Happy but mad....

[squeaksluv]

My bf''s best friend and I go way back. I actually knew him in college but lost touch after graduation. When I discovered he was my bf''s best friend I felt like I had found a long lost friend, and he felt the same way. He''s a wonderful guy but his fiance is not. She is super shallow, snobby, and very materialistic and hates the fact that I was friends with him from a long time ago. She can act so condecending and downright nasty to me sometimes, especially when she''s been drinking.

So last night she threw a dinner party at a restaurant for him (his bday) and invited us and 10 other couples. The dinner started out great with tons of good wine and great food. She had arranged seating with the women on one end of the table and the men at the other. She said she wanted to talk about her wedding plans and not bore the guys. So we were all hanging out and enjoying ourselves when she looks over at me and says in a fake sweet tone "gee, did you know you''re the only one here not engaged yet? Everyone here has a sparklie on her finger but you! What''s taking him so long?''. She of course made sure she said it loud enough that everyone, except the men, could hear. She then went on about her wedding plans and how excited she was. So here I am, feeling like the odd one out because I can''t particpate in the conversation. She then started talking about her diamond ring and how she thinks it so small. It''s not small and she only says this so everyone will tell her how big it is (it''s a 2 carat round center with baguette sides. I decide that it''s best to not say anything but she dangles it in front of my face and asks what I think about it. Do I think I''ll get something so fabulous? WTH?! My bf hears at this point and leans over and says not to worry, my ring is the stuff girls dreams are made of! Okay, at this point I couldn''t decide what to do first, kiss him or kill her! So I''m happy in that he actually mentioned a ring, meaning he obviously has it right? AND I''m so pissed at her for being such a you know what!!!

 

[monarch64]

Sounds like she has a case of being more excited about the wedding and herself than her marriage and fiance. Very sad, and also annoying to the extreme. Don''t get sucked into her game! The best possible thing for you to do in that situation is to rise above it and don''t let her narrow-minded comments get to you at all. Too bad for her fiance, he sounds like a good person and I''m sorry to hear he''s gonna be stuck with her. Good for you for keeping your mouth shut, although I''m sure you could''ve let her have it with a few choice words. In my experience, people like her make up for not feeling good about themselves by bullying others, and you did exactly the right thing by giving her no reaction.

 

[anchor31]

Nice birthday dinner...

I think that if your boyfriend doesn''t have your ring yet, he''s at least been working on it!!

And even if it''s not as big as hers, so what?? At least you love your future fiancé and you''ll love your ring for it''s symbol and not only the rock. Don''t let her get you down and ruin the excitement for you.

 

[moon river]

Anyone who fishes for compliments and is happy only at the expense of others is a truly miserable soul in my book. She obviously has little or no self esteem and depends on others to boost her ego. Ignore her. It''ll drive her nuts.

 

[XChick03]

Forget her! She sounds like a superficial idiot and I'm sure your friend could do a lot better. I doubt that she even cares she's getting married, just that she has a big rock on her finger. I bet your BF has something awesome in mind for you and you deserve it way more than she does!

 

[princessv]

Honey, you did the right thing by not saying anything! I''m from the South so I was always taught that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar and it''s true (in most situations!)

Besides, it sounds like she''s trying to equate the bigger the rock, the more it shows he loves you which is total crap! Honestly, as much as I love big rocks (who doesn''t right? hehe) I would have been happy with whatever size my guy gave me.

I digress...let her gloat and what not because when you get your ring she''ll be green with envy no matter what. Sounds like she''s only happy when others are miserable.

 

[Shay]

ARRRRR I would have been so furious, I''m very impressed you kept a cool head.
Honestly I probably would have said something along the lines of "You are an awful human being and I really don''t want to spend any more time with you". Which of course would have caused trouble for your BF hehe so really 10 points to you for your poise. Also your BF is obviously on the same page as you so don''t worry about being the only 1 not-engaged.

 

[moon river]

Date: 2/12/2006 10:30:30 PM
Author: Princess V
Honey, you did the right thing by not saying anything! I''m from the South so I was always taught that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar and it''s true (in most situations!)

Besides, it sounds like she''s trying to equate the bigger the rock, the more it shows he loves you which is total crap! Honestly, as much as I love big rocks (who doesn''t right? hehe) I would have been happy with whatever size my guy gave me.

I digress...let her gloat and what not because when you get your ring she''ll be green with envy no matter what. Sounds like she''s only happy when others are miserable.

TeeHee, I''m from the South too and sometimes, you need to bring out the FLY SWAT

 

[monarch64]

Jeez, that was one of my grandmother''s favorite expressions: ''you catch more flies with honey"

But I LIVE by it!!!

 

[Mara]

good for your boyfriend for jumping in like that!! how exciting...what a tease!

and what a bitch that girl is!! just ignore her...money can't buy happiness and she sounds like she's bitter inside about something...

 

[Kaleigh]

I say she is miserable and kudos for you for keeping a cool head. Speaking of cool, just be that way with her. She sounds like one of those gals where it''s all about me. Her poor fiance and your good friend. I am so happy your BF jumped in like that, yes a tease but a good one. So take her with a huge grain of salt and don''t let her make YOU feel inferior when in truth, she is propbaly feeling that way herself. She has a lot of growing up to do.

 

[firebirdgold]

Kudos to you and Congratulations on having such a great bf!

No way could I have been so gracious, If that b#$^% had shoved her rock in my face I''d probably have said "You''re right, it is on the small side!"

Heh, I suppose it''s too late to ''sympathize'' with her over it''s poor cut or something?
Who knows, maybe your friend will discover his mistake before it''s too late and he''s stuck with the wench!

 

[Caribou]

What is wrong with that girl?? Does her FI know how she acts?

You''re boyfriend Rocks!!!!!

Good for him for making that comment. Good for you for not kill her, I''m sure she''s not worth that.

I hope she''s good to your friend...if not, I hope he finds out before it''s too late.

 

[squeaksluv]

You guys made me laugh!!! It was all I could do NOT to say something nasty but I kept telling myself how pathetic she was and I should feel sorry for her and not angry.

My friend called this morning to apologize for the way she acted torwards me and I asked him what her deal was (he knows I don''t like her very much). He said I shouldn''t let her comments bother me because the fact is that she''s really jealous of me. She thinks among other things I''m more ''New York'' than she''ll ever be. WTH?! What does that even mean???? He said she''s all afraid that my ring will be larger than hers because my bf can afford it and I''m like you''ve got to be kidding me. She acts like a bitch because of this???

He says that she''s very insecure and this is why she acts like this torwards me. Ugh, it''s so unbeleivable. He even said they once got in a fight over a pair of shoes I was wearing, a freakin pair of shoes! Let me just say that I am a shoe hound. I love love love shoes and spend way more than I really can afford on shoes. Think Carrie on Sex and the City. I also have a job that gives me access to all sorts of designer clothes and shoes and I''m one of many who take adavantage of it, we''re expected too. We all went out once and I was wearing a pair of shoes that she couldn''t take her eyes off of, she knew who the designer was right away and kept making comments about how expensive they must of been and how they were so that season. At this point she had already been nasty to me so I didn''t tell her that I didn''t pay for them since I got them at work and that I didn''t own them since I had to bring them back to work the next day. My friend said that night they had a huge blow out over that pair of shoes. She demanded to have the same pair and he was like no way. Good gosh, she just makes me so mad.

I know she''s insecure and I know what that''s like because I certainly have my insecurities too but instead of making me feel sorry for her she makes me so upset with her comments. GRRRRRRR.

We''re supposed to meet up with the for brunch next Sunday, just the four of us and I''m so peeved right now I don''t even want to go.

 

[AmberWaves]

Doesn''t that kind of thing make you wonder what your friend can see in her? I mean really, she sounds like a total hag. She''ll always be comparing herself to you, no matter what, so just blow it off. Don''t let her pettiness get to you.

 

[Mara]

WOW that is an insane story about the shoes and her irrational request, SL....what does your friend see in her? Doesn''t love make people blind? Does he worry about the future with her? Like having kids or even just having any sort of responsible future? It''s not all about the size of the diamond ring (I know you can''t believe *I* am saying that!) and the shoes you wear yanno!!! Life and marriage is about much more!

 

[moon river]

I called that one right!! NO self esteem. Keep ignoring her and it''ll drive her crazy. If you let her know she''s getting to you she''ll go in for the kill.

 

[Jelly]

I didn''t know whether to laugh or cry! Seriously!

Don''t let this girl get under your skin. She''s got her own problems. If she is successful at getting you mad/stressed, then she wins. She''s totally not worth it. Your poor friend.

Maybe it''s time to get a new outfit/shoes/purse for the brunch.

 

[nytemist]

Just smile and ignore the comments knowing this in your head- a year from now and beyond you will still be happy in your relationship, she might very well get dumped long before that because of her lousy attitude.

 

[anchor31]

Wow, what a b!tch. She''s definitely not mature enough to get married, I''d bet anything that she wants to get married just for the ring, dress and wedding. I''m very sorry for your friend, but I don''t think their marriage is going to last very long.

You''re a lot smarter than her, so don''t let her get to you.

 

[XChick03]

I almost feel sorry for the hag.

Can you imagine how low her self-esteem has to be to be that insecure? Maybe your friend sees something different in her, who knows? Or maybe she''s a really nice person when she''s not obsessing over how you''re better than her. Either way, I''d just brush it off, since she''s only being a b#@!# because she''s got real issues with herself.

 

[squeaksluv]

I asked my friend just what it was he saw in her and was she always this nasty (yes, I''m very honest with my friend!) and he said she wasn''t always like this. He said when she''s with him alone she is a totally different person. I said I certainly hope so because I personally thought she was a total bitch! He says that she''s only like this around his New York friends. If you ask me she''s certainly hung up on this city!!!

And Jelly you read my mind! I''ve already laid claim to an entire outfit for brunch that''ll make her drool! I guess I shouldn''t antagonize her but if she''s going to continue in acting like this, I see that I have no choice! LOL!! I''m bad!

 

[FireGoddess]

There''s a saying I love. It is, "You don''t have to blow someone else''s candle out to make yours burn brighter." Clearly the only way she can feel better about herself and her things is by putting others down. If she spent so much time belittling you, clearly she is threatened by you on some level. She is just an insecure fool who isn''t truly happy. Try to remember that if she acts like a total @ss again. Kudos to your boyfriend for saying what he did.

 

[Mara]

Its so odd, one of my good girlfriends had this total ******* boyfriend and we were all like what do you see in him? She said he was so different when it was just them. He was so insecure that he had to playact this whole other ******* personality when he was around anyone else, like macho man personality. She eventually got sick of the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde thing but after a year of her time with him....he was almost 30 and acted like a 15 year old sometimes. What a winner!

Your friend will probably eventually get sick of her high maintenance ways as well, not to mention it being mentally draining to have to deal with two personalities instead of just one. Hopefully this happens before they get married.

 

[larussel03]

A close friend of my fi's fiance is like that--she's condescending, the type that assumes she's an expert on everything, and I even had a party at my apt and she WALKED AWAY from me AS I WAS TALKING TO HER--MID CONVERSATION. And there was no reason for her to do that, I wasn't arguing with her or anything, it was a seemingly nice convo in which she lost interest, apparantly..and the reason FI says she's nasty to me is jealousy too, of what I'm not sure...

Anyways, unlike you, 2 weekends ago I TOTALLY went off on her. She was on her high horse (we were all drinking) about how since she's a 1st grade teacher, she knows all about kids and told FI and I that until we decide what we belive in (we're both agnostic, but she made it sound like a terrible thing), we should not have kids. Our viewpoint had been that we'd raise them exposed to religions so that they could make their own decisions and she shot that down saying that basically bad parents done have set values in religion bla bla bla. So I said in more words that this "I dont value your opinion" and thanked her for a lovely night. Needless to say I was out of line, and said things b/c I was drunk but I've never liked her. So, I'm not apologizing, I love her FI and my Fi, they're great friends and her Fi is a great guy, but I never liked her attitude towards me. Every time FI would say "let's hang out with M" I'd be like "OK", then he'd say "B is going to be there" and I'd say "B??? (whiny tone)" and usually not go b/c I knew I couldnt handle her

If I can give any advice--ignore the condescending and jealous b&%$h. I didnt and now I'm in this weird middle ground b/c I told off the FI's friend's FI I dont like. She'll be the way she is no matter what, but if you say anything you'll look bad. Beleive me, I'm the one who looks bad even though I was basically reacting to her 'tude. It only takes one time not holding your tongue to make you into the bad guy and her the victim.

 

[squeaksluv]

Sweetpea, thanks for the words of advice. It''s all I can do NOT to be nasty right back to her but I know it''ll make things really uncomfortable. At the moment, she has no idea that she gets to me so everyone, with the exception of me, is fine with the way things are. She makes her comments, my bf and her FI look the other way, and I seethe inside..not the ideal situation but I find my ways to get back at her with my outifts, shoes, and hangbags! I know it pisses her off to no end when I show up in something she''s coveted for ages. For instance, I found out from her FI that she really really wants this particular TODs bag but there is no way she could ever afford it. One of my coworkers managed to grab it out of wardrobe before anyone else but she is letting me borrow it for the brunch. When little miss B*#&$^ asks about it (I know she will), I''ll just say "what, this old thing? I''m so tired of it already...." Yeah, it''s mean but I know it''s going to PISS HER OFF!

I know your situation is uncomfortable now, but girls like that will eventually find a way to piss someone else off and in the end, you''ll come out looking like the hero because you stood up to her. Besides, she was dead wrong in telling you your parenting ideas are not right. Who the hell does she think she is? She deserved to be told off and I can''t imagine anyone could find fault with you for that. Good luck and if anyone asks you just say she tried to tell me how I should raise my children. Trust me, anyone with kids would applaud you for you standing up to her!

 

[marvel]

Date: 2/14/2006 4:29:02 PM
Author: squeaksluv
Sweetpea, thanks for the words of advice. It''s all I can do NOT to be nasty right back to her but I know it''ll make things really uncomfortable. At the moment, she has no idea that she gets to me so everyone, with the exception of me, is fine with the way things are. She makes her comments, my bf and her FI look the other way, and I seethe inside..not the ideal situation but I find my ways to get back at her with my outifts, shoes, and hangbags! I know it pisses her off to no end when I show up in something she''s coveted for ages. For instance, I found out from her FI that she really really wants this particular TODs bag but there is no way she could ever afford it. One of my coworkers managed to grab it out of wardrobe before anyone else but she is letting me borrow it for the brunch. When little miss B*#&$^ asks about it (I know she will), I''ll just say ''what, this old thing? I''m so tired of it already....'' Yeah, it''s mean but I know it''s going to PISS HER OFF!

I know your situation is uncomfortable now, but girls like that will eventually find a way to piss someone else off and in the end, you''ll come out looking like the hero because you stood up to her. Besides, she was dead wrong in telling you your parenting ideas are not right. Who the hell does she think she is? She deserved to be told off and I can''t imagine anyone could find fault with you for that. Good luck and if anyone asks you just say she tried to tell me how I should raise my children. Trust me, anyone with kids would applaud you for you standing up to her!

OMG...this is so great!! You''re my new hero

 

[moon river]

Instead of killing her with kindness you''re killing her with acccessories!!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/14/2006 4:29:02 PM
Author: squeaksluv
I know your situation is uncomfortable now, but girls like that will eventually find a way to piss someone else off and in the end,

Exactly. She''ll end up pissing off the wrong person, namely her FIANCE! These kind of people never win.

 

[princessv]

*cozies up to squeaksluv because she''s a shoe/accessory fanatic too* Squeaksluv will you be my best friend and let me borrow your accessories?

Anyway...I agree with marvel..you''re my new hero! That girl can b*tch, whine and complain all she wants to her FI, you and others but in the end you''ll come out smelling like roses