have your FIs played a big part in the planning process?

[ficklefaye]

i ask because i feel i have done most of the planning while FI has driven me to all the locations

i value FI''s opinion, but let''s face it, he doesn''t care which shade of red or what type of flowers or if we should get little hearts to add some flare to our invitations, but it''s great that he has been there the whole way to either nod along or voice some opinions here and there

how have your FI''s been? helpful? not so helpful?

 

[Luckyeshe]

Even though we''re LDR, he has been very helpful! He looks stuff up online and tells me which venue or invites we should look into. I get to choose the top 3 and then we look at them together to make the final choice. When he and I are in the same city, then we definitely make the final visits and walk through, and decisions together.

 

[merrymunky]

I posted a similar thread a few weeks back asking if eveyone else''s FIs were as laid back as mine over the whole planning process.

Like you say FF, my FI doesn''t really care for th flowers, decorations etc. As long as he got to choose his wedding band, his outfit and the music he was cool with my choices for everything else!

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/28/2009 7:41:33 PM
Author: merrymunky
I posted a similar thread a few weeks back asking if eveyone else''s FIs were as laid back as mine over the whole planning process.

Like you say FF, my FI doesn''t really care for th flowers, decorations etc. As long as he got to choose his wedding band, his outfit and the music he was cool with my choices for everything else!

apparently my FI is more laid back than yours, i''ve had a say in his band, outfit and music

only because he always asks me for my opinion, i think he just wants to make sure i''m happy with everything and if i''m happy then he''s happy

 

[emeraldlover1]

My FI has been really involved. I''ve loved that! He booked all the things I didn''t want to think about and he did most of the neggotiations.

 

[merrymunky]

I kind of had a say in FIs outfit too actually. We both had the same idea for him in terms of his appearance on the day and I have to say he is going to look handsome! He''s wearing black subtle pinstripe trousers and matching waistcoat, with a cream or white shirt (hopefully roll sleeve, or he will just roll them up anyway!) and red tie. Oh, and red skate shoes!!!! Not very conventional but very HIM!

His wedding band was a pleasant surprise. I thought from conversations we had about it, that he would be going for titanium or tungsten funky style band. He ended up with a very traditional style, two colour gold. The outer edges are polished white gold an the middle band is brushed yellow gold. Looks fab on him too.

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/28/2009 7:48:07 PM
Author: merrymunky
I kind of had a say in FIs outfit too actually. We both had the same idea for him in terms of his appearance on the day and I have to say he is going to look handsome! He''s wearing black subtle pinstripe trousers and matching waistcoat, with a cream or white shirt (hopefully roll sleeve, or he will just roll them up anyway!) and red tie. Oh, and red skate shoes!!!! Not very conventional but very HIM!

His wedding band was a pleasant surprise. I thought from conversations we had about it, that he would be going for titanium or tungsten funky style band. He ended up with a very traditional style, two colour gold. The outer edges are polished white gold an the middle band is brushed yellow gold. Looks fab on him too.

wow, your FI came up with the band on his own? that sounds like a lovely (in a manly way) ring. my FI wanted me to look up a photo for him so he can bring it with him to the jewelry store, oh hum

 

[merrymunky]

Date: 7/28/2009 7:50:34 PM
Author: ficklefaye

Date: 7/28/2009 7:48:07 PM
Author: merrymunky
I kind of had a say in FIs outfit too actually. We both had the same idea for him in terms of his appearance on the day and I have to say he is going to look handsome! He''s wearing black subtle pinstripe trousers and matching waistcoat, with a cream or white shirt (hopefully roll sleeve, or he will just roll them up anyway!) and red tie. Oh, and red skate shoes!!!! Not very conventional but very HIM!

His wedding band was a pleasant surprise. I thought from conversations we had about it, that he would be going for titanium or tungsten funky style band. He ended up with a very traditional style, two colour gold. The outer edges are polished white gold an the middle band is brushed yellow gold. Looks fab on him too.

wow, your FI came up with the band on his own? that sounds like a lovely (in a manly way) ring. my FI wanted me to look up a photo for him so he can bring it with him to the jewelry store, oh hum

Hahaha yep. We both chose our own rings independantly. I am still second guessing mine though!

 

[trillionaire]

lol! I was just thinking about this the other day!

we haven''t started any official planning yet, just looking for pre-marital counseling services, but I am so curious about his vision for everything. We are planning to elope, then have a reception when we return, but he is the planning lead because he is the on insisting n the event. (I''d prefer to just save the money)

he does know he wants a two-tone wedding band, and if we use colors, they will probably be the colors of our alma mater, where we met.

He''s artistic, creative and a bit of a perfectionist at times, so it should be fun to see what he comes up with.

 

[livinginsg]

Hmmm, my new hubby was very involved! He is the one with the financial spreadsheet

. That''s the way he has been since we started dating; very hands-on. He walked with me when we planned our wedding with the exception of my wedding gown.

 

[cindygenit]

NO. He wants to know what i''m doing but the decisions are all up to me.

He couldn''t care less about the little details of the wedding.

 

[CoralQuiz]

No.

 

[FrekeChild]

He''s been...a PITA.

Seriously, at the beginning, he said, "Oh, I don''t care. Just tell me where to go, what to wear and what time to be there."

Then we got into it and he started caring about:
-the chapel not feeling like a church
-the chapel having windows
-the view out of the windows
-the location of the chapel
-the time of the wedding
-the look of the chapel
-what I''m wearing
-what he''s wearing
-what shoes he''s wearing (this is an ongoing debate)
-where to eat the reception dinner at
-what kind of food the reception place will have
-if the reception venue will have foods that he wants "as my first meal as a married man"
-where the reception venue is

etc.

Yet, he doesn''t want to put in the time to think about or look into these things for himself. So I''d find something and have to OK it with him, and if he didn''t like it, back to the drawing board.

It''s an ongoing process.

 

[soontowed]

Yes and no. There are some things that are really important to him like photographer and DJ so I just left those things up to him. The rest is pretty much all me. I get his input as much as possible eg. I picked the invitations but then he picked whehter they would be white or ecru.

 

[Dannielle]

FI picked the venue- he lwas so excited about it and couldn''t stop talking about it, it made my heart swell seeing him so excited

He has strong opinions on the photographer and entertainment but apart from that I have free reign, although I always show him things and ask what he thinks.

 

[gwendolyn]

Well, he''s been very supportive of whatever I''ve wanted to do, which was helpful, but as such left everything up to me to decide, which was not helpful. He has been a shoulder for me to cry on when I was tearfully trying to figure out how on earth to make things work without offending everybody we knew. He was also good about clearing up misunderstandings with his family (most notably his mother) when they got some very weird ideas. But most of the actual in-the-trenches stuff is me.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 7/29/2009 1:39:14 AM
Author: FrekeChild

Yet, he doesn''t want to put in the time to think about or look into these things for himself. So I''d find something and have to OK it with him, and if he didn''t like it, back to the drawing board.

Haha, my fiance is the same way!
He''ll nitpick the decisions I make, but not put any effort to doing it himself.

The phrase I''ve come to loathe: "But that''s not how everyone else does it."
Overall he''s fairly apathetic.

 

[elrohwen]

I''ve actually been a little POed at FI lately for his lack of help. I can totally understand his lack of interest in flowers, dresses, etc. And honestly, I''m not really interested in most of those girly things either. The thing that gets to me is that he can''t even help make phone calls, set up appointments, etc. I hate wedding planning, it''s really just one more thing I have to get done, and I really wish he would help me out more. He does get nervous making phone calls and talking to new people, but sometimes I think he just needs to get over it and do it already! {{sigh}} At least he''s more than willing to go to every appointment with me and help me do things at home. He''s just not very helpful when it comes to making calls and setting things up.

 

[purselover]

Yes, thank goodness he''s pretty much doing everything. I originally wanted a no fuss elopement b/c I''m not into all the little details that make a wedding, but since we''re doing the big family event he wanted he volunteered to do everything.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

In general, it just kind of annoys me that a lot of men assume that the woman will take care of everything for them because all women love to micromanage and wouldn''t want their fiance interfering.

Granted, there are some women like that, but still, you should at least ask if you can help out and display some teeny bit of interest/excitement over the wedding, and not sit like a lump until prodded into action.

Haha, one of my coworkers just got engaged, and the advice I gave was that even if right now she seems super duper excited and has a million ideas about everything and doesn''t seem to remember you exist, after the euphoria dies down, she''ll realize how much logistical work has to go into everything, and will probably appreciate it if you offered to help once and awhile. A simple "Is there anything I can do?" would do nicely.

 

[rhbgirl24]

My fiance has been involved with EVERYTHING. In a way its been really really nice, but sometimes I have to compromise on what I''ve always wanted to. It always works out, sometimes better than my idea, so its all good!

 

[ficklefaye]

oh gosh, it''s interesting to see how a lot of us are going through the same things with our FIs. my least favorite phrase lately is, ''it''s up to you, honey''

ok on a normal day, that''s fine and dandy, but it''s OUR wedding, not just mine, i can''t make him care about everything, but have a heart about some things

 

[zipzapgirl]

Mr. Zip was beyond awesome in the wedding planning process. He realized early on that I am a procrastinator and have trouble making decisions

I was also in the middle of busy season at work and a tough semester for grad school, so he picked up the ball and ran with it.

He organized the caterer, DJ, venue, and photographer--basically anything that was in Italy--which was easier since he just happens to have an office where he can close the door and a friendly Italian co-worker! I did the invitations, wedding party attire, gifts, my dress & accessories, guest list, programs, flowers, and wrote the ceremony. We joked that he was in charge of logistics and I was artistic director.

 

[DiamondsforDee]

I''m glad to see I''m not the only one with a problematic FI. I was beginning to get worried. Things are divided into three areas: 1) things he cares about, 2) things he doesn''t care about, and 3) things he says he doesn''t care about but actually does.

He refuses to help with anything in category 2, even though I really don''t care about most of those either and it would be a big help to me if he did some of that work.

He nitpicks all of my decisions he dislikes in category 3, but only contributes ideas to solve what the "problem" is when I tell him it''s my way or he finds me exactly what he wants. He does fabulous work then.

The category 1 items are a bit more complicated. He is gung ho about helping on some yet others he claims he wants to help but then won''t do anything to help. I have been asking him for a MONTH now to listen to samples online from our cocktail hour musicians and he won''t do it. I asked him if I could just book them because he probably doesn''t care about our cocktail hour music and he got mad and said he did care and would listen to them over the weekend. Yeah, he didn''t listen to them. It would take all of 5 minutes too. However, he wanted to go look at churches and reception venues before we were engaged because he wanted to ensure we got exactly what we wanted, even though he knew our wedding date was almost two years away. Talk about confusing.

If I cared about most wedding stuff I probably wouldn''t mind as much, but I really dislike wedding planning so it''s just a big pita for me most of the time. I''m seriously considering hiring a planner.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 7/29/2009 11:33:56 AM
Author: ficklefaye
o
ok on a normal day, that''s fine and dandy, but it''s OUR wedding, not just mine, i can''t make him care about everything, but have a heart about some things

I agree!
Also, it would help me to know that he had my back, that he''s at least up-to-date enough on the wedding that if I forgot something he''d catch it or remind me. But he''s not at all into the wedding planning, and it makes me a little nervous knowing that if I didn''t remember that random detail, there''s no safety net and it''ll just not be there! (For example: forgot about the cardbox..whoops.)

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 7/29/2009 11:40:42 AM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Date: 7/29/2009 11:33:56 AM
Author: ficklefaye
o
ok on a normal day, that''s fine and dandy, but it''s OUR wedding, not just mine, i can''t make him care about everything, but have a heart about some things

I agree!
Also, it would help me to know that he had my back, that he''s at least up-to-date enough on the wedding that if I forgot something he''d catch it or remind me. But he''s not at all into the wedding planning, and it makes me a little nervous knowing that if I didn''t remember that random detail, there''s no safety net and it''ll just not be there! (For example: forgot about the cardbox..whoops.)

oh gosh, same here! the to do list is on our computer desktop for both of us to see, but does he bother to look at it? NOOOO...

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 7/29/2009 11:40:42 AM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Date: 7/29/2009 11:33:56 AM
Author: ficklefaye
o
ok on a normal day, that''s fine and dandy, but it''s OUR wedding, not just mine, i can''t make him care about everything, but have a heart about some things

I agree!
Also, it would help me to know that he had my back, that he''s at least up-to-date enough on the wedding that if I forgot something he''d catch it or remind me. But he''s not at all into the wedding planning, and it makes me a little nervous knowing that if I didn''t remember that random detail, there''s no safety net and it''ll just not be there! (For example: forgot about the cardbox..whoops.)

My FI has been very disinterested in details. We have a budget and a separate wedding account with the money that we budget for it. Once the money is gone, no more wedding buys. Period.

He has however, ROCKED the negotiations with every single vendor. While he really doesn''t care about details, he always asks me before we have any concalls or meetings, what do I want out of the vendor (extra flowers, flight upgrade, whatever...) and what the "estimated" price is. Then he goes in with his poker face and gets everything I want at a price that makes him happy. I don''t care about the cost, I just want pretty flowers...he doesn''t care about the flowers, he just doesn''t want to pay for them OR have me be upset!

I am still abut $4000 under budget and so far I''ve gotten EVERYTHING that I wanted (we are flying our photographer and assistant to the DR; every member of my immediate family will be there; I get extra flowers for special guests and a cigar roller!)

 

[NuggetBrain]

He said he doesn''t care what I do, until I actually make a decision on something and then he suddenly has a bunch of input he needs to make known.

But usually if there''s something that I feel very strongly about, even if he''s on the fence he will pretty much let me run with it. The only things he said he definately doesn''t want anything to do with is the dress and the flowers.

So far he got to veto our colors (we went from green and purple to gray and yellow), he got to veto the STDs (we went from picture cards to magnets) and he got to insist on a photobooth.

 

[ficklefaye]

i think it''s funny when FIs are insistent on some details about the wedding, makes me wonder why they put thought into some things but not others