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Has anyone else sold of Granny’s estate jewelry?

FlashyFlamingo

FlashyFlamingo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
212
I enjoyed reading the post from a few days ago with everyone’s lovely, thought out estate plans for their jewelry. It also made me laugh a bit, so I will share my recent saga with estate jewelry.

My grandmother recently passed at 100 years old. She had been unkind to me for my entire life, so it wasn’t an overly sad experience and also, she was 100. Throughout the thirty or so years that our lives overlapped, she made it very clear that I was not one of her favorite grandchildren and would routinely make little jabs about my appearance or lifestyle. The last time that I interacted with her was last Christmas when she wondered aloud about who might marry an old spinster like me.

Fast forward to this summer. She passed and my Dad was given a copy of her will as her executor. She was a wealthy and rather frugal woman, so she had quite a nest egg to split up between her five grandchildren. Three of her grandchildren received lump sums of 30%, my brother received 10%, and I received 0%. It actually said that in the will, my name - 0%. I wasn’t expecting much as she made it very clear that she didn’t like me, but the 0% felt pretty deliberate.

My Dad remembered that she had some jewelry in her safety deposit box, which wasn’t accounted for in her will and thought that might make up for my big, fat 0%. When he went to take it out, he found that she had sent all of her good stuff to an estate buyer in Chicago five years ago and all that was left were the pieces that the buyer didn’t want. She had a beautiful jewelry collection with a bunch of mid century Black, Starr, and Frost, VCA and Cartier pieces. What was left was some gaudy Granny jewelry.

I took that gaudy Granny jewelry and while my cousins were using their inheritances to build new houses and plan wild vacations, I shipped that junk off to Dover Consignment in Miami and most of it is being sold on eBay as we speak. As someone who spent her life looking down her nose at others, she would be appalled that people are buying her baubles on no reserve auctions on eBay. I’m not exactly going to get rich off the profits, but I plan to use some of it to have something special made for myself.

I can’t be the only one who didn’t want bad juju jewelry hanging around. Has anyone else sold off Granny’s jewels?
 
Normally the thought of granny jewlery being sold off makes me sad
But your granny is just too sad
I can't help wishing your cousins could have sheared their good fortune with you

im happy you sold her stuff
Enjoy spending the proceeds
but im more sorry you didn't have a kind sweet granny
 
I'm sorry your grandmother was so awful to you & I hope you get enough money back for an awesome piece for yourself!
 
Being the second youngest of the many grandchildren on my father's side (my father was one of 14 children, so I have many cousins), I was never close to my grandmother when she was alive.

I never sucked up to her as there are plenty of uncles, aunts and cousins who did that.

I remember being in the same room as one of my cousins went to see her just before she got married, and was given a diamond bracelet as a wedding gift. It was not particularly grand or valuable, however, it was a nice gesture, as my cousin was not one of favoured ones (long story).

I was in my mid teens, and remembered my grandmother saying to me in the line that she was unlikely to be alive when I got married to be able to give me a gift.

I thought to myself, she could have given me a gift when she was alive, like she had done to the other cousins that she liked!

I should be grateful as she did remember me in her will.

I learnt from watching her how favouritism within a family can be very damaging. I hated the way she manipulated one uncle/aunt against another, etc. etc...

My dad was blindingly loyal to her, even after she took advantage of his generosity, financially as well as emotionally.

She did not like my mum as my mum would never suck up to her like some of my other aunts.

DK :))
 
My grandma loved all us cousins equally (including the adopted ones)
Its sad for my sister because she was the youngest and only remembers her as a sick old lady
i just cannot get my head around a grandma being so mean to a grandchild
 
I'm so sorry your experience of your granny wasn't a positive or pleasant one. I really loved my grandmother and we had a fantastic rapport but she and my mother did not get along. My mother all but forbid me to see her and would get very upset if she found out I had spent time with her. I missed out on a lot of time with her, but I have some very fond and special memories of her and the times I did get to do things with her. She introduced me to jewelry at a young age, gave me my first diamond ring, first emeralds, etc. She always had beautiful pieces and I inherited several when she passed a few years ago. The rest is in my family still.

@FlashyFlamingo in my experience, the people who hurt you the most are triggered by you in some way that reminds them of their own shortcomings. I believe that when someone is unkind to you, it's because they have the problem, and it's nothing to do with you, your value as a person, or anything about you. Your granny was clearly the one with the issue and I'm terribly sorry for the pain she caused you. Not sure who's in a worse position--you or her other grandchildren who must feel rather odd knowing they got a percentage while you did not.
 
FlashyFlamingo said:
Three of her grandchildren received lump sums of 30%, my brother received 10%, and I received 0%. It actually said that in the will, my name - 0%. I wasn’t expecting much as she made it very clear that she didn’t like me, but the 0% felt pretty deliberate.
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So sad -- and so sorry! I would have thought that the lucky ones would have made things right. Even when aging parents have kids with differing needs (barring a special-needs case of course), the "rule" is to divide equally and (perhaps) encourage them to make things right on their own...
 
That has to be the worst grandmother ever. Unfortunately my grandmothers had nothing to give jewelry or money wise. I assume my mother in law will leave everything to her daughters. I have one daughter and Grandmom has never really liked her, they are too much alike. She won’t get anything from gma but I think the other two will.
My daughter says she doesn’t want any of my jewelry and she would be a fool not to take it. I have three DIL. All three are only daughters. Two have wealthy mothers who will leave them jewels. One has a very wealthy mother who doesn’t even have a wedding band. I will leave everything to her to pass out to grandchildren after she takes her pick. She and daughter are great friends so if daughter changes her mind they will share. Also this DIL is as fair as a person can be. I totally trust her to divide stuff evenly.
 
We have had a couple of cases that have made the news here - it seems here you generally have to leave ones direct off spring the same amount
I don't how that relates to grandchildren

Before we knew how much my mother had in trust my sister offered to give me some of hers so i could get a house deposit but it worked out ok at 50% 50%

My closest cousin had a particularly mean grandma (not from our side of the family) she would gift the siblings lovelly presents and then buy my cousin a knitted hat from a school fair
im sure her mum and dad must have tried to reaaon with my Aunty's mother as she could be so unkind singling out my cousin like that
Who would do that to a little girl ?
 
@FlashyFlamingo I’m so sorry :(
I hope the pieces you have on eBay sell for a good amount and you can get something you will love. (((Hugs))).
 
AprilBaby said:
That has to be the worst grandmother ever. Unfortunately my grandmothers had nothing to give jewelry or money wise. I assume my mother in law will leave everything to her daughters. I have one daughter and Grandmom has never really liked her, they are too much alike. She won’t get anything from gma but I think the other two will.
My daughter says she doesn’t want any of my jewelry and she would be a fool not to take it. I have three DIL. All three are only daughters. Two have wealthy mothers who will leave them jewels. One has a very wealthy mother who doesn’t even have a wedding band. I will leave everything to her to pass out to grandchildren after she takes her pick. She and daughter are great friends so if daughter changes her mind they will share. Also this DIL is as fair as a person can be. I totally trust her to divide stuff evenly.
Click to expand...

Cough cough
Um
Well ....
If this is going to be a problem
im available for adoption
 
Not every grandchildren was named on my grandmother's will.

Our family was one of the lucky ones. As I said, I was grateful for being remembered.

However, it was peanuts compared to what some of my favoured cousins managed to claw as their own when she was alive, including properties.

Not that I am bitter about it, as money cannot buy affection.

DK :))
 
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Sometimes it's not even about the money but the feeling of rejection and being unwanted. I am sorry that you have to live with this as your only memory of your grandmother.

My grandmother is still alive and has very little, so I just bought her a little diamond ring from an estate sale. I hope she doesn't get upset that I spent money on her but I thought it would be great for her enjoy now while she is still alive. I can't imagine not having a great relationship with her.
 
maryjane04 said:
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Sometimes it's not even about the money but the feeling of rejection and being unwanted. I am sorry that you have to live with this as your only memory of your grandmother.

My grandmother is still alive and has very little, so I just bought her a little diamond ring from an estate sale. I hope she doesn't get upset that I spent money on her but I thought it would be great for her enjoy now while she is still alive. I can't imagine not having a great relationship with her.
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Your so lucky to be a grown up with a grandparent
I would have loved to have a grown up relationship with mine but sadly they all died when i was young or before i was born
I hope your gran loves the ring and wears it every day
 
dk168 said:
Not every grandchildren was named on my grandmother's will.

Our family was one of the lucky ones. As I said, I was grateful for being remembered.

However, it was peanuts compared to what some of my favoured cousins managed to claw as their own when she was alive, including properties.

Not that I am bitter about it, as money cannot buy affection.

DK :))
Click to expand...

Oh my goodness! My cousins were also able to claw away at all kinds of things when she was alive including properties. They all had their college tuition paid for, big weddings, down payments on houses. When my brother and I graduated from high school, she gave us each a $100 bill and that’s all she ever gave us.

I was lucky to have one set of wonderful, adoring, very involved grandparents. They were working class poor and didn’t have a lot of extra to go around, but that Grandma split up her few treasured things and attached a letter to each one explaining why they were important to her. She left her wedding jewelry, a Sarah Coventry broach and earring set from a catalog and a 14k heart compact that my Grandpa has given her for their first Valentine’s to me. They aren’t worth much of anything monetarily, but if my house were on fire, they would be something that I’d grab on my way out the door. She also left each of her grandchildren a few thousand dollars with the instruction to go on a trip that they’d always wanted to go on, since she and my Grandpa never really had the extra money to travel.

They were incredibly sweet people and having a relationship with them was worth so much more than any inheritance I missed out on with the other set of grandparents.
 
I'm sorry you had such a mean spirited grandma, how awful to be singled out so badly. I've been blessed to have a wonderful relationship with one set of grandparents (other passed before I was born) but I do sorta know what it's like as my ex-Husband had a terrible relationship with his grandmother and they were estranged etc... it was very sad for him. :cry:
 
@FlashyFlamingo Im sorry your grandmother disliked you and was despicably nasty from beyond to grave to specify a 0% inheritance for you. It’s hard to understand the hardness and coldness some people can harbor in their hearts for no apparent reason.
Her loss.
I hope from the sale of her jewellery you can buy yourself something beautiful and you can put her and her negativity behind you.
Youre a wonderful person, shine on girl.
 
AprilBaby said:
That has to be the worst grandmother ever. Unfortunately my grandmothers had nothing to give jewelry or money wise. I assume my mother in law will leave everything to her daughters. I have one daughter and Grandmom has never really liked her, they are too much alike. She won’t get anything from gma but I think the other two will.
My daughter says she doesn’t want any of my jewelry and she would be a fool not to take it. I have three DIL. All three are only daughters. Two have wealthy mothers who will leave them jewels. One has a very wealthy mother who doesn’t even have a wedding band. I will leave everything to her to pass out to grandchildren after she takes her pick. She and daughter are great friends so if daughter changes her mind they will share. Also this DIL is as fair as a person can be. I totally trust her to divide stuff evenly.
Click to expand...




Your immediate family sounds wonderful, you're a blessed woman!!!





I'm always sad when I read stories of favouritism. My own grandma loved all her children and grandchildren equally. We're different personalities and have different relationships, this share different experiences and interests. Clearly favouring one sibling is so hurtful and damaging.

My grandma has always replied this, when her kids or grand kids asked "who do you like best? ":

Look at my hand. I have ten fingers. They all look differently, yet are all mine. If I cut one, does one hurt more?

It's the same for my children and grandchildren - everyone is different, yet my child and I love them.


I've adopted this explanation and whenever my kids ask if I have a favourite (it's usually around the age of 5/6) , I quote their great- grandma.

My FiL and MIl, however are very open that they prefer the two childrent of heir only daughter over the other 13 grandkids. I'm trying to protect my kids from any harm this brings while encouraging a good relationship with their grandparents - without lying. Which is very hard.
 
@FlashyFlamingo

I’m so sorry to hear that your grandmother was so unfair. I do hope the gaudy jewelry brings in some decent money for your sake. Maybe for a nice holiday when the pandemic is over?

My grandmother left me just a gold chain which I’ve kept (and never worn) for sentimental reason. So no experience re: estate sales at all. I’m one of those people trying to figure out how to leave my bling stuff to my kids on the other thread - totally inexperienced on estate division since no one has left me anything (apart from said gold chain)
 
Thank you @FlashyFlamingo for the impetus to find my grandmother's gift to me (while she was still alive) and start wearing it. For the record my mom's mother was the most amazing grandmother. I loved her dearly and miss her daily.

My grandmother (mother's mother) left me nothing because my grandparents had no will and she died first before my grandfather. In 1992. It was unexpected and she had nothing in place to leave her loved ones.

My mom however gave me her pocketbooks which I cherished as they remind me of her. I used and adored them for decades. I no longer use them as they aren't practical anymore because I have to wear crossbody bags and her bags are very old now and well showing much wear. I did have a leathersmith refurbish them as needed and I did get much use from them. But I am sad I have nothing more permanent to wear and think of her while doing so.

She wasn't much for jewelry and that would have been an amazing keepsake from her. My grandparents did give me a gorgeous strand of pearls with a beautiful solid gold clasp in the 1980s but I don't wear pearls and they are somewhere in my safe in NYC. SO once we go back I am going to search for them and see if they need to be restrung and maybe start wearing them.

So @FlashyFlamingo thank you because you have reminded me about this wonderful gift my grandma gave me while she was still alive.
 
I have a few more thoughts to share if I may. Sorry for the length of my post to come. But I feel perhaps sharing what we went through might help you in some way and if by sharing I can help you in any way it is worth it.

What your grandmother did was so wrong. But you know that. There are many people like this.

My dad's parents were not nice people. We were obligated to visit with them during certain occasions. They didn't like us. They didn't like my mom. And they never let us forget that. When they died they left everything to my cousins. My dad's sister's kids. When you posted your thread I had forgotten all about this. And I share it now to let you know that this will become a distant memory for you too.

Honestly, at the time, I was glad as I didn't want anything from them. I disliked them (because they were mean spirited and their dislike of us was so apparent) and it is almost impossible to believe my dad came from them. He is the opposite of them in every single way.

My dad is kind and generous where they were mean and miserly. He is loving and warm and smart and the best dad ever. Where they were hateful and cold and stupid (yes stupid) and the worst parents IMO ever to their son. And horrible grandparents to my sister and me and horrible in-laws to my mother. I won't get started on my dad's sister and her kids because they take after the grandparents. Sadly. We have no other first cousins and it would have been nice to have wonderful first cousins but I digress.

So yeah we lucked out because objectively we have the most amazing dad and somehow he came from the worst parents ever. That's why when I read sad childhood experiences that PSers had and see how far they have come I am not surprised. I see the same with my dad. How he became who he is IDK but he truly is a great man.

My heart goes out to you but you are the winner here. You are kind and warm and generous and lovely in so many ways. All the opposite of your grandmother. And I don't know your cousins but if they are anything like our first cousins I feel for you. We have had no contact with my dad's side of the family for many many decades. And I don't feel as if I am missing a thing. Not a thing.

(((HUGS))).
 
@FlashyFlamingo apart from being remembered in her will, me and my two siblings got nothing.

My sister might have been given a jadeite ornament and a photo of herself in a silver frame when my grandmother was still alive, otherwise, nothing else.

As I said, I am not bitter, as I do not feel I owe her anything except for being grateful that she remembered me in her will.

I hated the way she blatantly showed favouritism towards her own children let alone grandchildren.

My sister once said she forgave her for that as she was not well-educated. And I thought what had education got to do with any of it?!

As I said, money cannot buy affection, not mine for certain.

DK :))
 
Oh I feel you.
my grandmother never liked me either.
She passed away in May this year - she was 91. She did like me when I was little and had promised me a ruby ring she owned that I had always admired.
Even when my cousins were born and one eyed the ring she would say to pick something else as that one was for me.
our relationship was bad but when I had my daughter she was the first great grandchild and we managed to come together. She would still jab and guilt me - make me feel like a bad person everytine she saw me - but I knew she adored my daughter (they had the best relationship) - so we were good. When she passed away she had a wonderful jewellery collection but my Aunt has kept the lot.
I’m assuming she has given some to her daughter and won’t be handing anything over to me.
After my mother died my aunt took my grandfathers house, sold it and kept my mums half instead of passing it on to my sister and I.... so I shouldn’t be surprised.
When my father died we got nothing as my mother took it all and gambled it away. When my mother died we got nothing because she expected us to get half the house.

I do have the sapphire I got from my dads side before everything could be gambled away.
My husband is an only child and his parents have realestate in Europe so I don’t feel the need to hold grudges against the proper who felt they needed to take what they knew wasn’t for them.
Karma is a funny thing. My Aunt is now struggling financially and I took her some groceries to free t through.... funny how things change and I’m glad she isn’t (that I know of) selling off the jewellery yet.

How do you approach someone to say *Hey - any chance I can have that ring she promised me her whole life??*
 
Beautiful-disaster said:
How do you approach someone to say *Hey - any chance I can have that ring she promised me her whole life??*
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First of all, I am so sorry.
To answer the question above...if your aunt still has that ring, could you just explain it like you did for us and say just that? How you would adore and cherish that ruby ring and how, many years ago, your grandmother promised it to you. How much it would mean to you if you could have the ring? Perhaps offering to give her a dollar amount for it would allow her to part with it? Or would it insult her? Would there be any chance do you think that your aunt might acquiesce your request?

Do you have anything to lose to ask? It seems your relationship with her is a decent one. After all you are helping her now so that says something.

Either way, I am so sorry. It helps, I hope, to know you aren't alone.
People are fallible. People do the unfathomable. All we can do is accept what we cannot change and change what we might be able to and know the only thing truly under our control is our reaction and actions. Not the actions of others as troubling as they may be.

Another reason I prefer animals to (many) people.

(((HUGS))) to you @Beautiful-disaster.
 
Having grew up with much family politics on both sides of my parents, some very unpleasant with knife threat, items being thrown across the room etc., I came to the conclusion at a very young age that blood may be thicker than water; however, I do not have to like people just before they happen to be family.

I believe in kama, and some of those who clawed much ended up with not a lot to their names, and had to struggle financially at their old age. Allegedly one of the aunts is working at a flower shop serving people in her late 70s/early 80s.

Envy, greed and jealousy are very ugly personal traits.

DK :))
 
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