Good Day/ Bad Day

[that_someone_special]

Good Day:

I got to see two of my friends (BM and MOH) and we picked out suits, ties, and dress shirts of the Groom and Groomsmen. It was so fun! I could not have done it without them. I ordered FI''s suit, and we will being going back to get measurements for the other guys. I''ve come to peace with my brother, too. I also got my invitations in the mail today! I''m SO excited about this



Bad Day:

In the "Your post won''t last forever" thread, I mentioned that a married couple (that I thought we were friends with) said I was basically "bridezilla" (but said they didn''t know but would just guess that is how I am), and that FI and I need to get a pre-nup. Which is none of their beeswax.

I also found out today that after I left to go home sick, they talked shit about me. They said that I was probably only inviting people to the wedding to get gifts- and that I had a destination wedding so that most people wouldn''t be able to make it but that I could still get their gift. My bridesmaids seriously almost flipped their top over this. Everyone remembers me saying I didn''t even WANT to register for gifts and that the people that come to the wedding is "gift enough" and that I don''t expect it. At my mothers insistence, I am registering for gifts.

The other thing is that a friend of theirs (whom I''ve met several times, and KNOWS of our wedding) is getting married in vegas. A month before us- oh and we have some of the same guests that we would be inviting. They JUST decided that they were doing the Vegas thing the last week of May. I have found out that the married couple has decided to now skip our wedding to attend that wedding. When, they''ve known of our wedding for over a year now. They told everyone behind our backs this information (including a bridesmaid)... Now, because we are losing said married couple, I am fearful that another couple will drop out of attending our wedding to attend the other one, with that couple... I know it sounds paranoid, but it''s nothing that wouldn''t ... or hasn''t happened in our group of friends so far.

My feelings are beyond hurt. I am trying very hard to remember what someone said in another thread- along the lines of "only your wedding is really important to YOU". But it just seems that mixed with the personal attacks on my character and then the talking behind my back and then LYING to me.. It just is too much. (I did ask them if they were planning on attending that wedding and they told me no, then the next day when I was gone, they decided yes!)

I''m just super hurt right now. So, I keep thinking about the Good Day that I had.


Has anyone had something like this happen to them? Did you get past it? I want to talk to them about it, but then again, I almost just want to give up and not try being friends anymore.

 

[yssie]

::HUGS:: swedish!!


I'm glad you had fun dressing your men!

As for this other couple, sounds like there are some issues on their end that really need to be addressed, but they can blither all they like and it doesn't make any of what they say true - and your loved ones know this, and they have your back! I wouldn't worry about it, there are always people who don't like to see others happy - don't let them get you down!

I am so sorry this situation is going to force some of your guests to "choose weddings" though, someone's bound to be hurt by some of the choices

 

[that_someone_special]

Thank you yssie!

I know, out of all of the problems I have thought of that could (did?) happen... another vegas wedding before mine wasn't one of them!!

At least the key players will be there

 

[yssie]

Date: 6/5/2010 10:58:24 PM
Author: swedish bean
Thank you yssie!

I know, out of all of the problems I have thought of that could (did?) happen... another vegas wedding before mine wasn''t one of them!!

At least the key players will be there

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I know it hurts to be the topic of gossip...I know it hurts to be talked about behind your back...and we all know that it probably stems from deep rooted jealousy they have over you for whatever the reason may be...

But frankly, you are spending far to much time worrying about them. You''re allowing yourself to be swept up in the drama...which is exactly what they want, so basically, you''re letting them win. And all it''s doing is causing you heartache.

Why you''re even giving them a second thought is beyond me...some people are just plain toxic, clearly--and these two are nothing if not toxic. Cut them off. They aren''t coming to your wedding--and that''s no loss to you anyway. They aren''t "friends" of yours, obviously. If they did come, it would only stand to fuel their fury and give them more stuff to talk about. It isn''t going to a beautiful bonding moment, and you know that. So count your blessings and let it go...they get to sit home and wallow in their mutual misery over you, while you get to have a great wedding and marry the man you love...so now really, who has the upper hand?

Also, don''t give them more credit then they deserve. IF they can somehow manage to convince another freethinking couple to skip your wedding, lump the 4 of them together as "forgettable" and move on. But, don''t be shocked if this other couple are somehow able to make up their own minds--and end up attending and celebrating with you. People who are toxic rarely are closeted, and others around them tend to be able to decipher the BS and figure it out for themselves...this other couple may be friendly with them without engaging this obviously dysfunctional dynamic.

At the end of the day, you really need to take stock of how you feel. You don''t even like this couple, so that in and of itself should be enough to make you **laugh** over their antics and put it all in perspective. Don''t play along...just let it go, because it''s really beneath you.

 

[that_someone_special]

Italia, you''re right.

I just thought we were better friends. As far as the other couple is concerned both husbands have been BFF (since 1st grade or something), work together, and are glued at the hip. Sadly, I think the husband would follow the other husband. I am so confused by all of this..


But to add to my good day, I did a TON of work on my invitations last night I actually worked on them until 2am

Also, Since I''ve had a day to process this, I am doing much better and I''m just going to let it go... I am going to stay happy these next 5 months. My next thread will be a happy one since I''m tired of the sad ones I''ve been posting (well, ones that make me sad).

Thanks again yssie and italia

 

[MissMina]

Yes I have been in a similar position
I never confronted the issue
(It would have been useless. They would have lied)
but I avoid the couple and intend to continue to do so.

These people are no longer your friends (If they ever were)
Missing your wedding will be their loss.
They are not worth the time you are spending thinking
about them. Please don''t allow them to hurt you.

 

[Indylady]

I hate that feeling.

The, "I thought we were better friends..." I''ve been there, and it hurts. Italia''s advice was spot on; realizing this now, and not during the wedding, is probably a blessing in disguise. Do you want people that gossip about you at your wedding? If they do "take" the other couple with them...well, there''s just more cake and more fun for everyone else.

Come on Swedish; you know this couple is talking behind your back. I know you care about these people, and thought they cared about you too. Its time to take a step back, look at the situation critically, and realize that this couple is not a true friend to you. I know it hurts, but I really do this its best that they''re not coming to the wedding.

How did I deal with a similar situation? I pulled away, held my head high, and leaned on the people that really are my friends and care about me.

 

[that_someone_special]

Date: 6/6/2010 10:05:18 PM
Author: IndyLady
How did I deal with a similar situation? I pulled away, held my head high, and leaned on the people that really are my friends and care about me.

Yep, that is what I plan on doing

<-- like that

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

aww swedish, sometimes you just have to chalk it down to classless people. i wouldn''t worry about it at all! like italia said, cut out the toxic, and focus on those that do love you and do support you, like your BMs!

yes, maybe during the planning of the wedding, it''s only important to you. but on your wedding day, it will be important to everyone who is there, that''s why they attended in the first place, no?

plus, always keep in mind that the people who attend your wedding are the ones who really want to be there, and that''s the best company out there. i would rather have 10 people at my wedding who really care about FI and I than 100 people who are only there for filler, or free food LOL.

 

[lulu66]

Date: 6/6/2010 8:16:23 PM
Author: MissMina


These people are no longer your friends (If they ever were)

Missing your wedding will be their loss.

They are not worth the time you are spending thinking

about them. Please don''t allow them to hurt you.

exactly! but i know it does hurt, so (((HUGS))), swedish! hope you''re feeling a bit better about this situation already. it''s their loss & you''re gain. you''ve seen their true colors & can now act accordingly. they don''t deserve your friendship. but luckily you do have some *awesome* friends who are willing to stand up for you. focus on that.

 

[that_someone_special]

thanks sweetpea and lulu!

I do have some great friends. I am also keeping myself busy- we are going to purchase the rest of the groom/ groomsmen attire this weekend and I''m really excited!!