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luckystar112

luckystar112

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Jan 8, 2007
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My friend and I got into an interesting conversation the other day about guest attire.
It started off with me looking at a friend''s wedding photos (a wedding that I did not attend) and seeing that a lot of the guests that are my age (24) were wearing jeans, t-shirts, and flip flops.
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Granted, it was a day wedding, and it was held in the backyard of the bride''s parents house. However, the bridesmaids wore beautiful tea-length gowns, the groomsmen wore tuxes, the bride wore a long flowing gown, and the decor was immaculate.

I think that if it were me, at the very least I''d wear some dress pants or a skirt with a nice top...and it surprised me that some people didn''t. (These are people that I will probably be inviting to MY wedding.)

My friend told me that at her brother''s wedding, a lot of the guys showed up in jeans and boots, even though the wedding was a formal affair. She said that the best photo from the reception was one with the bride and groom dancing; the bride''s head rested on the grooms shoulder--but you can see these guys in their muddy boots in the background, which no one was really thrilled about.

So...I don''t know. Maybe I was brought up differently? To me, a wedding is a wedding...whether it is held in a castle in france or at the local town hall...and you should dress appropriately. It goes the other way too...at my brother''s wedding, one of the girls came dressed up, but in a dress that was WAY too short for her, and revealed way too much. This girl was on the dance floor all night, and definitely took the spotlight off the bride and groom. And not in a good way.

My friend said that when she gets married she is going to put "black tie" on the invitation so that there isn''t any confusion...but I don''t know if I want to dictate how my guests dress. They are GUESTS, afterall.
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But shouldn''t people know better? Am I already a bridezilla without even being engaged yet? lol
 
I feel the same way! Unless jeans are specifically requested on the invitation, I feel like it''s completely rude to wear them! (But then, I''m like that about going to see a play, going to a nice restaurant...) It''s the kind of occassion that deserves respect, and part of showing that is by dressing appropriately.

*sigh* But not everybody agrees with me. So I just do my best and smile. Of course, I''m currently stressed out that my outfit isn''t formal enough for the "Black Tie Optional" wedding I''m going to next weekend!
 
I agree that I would personally never wear anything but a dress or skirt/top (maybe dressy pants at a more casual wedding--maybe) But, I suppose to each his own. I had a friend who had people show up in their biker gear to her wedding. But she said she couldn''t picture them any other way, so she was glad that they wore it.

When people ask me what they should wear to mine, I pretty much say, "Whatever makes you feel beautiful!" because I want everyone to feel happy and glamorous. I don''t think I would mind if someone showed up looking casual. I would probably just hope that they didn''t feel uncomfortable with being under dressed (I know I would be very uncomfortable if I were under dressed).
 
My DH is really NOT that into clothes but whenever we go to a wedding and there is someone is jeans/flip flops/t-shirts/shorts (and there ususally is at least ONE) he gets so mad. It is so funny. But it is offensive. I don''t care what time of day your wedding is people should make an effort.
 
I am surprised at how casual weddings have become. I have always worn a dress to a wedding & the first wedding I went to as an adult, I wore a very formal, almost prom-like dress ( iwas just out of high school). I even wear dresses to day time affairs. I say to myself, "It''s a wedding!"

My fi always wears a suit. The last wedding we went to, he asked me if he had to wear his jacket. I didn''t hesitate to say yes. There were a lot of people there who weren''t wearing jackets & I thought they looked under dressed!

I have never seen anyone wearing a t-shirt or work boots to a wedding. I can''t even imagine!

If people come to my wedding under dressed, then whatever I guess. I''m sure they feel more uncomfortable than I do!
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I can sort of understand that casual look at a backyard day time wedding. I think if you are doing something like that, you should definitely let your guests know that it isn''t going to be casual.

We are getting married on September 1 of this year in our friends'' backyard...and I expect everyone to be casual. FI won''t be wearing a tux, I''ve got a pretty simple dress...I think most of the guys will wear jeans, khakis, maybe even shorts...girls in sundresses...but really, I don''t so much care.

Folks that wear jeans and a tshirt to a nice evening wedding - well, they just lack class. Same goes for people that go to a wedding wearing a super revealing dress...no class...and there isn''t a thing you can do about it, really.

Unless you have a bouncer at the door and turn down the folks that are inappropriately dressed.
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I personally think that jeans are too casual to wear to a wedding, however I think it is rude of the bride and groom to dictate to the guests how they should dress, unless the occasion is strictly black tie. My SIL crossed this path with me recently. She''s getting married soon and wants my hubby, who''s not in the wedding party (only a guest) to be clean shaven and wear a particular black suit that he has. What!? Granted, he''ll probably wear the suit but the facial hair! Give me a break! She''s really turned into bridezilla these days.

My wedding was pretty formal (not black tie though) but there was one guy (from my side) that wore cut off jeans and a NASCAR shirt to the ceremony and reception. It was funny because everyone else looked nice. I wasn''t offended because that''s the kind of guy he is, but still - not appropriate for a formal wedding.

Jess
 
I agree...you should be respectful of the event and dress accordingly.

My biggest peeve is funeral attire. There should be some threshold people know not to cross. I realize many come from work...or from school...but the flip flops and camis and dirty jeans do not belong at this moment you chose to spend you time. Just as in that wedding setting example in a garden...it didn''t mean garden attire...or... that doesn''t mean come as you are...

I have a problem with people in the mall or even walmart~another story. I still dress for the doctor/dentist/salon appt. And I am the only one on the plane not wearing my jammies. Don''t get me started there!!

Look at old photos of the 40''s and 50''s. Every man wore a hat. Most women did also. women really did dress like June Cleaver...the could have come as they were. This is a different time...unfortunately...but you will look lovely!!!

If you come up with a plan...to mention appropriate attire...please post details. You can count on me to back you up!!

DKS
 
I wore flip flops at my own wedding, but would never wear them to anyone else''s, even if it were a casual wedding.

I was actually curious to see what people wore at my wedding (I didn''t really notice at the time) so I dug up a pic. Folks were very casual...hawaiian shirts were the norm, plus sundresses for the girls. There were some nicer shorts for the guys, but interestingly, no one wore jeans! Plus every guy wore a collared shirt. Looking at the pic, I''m impressed!
 
I think one nice way to get a more formal audience at your wedding is to say "Black Tie Invited". To me the "invited" sounds nicer than "optional", and I think it puts it in the spirit it''s meant. Not a "feel bad if you don''t have a tux" but a "hey, you have our complete approval to go all out!".

I cracked up at the story of your Nascar Guy, DivaD. I''m always amazed at how comfortable some people are marching to their own drum, especially in social situations like weddings.
 
We''re having a day time wedding and we''re trying to keep it as semi-formalish as we can, but yes, I would be peeved if people showed up in jeans. I added a note on my wedding website in the FAQs, saying that semi-formal wear will be the most appropriate.
 
Oh my goodness... I have NEVER been to a wedding where somebody wore jeans.... I can't even imagine!!!
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We were at a wedding in Key West where some girls wore flip-flops with their dresses, but other than that, most people I know won't even wear a skirt... it's dresses for the girls, suits for the guys, no matter what. Then again, I don't know that I've ever been to a wedding that would be considered "casual"... if it was indicated that way on an invite, I think I'd just wear a fun sundress and DH would wear slacks and a polo shirt.

We did "black tie optional" for our wedding, and I loved the result.... there were so many dark, elegant dresses and suits that looked wonderful in all the pix. We considered "black tie invited", but apparently that is considered one step more formal than "optional"... like saying "we suggest you wear black tie" rather than giving them a choice. I didn't know that until I looked it up online though!
 
I have certain family members who feel that people shouldn''t care what they are wearing. Those certain people have been known to wear a kilt and Guiness t-shirt to Thanksgiving or Easter (which are traditionally collared shirt, tie, but no jacket occasions in my fam).

Even these certain family members wore appropriate dark suits to my cousin''s wedding. I can''t imagine wearing jeans or muddy boots to someone''s wedding! Even if it were in a backyard or a park. I know there are a lot of people out there who don''t think clothes or their appearance SHOULD matter, but my argument is that they do, and one should be respectfully dressed for whatever occasion.

That said, I don''t know how to force people to dress appropriately for one''s wedding. I don''t think my wedding will be the kind of formality where people should wear a tux, but I sure would like people to wear a tie or a dress.
 
I don''t think the bride or groom should tell their guests what to wear either. I have never even heard of that. I would *think* people had common sense. For example, the last wedding we went to had a church service and there was a couple in their 40-50s in jeans and down vests (it was winter). We were shocked.
 
Is it bad that this is what I'm stressing about the most? My cousin just got married at an evening wedding outdoors at a winery. The dress was stated as 'cocktail attire.' My family wore khakis, cotton day dress, and polo shirts.

God bless them, I love them all, but I know that my fiance's family will be totally dressed up and I don't want my family to feel out of place. (My fiance is Vietnamese and some women in his family are sending fabric to Vietnam to have custom dresses made.)

We put 'formal reception to follow ...' hopefully hinting that this is a more fancy affair. No one is wearing tuxes, but I would love to see the majority of men wearing suits and women wearing something a little dressier than a cotton day dress.

Here's to hoping!
 
My mom and I were just having this conversation today! We were talking about how apparently every occasion is equal these days and jeans are acceptable wherever you go. People wear jeans to a football game, church, a wedding, a musical, a funeral, even work. It''s disappointing to know that people cannot put forth the effort for certain events. I think if someone is paying for you to be at their wedding reception, the very least you can do is try to dress up a little bit.
 
I''ve personally never been to a wedding where someone wore jeans but I would definitely be upset if someone wore jeans to my wedding. I just feel that a bit of effort should be made.
 
I personally like it when someone indicates what type of dress a wedding will be. It cuts down on the ''''is this appropriate'''' issue for me. I went to a wedding where someone showed up in jeans and fli flops, I think unless specifically requested I find this REALLY offensive for the bride and groom, the guests too. I just feel it shows a lack of respect for the occasion and the people attending.

I remember at another wedding, one of the girls (she hit on my man incidently
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) wore a short WHITE LACE DRESS, no print, no colour, just white lace, off the shoulder. Who wears WHITE LACE when you are NOT the bride???? or one of the flower girls, or unless the bride specifically requested it. Seriously bridezilla or not, if one of the girls showed up at my wedding with a white lace dress, I would have an issue. And I would probably say so. Definitely be embracing my inner birdezilla.
 
We included "black tie optional" on our invitations. I didnt want people showing up in casual attire, not that I was that worried, but hey, your never know. This way, the guests understand that although they are not required to wear tuxes/formal length gowns, it is not a "casual" wedding so to speak where you can wear anything your want....
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I don''t have a problem telling my guests how to dress.
White Tie
Black Tie
Black Tie Invited
Semi-formal
Casual.

Whatever.

I got an invitation to a rehersal dinner and the included with the invite was something to the effect of : Semi formal attire, sports coats for all men requested"

I thought that was fine. Persnickity? Maybe. But in this age where so many people don''t know how to dress appropriately for events, I think that IF you care what your guests wear, you should tell them.

Interestingly enough the evening wedding for that event (evening/night reception) was also semi formal, but no one let the word out and everyone who wasn''t close family felt RIDICULOUS in floor length formal gowns. We all would have really appreicated some direction for the wedding too.
 
I agree, dressing casually for a wedding is offensive. If it''s a casual BBQ type wedding and the bride/groom are fine with weekend clothes then of course that should be stated on the invite. But as a rule of thumb, I take someone''s wedding seriously and would never wear anything other than a nice dress.

On a funeral note, riffing off of DKS''s post, my cousin showed up to my Uncle''s funeral wearing jeans and I nearly punched her in the face I was so mad. My uncle would have had a fit had he seen how disrespectful she was to him. He was a very old school man. It''s just disrespectful, IMO. I loathe how informal our society has become. There is so little distinction/separation from watering one''s lawn to attending a wedding and to me, that''s a sad commentary on our society and the lack of basic social skills people have nowadays.

*stepping off soapbox now*
 
Date: 7/5/2007 1:57:34 PM
Author: surfgirl
I agree, dressing casually for a wedding is offensive. If it''s a casual BBQ type wedding and the bride/groom are fine with weekend clothes then of course that should be stated on the invite. But as a rule of thumb, I take someone''s wedding seriously and would never wear anything other than a nice dress.

On a funeral note, riffing off of DKS''s post, my cousin showed up to my Uncle''s funeral wearing jeans and I nearly punched her in the face I was so mad. My uncle would have had a fit had he seen how disrespectful she was to him. He was a very old school man. It''s just disrespectful, IMO. I loathe how informal our society has become. There is so little distinction/separation from watering one''s lawn to attending a wedding and to me, that''s a sad commentary on our society and the lack of basic social skills people have nowadays.

*stepping off soapbox now*
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I completely agree! I have been to a wedding and a funeral recently where people were dressed so innappropriately it blew my mind. At the wedding, one girl was actually wearing cargo shorts, a t-shirt and sneakers. I wanted to be like "you couldn''t even wear long pants?" The bride was wearing a gorgeous but simple full length white dress and the groom and groomsmen were wearing suits, not tuxes, so it wasn''t super formal, but it certainly wasn''t a casual backyard wedding.

The funeral I attended was a full military funeral and there were countless people there wearing jeans, t-shirts, jean jackets, etc. I couldn''t believe it. The night of the wake I went and bought a new black dress and so did my sister. I''m relativiely tall and I have long legs so the only black dress I could find was a bit above my knee and I was worried that would be inappropriate, and then I arrived at the wake and funeral and saw people in jeans and t-shirts!

I doubt any of my family or friends would wear something inappropriate at my wedding, but I think I''m still going to put black tie optional on my wedding invites just to be on the safe side.
 
I always wear a dress, smart jacket and a big hat to weddings - and FI wears a smart suit and tie.

I would be furious if people turned up to my wedding in jeans - especially here in the UK it would appear as a deliberate insult. At my sister''s wedding, her husband''s Best Woman turned up in an unironed dress and without preparing a speech, her husband came in jeans and a t-shirt. Apparently this was a "political statement", I saw it as rude and showing that he had a chip on his shoulder. My father was fuming.

I went to a wedding two years ago where one of our friends turned up without a tie. I had a go at him about it and was very amused when the reception venue refused to let him in until he went and bought one! His gf was not pleased with him.

My wedding invitations will say "Morning attire will be worn" as most of my relatives will wear full morning suit (black tail coat, striped trousers and top hat) as well as the bridal party and other guests will know that a formal suit and tie for men and hats for women will be expected. To be honest I''m not worried as I know all the people who are coming and they are all respectful people.

Some people will feel I am somewhat pedantic to be like this. Yes, I am - I expect people to treat me the way I would treat them on a day that is important for them and that means making an appropriate effort.
 
Date: 7/5/2007 7:22:38 PM
Author: Pandora II
I always wear a dress, smart jacket and a big hat to weddings - and FI wears a smart suit and tie.

I would be furious if people turned up to my wedding in jeans - especially here in the UK it would appear as a deliberate insult. At my sister's wedding, her husband's Best Woman turned up in an unironed dress and without preparing a speech, her husband came in jeans and a t-shirt. Apparently this was a 'political statement', I saw it as rude and showing that he had a chip on his shoulder. My father was fuming.

I went to a wedding two years ago where one of our friends turned up without a tie. I had a go at him about it and was very amused when the reception venue refused to let him in until he went and bought one! His gf was not pleased with him.

My wedding invitations will say 'Morning attire will be worn' as most of my relatives will wear full morning suit (black tail coat, striped trousers and top hat) as well as the bridal party and other guests will know that a formal suit and tie for men and hats for women will be expected. To be honest I'm not worried as I know all the people who are coming and they are all respectful people.

Some people will feel I am somewhat pedantic to be like this. Yes, I am - I expect people to treat me the way I would treat them on a day that is important for them and that means making an appropriate effort.
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At our wedding, the bridal party wore full morning attire. Our friends from the UK did, as well. Beautiful hats included. I love, Pandora, that such things are just known across the pond. Fortunately, all of our guests were properly attired. I would have been insulted had they not been. I always dress up for a wedding. It's just the appropriate thing to do. I have seen the "casual" crowd at some other weddings and it's just plain rude. As far as funerals, it's unthinkable!
 
I can''t imagine dressing down for such an occasion! My sister happened to wear a white tank top, flowy pants, and birks for her own wedding. Her now husband dressed up a tad more but it was still very informal. It was at a camp where they both work during the summers. I think their invitation mentioned something in paragraph form about how camp attire would be welcome. A few of their theather, hippy friends wore very casual clothes but most still wore more appropriate wedding attire. A few ladies wore pants rather than dresses or skirts they otherwise would have worn but overall, I didn''t see a ton of people dressing down. I couldn''t do it though. I wore a skirt and a nice top. My mom wore a nice pants suit, and my dad wore a polo shirt and nice pants. My sister and my BIL had both families walk them down the aisle, so in more ways than one, they didn''t exactly follow tradition.
 
My sister''s wedding reception was filled with guests from the "other" side who were casually dressed. I remember thinking how inappropriate it seemed. The people did not seem embarrassed in the least.

My BI is the biggest country bumpkin I know. It nearly killed him to have to break down and buy a suit for a funeral. He refused to part with his white socks, even after my MI had a hissy fit! He was raised to know better, but the suit in this case did not make the man.

At the wedding we attended on Saturday, I did notice a man wearing a dressy knit shirt w/o a tie. He did change into a suit for the reception. people don''t want to seem out of place. Other people are clueless and could not give a care.
 
For my brother-in-law''s rehearsal dinner, my husband''s uncle had to be told to wear a suit, which he didn''t own. He went out and bought this corduroy thing that I guess was a suit jacket. We didn''t have many people at our rehearsal dinner so it wasn''t a problem.

If your friends do this at every wedding, they''ll do it at yours too. So your choices are to include something like "formal attire" or "black tie welcome," or to have a bridesmaid inform the clueless guys that they''ll need to wear suits (tell them where to rent one too) and assume that the rest of the invitees will dress nicely based on the time of your wedding and location of your reception.

I really don''t get the whole underdressing thing. I think it''s definitely better to be dressed more formally than everyone else than less formally. My husband''s company Christmas parties are black tie, so I always wear a formal gown. Some of the older women just wear pants suits (with sparkly tops), but I feel that since I''m young I need to dress according to the invitation.

We had black tie formals in college, and there would always be one guy who only wore khaki pants and a blue shirt. I''m guessing probably these were guys who didn''t have suits and couldn''t figure out how to get one in time. Maybe that''s your friends'' problems too.
 
Phoenixgirl-- the friends I''m talking about were all girls, which makes it even WORSE imo!
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I won''t be married for a while, so a lot can happen. I might just not invite these people. (As awful as that sounds...haha) I very rarely talk to these people, and we are nowhere near as close as we were in high school. None of them have met my FI...I don''t talk to any of them on the phone or email. It''s really just one of those things like we''ll meet up if I''m in town, (once a year) but the rest of the time I don''t talk to them.
 
Date: 7/5/2007 1:57:34 PM
Author: surfgirl
I agree, dressing casually for a wedding is offensive. If it''s a casual BBQ type wedding and the bride/groom are fine with weekend clothes then of course that should be stated on the invite. But as a rule of thumb, I take someone''s wedding seriously and would never wear anything other than a nice dress.

On a funeral note, riffing off of DKS''s post, my cousin showed up to my Uncle''s funeral wearing jeans and I nearly punched her in the face I was so mad. My uncle would have had a fit had he seen how disrespectful she was to him. He was a very old school man. It''s just disrespectful, IMO. I loathe how informal our society has become. There is so little distinction/separation from watering one''s lawn to attending a wedding and to me, that''s a sad commentary on our society and the lack of basic social skills people have nowadays.

*stepping off soapbox now*
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*rolls up sleeves"

*lifts surf back up on her soapbox*

PREACH ON!! Well stated!
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I like being told what to wear, it decreases chances of committing a faux pas. One wedding I attended at a country club had a dress code that required men to wear jackets and the invitations clearly stated this.
My cousin let it known through word of mouth that she wanted the male guests in suits and female guests in attire of equal formality. It worked for the most part. One lady wore a sweatshirt and sneakers, she stuck out like a sore thumb.
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Thinking back to my outdoor garden wedding, everyone was appropriately attired. Nearly all the men wore suits, the most casually dressed guy wore dark slacks with a button down shirt. The ladies were in dresses with a a jacket or shawl.
 
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