprocal.
For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a
bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with
some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

Andy Rooney

 

[MissAva]

Too true!

 

[ello]

That was great! Thank you!

 

[Kaili]

Glad you liked that. I''m not 40 yet, but I''ve been having issues with my age since I was in my 20''s (I was in a very age conscious business).... soooo dumb, I know, but I''m over it now.

I re-read that Andy Rooney piece every now and then to remind me to love every stage of life and look forward to the future.... spent too many days worrying about my age and then looking back later wishing I was that age again.... silly.

 

[pearcrazy]

Actually Andy Rooney didn''t write that piece, a man named Frank Kaiser did and somehow it got attributed to Andy Rooney. It''s a nice bit nonetheless. Especially since I have topped that hill and am now over it at age 41.

 

[Kaleigh]

Well whoever wrote it was very wise. I''m 43 and that rang true with me!!!

 

[Kaili]

Date: 1/13/2006 5:57:36 PM
Author: pearcrazy
Actually Andy Rooney didn''t write that piece, a man named Frank Kaiser did and somehow it got attributed to Andy Rooney. It''s a nice bit nonetheless. Especially since I have topped that hill and am now over it at age 41.

I never knew that- thanks for the clarification. I wonder if Frank wrote it, and Andy spoke it on the air???

Anyway, I love it!

 

[Kaili]

Just found this:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp