Gov. Spitzer''''s wife

[Sha]

I was listening to the scandal yesterday involving NY Gov. Spitzer and his ''''contributions'''' to a prostitution ring. I''''m not American and don''''t know anything about Gov. Spitzer, so I can''''t say I was shocked by his involvement as many persons were. I was pretty intrigued by his wife though, and her presence at his News Conference yesterday. She looked so loyal and supportive, standing close by his side. I really wonder what''''s she''''s thinking.... Is it all an act? Is she just going through the motions of ''''standing by her man'''', or does she really still support and love and forgive him?

I''''m really amazed by all the wives who stand unfazingly by their politican husbands while they confess to erotic trysts with prostitutes, random women, employees, men in bathroom stalls... etc. etc. I mean, if it was MY husband who paid $4000 + to sleep with a prostitute, I don''''t think I''''d be at that News Conference, standing supportingly by his side. Sorry.... Take the heat on your own. And what if he did it several times and this was the only time he got caught? What if he didn''''t use protection one of those times and endangered my life??? How could you trust him again?

What would you do?

By the way, do you think Hillary Clinton and Bill still have intimate relations?

 

[allycat0303]

That happens a lot. Like Kobe Bryants wife was all supportive too. I think the woman do it for a lot of reasons a) for their children (because they want to spare their family furthur humiliation) b) because the whole event really hasn''t sank in yet, and it''s so fresh that they haven''t gotten to the ''''rage stage''''.

And finally, I really think that some woman already know their husband is x,y,z for many years and made a conscious decision years ago to accept the way things are so it''s no big deal to look supportive.

 

[dani13]

For me, cheating is the #1 dealbreaker. I just couldnt stay married to MH if he did something like that...I would be miserable, and I would make him miserable if we stayed married. I could never trust him again.

I am continually amazed by these women that "stand by their men" like Spitzer's wife, Hillary Clinton, etc. I could never be that type of woman, but to each is own. I guess everyone has reasons why they do things....reasons why they stay in that kind of marriage... Its not all black and white, and I'm not one to judge.

I just know myself and know that it wouldnt fly with me!

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Date: 3/11/2008 4:55:14 PM
Author: Dani
For me, cheating is the #1 dealbreaker. I just couldnt stay married to MH if he did something like that...I would be miserable, and I would make him miserable if we stayed married. I could never trust him again.

I agree with this 100%. I know that you never know what you would do unless it happened to you, but I know that I would NEVER trust him again and that is so important in any relationship. I have no idea what went on with the Clinton''s (I mean, behind the bedroom door), but I am sure that part of the reason she stuck by him was because of what she is doing now persuing the presidency....she already has those thinking "Ehhh, she is a woman" (blah, blah, blah), but what if she was a DIVORCED woman? Heavens no

!

I give that Spitzer woman a huge amount of credit, because there is no way I would be standing up there by his side at that press conference.

 

[dani13]

Date: 3/11/2008 5:17:13 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana

Date: 3/11/2008 4:55:14 PM

Author: Dani

For me, cheating is the #1 dealbreaker. I just couldnt stay married to MH if he did something like that...I would be miserable, and I would make him miserable if we stayed married. I could never trust him again.

I agree with this 100%. I know that you never know what you would do unless it happened to you, but I know that I would NEVER trust him again and that is so important in any relationship. I have no idea what went on with the Clinton's (I mean, behind the bedroom door), but I am sure that part of the reason she stuck by him was because of what she is doing now persuing the presidency....she already has those thinking 'Ehhh, she is a woman' (blah, blah, blah), but what if she was a DIVORCED woman? Heavens no

!


I give that Spitzer woman a huge amount of credit, because there is no way I would be standing up there by his side at that press conference.

You know what though, Dana? I always shake my head when people say, "Oh, well Hillary stayed with Bill b/c of political reasons...blah, blah, blah.....After this happenned, I have to say, I looked DOWN on her for staying in that marriage....This is totally my own honest opinion, but to me, how could you have respect for someone that doesnt respect themselves? In my eyes, I see a woman who didnt have the courage to walk away from her cheating, lying husband...Bill blatantly disrespected her, and the love just isnt there....

Like I said before, I know nothing is black and white, but for me, I know in my heart I WOULD NOT stay with MH if he cheated. I know things happen and people and relationships change over time... I ADORE MH with all my heart, and I also RESPECT him enough that I really feel like I could NEVER do something like this to him....I usually never say never, b/c that's not how I think most of the time, but its mostly how I feel about this particular subject....I just could never see it happenning....

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Date: 3/11/2008 5:38:37 PM
Author: Dani
You know what though, Dana? I always shake my head when people say, 'Oh, well Hillary stayed with Bill b/c of political reasons...blah, blah, blah.....After this happenned, I have to say, I looked DOWN on her for staying in that marriage....This is totally my own honest opinion, but to me, how could you have respect for someone that doesnt respect themselves? In my eyes, I see a woman who didnt have the courage to walk away from her cheating, lying husband...Bill blatantly disrespected her, and the love just isnt there....

Like I said before, I know nothing is black and white, but for me, I know in my heart I WOULD NOT stay with MH if he cheated. I know things happen and people and relationships change over time... I ADORE MH with all my heart, and I also RESPECT him enough that I really feel like I could NEVER do something like this to him....I usually never say never, b/c that's not how I think most of the time, but its mostly how I feel about this particular subject....I just could never see it happenning....

Oh I am not disagreeing with you, and who knows what her logic was...that would have REALLY ticked me off, though

! Whether it be for political gain or whatever, I would have ditched them both!

 

[cara]

Well, the standard in American politics is for the wife to stand by her man. That is the expectation, and the exception would be for the woman to say, screw you, and not show at the mea culpa press conference. I mean, how normal is it to apologize to your wife at a press conference? There is no parallel in non-political marriages. There are many, many instances in American political life when you do what you have to do, not what you want. In the case of Mindy McCreedy (sp?) wife of the "Gay American" New Jersey governor who was caught in some kind of gay nepotism/corruption scandal, it was clearly laid out that Mindy would show up and smile at the press conference if she wanted to be treated well going forward, I think in the divorce proceedings.

In the cases of Hillary Clinton and Silda Spitzer, I think they are examples of political wives that actually believe in the political work of their husbands and don’t want to see that damaged by the personal failings of their husbands. In a news account that I see no reason to disregard, Mr. Spitzer’s advisers were recommending he resign first thing Monday morning, as they didn’t see any way for him to survive this, but he deferred to his wife, who didn’t want him too resign hastily. Hillary also acknowledges that at some point in Monicagate she made a decision to defer a decision on her marriage to the end of her husband''s term. That has to be to keep from further eroding his political effectiveness by divorcing him in office.

And lo and behold, she chose to stay with him afterwards. Maybe the Senate seat was the purple diamond ring that Kobe Bryant bought his wife. Or maybe Hillary found a way to forgive her husband, and today they do function as husband and wife, loving and supporting each other politically and otherwise.

And while I totally understand people that would have no tolerance for cheating, and would not have a capacity to forgive the duplicity or continue in a marriage after such betrayal and humiliation, there are people of a different era and marriages of a different breed. For millenia, there have been marriages where a husband''s personal dalliances are ignored or tolerated or forgiven and deemed somehow incidental to the central alliance of the marriage. Many, many wives have chosen to ignore or get over infidelity and keep their husbands for their better characteristics. Maybe not a modern ideal of marriage, but marriage nonetheless.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Those women have status, power, and money because of their husband''s positions. Sometimes they may stay in the marriage because those other things are important to them. They may not have a good relationship anymore, but they may still have the status, power, and money by staying married.

Those women almost always appear at the press conference if you notice. But that is no indication as to how they feel. I imagine the NY gov. will be forced to resign since his little indiscretion was illegal. Then watch and see if she stays with him.

 

[Kaleigh]

I really feel badly for his three daughters. Can you imagine what they will have to go through at school?

 

[Sha]

Hmm...interesting. So the standard really is for the woman to support her man even when he does something like this? Wow... I guess that must be part of it, because I can''t understand why more wives wouldn''t decide to just stay home and let the H take heat. I mean, it must be embarassing for them, wouldn''t it be?

I guess some of them do stay for the power, status of it all. A lot of people say that Hilary stayed in order to pursue her long-term political goals. Which could very well be true. She strikes me as a shrewd woman, who probably realized that the political benefits of staying would be worth more than the costs of leaving her adulterous husband. I feel that they probably have more of a parternership than an intimate marriage, anyway.

I agree that it would be difficult for me to trust my husband if he did something like that.

 

[cara]

apologies to Mindy McCready, the wronged ex-first lady of NJ was Dina McGreevey. She wrote a book on the experience.

 

[diamondfan]

I am not sure and speculate that she was in shock. This is a MAJOR issue. He was DA for years and very hard lined about this type of thing. This is not just infidelity, which I abhor as well, but violations of the Mann Act (which as a DA he knew full well) AND prostitution. He broke the law. Now, maybe he begged her to stand there yesterday, but in the future she will bail out. His career could be over, and I hear she comes from money. She may divorce him and change her name...who knows?

Many women have stood there in the immediate moments but who knows what goes down later?

Dina MacGreevy did though of course they are now divorcing.

Hillary did, and I feel she stayed for complex reasons. She may even love him still, but first Gennifer Flowers, Monica, etc...who knows about any others...

I would think you stay at first but as the reality hits and the dust settles, things become clearer. This is pretty bad as far as these scandals go. It is one thing to have a go with your secretary...this was just unreal. And I know men with power get silly and sometimes have pants problems, but the government got involved because of the financial transactions, and that led to his downfall. It just was such poor judgment.

 

[lyra]

I agree with DFan. I saw her on tv today, and I saw a woman in shock. Certainly there must be tremendous pressure on her to just stick with him for now, and I feel sorry for her and her family. He deserves whatever happens to him. Unfortunately, it happens to his family too.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 3/11/2008 10:13:03 PM
Author: lyra
I agree with DFan. I saw her on tv today, and I saw a woman in shock. Certainly there must be tremendous pressure on her to just stick with him for now, and I feel sorry for her and her family. He deserves whatever happens to him. Unfortunately, it happens to his family too.

That''s the killer, isn''t it? I just do not understand all these men in the public eye thinking they can get away with things like this!

 

[Sparkster]

We will never know the reasons why she is standing by her man. Who''s to say that she herself has not had an affair in her past and he has stood by her all these times? We can all speculate and but ultimately, she had made a choice and if that is what she truly wants, then I respect her for that.

 

[Sha]

Actually, CNN just had an interesting panel disucssion on Spitzer and his wife. The female commentator (didn''t catch her name) was saying that many politician wives feel like they don''t have a choice but to stand by their men during these scandals. She quoted Dina McGreevey (who was also on CNN last night),, who revealed that she also felt forced to support her husband during that time. The commentator was really passionate about it...she said she would like to see the day when woman are able to make their own private choices about supporting their husbands, and not feel forced to support them if they don''t want to. She asked, ''what kind of message are we sending to our girls?" if wives just blindly support their husband''s bad behaviour?

The male commentator told her that she doesn''t speak for all the women in American and she should Shut Up and Mind her own Business.

 

[diamondfan]

Nothing happens in a vacuum. The family is always harmed too. These men are so apologetic in the aftermath but a bit of forethought might have been wise. Powerful men seem to lose their pants often.

Dina MacGreevy was on television last night. She claims she too was sort of stunned and was brought out to humanize him. She said though she knew it might be over shortly, that she helped him during the immediate time because when their daughter looked back she wanted her to see that her mom supported her dad. Not the choices he made, but that she was trying to be a bit stronger. I think also as the spouse, assuming you have been faithful and thought hubby was too, there is such a sense of disbelief. And it it is not just like you are married to an accountant who had a fling with someone in his office. This is immoral and illegal, and the hypocrisy amazes me. I am sure we will get to see lots of footage of him denouncing crime and fraud and prostitution rings...he will be eating those words. And he has three daughters! I think it could happen that his wife forgives him, but it is just as likely she walks. I personally might rationalize trying to stay, but I would never have a moment''s peace and if he was acting weird or came home late my radar would be on high alert. And that is not a great way to live.

 

[decodelighted]

Seems like divorce would be a foregone conclusion for Dina McGreevy ... since her husband ADMITTED HIS HOMOSEXUALITY. Have no idea why Larry Craig''s wife is sticking around

.

Eliot Spitzer is worse than a cheater ... he''s a hypocritical cheater ... and one who knows the law all too well -- including all the details about interstate transport of prostitutes etc. What an EEEEEdiot!

Why the auto-stand-by-your-man ... probably for the kids? In the hopes of hanging on & surviving the political storm? Dunno ... but she''s a Harvard-trained lawyer herself, who gave it all up to be home with their kids: the oldest of which is CREEPILY close in age to his 22 y.o. HOOKER. Beeeeellllleeecccch.

Are you guys hearing that his ho-kie-poking ways have gone on for YEARS? To the tune of 80K +++++?? One of the hooker-bookers is from a small town near here and its getting lots of play in our tiny local media! SCANDAL!

 

[diamondfan]

Well, of course Dina would leave as Jim now bats for the other team. I was just repeating her words, they lived together in the governor''s mansion for nearly three months while he transitioned. She certainly could have bailed out immediately after finding hubby liked men and hired his boyfriend for a high ranking state security job for which he was not trained.

As for Spitzer, the bigger the hypocrite the harder he falls. And yes, she is a a very educated gal, and I wonder if she will want to stay married to a criminal who was unfaithful to boot.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/11/2008 11:28:31 PM
Author: decodelighted
Seems like divorce would be a foregone conclusion for Dina McGreevy ... since her husband ADMITTED HIS HOMOSEXUALITY. Have no idea why Larry Craig''s wife is sticking around

.

Eliot Spitzer is worse than a cheater ... he''s a hypocritical cheater ... and one who knows the law all too well -- including all the details about interstate transport of prostitutes etc. What an EEEEEdiot!

Why the auto-stand-by-your-man ... probably for the kids? In the hopes of hanging on & surviving the political storm? Dunno ... but she''s a Harvard-trained lawyer herself, who gave it all up to be home with their kids: the oldest of which is CREEPILY close in age to his 22 y.o. HOOKER. Beeeeellllleeecccch.

Are you guys hearing that his ho-kie-poking ways have gone on for YEARS? To the tune of 80K +++++?? One of the hooker-bookers is from a small town near here and its getting lots of play in our tiny local media! SCANDAL!

Yup, was just reading that about half an hour ago. Nice. Real nice. Hopefully he at least bought some nice baubles for his women for that kind of cash. Just kidding! *shields head from food products being thrown*

 

[Sha]

Hmmm... topic has been moved. I didn''t realize it wasn''t appropriate for the Hangout forum.

Anyhoo....here''s a recent article on Yahoo about Spitzer''s wife and other political spouses.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080311/ap_on_re_us/spitzer_political_spouses

 

[AGBF]

Date: 3/11/2008 8:21:07 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006

Those women have status, power, and money because of their husband's positions.

Actually both Silda Wall Spitzer and Hillary Clinton were corporate lawyers who made far more money than their husbands did in public service. Neither of them was a clinging vine.

Deborah

 

[MoonWater]

Incidentally, this was sent to me by a friend:

Elliot Spitzer and America''s Ethical Perversity
by Rabbi Michael Lerner

The cross-the-political-spectrum attacks on Elliot Spitzer and the intensity of the demands that he resign his office show just how far the Right-wing sexual moralizing has been able to trump any other kind of ethical reasoning in American society.

Going to a prostitute is legal in some states and some countries around the world, and is often the very arrangement that saves families from splitting up whose sexual energies have diminished but whose love is intact. It''s not uncommon for men (and now increasingly women as well) who have achieved great power in our society by adopting an outer show of ruthless pursuit of power and influence (even, as in Spitzer''s case, if the power is aimed at pursuing laudable ends) to feel a deep emptiness and loneliness that is not addressed by friends or spouse, and hence to seek some kind of outside connection no matter how superficial that is not bound by previous rules and roles. Nevertheless, I and many others in the religious and spiritual world oppose that practice when it involves adultery or prostitution, because it depends on the objectification of another human being, so that sex is disconnected in ways that it should not be from a significant encounter with the spirit of God in the other or a deep recognition that is the only real way to overcome existential or situational alienation.

Moreover, the trade in women for sexual purposes has frequently led to rape and abuse and the kidnapping of young women who are sold into sexual slavery. All of these outrageous practices are abhorrent and should be challenged. The flaunting of sexuality in the media, and the implicit message that the only real satisfaction comes from having the most physically attractive people as sexual partners, not only generates huge dissatisfaction even as it allows corporate advertise to become predators manipulating our personal sense of inadequacy to sell their products, but also generates desires that feed the sexual trade in women. Given this larger social context, until sexual satisfaction is so broadly available in our society that no one has to pay for it and so deeply tied to love that no one is objectified in the process, this kind of exploitation of women and degradation of sex is likely to continue. All of these practices foster the sexual predators of the contemporary world.

So Elliot Spitzer deserves to be critiqued and ought to be doing deep atonement for what he did. His previous moral arrogance and willingness when he had power to do so to prosecute others for their participation in creating prostitution rings makes him an easy target. We, in turn, might practice the forgiveness that our religious and spiritual traditions preach, particularly those of us who have been willing to honeslty face how flawed we ourselves are, and how at times we ourselves fail to embody in our actual practice with others the values that we publicly espouse. Humility and compassion are also part of the path of a spiritual progressive.

But the intensity of the critique of the N.Y. governor, tied with the demand that he resign, shows more about American society''s ethical perversity than about Spitzer.

The President of the U.S. and the Vice President, working in concert with several other high ranking officers of our government, lied and distorted to get us involved in a war that has led to the death of over a million Iraqis, the displacement of 3 million more, the death of 4,000 Americans and the wounding of tens of thousands more. After token opposition in Congress, our elected representatives have overwhelmingly passed budgets funding this war, rather than refuse to fund any military projects until the President stopped the war and withdrew the troops.

Meanwhile, our government has overtly engaged in torture, wiretapping of our phones, and violation of our human rights and the rights of people around the world. Senator Diane Feinstein and Senator Charles Schumer votes to confirm as Attonrey General a right-wing judge who refused to repudiate these crimes.

The U.S. government has rejected every attempt to implement the Kyoto environmental agreements or to work out new agreements sufficiently strong to reverse environmental destruction that is certain to lead to new levels of flooding particularly in several poor countries around the world. The consequence: tens of millions of deaths.

The Clinton Administration pushed, along with corporate support, a set of trade agreements that have devastated the farmers of many developing countries, forcing many off their farms and into city slums where their daughters and sons are often sold into sexual slavery. The global economic system we have fostered has led to increasing gaps between the rich and the poor, so that over one out of every three people on the planet lives on less than $2 a day, 1.5 billion live on less than one dollar a day, and over 15,000 children die every day from malnutrition-related diseases and inadequate availability of medicine that is hoarded by the rich countries who can afford the prices made to ensure huge profits to the pharmaceutical industry.

Health insurance companies and private medical profiteers are doing all they can to ensure that there will be no health care for tens of millions of Americans, unless that is provided in ways that guarantee corporate super-profits and thereby guarantee that the cost of health care paid through taxes will be huge and create anger at all government social welfare and well-being programs, leading to their likely de-funding.
People in the US have faced severe economic crises on a regional and soon on a national level because corporations move their centers of production to countries in Asia where they can exploit workers with less government or union interference and where they can destroy the environment with less societal restraints. Wild to achieve greater profits, corporations and the rich have managed to support politicians who lower the taxes on the rich, in the process bankrupting the public sector or severely reducing its ability to provide enough funds for quality education, health care, libraries, public transportation, and social welfare.

That there is no outcry for these government officials and corporate leaders to resign immediately or be impeached, that there is no moral outrage at the entire system that produces this impact, is America''s ethical perversity. Instead, the only crime against humanity that the media takes seriously and the politicians fear is being exposed for personal sexual immorality. While everyone basks in their own self-righteous demands on Spitzer, we all allow media and elected officials to fundamentally distort our ethical vision and play out our morality on the smallest of possible stages while ignoring the global and personal consequences of our larger ethical failures.

 

[MoonWater]

I do find it interesting that these type of scandals provoke such outrage from the public while the other things these people do, which actually has an impact on our daily lives, we ignore. Or at least, we do not oppose it to the same extent.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 3/12/2008 2:59:16 PM
Author: MoonWater

I do find it interesting that these type of scandals provoke such outrage from the public while the other things these people do, which actually has an impact on our daily lives, we ignore. Or at least, we do not oppose it to the same extent.

YUP! I am on a newsgroup that brought this up today. Clinton's scandal was mentioned also. If you remember from the various news stories and media coverage, other countries thought we were fools for spending so much time and money on it. The prime minister of France said in one report, "I do not understand why this, a personal matter between a man and his wife, is of so much interest to Americans." This is a copy of part of my post on the other newsgroup:

Gee...a politician getting caught up in a sex scandal! Well, I never (covering face in shame and disbelief)!

JUST FOR ONCE, I want to see one of those politician's wives say, "This cheating, lying, SOB %$#@& is gonna PAY BIGTIME for this" and smack the crap out of him until the cameras get shut off or the police haul her away. That, as opposed to standing there looking shocked, hurt and like a deflated doormat. I read somewhere that Hilary Clinton stood by Bill "because I love and respect him." What about YOUR OWN self-respect, Sister?! Has it ever occurred to any of these women that their husbands cheat and sneak around BECAUSE THEY CAN? They know that they have no danger of getting fleeced in a nasty divorce or of having their secrets spilled. Of course not...the little woman understands (sigh). Either that, or they know that the woman will put up with just about anything to maintain her lifestyle, connections, invitations to swanky parties, etc. Which, if they do that, makes them no better than a prostitute. It's not called that, but that's essentially what it is: being disrespected for the sake of money or what it can buy.

I just wish to hell that prostitution was LEGAL and regulated above board (like many other professions in which one needs a license) like it is in Europe, so we can get to paying attention to and putting media airtime towards REAL ISSUES, like violence, income disparity, the sad state of American schools, the growing pharmaceutical dependency problem in this country, etc.

There is a sex worker's union called COYOTE (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics) that did a study that showed that if prostitution in this country were handled according to the European model, we would have less drug traffiking, no underage prostitution, much less organized crime and a downturn in STDs. In Amsterdam, for example, it and certain drugs are legal. If you want X, you go to X area where it is and stay in that area and do not take it out of that area. Since it's legal, there is nothing to talk about and no scandals. No one makes a big deal about it. And surprise! You never see the sex and drug scandals over there that you do in this country.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 3/11/2008 5:17:13 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana

I give that Spitzer woman a huge amount of credit, because there is no way I would be standing up there by his side at that press conference.

Oh, I could stand next to him.....with a Taser in my purse!

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[baby monster]

Maybe he is into some kinky stuff and his wife just said "I''m not doing that, go pay for that kind of stuff." If that is the case, she was aware of it all along and did not see that as a threat to their marriage but just an outlet for his personal fantasies. Each couple''s relationship is different and we shouldn''t apply our own standards to them.

 

[CaptAubrey]

Another illustration why MySpace pages, in the end, are really not good ideas:

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=4443732&page=1

 

[diamondfan]

True we are not in anyone''s marriage, but I must say I would think it the exception rather than the rule that a wife is fine with that, in view of the personal danger to herself in terms of disease etc...

 

[baby monster]

Date: 3/13/2008 7:02:14 PM
Author: diamondfan
True we are not in anyone''s marriage, but I must say I would think it the exception rather than the rule that a wife is fine with that, in view of the personal danger to herself in terms of disease etc...

Agree. It is not an easy decision but she may value other aspects of their 20+ year marriage more than him going to the hookers.