Giving him ideas on how NOT to propose.

[Diamond Confused]

My soon to be fiance has the ring and I'm assuming he'll be proposing any time soon. I have no idea how he will do it and I'm assuming he is having a hard time deciding how as I do not lilke "romance." A simple "hey let's get married" while we are watching TV would suffice but that's not what he envisions I'm sure.

Anyway... Yesterday over dinner he mentioned how everybody at work thinks his friend is proposing to his GF since they are away on a big Australian vacation. I told him I think vacation proposals are definitly not my thing (no offense to anyone who may have done it this way). Well he has mentioned several times that he wants us to take a trip to Cabo and now I'm thinking perhaps that's what he was planning on doing. I feel bad for ruining his idea! I guess it's better than being proposed to in a way that I REALLY would not like. Am I being really selfish? It's his moment too so I don't want to take that away from him.

 

[sunnyd]

Maybe that''s how HE has always wanted to propose. Let him do his thing. It''s important to him.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Maybe instead of knocking the romantic proposals, you could say something like, "You know me - I don''t require all that fuss. I''d be happy to say yes sittin on the couch watching "america''s got talent"! I am just excited to be marrying you."

That way you can put it out there that the grand gesture isn''t your style, but he can still decide what HE wants without being hurt or worrying that you''ll hate his proposal.

It sounds to me like you just don''t care one way or the other, so why not just let him do whatever?

 

[absolut_blonde]

If he''s thinking of proposing soon, he''s likely paying a lot of attention to what you say about proposals. So, if he was planning on doing the vacation thing, I''m sure he''s already ruled it out.

I don''t think it''s unreasonable to want some level of input about how the proposal as done. As long as you''re not demanding some expensive, elaborate "perfect day" scenario. You know, where you take a unicorn ride and then he proposes to you at sunset whilst you are serenaded by a private violinist and served by a private chef.. LOL.

For example, I would personally be absolutely mortified if I received a big public proposal - it is not my style at all. I would feel uncomfortable and, worst of all, I would know that SO didn''t know me whatsoever! So I vetoed that one a long time ago and he agreed.

I think it is ok to say ''hey, x isn''t really my style'' - as opposed to demanding that it be done ''x'' way.

 

[cbs102]

after my FI bought the ring and it was in the safe i was POSITIVE that he would do it in a public place and i would have been mortified. i am so weird about stuff like that. i mentioned it in a conversation that i am weird about public displays of any kind.. hence me not having a church wedding-- i actually want to elope because of this...

turns out he wanted to propose during the fireworks when we went to visit friends in pittsburgh. he switched his plans around and did an ultra private romantic proposal that was totally perfect!!! i am glad though that i didn''t actually have a talk with him about HOW he should do it... i think that he needed to have to do it on his own.. and come up with his own ideas

 

[sklingem]

Just make sure you leave him with enough choices ... lol!!!

 

[allycat0303]

I really think you should let him do what he wants (within reason...I did tell my fiancé that public proposal would be severely frowned upon because I am shy) but other then that, I didn`t say anything. You can let him know if there is something that would REALLY ruin it for you.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Would anything really ruin the proposal? Let go of the control

Enjoy WHATEVER he has planned--this is something that is 100% his, don''t take that away from him.

 

[stone_seeker]

Date: 8/27/2008 4:10:58 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Would anything really ruin the proposal? Let go of the control

Enjoy WHATEVER he has planned--this is something that is 100% his, don''t take that away from him.

Thanks for sticking up for the guys. Girls get to have the wedding, the jewels, fanfare, etc.

 

[Aloros]

I would have been mortified to be proposed to in public, so if we saw someone else doing so (whether it be in a movie or by heresay, or in real life) I made the comment that while it was nice, it was NOT for me.

Can you slip it in there sideways if you REALLY don''t want a vacation proposal? But be careful to consider - do you think it is more important to him to propose to you on vacation than it is for you to NOT have him propose on vacation?

 

[Diamond Confused]

stone-seeker - I agree with you and perhaps that''s why I feel bad for telling him no vacation proposals. I feel like proposals are the guys big moment. I definitly want this to be how he wants it to be.

Guilty pleasure - you are right, I don''t care either way so I should let him plan it all. I don''t care as long as it''s not on vacation.

I think he knows me well enough to know that I don''t want anything over the top.

 

[KimberlyH]

Perhaps this might help a bit: My husband is extrodinarily private, I am not, but I wanted him to propose in his own way so I never expressed what I would and wouldn''t like...I just wanted to marry the guy afterall, not orchestrate a show. He proposed to me in a restaurant while we were on vacation and not a soul around us knew what was going on. He whispered "Will you marry me?" across the table and I whispered back "Yes." I got a bit teary, then under control and we finished our meal. It wasn''t about him, or me, it was about us as a couple agreeing to spend the rest of our lives together, the rest didn''t matter.

 

[vita*dolce]

i''m not going to say i think you''re being selfish -- every girl dreams of the day she gets engaged!! but i agree with everyone else, you should let him find his own way of asking you to be his wife! heck, he could do a lot worse than cabo!!!

 

[Bia]

Date: 8/27/2008 2:31:45 PM
Author: rob09
Just make sure you leave him with enough choices ... lol!!!

Ha!

I agree. Don''t tell him what not to do too much. I''m sure he now knows you don''t want anything elaborate--I have a feeling he will make your proposal very special. No worries honey...