Getting engaged w/out the usual proposal stuff?

[Hamster]

My boyfriend is a practical guy and knowing that my taste and his taste are DRASTICALLY different, he let me pick out the e-ring, diamond, and wedding band and did nothing more than phone in his credit card (he also lives in Canada, making it difficult for him to be that involved in the process anyway).

So, the e-ring is supposed to be ready for pickup in approximately one month. The thing is, I think that he assumes i will just go over there and pick it up and then start wearing it. Like I said, he is a practical guy and all, but I was kind of hoping that we would "present" it to me somehow. Not that I need a million dollar dinner/boat ride/etc. to set the stage, but there is something special about him giving it to me that I feel I''d miss if I just treated it like any other piece of jewelry I''d be picking up.

A lot of my coworkers know him and were kind of semi-apalled at the thought that he might not be doing an actual proposal. In fact, one of them called him saying that he was going to make it his mission to ensure that he comes down here to deliver it in person. I think my BF was slightly offended by this.

Just curious if anyone else out there has a similar experience in which they were directly involved in picking out the ring. Did he still "present" it to you or did you just start wearing it? How can I gently suggest to him that I''d be sad if he didn''t do this? It''s not a matter of money for plane tickets, just a matter of reversing the usual pattern of me flying up there to visit him. Any advice?

 

[flutterby]

I have not actually gotten the ring or the proposal yet. However, I am in the same boat as you. I did nearly everything and my bf was terribly supportive in getting me what I wanted. He has the ring (i think) and I have made it clear to him that although he doesnt have to go all out, I would like to have a formal question and a moment. I dont even know if the ''moment'' is that important to me, but it seems important to everyone else. Several women at work wont even listen to me talk about wedding planning because ''he hasnt even asked you properly yet''. I dont know why it is any of their business, or why i care, but i do.

One night i was on PS and my bf walked in and lamented, ''your on their again'' and of course i was. I then read him vuittongals ''uneventful proposal'' post. And used to explain, it isnt something that you can make up for...its a one time thing.

The women at my work would never go so far to call him, that is just rude. But it wouldnt hurt to explain that getting asked ''properly'' makes for a great story to tell your friends and someday your children. Once you have the ring everyone will ask ''how did he propose?'' and it would be nice to have something to say. I''m sure you can let him know how you feel without offending. And in the end it certainly isnt the proposal that makes the marraige!

 

[cinnabar]

My first husband didn''t propose. I resented it hugely, and with hindsight I now know that a lot of the problems with that marriage stemmed from a lack of communication. I never told him what my dreams, hopes and expectations were, just as he never told me his.

I was so upset that I''d missed out first time round, when I was dating my now-husband I went on and on about how much the proposal meant to me and the darling made sure I got "the works" second time around.

Men want to do what makes women happy. If your boyfriend knew a romantic proposal would mean the world to you, I think he''d make an effort.

 

[MissAva]

Oh I have mixed feelings about this. Part of me thinks you love him for who he is, the way he is why upset and confuse him. But part of me thinks that this is not something he would have to repeat often and that it is a major turning point in your life so he ough to make the effort to show you, that you are the only one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I vote you tell him you want the question live and in person before you consider it a done deal.

 

[MelissaSue]

I think you should let him know you''d like some sort of proposal. Don''t let coworkers do it for you. It needs to come from you. I knew my ring was coming, but my fiance still proposed (and suprised me, nonetheless). It was no big thing, there were no theatrics, or flowers, or romantic setting, but it was perfect and sweet and special.. . I was actually sitting on the couch with my laptop (reading Pricescope, of course!).. and it sort of came out of nowhere.. Its so funny when I think back on that night, because it started out as such a horrible evening.. and I can remember all the stupid little details of the whole night.. just because of how it turned out.

 

[regalada]

I was very involved in choosing my ring, to the point where we picked it up together at the store so that I could try it on to make sure it was resized correctly. I told my fiance beforehand that I was to try on the ring, put it back in the box, give it to him, and that I wanted him to give it to me properly, nothing fancy, just a moment that I could remember as "the proposal."

I was so giddy after trying the ring on and knowing it was in the house, that he decided to give it to me the next day so I would calm down.

. It was a simple yet unforgettable proposal. I was happy to get my proposal, and he was happy that I told him what I expected him to do because he says he would have just let me walk out of the store wearing the ring and call it a day, and I would have been disappointed.

So I''m all for spelling it out if that is what is going to take to ensure that you have the moment you always dreamed of, no sense in risking it.

Good luck!

 

[Hamster]

Thanks ladies, that is good advice. I agree that its not about the "theatrics" as it is about the moment between the two of you that you share. I really don''t want him to make a big production out of it (not my style anyway) but I''d like to feel like something meaningful transpired by him giving me the ring. Maybe I''ll give him a nudge by telling him that I''ll get his plane ticket as soon as I know when we''ll get the ring back.

 

[fountainfairfax]

Sorry I''m joining in a little late.....I''m basically in the same position as a lot of ladies here, including you, hamster....I''ve been in the driver''s seat with the whole ring process, which was a huge relief to my BF. But when I realized that my ring would be a reality I started the "discussion" a month ago by just saying "Honey, when the ring is done a couple of things might happen- he may need to ship it to our appraiser or he may ship it right to us. What do you want to happen when it gets here?" BF had no idea what I was talking about, which let me ask "Well when it''s done, you don''t want me to just open the package and put it on, do you?" He got the message very fast!!!! Ever since then I share with him the proposal stories that I read here and he, of course, puts his own little sick twist to the story (hey the guy''s a horror-writer and we have very odd senses of humor)

example:

FFF "Honey, listen to this: here''s a guy who''s going to propose after a short hike but he wants his father to hide in the bushes and take photos of the whole thing. I think that''s kinda like stalking...."

BF "Damn, he stole my idea but I was going to use a sniper instead!"

Hey, I laughed

anyway....I think you just need to have a conversation that lets him know that when the ring is done it''s his ballgame....that it wouldn''t be right for you to just go pick it up and that you''ll have the jeweler contact him directly when it''s done. He can then make his own plans to come to the states and ask you to be his wife! Until then you''ll be in the same boat as the rest of us, knowing he has the ring but not knowing when, where and how we''re going to get it!

 

[allycat0303]

Hi!

Well I was really involved in the whole process (I supremely picky) but he still went out of his way to do a really sweet proposal. I think I would just say to him, " I can''t wait to see what you do for the proposal" And leave it at that, I think that lets him know that you expect a little something. Honestly, I''m a practical girl, and my boy is a total jock (hockey-loving)l non-romantic guy, but the proposal touched my heart, and to be quite honest I loved actaully having a moment. (Even though I thought I wasn''t that kind of girl.)

 

[flutterby]

example:

FFF ''Honey, listen to this: here''s a guy who''s going to propose after a short hike but he wants his father to hide in the bushes and take photos of the whole thing. I think that''s kinda like stalking....''

BF ''Damn, he stole my idea but I was going to use a sniper instead!''

Hey, I laughed

FFF- cant stop laughing....very funny guy you have on your hands!

 

[Hunali]

Maybe you should try and hint how important a proposal is to you. Sometimes guys, especially if they're on the practical side, don't realize how girls dream about this one day for their whole lives!

Good luck!