Guest List Negotiations - Friends/ Non-Family

[lucyandroger]

Hi all,

SO and I are trying to get our guest list together so we have an idea of how many people will be attending when we go look at venues. We''re having trouble figuring out what kind of friends should be invited to the wedding.

What I mean to say is (1) Did you invite friends that you only really see at work? (2) Did you invite friends that have you over for a party every couple of months? (3) Did you invite friends that you used to be really close with but don''t talk to much anymore? What was your determing factor?

I know this is a personal choice and different for every couple but I just wanted to see what other people did/ are doing. Also, we don''t want anybody to be insulted that they weren''t invited or think it was weird that they received an invitation....Yes, we worry too much!

Also, assume there are no venue or budget limitations. Thanks!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Take into consideration a few factors such as how many people you have to guarantee for the night you want (need more for a Saturday night than a Sunday night, or a Saturday afternoon for that matter), how much it costs per person and what your budget is. If you haven''t seen someone in 3 years, do you really want to pay $150 a head (that''s $300 per couple) to have them take up a seat at your wedding day?

Sit your man down with a nice bottle of wine, and have a notebook and pen in hand. Start with the absolute must-have people (parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.), and then go to the closest friends. Then, if you still want or need to have more (to guarantee the minimum amount of people), add to the list.

 

[elrohwen]

For us, it was really dependent on how much family we were inviting and the guest count we wanted and thought we could afford. We looked at family first. Neither of us are very close to our extended families, so other than our parents we are inviting very few other family members. This left a lot of room for friends so we''re inviting tons. Many are friends from college that we both know. We haven''t spoken to some of them in a long time (possibily since college) but we were very close to them and consider them lifelong friends. We are also inviting a big group of people FI works with who we see socially all the time. Finally, I''m inviting some close friends from high school I''m still in touch with. I''m only inviting two people from my work because inviting more would be a slippery slope to inviting 10-15 more people and we can''t afford that.

The amount of friends we were able to invite had a significant impact on who we chose to invite. If we had invited much more family we would''ve reduced the friend count considerably and only invited very close friends.

 

[Octavia]

We used the "5-year rule": if we didn't think that someone would still be an important part of our lives in five years, they didn't make the list. This means that some of my high school and college friends, who I was really close to back then but don't keep in touch with, didn't make the list. Distant family members who I see once every two or three years didn't make the list, nor did any of my cousins (I'm not at all close to any of them, and don't foresee being any closer five years down the line). Only two or three of my coworker-friends made the list, but we're very close to a lot of FI's coworker-friends so they make up a pretty big chunk of the list. Not surprisingly, our list ended up being within 5 people of what my original estimate for the size of our wedding was.

People may be insulted. Tough. I think that, in most situations (allowing for exceptions here and there), being insulted about not being invited to the wedding of someone you're not close to is a pretty futile exercise, and you can never make everyone else happy, so we're doing what makes us happy. And we're paying, so we get to do that

 

[Winks_Elf]

Exactly!

My bf is only inviting two people from his work. We''re having about 13 children, 9 of which are made up of my 4, his sister''s 3, and his brother''s two. We''re inviting a few of his adult cousins, but not their children. Sorry, but I really don''t want to pay almost $75 per child to have them not eat anything and run around screaming.

 

[fieryred33143]

Well...if budget wasn''t going to be considered then I''d invite everyone under the sun

I think that ifyou have to keep your guest list at x amount of people, then your best bet would be to invite those friends that you cannot see yourself having a wedding without. That''s what I would do.

Or you can take my FI''s approach and invite those that you know will give you a really awesome gift (LOL)

 

[iheartscience]

I''m only inviting my friends I''m truly close to and who I really want there. If you''re inviting someone out of a sense of obligation and not because you really want them there, then don''t invite them!

For example, my old roommates who I rarely see or speak to aren''t invited, and neither are formerly close friends that I just grew apart from and never see. I bet some of the people in those groups will be expecting an invite, but if they mention it I''ll just say my family is so big I''m not able to invite a ton of my own friends. Maybe I''ll blame it on my mom or something!

 

[mayachel]

Great topic! I think we are going to have a difficult time with this, because I really DO have a large family. Immediate family only, hovers around 90! Plus, waiting until we are a little older, more established in life to get married, means many weddings of friends we''ve already attended, that we aren''t necessarily close with.

There are people I am disappointed to realize I''m not as close with anymore...which makes us want to include them in our day. I am very much a "my house is open" sort of person, who would feel best including anyone who wants to celebrate with us, but our budget won''t allow for it in the end. Filtering those in the grey area of not close, but not that distant will require a lot of black and white ruthless *cutting* of the list. We are expecting to host about 150-200 people.

 

[Diamond Confused]

In my list I''ve included friends that I know that even if a lot of tim goes by without speaking, the second we hang out again it''s just like old times. It''s people that I genuinely hold a spot for in my hear (as cheesy as that sounds). I''ve been pretty ruth;less with cutting out guest because I want to keep it small. My fiance is being far too generous.

My friend told me to think of it this way: if they never talked to you again because you didn''t invite them would you care? If no then don''t invite them.