Guest list woes

[Faerievert]

I know everyone has guest list troubles, so maybe someone has been in my situation before.
We can only afford to have about 100 guests. We booked a room that would be very crowded if we go much over that. Unfortunately, my fiance could easily push our guest list up to 200 with all the people he wants to invite! My mother and I had to sit him down and make him start cutting. I felt just aweful ganging up on him, but I didn''t have to nerve to do it myself. He was upset, but took it all pretty well, considering. He knows it''s a financial thing, not a ''I don''t want your friends to come'' thing. Unfortunately, he has a very large extended family. Most of whom will actually come. I have quite a few on my side as well, but my family isn''t very close, so to my dissappointment several of my aunts and their families probably won''t bother to come. The wedding is out of town for almost everyone - we''re having it in Louisville, KY, while his family is in Alabama, and most of mine is in Chicago or Philly. Most of our college friends are still up in Rochester, NY. So his ''must invite'' list hovers around 50+, and mine is at 30-35. That''s just the relatives and longstanding family friends that your parents insist you invite. That leaves less than 20 of our friends! I find this very frustrating, and he is even more aggrevated.
To help ease our troubles of what friends to invite, we''ve decided to send out invitations in two sets. The wedding is June 3, so we''re sending out the invites to our relatives and family friends on Valentines to be due in late March. Then we''ll know how much room we''ll really have for OUR friends. We''ll start sending out their invites the last week of March. That should leave some time to send out some more invites when people RSVP their regrets, and still have it all done by two weeks before the wedding.
Has anyone else had to do something like this? I feel very conflicted over the whole situation. On one hand, I really want my family to come to my wedding. On the other hand, I kind of hope that a bunch of them won''t show like my parents have warned me so that we can have more of our college friends. Is that totally selfish of me? My fiance insists he won''t be mad at me if they come and keep him from having the people he wants, but the whole situation still sucks.

 

[lilyinct]

What a tough situation you''re in, you poor thing! Cutting those numbers is such a difficult and stressful thing to do.
A few things I''ve learned from cutting my original 100 person invite list to 65:

- only invite those friends or distant relatives who you would actually have over to your house for dinner.

- people are going to be upset. period. But if you explain to those people that you have a tight budget and a firm number of invitees, they will be a little more understanding.

- if there is a large contigency of people in a particular area of the country, instead of inviting them to your wedding, just plan a trip to see all of them in a group- we''re going to Florida next month and are renting out a large room at a restaurant and getting family style service with only wine and soda to cut down on the price.

good luck!!

 

[Jelly]

I''m sorry to hear about your guest list woes. I agree...have a party to celebrate with friends and co-workers. Make it a potluck and throw it somewhere cheap like the bowling alley. A BBQ at a park would also be nice and not too expensive The invitation could be "We have a big-a$$ family and can''t afford a big wedding but we love you and want to party with you anyway! No gifts please."

 

[Faerievert]

That does sound like a good idea. Maybe I can find a way to get to Rochester some weekend in early May (I''m actually in Ann Arbor, MI now, but my fiance will be in Rochester finishing up school). I''m sure my fiance would have a party of some sort anyway, but I sure would like to be there and make it a little more official! No need to specify no presents - a bunch of broke college students wouldn''t even think to get them. I must admit that the people we''re not getting a chance to invite aren''t the classiest crowd - but they are a lot of fun, especially his fraternity brothers! There''s a lot of great parks in the area, so hopefully we can come up with the cash for a cook-out with a shelter, not just a shindig at the frat house.

 

[Jelly]

Hot dogs, hamburgers, chips and corn on the cob work well with poor college students. Something low key and not stressful sounds like a good idea.

Best of luck!