Grad school vent: Too old to be sharing a kitchen with whippersnappers

[gwendolyn]

I''ve been away since Tuesday, visiting my gorgeous, funny, fabulous boyfriend J. We had a great time--obviously I miss him heaps when we''re apart (we live 200 miles away from each other currently), so it''s a bit of a downer to get back here to school regardless.

But what REALLY ticks me off is when I get back and people have been messing with my stuff. I share a kitchen with 4 other people, and it sucks. As people, my flatmates are great. As people sharing my kitchen, two of them are fine and two of them are the DEVIL.

(Ok, ok, that''s an exaggeration, but I''m quite peeved.)

One of my plates had dried, days-old food crusted onto it (I didn''t do that). One of my bowls is missing--not in the drying rack, not in my cabinet, not in my room--no idea where it is. My shelf in the fridge is COMPLETELY overtaken by someone else''s food, so I have no room to put anything of mine in there (and I need to, since I''m going shopping soon because I have no food and need to eat today!). My dish towel has rice caked onto it everywhere (why??), and has been draped over a kitchen chair as if drying it out will help. Um, no, cleaning it off would!!! GRR.

I honestly don''t mind if people use my stuff. What I DON''T like is when they use it and leave it dirty and gross and DON''T CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES!!!! Just because I leave for a few days doesn''t mean everyone has the right to use all my stuff and leave it out to get disgusting so *I* will have to clean up after them!! Makes me so angry.

Just have to keep telling myself, it''s just a few more months, just a few more months...*grits teeth*...just a few more months.

Seriously. I''m too old for this.

 

[icekid]

Gwen- I can defintely relate! When I was in college (and studying for the MCAT!) my roommate made this huge breakast / huge mess in the kitchen........ then proceeded to fly home for a long weekend of 5 days. Needless to say, I did not touch it! She was typically rather messy in the kitchen, but I think she was pretty embarrassed about that when she got back.

Now when someone else leaves a mess in the kitchen, it was my husband and I tell him he better start cleaning up after himself NOW

 

[gwendolyn]

Eww, five days?! That is kinda nasty. Good for you for not touching it--I hope it didn''t start to smell!

I think if this was the first time, I would be more confused than upset. But one of the people in my flat, the only guy and the youngest AND a PhD student who thinks he''s hot stuff, is constantly using other people''s things, getting them filthy, and then either leaving them out in the kitchen for weeks, or he just takes other people''s things into his room and doesn''t ever return them. I''ve already lost some silverware to him, and my neighbour lost a couple of glasses and a plate. He leaves food all over the counters and the floor and will leave it like that for literally weeks. In December, the cleaning staff had off, so no one came by to clean up after him, so I cornered him and told him that he needed to clean up his mess because things were getting moldy and disgusting and it was his stuff so he had to do it. He laughed at me and asked why I couldn''t clean up after him!!! He thinks because he''s young and spoiled rotten at home that he can get away with that here. I don''t clean up after my boyfriend, let alone some strangers I''m stuck with at school! So when I see him, I essentially act like his mom and tell him to clean up his mess (he''s 21 or 22; I''ll be 30 next month).

I just hate sharing things with strangers. It never seems to work out well, because not everyone has the same respect to keep shared living areas clean for everyone.

 

[Octavia]

Aww, Gwendolyn, I can definitely sympathize. When I spent my junior year of college at an English university, we were 8 to a flat. All my flatmates were English and in their first year, so they were 2-3 years younger than me and I definitely felt like the granny of the group. One weekend I went to visit a friend in London and when I came back, the kitchen was not only a disaster, but someone had taken the skin off a piece of chicken and left it on the kitchen table. And not recently...because it was green. I was a vegetarian at the time, so needless to say, I was kind of livid.

Then there was the incident where the same guy responsible for the chicken skin surprise used MY mayonnaise and left it out overnight. I confronted him and he claimed that mayo doesn''t need to be refrigerated, it''s just a silly American trait to refrigerate everything and it would be fine. I told him that when he got food poisoning, don''t cry to me... Luckily nobody did get food poisoning, but several of my flatmates were just flabbergasted when the mayo also turned green a day or two later. At least they admitted I had been right.

It''s really really hard to share a kitchen with lots of people not related to you. As much as I liked being self-catered, it was probably the biggest source of conflict in our flat that year. Hang in there, it will be over soon, I promise.

 

[perry]

I understand totally all of the points above.

What is worse though.... when they break your good stoneware and don''t replace it (when the pattern is still available).

Not properely taking care of my cast iron waffle iron and rusting it all up rates right up there too... (cast iron was the original non-stick cookwear if you knew how treat it and use it right).

Now I just share my kitchen with myself. Somehow it all works out a lot nicer that way.

I really have no desire to go back to a general housemates or roomates situation (and my future wife will be more respectfull). Yes there were some good ones; but a bad one mucks everything up (just one person in a 4 person apartment made life ...... for the other three of us).

Perry

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh, I remember those days. Poor you.

Getting my own place was one of the best days of my life!!

But sharing with FI isn't so bad I guess.

 

[bee*]

Ugh how annoying! I hate it when people borrow my stuff and especially if they''re not careful with it.

 

[gwendolyn]

Thanks for letting me vent, ladies, it''s much appreciated (and much more useful than hollering at my flatmates, who I have to get along with for another 5 and a half months yet). Now, here''s to hoping I don''t have to spend 20 minutes picking dried rice off any more towels in the future!

 

[perry]

Oh, you are doing well if you are only picking dried rice of your towels..... Much better than picking dried lice.... (and other things with tiny legs) from.... and needing that special shampoo...

Roomates.... such experiences... How can I forget...

You are doing very well indeed.



Perry

ps. not a gal - one of the others....

 

[Aloros]

Oh believe me, I understand and totally feel for you. I shared a room for my four years of college and for two years afterward - because I''m cheap and I like to save money.

After that, I couldn''t take it anymore. I got my own place and it was SUCH a relief. I have photographs somewhere of the big garbage bag one of my roommates just left out in the middle of the kitchen. It was overflowing, with a coffee cup overturned on the floor, wet, dirty paper towels....UGH!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 2/10/2008 1:45:59 PM
Author: perry
Oh, you are doing well if you are only picking dried rice of your towels..... Much better than picking dried lice.... (and other things with tiny legs) from.... and needing that special shampoo...


Roomates.... such experiences... How can I forget...


You are doing very well indeed.




Perry


ps. not a gal - one of the others....

Lice?! Oh, ew, I''m not sure I want to know the whole story! But yes, that does make me glad I only had some rice to deal with. Ewww.

 

[lumpkin]

It''s really hard to live with other people! I''d be very annoyed, too.

 

[Pandora II]

Nightmare!

I remember it sooooo well. What I did in the end was to bring my ''tuck box'' from boarding school in - it''s a small trunk thing with clip locks - and I kept all my plates, bowls, good knives etc in it. I took them to the kitchen when I ate and then washed them up and put them in the box in my room - ditto with drying-up cloths.

For food I got plastic boxes with my name written on and kept my food in the fridge in them.

It made life a lot easier!

English students are a LOT messier than a lot of other nationalities I think. I remember watching the UK and the Italian versions of Big Brother. The Italians spent ages cleaning and the house was always immaculate - the English BB house was always a total tip!

 

[LegacyGirl]

It''s hard to share a kitchen with someone related to you too. I made the big mistake of telling my little sister she could move in with us while she attends undergrad. Big mistake! She is filthy! She leaves her bathroom, bedroom, and the kitchen a giant mess. We developed an ant problem because of her. I''m so busy and it is so hard for me to clean up after her. We''ve gotten into so many fights over it and she just can''t understand why I want things so clean

She should be moving out in June and I will be so happy to have my CLEAN house back then.

 

[ladypirate]

Ah, roommates. Luckily our''s are pretty neat and rarely leave things out (they''re both in their late 20s, so I suppose they''ve learned to clean up after themselves at this point), but they did once leave our cast iron skillet in the sink overnight with water in it. GRRRR. We had to completely re-season it.

 

[Erin]

In college during one summer semester I rented out my 4 bedroom apt to three of my guy friends. I got sick of cleaning after them so one day I just stopped (thinking they would notice and do something about it.) Nope.
So once there were no plates, silverware, pots, pans left I put them all in the bathtub in hot soapy water. They were pissed! There was no way to take a bath/shower. Of course I had to take mine at a friends house for about three days too but they got the message.

My younger sister moved into with me four weeks ago while she''s in a life transition. I''m feeling some of those same feelings surfacing. Mostly just dumbfounded. We were raised by the same two cleanly people.

Why do you do that? How did you get toothpaste on my white linen shower curtain? Just make dinner but not do the dishes? Did you seriously use MY bath towel to dry off this morning???

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Eek! I am sorry about all this...it certainly does not sound like fun. I hope you find your bowl!

 

[monarch64]

I still use the set of Corelle dishware I had in college to this day (I''m 30, married for over 4 years, etc.)...those dishes have been through A LOT! My last apartment-mate in college was a gal who went home to her mom''s house every weekend and I shared my dishes with her until I went away one weekend and came back to find our kitchen a total disaster and discovered some of my missing glassware and dishes in her room, which were encrusted with food. After that, I simply cleaned the whole set thoroughly and boxed it up and put it in my closet. I then went out and purchased paper plates, plastic cups, etc., and that was the end of it. For me, it wasn''t worth getting into a confrontation with her about the misuse of my personal belongings...our lease didn''t expire for another 3 months and I didn''t feel like playing the mom role and getting ticked off about it. I just decided to remove the dishes/glassware and avoid all further conflict over the matter, and replace them with disposables, which worked out fine. Probably it wasn''t the most environmentally friendly thing I''ve ever done, but it did save our friendship...she was a BM in my wedding a few years later, and we still keep in touch.

Dishtowels on the other hand...if I''m remembering correctly we had each brought some of our own, and they made it into the laundry without question or mysterious stains. So fortunately that was not an area of concern for us. She did refuse to take out the garbage, and once I let about 5 huge bags of it pile up in the little dining area in our apt...and consequently threw a fit at the end of the week when she pretended not to notice they were there, which accomplished nothing, I still ended up the one who took them all out to the Dumpster anyway, and stuck with that role until we both graduated and moved out.

I hope things get better for you, Gwendolyn! Just think, this is a lesson in learning what it''s like to live with others before you get married. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised that your future intended''s habits are much closer to yours regarding cleanliness when you get married and share a home.

 

[gwendolyn]

Update!

1. missing bowl--returned (YAY!)
2. array of mixing bowls--returned (YAY!)
3. frying pan--returned but still dirty (yay?)
4. kitchen towel--dry and rice free (YAY!)
5. food on my shelf--mine (YAY!)

Most of the food that isn't mine (there was TONS of it--OJ, bread, Chinese food, veggies, pasta, fermented soy bean paste or something) on my solitary fridge shelf has been moved. One renegade loaf of bread keeps getting shoved back on my shelf, which annoyingly broke one of my yogurts so it made a mess and lost me some food, BUT! I've now gone shopping and have *my* shelf filled with *my* things again! And I shoved the bread back (for a 3rd time) onto one of Satan's shelves.

Maybe it's weird or immature or whatever, but I feel better now that I've staked my claim and won my fridge shelf back.

Thanks again for all the sympathy and for just letting me have you ears (or eyeballs, I guess?) to vent. I appreciate it!

 

[monarch64]

Date: 2/11/2008 11:42:57 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Update!

1. missing bowl--returned (YAY!)
2. array of mixing bowls--returned (YAY!)
3. frying pan--returned but still dirty (yay?)
4. kitchen towel--dry and rice free (YAY!)
5. food on my shelf--mine (YAY!)

Most of the food that isn''t mine (there was TONS of it--OJ, bread, Chinese food, veggies, pasta, fermented soy bean paste or something) on my solitary fridge shelf has been moved. One renegade loaf of bread keeps getting shoved back on my shelf, which annoyingly broke one of my yogurts so it made a mess and lost me some food, BUT! I''ve now gone shopping and have *my* shelf filled with *my* things again! And I shoved the bread back (for a 3rd time) onto one of Satan''s shelves.

Maybe it''s weird or immature or whatever, but I feel better now that I''ve staked my claim and won my fridge shelf back.

Thanks again for all the sympathy and for just letting me have you ears (or eyeballs, I guess?) to vent. I appreciate it!

Awww, see...the flatmates love their Gwendolyn soooo much that they made everything as right as they possibly could. I''m impressed! Who cares if anything got returned in a dirty state...it was returned! Cheers!!!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 2/10/2008 9:29:32 PM
Author: Starset Princess
In college during one summer semester I rented out my 4 bedroom apt to three of my guy friends. I got sick of cleaning after them so one day I just stopped (thinking they would notice and do something about it.) Nope.
So once there were no plates, silverware, pots, pans left I put them all in the bathtub in hot soapy water. They were pissed! There was no way to take a bath/shower. Of course I had to take mine at a friends house for about three days too but they got the message.

My younger sister moved into with me four weeks ago while she''s in a life transition. I''m feeling some of those same feelings surfacing. Mostly just dumbfounded. We were raised by the same two cleanly people.

Why do you do that? How did you get toothpaste on my white linen shower curtain? Just make dinner but not do the dishes? Did you seriously use MY bath towel to dry off this morning???

Oh my goodness! Are you sure my sister isn''t moonlighting at your house? Geesh! Same thing I''m putting up with. Does yours like to leave veggies rotting in the fridge too? Or make something and put it in a plastic container and eat all but the last itty bit of it so she can leave it in the fridge until I clean it out for her?

 

[sunnyd]

Damn. I had this whole post about how horrible my roommate was in college, and it was eaten.

Oh well, it was theraputic to write anyway. I feel for ya, glad you got your stuff back!!

Oh yeah, and if mystery food makes it onto your shelf, I say eat it!!!