Gettin non-jewelery husbands to invest in nice jewelery

[sparker]

Hello everyone,

This may not be a topic that has an answer especially on this board, but I thought I''d throw out there just the same. I am married to a wonderful, well paid attorney, who thinks wearing rocks on your hands is for the birds. He was born to older, depression era, frugal parents who instilled frugality into him, and a sort of shamefulness about showing off any form of wealth even if you have it which we do. When we were first married, we spent all of 5 embarrassing moments in a jewelery store picking out my very plain wedding band about a week before our wedding in 1979. It was embarrassing from the standpoint that he didn''t have any money to purchase a e-ring and had picked out the slimmest non-existant band for me and I had to ask if it would be okay to spend a few extra bucks for a slightly wider band. He agreed and then left the store. He has a real phobia about jewelery stores.

When we had been married 15 years he surprised me with an e-ring with a lovely princess cut stone, small but of good quality with baguettes. He had help in that I was buying it for myself and he went ahead and picked out the diamond and presented it to me on our anniversary. It was a miracle!!! And, I might add very well received and as you might have guessed the ring to this day has much sentimental value. However, the princess I have discovered, needs to be cleaned often as it loses its sparkel with the least amount of smudge or finger oil. It is a H/I vs quality, but it is very deep. I have also discovered that I really love RB stones afterall. The crunch is my husband. We are now approaching our 25th wedding anniversary and I would really love nice RB 1ct in a simple setting that I could wear alone as one ring on my small hands is quite enough and more comfortable. Where on earth could a person get the best deal and the biggest bang for the buck in order to impress my frugal husband that its not all the difficult to purchase nice jewelery.

Thanks for you input.

 

[Diamondsbybree]

My sister is in the same "boat" as you are. They are extremely wealthy and she is still sporting around a tiny yellow gold band that probably cost them less than $100.

Here is what I have done to "help" him see the light...

I send some of my pieces home with her to "wear around the house".. She will then say "Can you believe this only cost so much?" or "Isn't this beautiful honey?"

He is now asking ME what he should get her for there anniversary~!

 

[fire&ice]

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On 7/26/2004 10:09:08 AM sparker wrote:

Hello everyone,

Where on earth could a person get the best deal and the biggest bang for the buck in order to impress my frugal husband that its not all the difficult to purchase nice jewelery.

Thanks for you input.----------------

Best prices can be had on the internet.

Also, since you have crossed over the dark side of diamonds, buy your own diamond. He doesn't have to be involved.

 

[Mara]

Hmmm, one would hope that after almost 25 years that you know best how to get his attention in a positive way.

What works for one hubby may not work for another. How have you gotten him to see your point of view in the past? What approach has worked positively vs negatively?




I don't think asking for a 1c ring after 25 years is too much at all! Then again I'm hoping to have my 3c upgrade by year 10.

So maybe I'm the wrong person to talk to...hehee.




I am blessed with a man who has bought jewelry all his life for his mother and stepmother and has seen his father and stepfather do the same with big birthdays, anniversaries, etc. So that is mostly his gift of choice for the 'big' years. But I'm obsessed with diamonds, so I'm not the typical gal either.

Poor Greg!




However, maybe you can just be honest and say that for year 25 you'd love to have another jewelry purchase in a different style of ring and stone than the one you have now. Depending on your color/clarity/cut combos...you can get a stunning 1c stone if you shop around online for around $4700 (assuming something like an 1.01 F SI2) and depending on your idea of the setting...they can be had for about $400-thousands. I'm not sure how sensitive you are to color, but SI2 is my clarity of choice...find an eye-clean one and you will save alot of $$!




Good luck!

 

[sparker]

Thanks so much for your advice. Yes, you would think that after 25 years I would know the best tactic, however, he is a tricky one on some subjects and jewelery is one of them. I have let him know what I would like for this big anniversary and I like your advice about the specifications about the diamond. I had never thought of an F in color, but have realized that a SI1-2 with a good cut will get you the biggest bang for the buck. The post from the writer before you also offered the advice to just go ahead and buy it yourself. It may come to that

I have seen Good Old Gold referenced many times on this site. Are there good experiences from them? I have looked up the site and had fun looking at the diamond grading machine they have. What fun!

Suz

 

[fire&ice]

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On 7/26/2004 11:06:50 AM sparker wrote:

The post from the writer before you also offered the advice to just go ahead and buy it yourself. It may come to that

Suz----------------

That would be me, the poster. And, that was spoken from experience. My hubby doesn't have the jewelry phobia; but, my best friend's (attorney also) hubby does. To make matters worse, she *loves* jewelry. On one special occassion, she was expecting a diamond surprise. It wasn't going to happen according to him. I knew this was a big deal; so, I marched myself over to his office to *make* him see the light. He did so - but painfully. This time around she wants a reset. She's handling the transaction all herself. Sometimes it's just best.

BTW, if you need me to march into your hubby's office, I'm available. I can be quite persuasive.

 

[fire&ice]

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On 7/26/2004 10:54:35 AM Mara wrote:


Hmmm, one would hope that after almost 25 years that you know best how to get his attention in a positive way.

What works for one hubby may not work for another. -------

Mara's method......humm....Why does white off of rice come to mind?

Yes, I'm very bad today.

 

[noobie]

As someone who didn’t buy any major jewelry for ten years aside from a few trinkets and thought is was a waste (or impractical at best) let me offer some input.Just recently I bought an anniversary ring.I offered to do it since I wanted to do something meaningful and significant for her. I just took a guess. Well after receiving it, I saw how much see liked it.I asked why didn’t you say something before?She replied that she would never ask me for jewelry.Doh!

Well, I wish I had of known and didn’t need to be hit over the head with it, but I will make up for it. Before we had kids she had her own professional career and was more than capable of buying her own, but never did.So my question is does he know how much this means to you?If not, is there a way to communicate it.If he still doesn’t see why you would like jewelry, maybe you can agree on the exchange of special gifts that each one picks for your anniversary.I don’t think a 1 carat ring is unreasonable at all. And I don’t believe it has to be the cheapest to justify it. Besides for the most part, diamonds hold their value better than many gifts.

I’d be more than happy to the do the thing that has the most meaning for my wife, regardless of whether or not I thought it has any value and I believe most would be as well. I just need to know what it is.

After all if we only did I thought had value we wouldn’t have any furniture or decorations in the house!Maybe a few cars and lots of electronics and fine wine (my vice)!

Good luck

 

[fire&ice]

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On 7/26/2004 12:08:23 PM noobie wrote:



So my question is does he know how much this means to you?If not, is there a way to communicate it.If he still doesn’t -----

I'd be direct. I'd say something like - It's our x anniversary & I have my eye on something really special that has meaning to me.

BTW, Noobie, glad you crossed over to the dark side. Even though my friend's ring gave her much pleasure, her hubby still thinks it's a waste of money. Some men are just like that.

 

[quaeritur]

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On 7/26/2004 10:25:39 AM Diamondsbybree wrote:

My sister is in the same 'boat' as you are. They are extremely wealthy and she is still sporting around a tiny yellow gold band that probably cost them less than $100.

Here is what I have done to 'help' him see the light...

I send some of my pieces home with her to 'wear around the house'.. She will then say 'Can you believe this only cost so much?' or 'Isn't this beautiful honey?'

He is now asking ME what he should get her for there anniversary~!

----------------

Bree- I have this problem also. Could you send me a few of your pieces to wear around the house too?!

 

[Diamondsbybree]

Bree- I have this problem also. Could you send me a few of your pieces to wear around the house too?!



quaeritur

LOL......

 

[noobie]

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On 7/26/2004 12:21:12 PM fire&ice wrote:





her hubby still thinks it's a waste of money. Some men are just like that.
----------------

Even though some do, they should still view it as being able to share something with your partner that she enjoys so much. To me, that's part of being married. Besides, she probably thinks my bottles of Lafite and Latour are a waste of money and compared to diamonds they probably are! Let's see a bottle of wine or a half carat diamond, Hmmm

 

[sparker]

Hi,

Had no idea I would create such a lively conversation

.

This is to quaeitur, yes, my husband has turned right around after I have "hinted" about what would be a nice gesture for a 25th anniversary and he has asked me what I would like to get him. The problem is his income far out weighs mine and he is of course asking a retorical question.

I think the best bet is to wait and see what happens on August 18th (next month). He has had plenty of hints and I've decided to stop at that. If nothing happens, then its a call to one of the internet vendors. I live in a small town with little choices for diamond purchases. Maybe this time next year after saving the needed amount you all can help me pick out something nice for my 26th.

Suz

P.S. You guys are quite a bunch, especially the person who was willing to come to my husbands office

 

[JennyN]

Your story sounds so familiar. My original e-ring was very average. Right after we got married, my husband started law school & our plan (mostly my plan) was to upgrade at our 10 year anniversary. After all, that would give him plenty of time to finish school, then get settled & build a law practice! Well, just before our 10 year anniversary, our daughter was born. Upgrading a diamond was the last thing on either of our minds.

So about 3 years later (March of this year), I brought up the subject again & he agreed to go ahead with it. I'm a big researcher on any major purchase, and so after much investigation & analysis, I used my grandmother's e-ring diamond (just over 1 carat) and had it mounted in a Tacori eternity setting. That was sort of my belated anniversary upgrade.

Our real 13 year anniversary was last week. I took my original oval diamond, as well as the 12 tiny diamonds that were in my channel wedding band & had them made into a pendant. It turned out beautifully!

He now knows that jewelry makes me very happy & just yesterday asked what my next purchase would be - - for next year.

Hopefully soon I'll have my digital camera back, fully working, so that I can post pictures. I'm now officially diamond obsessed & check these forums almost daily!

 

[CaptAubrey]

funny. i'm into jewelry and the mrs. can pretty much take it or leave it.

 

[Matata]

Sparker, don't lose hope, miracles happen. My fiance thought a new pair of hiking boots was an appropriate way to acknowledge our engagement. But then, he doesn't know a diamond from a canary so I was grateful for the boots! We've been together a long time so I cut a deal -- I'll hike up mountains, ford raging rivers, and donate all my red blood cells to hordes of mosquitos, prepare home-cooked meals, and give him all the lovin' he wants and in return I get the sparklies I want when I want them, and oh yeah, a trip to Italy once a year. Compromise keeps the peace

 

[hoorray]

My hubby used to be into jewelery, but seems to have gotten tired of it. Now he rolls his eyes at the thought of a new purchase. I make two things clear -- how much I enjoy what he has given me (I make him look at my ring several times a day when the light is hitting it just so...

), and I also just flat out make it clear that I would really like xyz piece for xyz event. He is into all kinds of electronics, wine and things that I tend to roll my eyes at, so we realize that input from the other one makes for better gifts.

I would sugest you find a way to make your wishes clear (I tend to joke about them enough so that he knows there is a vein of seriousness in them.) If that doesn't work, come back next year and we'll help you buy your own, or, better yet, get F&I to talk to him!

(Seriously tho, sometimes a girlfriend can be useful here. I help "coach" a good friend of ours when I know his wife would really like a sentimental jewelery gift rather then more sporting goods!)

 

[sparker]

Matata,

I just love it, hiking boots for an engagement present. What did you give him? The back-pack? You are all so hilarious, I just crack-up at the posts and am glad to hear that I'm certainly not alone. My husband was making me feel like I was a weirdo for wanting a nice piece of jewelery. We just returned from a trip to Paris which his law firm gave him as a bonus for his hard work and he's thinking thats gonna do it as presents go. I like your idea of a trip to Italy every other year too, so our trip doesn't necessarily count now does it. he, he.

I'll keep trying. I do joke, and I do make him look at the nice (small) diamond he gave me a while back and I do remind him what a wonderful guy he was for doing such a nice thing. There are actually moments when I see a gleam in his eye which gives me hope.

 

[sparker]

Don't get me wrong, the trip to Paris was wonderful, although, my husband hardly spoke to me as he was awe struck by the whole experience. He was absolutely geeked about the trip. I just didn't want you all to think I was an ungrateful oaf.

suz

 

[alexah]

i dont suppose you have kids sparker? most every piece of jewelry my dad has gotten my mom over the past 20 yrs or so has been of my doing - i find out or ask her what she wants & i tell him "i think mom would luv such & such" & he's happy to supply the $$ so long as i tco the legwork - and my mom's thrilled

Is there a mutual friend or family member who could help your cause?

ps- currently, i'm in the process of upgrading her e-ring for their 40th Anni on 8/22 - her first upgrade.....

 

[pqcollectibles]

My DH hates to shop. Hubby got the "Get her jewelry" part down years ago, but I wound up with a lot of pieces I didn't really like. His tastes and mine aren't quite the same. Then we shopped together. I thought that would help. He'd see the kinds of things I liked and take it from there. Nope. I still got things I didn't care for. So, I finally just decided to move over to the "darkside". I pick it myself. Not too romantic but it works. He doesn't have to shop and I get what I want!!

 

[sparker]

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On 7/26/2004 9:07:31 PM alexah wrote:

i dont suppose you have kids sparker? most every piece of jewelry my dad has gotten my mom over the past 20 yrs or so has been of my doing - i find out or ask her what she wants & i tell him 'i think mom would luv such & such' & he's happy to supply the $$ so long as i tco the legwork - and my mom's thrilled

Is there a mutual friend or family member who could help your cause?

ps- currently, i'm in the process of upgrading her e-ring for their 40th Anni on 8/22 - her first upgrade.....----------------

Yeah, I do have kids, three boys to be exact all like their dad. As a matter of fact one of them has a cello that could buy about three one carat diamonds and he's no help. Not to drive the point into the ground, but I think I'll set my goal for my 30th. If your mom can wait till 40, I can certainly wait until 30. Puts things into perspective. Thanks for the post.

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Invest "to make a profit"

Well girls can you imagine a way that a guy might think that he profited from lashing out a small fortune on a useless sparkly trinket?

There will not be any monetary return, so what else could a man want?

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

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On 7/26/2004 12:35:17 PM Diamondsbybree wrote:

Bree- I have this problem also. Could you send me a few of your pieces to wear around the house too?!



quaeritur

LOL......

----------------

Now thats a good idea - just wear some jewels around the house

 

[sparker]

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On 7/27/2004 8:33:39 AM Garry H (Cut Nut) wrote:

----------------
On 7/26/2004 12:35:17 PM Diamondsbybree wrote:

Bree- I have this problem also. Could you send me a few of your pieces to wear around the house too?!



quaeritur

LOL......

----------------

Now thats a good idea - just wear some jewels around the house

----------------

Now, there's an idea. My husband would blush beet red and he already knows I'm always willing

 

[pqcollectibles]

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On 7/27/2004 8:31:36 AM Garry H (Cut Nut) wrote:

Invest 'to make a profit'

Well girls can you imagine a way that a guy might think that he profited from lashing out a small fortune on a useless sparkly trinket?

There will not be any monetary return, so what else could a man want?----------------

To enjoy life??!! In this house, our kids know all too well, when Momma's happy EVERYBODY's happy!!

 

[sparker]

Hello,

Well, I did it, I purchased a diamond I've been eyeing on GOG's web-site. Its the right size the right specs and best of all the right price. I'm so nervous I can't even type.It took me three tries to fill out the purchase form correctly. My husband sort of knows what I'm up to so I'll let you know his reaction. In the meantime keep a good thought for me that he doesn't throw me out of the house for this. I'll just have to think of something wonderful for him for his 50th birthday coming up. Any ideas?

Thanks for all the great ideas guys.

Suz

P.S. He won't really throw me out of the house.

 

[Mara]

wow that was fast!!! just needed a small push eh?

please post specs on the stone and url so we can check it out.

 

[sparker]

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On 7/28/2004 4:13:41 PM Mara wrote:

wow that was fast!!! just needed a small push eh?

please post specs on the stone and url so we can check it out. ----------------

Here are the specs:
Color:E
Weight:1.0ct
Clarity:SI2
Cut: AGA 0

I'm not sure of the polish and symetry but those specs were good and maybe verygood or something like that. From my one year research on the subject, everything was AOKay and at a very nice price. I'm not as good as everybody else on relaying all the specs on diamonds yet, but those are the basics. You can see it at GOG discount diamonds. Its the first E colored 1ct. diamond that is listed. Its not the one with all the feather inclusions.

Suz

 

[JennyN]

Sparker, I just laughed out loud at you! I was looking through this post & noticed you said you'd decided to wait till your 30th anniversary, then 2 or 3 posts later, you said you'd just purchased a stone!