Giving your BMs a kick in the pants

[misysu2]

We''re 5 months till the wedding, and I told my BMs their dress information back in October, and none of them have taken ONE step towards securing their dresses, not even getting measured! I heard you''ve got to give BM dresses 3 months to make, so they need to order this month or Feb at the latest to allow time for alterations.

How do I go about giving them a kick in the pants without sounding like a total bridezilla? Should I cut down on their freedom of choice, and just GIVE them dresses to order? (I was letting the BMs pick out their own dresses, with my input being color).

 

[Independent Gal]

Well, I can think of a couple of options.

1) If you can bring yourself not to care whether they are wearing EXACTLY the same dress, then simply tell them ''teal green, tea length'' and trust that they will arrive at the wedding clothed. Maybe send them a picture of the colour you mean. Then, it''s no longer your problem. They can coordinate if they want. Or, they can simply go shopping at their leisure for a dress they like in that colour. This option is friendlier if the colour is not too obscure, obviously. The dress doesn''t have to be a BRIDESMAID''s dress, so long as its a beautiful, formal dress in the right colour (and fabric? and legnth?). And then they are more likely to wear it again too.

2) If they really MUST be wearing the same dress, then I would send an e-mail that says something like:

"Girls, I know you are all very busy with your own lives and responsibilities. I really understand! The only reason I am pushing you is because we are now at the very last minute to order the dresses. If we don''t order them by date x, we simply won''t be able to order them at all. So, perhaps I could ask if you could let me know if you foresee any reason why you might not be able to make a decision and get measured before then, in which case, we''ll have to come up with a plan B, since bridesmaids dresses will no longer be possible. I SO appreciate your patience and understanding, and I''m SO glad you''re all in my wedding!"

That way, you make them feel love and understood, and you make THEM understand why you are in a hurry, plus put the onus on them to justify their procrastination.

Might be worth a try?

Although if I were a BM, I would prefer option 1.

But it''s not my wedding!

 

[misysu2]

Thanks IndyGal!

I told them Jim Hjelm, jasper color. They could make up their minds from there. Get what's comfortable, get what they can wear again. I'd hesitate telling them to find their own teal dress, because there are a million colors of teal out there.

I could go with plan #1, but I think I'd have to pick a more neutral color to do it that way.

I'm going to give them another week or two and talk to them about it. Maybe I can say #2 to them, and go with #1 for a plan B. Your wording is very nice and non-bridezilla-y! Thanks!!

 

[fatafelice]

After reading a lot of posts from various other brides, I have begun to think that giving bridesmaids *too* much freedom can cause more problems in the end. I actually told my bridesmaids that they could wear whatever they want in navy or navy/white, with the recommendation that it not be too dressy. That was July ''06, and my wedding was planned for June ''07. I thought that they might want to try to find a dress at the end of the summer, when all the navy Jcrew (and other retailers) dresses would be on sale. Only my MoH had a dress by Christmas, and that because I found it for her on ebay. By March ''07, I had to start pushing everyone to find a dress, which they all did, but some of them not until May. And two weeks before the wedding, my sister and another BM were telling me that they still had an eye out for another dress because they weren''t completely happy and/or didn''t fit in the one they had. I swear, at that point I was really wishing that I had just picked something out and made them all wear the same thing.

Since we ended up not having the big wedding and rescheduling it for June ''08, I figured that BM dresses were one thing that I wouldn''t have to worry about all over again. Apparently I was wrong. Only two of my girls are currently planning on wearing the same dress. The other three either don''t like theirs or don''t think it will fit. My MoH (whose dress I adore and I planned a lot of the wedding based on) has gained 10 pounds and says she may not lose it by the wedding, so she needs another dress. I am heartbroken about it, but I feel like a bitch for not being more understanding. I have to lose the 20+ pounds I have gained back, so she can lose her 10, right? I know, I am a witch.

Sorry for the tangent...My point is that maybe it is time to tell them that if they do not make a choice by X date, that you are going to chose for them. Then set a deadline for them to get their measurements. Or, try to arrange a time when you can all go together (if you live in the same place) and pick them out/order them. Then you can have some input too, if you want.

Good luck! I know how frustrating it can be, but just remember that no matter what, YOU will be gorgeous!

(Oh, and don''t get me started on the groomsmen. Two of them still don''t have their blazers because they hadn''t gotten them 2 WEEKS before the wedding was supposed to happen!)

 

[misysu2]

I''m glad I''m not the only one with BM dress issues, fatafelice! I thought it''d be cool if they all picked their own, because I think making them all wear the same dress is a little "soldier-ish." Darn! They all live in different places, too. And none of them where I live! My MOH doesn''t live close to a store that carries Jim Hjelm, so I told her all she has to do is give me her measurements and I''ll take care of the rest, and she hasn''t even done that! It''s like nobody takes me seriously.

And the BM dress color kinda set the tone for the flowers, etc, so it was kinda important in my plan for them to end up with that color. I guess I could find a similar color in a dress line that''s easier to find, like Dessy or something. Maybe I could just pick a different dress for each girl and tell them that''s the one they''re going to get! Or I could just scrap my plan and get something more neutral....

As for tux stuff, my FI''s gonna be kicking their pants!!!

 

[fatafelice]

Misysu2, I really ended up asking them what kind of dress they wanted (halter, strapless, etc) and then I found it for them and told them where to go to get it. That did work out best, and they still ended up getting to wear a dress that was *them*. I think the problem with putting it all on their shoulders is, like it or not, your wedding is not their priority, and it is a lot of work to make those decisions. Of course, your girls have it easier, since you narrowed it down...