Guilty - Talking about the wedding too much!!! How about you?

[Mandarine]

So the inevitable has happenned...I didn''t even see it coming!...I guess I am all about wedding talk lately and not everyone loves it as much as I do! haha.

When my sister got married, we got into a huge fight one night. We went out with all my girlfriends and I invited my sister (we''re about the same age and she knows all my friends). Anyway, that night she spent the ENTIRE night talking about her wedding. Mind you, we were all 22-23 and she was like 24 (she got married a little younger)...so for me and my friends it was kind of annoying. On our way back to the house that day, we had a big blow out because she had just annoyed me and all of my friends with all her talk!!!.

Well, what goes around....comes around!.

I didn''t think I was that bad!...but my other sister just came back from visiting my dad and he mentioned to her how funny it was that back then I got so annoyed and yet all I talked about now was related to the wedding!..hehe. I''ve also noticed how FI sometimes tunes me out..hehe, he doesn''t mean it in a bad way, but do you think the poor man really cares about wther I send Palm tree or fan shaped STDs??? LOL

So I''m making a conscious effort starting today to STOP it!. Yes, it is the most important decision, event and the biggest change in MY life ("MY" being key there)...it is not for everyone else!.

I wasn''t this bad...it all started a few weeks ago...when I went dress shopping for the first time!. I knew it would happen tough...up until that moment it was like a project (I''m a Project Manager so it came natural to me). I was aware of all the "emotions" behind what the project actually was, but I was managing it like I do any other project at work. Then I went dress shopping and as soon as they put that veil on me I had this realization...."OMG!!! I AM GOING TO BE A BRIDE!! THERE IS GOING TO BE A WEDDING AND I''M GOING TO BE THE BRIDE!!!!"...yep, that''s what went through my head and that moment...so now this "Project" became entangled with emtions and my heart!. That''s not a bad thing, but it is just kind of funny how everything changed in that moment!.

But I don''t want to drive everyone insane talking about this, good thing it was an early catch and my dad called me out on it!.

Anyone else guilty?

M~

 

[neatfreak]

Lol, I''ve been guilty for the past few days only, during round two of dress drama. But now that I KNOW I have found the dress, talk has greatly, greatly slowed again.

I''m sure my MOH is very very happy since she came all the way out from MA to visit me in WI for a few weeks and I KNOW she didn''t want to talk wedding the whole time!

 

[ephemery1]

I was so stressed about everything in those last 3 months that I was the one tuning OTHER people out whenever they started talking about the wedding!!

My coping strategy was total avoidance... probably not the best way to handle things, but sometimes it was necessary.

Although... on the actual day, when we were getting pix taken after the ceremony, the photographer was instructing us on how to stand and what to do. At one point he said "ok, now just talk with each other for a few minutes". DH and I just looked at each other in total confusion and started laughing... realizing now that we didn't have the wedding to talk about, we couldn't even remember what it was like to have a normal conversation!!

 

[jcrow]

haha, i''ve even wondered if i did that too much AFTER the wedding. i swear the wedding never seems to end... hehe.

 

[zoebartlett]

I don''t think I do, but ask my friends -- maybe they''d tell you differently. I try to begin conversations by asking my friends how they are and I make sure to try to keep the conversation focused on things going on with them and their families. That way, when the conversation turns to my wedding (and it almost always does), I can talk about it and not feel guilty that I''m monopolizing the conversation.

 

[blushingbride]

It's so funny because a friend of mine just called me to find out how my bachelorette party weekend was (she's on the West Coast and was unable to attend) and then she was asking me about how the planning is going and I swear I couldn't shut-up! I bet she was probably sorry she even asked

!!!

 

[ephemery1]

Oh and I have to add.... I am LOVING talking about weddings with my friends who are still planning theirs...... it''s totally satisfying to be able to talk about all that stuff that''s been swirling around in my head for a year, without simultaneously worrying about getting everything done for my own!! So for those of you in the planning process, don''t feel guilty if you''re talking to somebody who is just recently married!!

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 6/15/2007 11:57:37 AM
Author: blushingbride
It''s so funny because a friend of mine just called me to find out how my bachelorette party weekend was (she''s on the West Coast and was unable to attend) and then she was asking me about how the planning is going and I swear I couldn''t shut-up! I bet she was probably sorry she even asked

!!!

haha, that''s how I think it goes with me!. I don''t start the conversation, but it turns to that and then I go on and on! hehe

M~

 

[blushingbride]

I know, too funny! Plus, she caught me on a good day - we just had our tastings the other night, got to meet with our incredible coordinator and see all spaces again, etc so, I think a huge weight was lifted when we were able to reconfirm all the reasons why we fell in love with our venue and were able to have a gazillion questions answered. If she called me during the invitation process, I may not have been so chatty!

 

[blushingbride]

Date: 6/15/2007 12:00:45 PM
Author: ephemery1
Oh and I have to add.... I am LOVING talking about weddings with my friends who are still planning theirs...... it's totally satisfying to be able to talk about all that stuff that's been swirling around in my head for a year, without simultaneously worrying about getting everything done for my own!! So for those of you in the planning process, don't feel guilty if you're talking to somebody who is just recently married!!

Me too Ephemery! I have one friend who just got married in May so, all she keeps telling me is that she's so jealous of me because I have so much to look forward to and how she wished her wedding was 2 months away like mine is. She told me it's by far the most wonderful day of her life and how people say that all the time, but to truly experience it is amazing! So, I'm excited!!!

I have two other friends who were recently engaged so, they are just starting off (they both have dates set, but not much else) - I'm in one of the weddings and we're going dress shopping at the end of the month which will be so much fun! So, it's really cool when we all get together and talk wedding. We have two friends in my group who aren't engaged yet, but are in serious relationships so, I'm sure once the conversation goes wedding, they probably get annoyed!

 

[zoebartlett]

I am the last of my friends to get married. My college roommates are celebrating their 11 year anniversaries this summer. I can''t believe it! Other friends are celebrating their 5 year anniversary today, actually. I''ve always been a late bloomer I suppose.

 

[janinegirly]

hi mandarine! you''re so cute!
i was guilty earlier on in the planning. just couldn''t help it. FI tuned me out too. My family were a little more accepting as they talked too much about it too.

but after the initial wedding newness and freak outs passed (plus getting major stuff taken care of earlier on helped), i went back to my normal practical self and now don''t talk about it much. just when it needs to be. i especially spare my FI! And around my friends i actually would rather talk about their stuff and not wedding b/c I like the distraction! i mostly talk about it here and theknot.com where it''s an audience that can relate and never tires of anything wedding

it''s funny but now i just can''t wait for the day and am "over" the planning. Starting to fantasize about new home, children...uh oh, already getting excited about next milestones before i''ve been through this one!

 

[surfgirl]

To be honest Mandarine, a lot of the time I''m baffled by why people are so obsessed with things like what color the matchbooks are in the bathrooms at their wedding or what color the ribbon is on their invitation. I mean, it''s about two people making a commitment to spend the rest of their lives together, not all the other nonsense. It''s one of the reasons we''re eloping. We want the wedding to be about us getting married, not all the other stuff. As for me, I try not to talk about wedding issues with anyone unless they ask and then I give them just the basic info. If THEY want to talk about it further, fine. If not, I dont. My getting married is only huge in my life, not everyone else''s and I try to always remember that. But the dress and emotions? Yeah, once they slap a veil on your head it''s a bit overwhelming. But I do think it''s important to always be aware of not overstepping your welcome with the wedding talk. In the end, it''s not about the colors or invitations or flowers or dress or whatever - it''s about you two making a commitment to each other.

Not sure that answers your questions but there it is!

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 6/15/2007 12:52:56 PM
Author: surfgirl
To be honest Mandarine, a lot of the time I''m baffled by why people are so obsessed with things like what color the matchbooks are in the bathrooms at their wedding or what color the ribbon is on their invitation. I mean, it''s about two people making a commitment to spend the rest of their lives together, not all the other nonsense. It''s one of the reasons we''re eloping. We want the wedding to be about us getting married, not all the other stuff. As for me, I try not to talk about wedding issues with anyone unless they ask and then I give them just the basic info. If THEY want to talk about it further, fine. If not, I dont. My getting married is only huge in my life, not everyone else''s and I try to always remember that. But the dress and emotions? Yeah, once they slap a veil on your head it''s a bit overwhelming. But I do think it''s important to always be aware of not overstepping your welcome with the wedding talk. In the end, it''s not about the colors or invitations or flowers or dress or whatever - it''s about you two making a commitment to each other.

Not sure that answers your questions but there it is!

Well, PS ate my post!

I didn''t have a question, I just had an internal "realization"...that these things are important to ME.

The things that are not important to me, I''m not doing! (coordinating what the bridesmaids and MOH wear, bridal showers, rehearsal dinners, etc).

I am having fun and love doing all the things that you say don''t really matter...to me they matter...I am having lots of fun with it! I love crafts, I love being creative, it gets me all excited....so why not do it??...My realization was that, that those things are important to me, not to the rest of the world!

M~

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 6/15/2007 12:14:15 PM
Author: blushingbride

Me too Ephemery! I have one friend who just got married in May so, all she keeps telling me is that she's so jealous of me because I have so much to look forward to and how she wished her wedding was 2 months away like mine is. She told me it's by far the most wonderful day of her life and how people say that all the time, but to truly experience it is amazing! So, I'm excited!!!

I have two other friends who were recently engaged so, they are just starting off (they both have dates set, but not much else) - I'm in one of the weddings and we're going dress shopping at the end of the month which will be so much fun! So, it's really cool when we all get together and talk wedding. We have two friends in my group who aren't engaged yet, but are in serious relationships so, I'm sure once the conversation goes wedding, they probably get annoyed!

It really is fun to have other people going through the process with you, isn't it? One of my close friends is getting married in June, another in July, and then our cousin in September... so I've had plenty of people willing to talk "wedding stuff" with me!

Although the difference between me and your friend who got married in May, is that I would NEVER want to go back and do it again!!!

It was an amazing day and I loved every minute of it, but I am a thousand times MORE happy where I am right now... with all the stress behind me, and only good memories to reflect on, and pictures to look at.... and our future to dream about!

 

[MustangFan]

Mandarine!

I''m glad you bought this up because I''m obessed, but it''s not just for wedding planning, I just have an obessive worry wort personality! hehehe

I was "what ifing" last night and my FI said STOP you are stressing me out now too! lol
We had an arguement about the bridal party, he is persistent on pairing everyone up with their SO in the bridal party, but I said that''s just not possible and it went into a screaming match. I.e. he wants to have his friend and his SO that I haven''t even met etc.
The other thing is I don''t want a sunday if it''s going to set a bummer mood, it''s the end of the weekend kinda anti climax and he wants sunday because he wants to invite everyone from his old work that''s 2.5 hours away from our reception and friday it not possible. I told him to just ask if they were even going to come and start from there.

Are you getting your pictures done next week?
I just filled out the info for the newpaper enouncement and that''s it, but I''m thinking and talking about it all the time. I get self-conscience that I am being annoying to everyone, so I am always explaining my logic

 

[blushingbride]

Date: 6/15/2007 1:41:46 PM
Author: ephemery1

Date: 6/15/2007 12:14:15 PM
Author: blushingbride

Me too Ephemery! I have one friend who just got married in May so, all she keeps telling me is that she''s so jealous of me because I have so much to look forward to and how she wished her wedding was 2 months away like mine is. She told me it''s by far the most wonderful day of her life and how people say that all the time, but to truly experience it is amazing! So, I''m excited!!!

I have two other friends who were recently engaged so, they are just starting off (they both have dates set, but not much else) - I''m in one of the weddings and we''re going dress shopping at the end of the month which will be so much fun! So, it''s really cool when we all get together and talk wedding. We have two friends in my group who aren''t engaged yet, but are in serious relationships so, I''m sure once the conversation goes wedding, they probably get annoyed!

It really is fun to have other people going through the process with you, isn''t it? One of my close friends is getting married in June, another in July, and then our cousin in September... so I''ve had plenty of people willing to talk ''wedding stuff'' with me!

Although the difference between me and your friend who got married in May, is that I would NEVER want to go back and do it again!!!

It was an amazing day and I loved every minute of it, but I am a thousand times MORE happy where I am right now... with all the stress behind me, and only good memories to reflect on, and pictures to look at.... and our future to dream about!

Ha...that''s definitely how I feel too - relieved that it''s over! I''m looking forward to going to Maui for our honeymoon more than anything else!

My friend who got married in May comes from an extremely wealthy family so, she had a team of wedding planners and her mom do everything. Plus, she''s the only daughter so, her parents paid for everything and held nothing back! So, I think that''s why she felt that way - it was truly a fantasy wedding. Not saying mine won''t be, but it certainly won''t have the price tag her''s did.

I love talking to my friends who are just starting out. I remember I had a permanent smile on my face for the first 7 months of planning whenever someone asked me about the wedding plans

. My most favorite part was dress shopping which I wish I could do over again (I really loved it) and excited for my friends who have yet to experience all these things. However, the point where I am now, I feel stressed an nervous about everything and am counting the days until I am FINALLY married!

 

[Mandarine]

Mustangfan, sorry to hear you had a little argument! hopefully you guys will come to a mutual agreement!. Good to hear I''m not the only one over-talking! hehehe. I never really wanted e-pics but they come in the photographer''s package! She says that it is a good opportunity for her to have some time with us prior to the wedding an know us a little bit better....so, I''m excited about it now!. We are trying to do this next weekend, but don''t have anything concrete yet!. We wnat to take the pics outside so my dog can join us! So I want it to be soon before it gets too hot outside (or before hurricanes come!)

Ephemery, I think what you are saying is actually my problem....I just don''t have people that can realte to this right now. My family is not here and only one of my BMs is...and she has 3 kids and is super busy!....so everythime I talk to soemone in my family I just talk about it because I want them to somehow know a little more so that I feel everyone is more involved!...I am sure they want to know, they just don''t want to know every detail!!!!!!!!

I wish I had any friends that were oing through this right now! that would be so perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!. My friends have either been married for a while or are not even close!...so I don''t really have people (except you guys!) to talk about wedding stuff and not feel guilty about it!

M~

 

[littlelysser]

I''m definitely guilty of talking about the wedding some...

But have any of you ladies started planning the honeymoon? Now THAT is nothing but fun. We are going to my favorite place in the whole world, Hawaii...and frankly, I could talk about that for HOURS and HOURS. Where we''re going to stay, what we are going to do...

If the wedding planning gets to be too much...starting planning the HONEYMOON! big big fun!

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 6/15/2007 2:56:13 PM
Author: littlelysser
I''m definitely guilty of talking about the wedding some...

But have any of you ladies started planning the honeymoon? Now THAT is nothing but fun. We are going to my favorite place in the whole world, Hawaii...and frankly, I could talk about that for HOURS and HOURS. Where we''re going to stay, what we are going to do...

If the wedding planning gets to be too much...starting planning the HONEYMOON! big big fun!

hehe, wedding planning is not too much for me....just maybe for the poeple that I talk about it to! haha, but from now on I will keep most of my ideas and planning updates to myself and my dear PSers...hehe

We''re going to Hawaii too! We haven''t really started planning yet though, this is FI''s territory! He''s the best vacation planner ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just get excited about all his ideas on any trips we take!

M~

 

[janinegirly]

i think if people are mentioniong that you''re too consumed (or talking about it too much) try to not take it too personally and take a break from wedding planning once in awhile. Take a weekend or a week where you don''t discuss it. You have several months, so be plenty of time to take breaks. And eventually you''ll get used to just picking it up(wedding planning/discussion) when it''s is a good time rather than 24/7.

i know if i wasn''t getting married and someone was and they talked about it non stop about minutia details, i''d probably get annoyed and avoid them. NOT saying this is the case, but balance is important. and of course i know where you''re comign from b/c i have talked about it incessantly too until my FI said something.
You enjoy it, but others enjoy other things. So just talk wedding 100% here, but maybe just 50% with others. hehe.

 

[Cehrabehra]

LOL too funny - its true. The *same* thing happens with pregnancy. Not everyone wants to spend all their time oohing and aahing over miniature shoes LOL But when you have tiny feet growing inside of you or spent the morning kissing them in the tub..... you want to look at cute little adorable sweet miniature shoes!! LOL I''m in the stage where I''m past it enough that I don''t want to discuss it but not past it FAR enough that I want to discuss it again LOL I have a friend that is preg and she talks of nothing else. Its annoying LOL But I also *totally* understand where it comes from.

Surround yourself with people who will tolerate your weddingbabble, but try to make a mental note that not every wedding thought needs to be spoken. Try to cluster them. If the topic comes up, exhaust all of your babbles quickly and at the same time, then give lots of time for other topics LOL

 

[Pandora II]

I''m with you on the little things mattering Manderine.

I''m very detail orientated and love planning the bits and pieces - though I can understand those who don''t.

For work I run a lot of events including a huge Ball for 350-450 people at a 5 star hotel here in London each year. This sounds very imodest, but I get a lot of great feedback every year from people who attend maybe 20 of these a year, mainly because I put huge effort into the small things that individually don''t really notice but as a whole pull the event together.

The girl who had my job before used to have invitations in one style, decorations in another, programmes in another and the whole thing looked a bit messy - she also proved the rule that people with zero design skills should have a device on their computer to stop them using more than 2 fonts at a time!

I''m someone who likes to mull things over in my own mind a lot, so I just tend to tell people I haven''t started planning yet. I took FI down to see our venue this weekend with my parents and my mother and I spent some time talking weddings. FI got a bit funny and said he''d rather run away and get married just the two of us as he hates all the choreographing/planning etc and just wants the emotion which he feels is taken away by thinking about our guests (and my awful relatives!). I''ve decided to leave him out of the rest of the planning so that he can feel relaxed about it on the day without seeing all the hard work behind the scenes.

Our venue is a historic building that is a boarding school for most of the year - I don''t think he could visualise the room (which actually looks like an old english church - it''s 11th century) without the desks and kids artwork, and filled with flowers and proper lighting etc and it made him a bit stressed.