Guest list woes?

[musey]

Compiling the guest list always causes problems. But after that's all resolved, the invites are out, all is well on the guest list front--then you get an RSVP for a "plus one" who was not invited!

A few days later, another RSVP for an invited couple who intend to bring their uninvited 2-year-old twins!

I've been poll-happy lately, forgive me!

 

[kcoursolle]

We''ve had 5 guests that added at least one guest that was not invited. I honestly think that people just have no idea how they are supposed to act or that the names on the invite *are the only people invited*. I think the no. of persons line confuses them as well.

 

[neatfreak]

Not yet...but then again everyone invited is close friends and family and so they all know it''s a very small wedding...

 

[Pandora II]

I haven''t voted as my invitations haven''t gone out.

But mine will be a nightmare if my venue say no to my seperate onsite creche as I am really stretching it at 120 and anyone who invites an extra will have to be contacted and told that it''s not okay.

I really sympathise!

 

[iheartscience]

Ugh, I can''t believe people do this! It blows my mind and makes me mad, even when it''s not my wedding! So RUDE!

I didn''t vote because I haven''t even set a date yet. Once I send out invites, though, if I get RSVPs for people I didn''t invite, I will call them up and tell them the invitation is only for whoever I originally invited due to space/budget constraints.

 

[E B]

I didn't vote (I just sent the invites out), but I put "We've saved ____ seats in your honor" with the number written in on each RSVP card, so any add-ons can't be blamed on the person not knowing.

 

[labbielove]

We avoided this issue by making personalized RSVPs.
It started out as a solution to not having an inner envelope (and nowhere to write "and guest")
but it evolved into a great solution to that, the ''uninvited guest'' syndrome,as well as the RSVP that comes back with no name printed on it.


Emily Post would probably be appalled, but our guests all thought it was great.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

We had a few add-ons for our wedding and it maxed out our venue. We were already pretty close to the max when the invites went out. We called the "offenders" and let them know, but lo and behold some of the uninvited showed up anyways. At that point there really wasn''t anything that we could do - except to ask them to leave which would have been beyond rude. Oh well! It all worked out in the end for us. Good luck on yours!

Jess

 

[monarch64]

I think we were one of the few fortunate couples who didn''t have to deal with uninvited guests, so I voted #1. I don''t understand why, if the invitation is addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. so-and-so" people assume that means "and family," when those very words are not included on the outer envelope?

I even had a BM come in from OOT, brought along her girl friend, who brought along her boyfriend, and never once did my BM say, "hey, can these two come to the wedding since they''re here?" I really wish an etiquette class covering weddings/social events was offered at a H.S. level.

 

[Fancy605]

We had a woman RSVP for 5 children--all of whom were uninvited. 5 children...GEEZE. My husband called and politely explained that we had limited seating and that there just wasn''t room for 5 unexpected children (some of which were not even their own) all between the ages of 2 and 8. The only children who were invited in the first place were those who were in the wedding (our program girls, flower girl, violinists) and my nephews (who are VERY well behaved.) The guests reacted politely enough.

We had another couple carry in a baby that they did not RSVP for. It made me feel bad for the people who were told NOT to bring their 5 children.

And we had 2 guests ask if their adult son (who was also invited) could bring his girlfriend. They offered to pay for her meal and everything. I thought they handled the situation VERY well. Of course, we had meant for him to bring her the entire time. The "and guest" just managed to get left off. Still, it was so polite for them to offer to pay for her. I just felt bad that she didn''t feel invited in the first place. We meant for her to!

 

[SeattleSparkle]

We definitely wanted to avoid this headache so our RSVP cards are written as "___ of ____ will attend." We filled in the second blank for every card. I know it is not the most polite, but boy, it sure is saving us a lot of heartache now and we have had no complaints!!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/7/2007 10:20:16 PM
Author: monarch64
I think we were one of the few fortunate couples who didn''t have to deal with uninvited guests, so I voted #1. I don''t understand why, if the invitation is addressed to ''Mr. and Mrs. so-and-so'' people assume that means ''and family,'' when those very words are not included on the outer envelope?

I even had a BM come in from OOT, brought along her girl friend, who brought along her boyfriend, and never once did my BM say, ''hey, can these two come to the wedding since they''re here?'' I really wish an etiquette class covering weddings/social events was offered at a H.S. level.

This baffles me as well.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/7/2007 11:23:55 PM
Author: Fancy605
We had a woman RSVP for 5 children--all of whom were uninvited. 5 children...GEEZE. My husband called and politely explained that we had limited seating and that there just wasn''t room for 5 unexpected children (some of which were not even their own) all between the ages of 2 and 8. The only children who were invited in the first place were those who were in the wedding (our program girls, flower girl, violinists) and my nephews (who are VERY well behaved.) The guests reacted politely enough.

We had another couple carry in a baby that they did not RSVP for. It made me feel bad for the people who were told NOT to bring their 5 children.

And we had 2 guests ask if their adult son (who was also invited) could bring his girlfriend. They offered to pay for her meal and everything. I thought they handled the situation VERY well. Of course, we had meant for him to bring her the entire time. The ''and guest'' just managed to get left off. Still, it was so polite for them to offer to pay for her. I just felt bad that she didn''t feel invited in the first place. We meant for her to!

So how did you handle this? Did they pay for themselves or did you end up paying?

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 8/7/2007 6:58:02 PM
Author: EBree
I didn''t vote (I just sent the invites out), but I put ''We''ve saved ____ seats in your honor'' with the number written in on each RSVP card, so any add-ons can''t be blamed on the person not knowing.

I did the same thing for my wedding last year.

We only had one person cross out the original number. Everyone else "got it"

 

[ephemery1]

I thought we might have this problem, but out of our 180 final guest count, fortunately not a single one was an add-on!

We did have a cousin who asked repeatedly (every 6 weeks for a year, honestly) if she could bring her 2 and 4 year old, despite the fact no other children were going to be there and we offered to provide private babysitting instead. She finally ended up making her husband stay in the hotel room with the kids... but not before she told me she was going to ask our 18-year-old cousin if she''d mind babysitting, implying that since she was a teenager, she shouldn''t be invited either.

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 8/8/2007 10:37:52 AM
Author: zoebartlett

Date: 8/7/2007 11:23:55 PM

Author: Fancy605

We had a woman RSVP for 5 children--all of whom were uninvited. 5 children...GEEZE. My husband called and politely explained that we had limited seating and that there just wasn''t room for 5 unexpected children (some of which were not even their own) all between the ages of 2 and 8. The only children who were invited in the first place were those who were in the wedding (our program girls, flower girl, violinists) and my nephews (who are VERY well behaved.) The guests reacted politely enough.


We had another couple carry in a baby that they did not RSVP for. It made me feel bad for the people who were told NOT to bring their 5 children.


And we had 2 guests ask if their adult son (who was also invited) could bring his girlfriend. They offered to pay for her meal and everything. I thought they handled the situation VERY well. Of course, we had meant for him to bring her the entire time. The ''and guest'' just managed to get left off. Still, it was so polite for them to offer to pay for her. I just felt bad that she didn''t feel invited in the first place. We meant for her to!

So how did you handle this? Did they pay for themselves or did you end up paying?

We ended up paying for her. This is mostly because the "and guest" not being on the invitation was a mistake. The calligrapher left it off of that one by
accident (I didn''t get to see the invitations once they were addressed. My family handled taking them to the calligrapher and mailing them for me, so I DEFINITELY can''t complain about small mistakes). Anyway, we were just glad we got a chance to tell them that we had meant for their son to be invited with a guest in the first place. It all worked out well.

 

[Cleopatra]

I haven't sent my invites out yet - although I'm really worried also - Zachary (the FI) and I have decided that no one under 18 will be allowed (We have to do this - Zachary's father has 13 brothers and sisters who all have about 4 kids EACH under the age of 10 - and those kids are nuts! Not to mention the size of his mother's side of the family and also the size of my side of the family!) People will probably be very angry with us when they get the invitation that says "Adults only," but they have to realize - 50-60 PLUS extra kids is probably about $1,000 to $1,500, or more, extra for us to spit out with food, cake, drinks, and venue set up prices!

OK - end of my rant! ha!

Is anyone else having a kid-free wedding? Or am I just a Cruella DeVille?

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/9/2007 8:26:48 AM
Author: Cleopatra

Is anyone else having a kid-free wedding? Or am I just a Cruella DeVille?

We''re only planning on inviting kids who belong to family -- my cousins'' kids, my FI''s niece, and his great-nephew, for example. If there is anyone who wouldn''t be able to attend beause they''re traveling from far, far away and don''t have other options, we''re going to allow that...I think. I''d rather have a few close family members or friends be able to attend with their kids than not have them there at all. We just found out that the hotel we''ve blocked rooms off at has employees who will babysit if needed. That''s GREAT to know. Also, my mom''s a high school teacher, so if needed, I''m sure we could arrange for one of her students to come for the day and babysit. I think I''d trust someone my mom knows more than I would a random hotel employee. But that''s just me.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 8/9/2007 8:26:48 AM
Author: Cleopatra

Is anyone else having a kid-free wedding? Or am I just a Cruella DeVille?

Yep- we did!

Here''s the blurb that was posted on our website:
Adult Ceremony & Reception
Due to the late hour of the wedding, we are respectfully requesting that parents arrange babysitting for their children ages 15 and younger. We are also happy to assist in arranging professional babysitting services for out-of-town guests. Please contact us for more information if this service is needed.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 8/9/2007 5:42:02 PM
Author: zoebartlett

Date: 8/9/2007 8:26:48 AM

Author: Cleopatra

Is anyone else having a kid-free wedding? Or am I just a Cruella DeVille?

We''re only planning on inviting kids who belong to family -- my cousins'' kids, my FI''s niece, and his great-nephew, for example. If there is anyone who wouldn''t be able to attend beause they''re traveling from far, far away and don''t have other options, we''re going to allow that...I think. I''d rather have a few close family members or friends be able to attend with their kids than not have them there at all. We just found out that the hotel we''ve blocked rooms off at has employees who will babysit if needed. That''s GREAT to know. Also, my mom''s a high school teacher, so if needed, I''m sure we could arrange for one of her students to come for the day and babysit. I think I''d trust someone my mom knows more than I would a random hotel employee. But that''s just me.

I''m doing the same thing as you, zoe, but honestly I''d rather have no kids come at all! I have 6 nieces and nephews age 6 and under and 1 more on the way and I feel like I kind of have to invite them. Plus there are a few out of town relatives with kids who probably would need to bring them.

But I''m definitely going to have an evening wedding and reception and I don''t really want kids running around like maniacs and then getting overtired and melting down! Can you tell I''m not really a kid person? Don''t get me wrong- I love my nieces and nephews, but at the same time, I''d rather have my siblings be able to have a good time and not worry about the kids all night. Oh well...I''m thinking about getting someone to babysit on site if the kids get out of hand or if they get tired. I don''t know yet...I guess I''ll worry more about it when I start planning for real.