Gift etiquette question

[CoralQuiz]

Hey beautiful Pricescopers, here is my dilemma...

FI and I are involved with a specific charity which we support. When it comes to registering for wedding gifts, there is nothing we really need for our house and we thought it would be nice to suggest that people donate to this particular charity in lieu of a gift.

Do you think that is appropriate? How would you get the word out, if you were me? (without sounding like you''re asking for money)

The trust provides advice and support to parents of young children, so it''s nothing controversial.

Any thoughts are appreciated

 

[wapila1]

Date: 6/20/2009 10:57:42 PM
Author:CoralQuiz
Hey beautiful Pricescopers, here is my dilemma...

FI and I are involved with a specific charity which we support. When it comes to registering for wedding gifts, there is nothing we really need for our house and we thought it would be nice to suggest that people donate to this particular charity in lieu of a gift.

Do you think that is appropriate? How would you get the word out, if you were me? (without sounding like you're asking for money)

The trust provides advice and support to parents of young children, so it's nothing controversial.

Any thoughts are appreciated

The best way to do it is by word of mouth. You can tell your immediate families and bridal party that should anyone ask where you're registered or what you'd like for a gift, they should point guests to this charity. Or if someone asks you directly, you can indicate your support for your charity. But it's improper etiquette for you to suggest charitable donations in lieu of gifts on your invitations, etc or to all your guests in general, because that of course implies that you were expecting a gift in the first place, which would be rude.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

You could turn the tables and instead of having favours for your guests you could make a donation to the said charity in their name? If your charity also has a ribbon or wrist band etc you could have them on the place settings for guests with a note to say that a donation was made to the charity in their name.

I have seen this done in a wedding magazine for the breast cancer foundation, i think it was either the bride or the grooms mother who had passed away from breast cancer so they made a donation on behalf of each guest and they gave a pink wrist band to each guest to wear during the reception.

 

[honey22]

Date: 6/21/2009 2:32:58 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
You could turn the tables and instead of having favours for your guests you could make a donation to the said charity in their name? If your charity also has a ribbon or wrist band etc you could have them on the place settings for guests with a note to say that a donation was made to the charity in their name.


I have seen this done in a wedding magazine for the breast cancer foundation, i think it was either the bride or the grooms mother who had passed away from breast cancer so they made a donation on behalf of each guest and they gave a pink wrist band to each guest to wear during the reception.

Ditto, this is a great idea. I would rather bring home a warm feeling knowing that the B&G have donated on my behalf rather than cookies, chocolates and other favours.

 

[kama_s]

That''s what we did. I made mint tins for all our guests, tied it up with ribbon and attached a tag saying that we made a donation to the Sick Children''s hospital in their honour.

We also didn''t really need much, so we registered for fine china and some higher end kitchen stuff.

 

[LilyKat]

CoralQuiz, I think having guests donate to the charity if you would prefer that to gifts is a really wonderful idea. An uncle of mine did this for his wedding, and no-one (including very traditional older relatives) had the least bit of problem with it. He had a wedding website page and amongst the information on hotels, directions etc, had a line saying "We have everything we need, so in lieu of gifts, we would be delighted if you would instead consider making a donation to xx charity", or something similar.

To be safe, I would treat it in the same way as a gift registry - ie, no information on the invitation, spread your wishes discreetly through word of mouth.

I think the favour donations are also a great idea, but I would do these in addition to, rather than instead of, the in-lieu-of-gifts idea. The reason being, guests will likely donate a substantial amount each in lieu of your wedding gift (I don''t know, whatever the "going rate" for presents is these days), whereas I doubt you''re planning to budget more than a few dollars per guest for favours. So if you want your charity to get a larger donation, and really don''t mind going without gifts, I would stick to your original plan (and maybe do the donation favours as well, to tie it in to the wedding itself).

 

[lala2332]

Date: 6/21/2009 2:32:58 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
You could turn the tables and instead of having favours for your guests you could make a donation to the said charity in their name? If your charity also has a ribbon or wrist band etc you could have them on the place settings for guests with a note to say that a donation was made to the charity in their name.

I have seen this done in a wedding magazine for the breast cancer foundation, i think it was either the bride or the grooms mother who had passed away from breast cancer so they made a donation on behalf of each guest and they gave a pink wrist band to each guest to wear during the reception.

Ditto to this. Favors are lovely, but no one misses them. I know that personally I like giving gifts to the people. I understand this charity is important to you, but a lot of people will still want to give you something. Esp. older guests. Maybe you can update a few kitchen items, or register for some fun dishes that can mix and match into your everyday. Like Chargers, salad plates, place mats, ect. just to spice up what you already have.

 

[katamari]

We included a short blurb on our wedding site. We listed the charity, how to make a donation, and an explanation on why this particular charity is so important to us. We also registered at Crate and Barrel, Macy''s and Target and those registries are also linked to from the site. However, I believe we kept it very clear that our choice would be that our guests donate, would they be inclined to buy us a gift.