Guests inviting themselves...

[sunnyd]

What should I do about this one?

We see this guy (a family friend''s college roommate who works at the same company I do, but the company is enormous and he works at a different branch) a couple of times a year. Christmas and maybe one other function. He''s not someone we would have invited to our wedding, nor were we planning on it.

Before we got engaged, he asked if he was invited.

I said sure, because he put me on the spot, and we weren''t even engaged yet! Did he forget, NOPE! He asked this weekend if we''d sent out STD''s yet. Dude, are you kidding me?!?! I told him we only sent to family and the BP, which is true.

So I feel like we''re stuck inviting him, and since he''s dense to etiquette rules anyway, he''ll probably bring a date.

Do we invite him in case he feels like making a stink about it? Our wedding is becoming a circus in that people who weren''t invited think they are with dates and costs because of that are ballooning out of my comfort zone.

 

[meresal]

Yikes, just tell him you''re really sorry, but decided to have a smaller wedding than was originally planned and had to take some original people off.

My feelings about these "guests", are that they''re the ones that KNOW they aren''t going to be invited, so they go out of their way to "get" an invitation. No, "How''s the wedding planning going?" or "Are you getting excited?"... it''s ALWAYS about the invitations. Just be upfront. Everything will be alright.

Sorry about that. Just get out now, cause he''s probably one of the people that thinks he automatically gets an invite a guest as well!!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I would just politely tell him due to the economy your plans have changed and you''ve had to downsize the wedding to just family and the very close friends who make up the bridal party.

 

[sunnyd]

This guy is so fake it makes me mad! He recently invited himself and a date to an MS dinner auction because the family friend is really high up in the company. She bought a couple of tables and he wanted to go, likely so he could schmooze with the execs. Just gross.

I wish we could tell him it's a small wedding, but we can't. All our gatherings are huge, so he probably expects this to be also. He'd know I was lying...why do I care though? Bahhh!

ETA: That, and the next time I see him will be Christmas! LOL...

 

[meresal]

Sunny, if you can''t tell him no, then be sure to tell him "No Date!!"

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 5/18/2009 1:37:52 PM
Author: meresal
Sunny, if you can''t tell him no, then be sure to tell him ''No Date!!''

Seriously...we''re doing the "We have reserved __ seats in your honor" thing. Otherwise my inner bridezilla would emerge, and nobody wants that.

 

[swingirl]

You should not invite this guy. He is very rude to invite himself but his tactics seem to work, he gets a free dinner out of the deal and gets to snooze and feel loved. Do you really want someone from work thinking that you actually are friends enough to have invited him?? I think it could cause bad feelings if it turns out you have not invited people you are closer to but you did invite him.

You need to tell him point blank that he is not on the invite list. Sorry. If he pushes it tell him you have invited only family and CLOSE friends.

 

[wishful]

Yeah I would have totally gone with the "change of plans due to the economy" route. But if you must invite him I agree completley...no date.
I had a lot of my single friends that I invited to our party and I had to just tell them I was sorry but we were limited on space and money so no date unless they had a significant other.
They all understood.

Good luck!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Wait. Is there any reason other than wimpiness for inviting this guy? Just don''t send him an invitation.


I am SUCH a GRITCH (combo of grouch and B*tch). I''m sorry!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 5/18/2009 2:09:39 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Wait. Is there any reason other than wimpiness for inviting this guy? Just don''t send him an invitation.


I am SUCH a GRITCH (combo of grouch and B*tch). I''m sorry!

LOL, no not really. Possible familial implications. But more just lack of backbone.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Seriously, just don''t send him an invitation.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Date: 5/18/2009 2:09:39 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Wait. Is there any reason other than wimpiness for inviting this guy? Just don''t send him an invitation.


I am SUCH a GRITCH (combo of grouch and B*tch). I''m sorry!

Wow i like that word!!

Ditto, just don''t send one!! And if he does ask, tell him you had to change some plans and downsize a bit! Doesn''t matter if you''re inviting 200 people - if you originally had 250 and had to downsize to 200, that''s still 50 people less and saving you money. He needs to understand that downsizing doesn''t mean down to 10 people.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 5/18/2009 1:17:21 PM
Author: meresal
Yikes, just tell him you''re really sorry, but decided to have a smaller wedding than was originally planned and had to take some original people off.

My feelings about these ''guests'', are that they''re the ones that KNOW they aren''t going to be invited, so they go out of their way to ''get'' an invitation. No, ''How''s the wedding planning going?'' or ''Are you getting excited?''... it''s ALWAYS about the invitations. Just be upfront. Everything will be alright.

Sorry about that. Just get out now, cause he''s probably one of the people that thinks he automatically gets an invite a guest as well!!

I completely agree.

 

[sunnyd]

You''re all right. If I don''t send him one, what''s he gonna do, not talk to me twice a year? I''m such a baby about people not liking me.

 

[bee*]

I wouldn''t invite him either and you don''t owe him an explanation. I hate people inviting themselves to things.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

If it makes you uncomfortable, can your fiance "uninvite" him for you? Or does he have no connection with him at all?

 

[doodle]

Oh good gravy. If he imposes himself on people that much and you invite him to the wedding, he might try to weasel his way into the rehearsal dinner, bachelor party, and the honeymoon, too! Me? Exaggerate? NOOOOO! I''m with everyone else--tell him your plans changed, you had to downsize, and you look forward to seeing him at Christmas, haha!

 

[Haven]

Here''s another vote to not invite this individual.
Don''t allow anyone to bully you for an invitation to your wedding, that is just crazy.

 

[honey22]

Date: 5/18/2009 5:16:18 PM
Author: Haven
Here''s another vote to not invite this individual.

Don''t allow anyone to bully you for an invitation to your wedding, that is just crazy.

Ditto Haven! This is your wedding, just politely explain that you are planning a much smaller wedding than anticipated and that you are sorry you are unable to invite him. It''s your day in the end, don''t be pushed into sharing it with those that you don''t want there! Be strong and good luck!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Ditto the suggestions of explaining that you are having a smallish wedding. Anyone who is a half decent person would understand something like that and accept it.

I have several friends who I see off and on that I was not able to invite to the wedding due to limitations in the number of guests. We also had to cut several of our parent's friends from the guestlist. Sure, we're keeping a bit of hope alive for these folks by keeping them on the B list but it's more as emotional padding for our folks. Most of my friends who I do not spend large amounts of time with understand there are limitations; and if they do not understand I don't seen them frequently enough for it to bother me!


Off topic - Sunnyd I LOVE your avatar - is that your kitty??

 

[sunnyd]

I''m not sending him an invite. Decision made.

KTF - LOL, no, I found this ridiculous website for KITTY WIGS. Yep. Wigs for cats. I thought the pic was hilarious because he (he, in the pink wig) looks like he''s trying to seduce you into coming closer... before he bites your nose for putting him in a pink wig. Hahaha!!

 

[Tuckins1]

We had an "acquaintance"... Friend of friends... Anyways, neither one of us was planning on inviting him. Neither one of us really like him. But, at a party one night, he stars whining that we invited so and so, and "I thought we were better friends than that..." and "come on...." It was so pathetic and annoying that we just said OK. I am soooooooo pissed that I gave in, because I really can''t stand him, and now I have him in wedding pictures!

He''s such a bratty little baby, I really regret allowing him to share my special day with me.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 5/18/2009 7:22:05 PM
Author: Tuckins1
We had an ''acquaintance''... Friend of friends... Anyways, neither one of us was planning on inviting him. Neither one of us really like him. But, at a party one night, he stars whining that we invited so and so, and ''I thought we were better friends than that...'' and ''come on....'' It was so pathetic and annoying that we just said OK. I am soooooooo pissed that I gave in, because I really can''t stand him, and now I have him in wedding pictures!

He''s such a bratty little baby, I really regret allowing him to share my special day with me.

I think this is a really good lesson to take note of. I have a couple of people I really regretted inviting to my wedding because they acted like self-centered brats. They certainly didn''t ruin my day, but it really does cast a damper on those wedding pictures that have the person or people looking sour (or inappropriate or whatever) while everyone else around them is enjoying the special occasion and is happy for the bride and groom.

 

[FrekeChild]

Oh yay! One of my favorite bridal problems. I''ve been telling people I''m going to elope. Who knows, by the time January comes around, I may have decided to do just that.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 5/18/2009 7:07:21 PM
Author: sunnyd
I''m not sending him an invite. Decision made.

AWESOME! I was just about to post that we''ll give you the backbone to flat out refuse to send him an invite. Seriously, you wont be missing much of a ''friend'' in him! Good for you for making that decision!

I actually ended up telling EVERYONE that we were planning on having a very small and intimate wedding before we had a final guest list made, so most of our guests thought they wouldn''t be invited and were so happily surprised and felt honoured when they got an invite...also helped weed out the others

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Date: 5/18/2009 7:07:21 PM
Author: sunnyd
I''m not sending him an invite. Decision made.

KTF - LOL, no, I found this ridiculous website for KITTY WIGS. Yep. Wigs for cats. I thought the pic was hilarious because he (he, in the pink wig) looks like he''s trying to seduce you into coming closer... before he bites your nose for putting him in a pink wig. Hahaha!!

Ha ha that is hilarious! I was going to say that the kitty looked like a model - giving you those catnip eyes and all. Poor little guy - a pink wig! At least they could have given him a pink mowhawk or something.

 

[sammyj]

Date: 5/18/2009 7:07:21 PM
Author: sunnyd
I''m not sending him an invite. Decision made.

KTF - LOL, no, I found this ridiculous website for KITTY WIGS. Yep. Wigs for cats. I thought the pic was hilarious because he (he, in the pink wig) looks like he''s trying to seduce you into coming closer... before he bites your nose for putting him in a pink wig. Hahaha!!

I have a good laugh every time I read about how you came across your av pic. Too funny!

I''m glad you decided not to send an invite. He sounds skeezy. Do you think he was really serious though about being invited to your wedding? I''m just asking because my chiropractor asks us all the time when to expect his invite but we know he''s joking...

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 5/19/2009 9:27:47 AM
Author: sammyj

Date: 5/18/2009 7:07:21 PM
Author: sunnyd
I''m not sending him an invite. Decision made.

KTF - LOL, no, I found this ridiculous website for KITTY WIGS. Yep. Wigs for cats. I thought the pic was hilarious because he (he, in the pink wig) looks like he''s trying to seduce you into coming closer... before he bites your nose for putting him in a pink wig. Hahaha!!

I have a good laugh every time I read about how you came across your av pic. Too funny!

I''m glad you decided not to send an invite. He sounds skeezy. Do you think he was really serious though about being invited to your wedding? I''m just asking because my chiropractor asks us all the time when to expect his invite but we know he''s joking...

Oh I''m sure he was serious! He''s a serial self-inviter. Ha.

And for all the kitty wig lovers out there...

Also, I lied, it is a girl. Named Chicken.

 

[tlh]

When you aren''t engaged, the guest list is not finalized. I''m glad you''re not inviting him, but I''d work out an excuse to give him... even though the events are huge. Downsizing is downsizing... and 10 people at $100 a plate is $1,000 savings... so it isn''t a thing to sneeze at! "I''d just say, I''m sorry but we were unable to extend an invitation your way, but (the next event you will see him at) should be fun!" And I would SAY SOMETHING to him... because people like that think if they DONT get an invite in the mail, that it must have gotten lost... and will show up anyway....

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 5/18/2009 7:07:21 PM
Author: sunnyd
I''m not sending him an invite. Decision made.

KTF - LOL, no, I found this ridiculous website for KITTY WIGS. Yep. Wigs for cats. I thought the pic was hilarious because he (he, in the pink wig) looks like he''s trying to seduce you into coming closer... before he bites your nose for putting him in a pink wig. Hahaha!!

Good for you, I''m glad you made the right decision.