Having a minor breakdown over cost

[Treasure43]

My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves unless we wait until 2011 to get married and then his parents will help us. Neither of us want to spend a ridiculous amount of money on one day. We just want our family to be able to attend and have a good time. However, we don''t want to save up for years to afford it. Everything is so expensive and it looks like it''s going to cost us at least around 15K to have a wedding with 100 people. I have no idea what to do and it''s causing me huge amounts of stress. Any suggestions on how to cut back on costs? We''ve already eliminated things we don''t need, are planning on having beer and wine only, and can rent his parent''s country club for free. It''s really the cost of the food/drinks for the 100 people plus everything else that adds up.

 

[ladypirate]

I hear you, Treasure--we are doing things as cheaply as we can and it''s still looking like it will be about 15K. 7500 of that is just food & drinks for 100 people.

Good luck.

 

[iheartscience]

Yeah it''s kind of insane how expensive weddings are. You can definitely do a buffet-that will be cheaper than a plated dinner. Also just do chicken and fish-no beef. And have you thought about checking out someplace like Whole Foods for the catering? I had already booked my caterer when I saw that Whole Foods does catering. I wonder how inexpensive it would be to use them...I never looked into it but I love all the salads and stuff they have on their hot and cold bars so I figured it would be tasty!

What else...you could do Costco flowers-I heard on here that they were inexpensive and nice. I lucked out big time because my cousin is an awesome landscape designer and florist so she made all the flowers for me for my wedding gift, including the bouquets.

Oh-the invites. We skipped printing the outer envelope and we didn''t do a reception card, only the invitation and the reply card, so that saved us a decent amount of $. We did letterpress but we ordered them from Mercurio Brothers so it was pretty cheap.

Oh-the beer and wine! Does your venue and caterer let you supply your own? We had 110 guests and we got our beer at Costco (12 cases-Blue Moon, Yuengling (sp?) and Corona Light) and it was only about $300-350. And we got pretty inexpensive (but delicious) wine from Whole Foods. They do a 20% discount on cases and they have a lot of great wines under $20, so it wasn''t too bad. Plus they have crazy sales sometimes on certain wines, so you could always wait until a wine you wanted went on sale and just buy it and store it until the wedding. I don''t know how much it ended up being for us, but I want to say it was under $600...maybe even $500 for the wine. Plus they do let you return whatever you don''t use, which is awesome.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Sorry to hear your woes! Weddings are crazy expensive! Would you consider doing a mid-morning wedding (like 10 or 11am)? Then, instead of beer & wine, you could serve mimosas/magnolias & other drinks made with sparkling wine so you only have 1 type of alcohol. Also, you could also do more "finger foods" instead of a real meal like chicken salad mini sandwiches, fruit, crackers & cheese, etc. Does the country club require you to do catering business with them? If so, that can get expensive because there is usually a minimum cost (which is typically high). If that''s the case, you could see if anyone has a backyard big enough and pretty enough to host a wedding. Also, check state parks around your area. The cost to rent a shelter or conference room is usually minimal, compared to big name venue sites. However, sometimes state parks don''t allow any alcohol. You''d have to check and see what the rules are.

Food & alcohol is usually the biggest cost of hosting a reception! The best way to get around it is to have a wedding earlier in the day, so you''re not having to serve dinner. People also typically drink less if it''s early in the day.

Good luck! There are certainly ways to have a lovely wedding on a low budget! You just have to open your eyes and hunt for the right opportunities, and be willing to compromise on your top choices.

 

[princessplease]

We cut back a lot, and are doing a lot of DIY stuff and are still looking at $18-20K. Thing2of2 had great suggestions.
One biggie to cut costs would be to have a wedding on a Friday night or Sunday late AM/early afternoon. When FI and I were looking at venues, some places were willing to cut 15-20% off of the per person price to have the wedding on either of those days. Season may also play a huge role in the reception cost. If you get married Nov-Mar, your vendors may be more likely to work with you on discounts as those months are the wedding ''off season''.

 

[Haven]

It''s time to get creative! It seems like a lot of couples are coming up with creative alternatives to the typical wedding and they''re saving money and being unique at the same time.

Anyone have a link to that gorgeous $3,000 wedding?

This couple over at Young House Love had a gorgeous wedding in their own backyard, and they did a lot of DIY and relying on friends and family to help out.

If you''re open to having the wedding outside of the country club you could save a lot of money, since catering is usually one of the biggest costs.
- Do you know anyone with a great home that you could use? DH''s cousins were married in a friend''s backyard and it was gorgeous.
- What about renting a summer camp? They usually don''t have catering restrictions and the surroundings can be gorgeous.
- Garden daytime wedding?
- Park wedding?
- Destination wedding?

 

[Inanna]

Date: 7/29/2009 9:52:16 PM
Author: Haven
It''s time to get creative! It seems like a lot of couples are coming up with creative alternatives to the typical wedding and they''re saving money and being unique at the same time.

Anyone have a link to that gorgeous $3,000 wedding?

This couple over at Young House Love had a gorgeous wedding in their own backyard, and they did a lot of DIY and relying on friends and family to help out.

If you''re open to having the wedding outside of the country club you could save a lot of money, since catering is usually one of the biggest costs.

- Do you know anyone with a great home that you could use? DH''s cousins were married in a friend''s backyard and it was gorgeous.

- What about renting a summer camp? They usually don''t have catering restrictions and the surroundings can be gorgeous.

- Garden daytime wedding?

- Park wedding?

- Destination wedding?

Haven, I was literally JUST looking at the $3000 wedding pics. When they were first posted on PS I book marked ''em and have been going back to them for inspiration ever since.

http://www.oncewed.com/8389/real-weddings-blog/real-weddings/nancy-ethan-ii/
http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2009/03/wow-a-seriously-genius-wedding.html
http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2009/03/wedding-love.html

 

[Luckyeshe]

I''m sorry you''re feeling stressed out! I saw the 4K wedding and I wish I could do that!! Beyond doing your wedding buffet style and on an off day like Friday or Saturday, why not do a lunch reception (which we''re doing), or cocktail and hor d''oeuvre''s reception, or a dessert reception. That will definitely cut down on the cost. Also, you can make a donation to a charity instead of giving guest favors. See if you can find a venue that will allow you to bring in your own alcohol as well. Ok, I hope this gives you some ideas! Feel less stressed!!

 

[House Cat]

Is the country club requiring you to use their catering? That might be a huge budget buster right there. While you might get the facility for free, if catering is $100 per head, you really aren't saving any money at all. If this is the case, maybe it is time to look for a different venue?

If you have a choice in caterers, maybe you should shop around to find someone more budget friendly.

ETA: Are you allowed to supply your own alcohol?

 

[katamari]

Date: 7/30/2009 11:04:57 AM
Author: House Cat
Is the country club requiring you to use their catering? That might be a huge budget buster right there. While you might get the facility for free, if catering is $100 per head, you really aren''t saving any money at all. If this is the case, maybe it is time to look for a different venue?


If you have a choice in caterers, maybe you should shop around to find someone more budget friendly.


ETA: Are you allowed to supply your own alcohol?

HUGE ditto to House Cat! My guess is that because you get the venue free, catering and bar will likely be incredibly more expensive! Inexpensive weddings can be had! You just have to be creative about it.

There are a million ways to cut costs, but I would start first with the venue. Do you have access to anything (friend or family''s property, park nearby, local hall) that would let you bring in your own catering, cake, and beverage? If so (and especially if they would provide shelter, tables, and seating) you could easily have a $3K wedding for 100 people.

 

[dani2142]

I feel ya!!! We are paying for our own wedding as well but we have opted for a destination wedding and are getting married in Jamaica. We just left it as whoever wants to come can come. If they can''t, oh well. Sounds selfish but spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to me is silly. I wouldn''t go into debt for it. I also wasn''t one of those people who has dreamed of a perfect wedding. I always wanted something small and always dreamed of getting married on the beach My advice to you would be to sit down and figure out exactly what is important to you and your fiance'' and try to cut out the stuff that neither of you really care about.

 

[VRBeauty]

Maybe you could try looking at the problem from the other direction.

Instead of starting with the books and magazines wedding and cutting from there, start with what you really want and build from there. What I''m reading in your posts is that what you really want is for your families to be able to celebrate with you, and to have a good time. I''m sure there are many ways to accomplish that which won''t cost an arm and leg. Maybe if you think of it as a family get-together centered around the celebration of your marriage, more options will pop into your head?

I think your end goal is wonderful, and I''m sure you''ll be able to put together an equally wonderful wedding!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

A few ideas-

A Friday, Sunday, or other weeknight wedding can vastly lessen costs (sometimes on food as well).

Have you considered doing a brunch or afternoon wedding? Those are often less and can be very classy and special. People love unusual or unconventional weddings. So much more fun than the cookie cutter event.

You could also do a cocktail reception.

What''s your dress budget/actual? Do you have it yet? Would you consider looking for a less expensive dress or a used one?

What''s your flower budget/actual? Let your florist know your color, theme, and budget and let him/her put together your bouquet with seasonal flowers. Flowers that have to be shipped in are going to be the most expensive (think callas, orchids, peonies and hydrangeas out of season).

Do you have to do favors or out of town bags?

Would you consider DIY invitations? Check out the DIY thread, there are lots of good ideas there and some look BETTER than professional quality.

For reception decorations, cardbox, etc. Check the Trash to Treasure board on the next or the for sale board on project wedding. Also your local Craig''s List might have some for sale postings.

Photographer-look for a good quality photog who has a package that gives you what you need in terms of day-of coverage, but offers just a CD of high res images. There''s a huge markup on prints and books when ordered through your photog and if you have a CD with the images, you can go online and print your books/prints within your budget and on your schedule.

cake-if your venue offers dessert (other than cake) as a part of the package, then just have a small cake to cut and have available if people want cake. A lot of people don''t like wedding cake and would rather have something else like cheesecake or creme brulee.

Forego things like a cherries jubilee or viennese table display,they''re extra money and not worth it in the long run.

Look for shoes at DSW, I always see nice bridal shoes there in clearance-that''s actually where I got mine.

Have a DJ instead of a band. You really don''t need two or more DJs, just one.

And remember, just because you''re inviting 100 people, doesn''t mean 100 will come. Don''t plan on 70, but keep that in the back of your mind. You do have some control over the numbers (in terms of calling in the B-list when A-listers decline).

Good Luck! I think 15K for 100 people is pretty average, but it''s definitely a lot!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/29/2009 9:14:10 PM
Author:Treasure43
My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves unless we wait until 2011 to get married and then his parents will help us. Neither of us want to spend a ridiculous amount of money on one day. We just want our family to be able to attend and have a good time. However, we don''t want to save up for years to afford it. Everything is so expensive and it looks like it''s going to cost us at least around 15K to have a wedding with 100 people. I have no idea what to do and it''s causing me huge amounts of stress. Any suggestions on how to cut back on costs? We''ve already eliminated things we don''t need, are planning on having beer and wine only, and can rent his parent''s country club for free. It''s really the cost of the food/drinks for the 100 people plus everything else that adds up.

This is my big fear, and I think we''ll have closer to 150-200 people, between friends and family.

Hopefully by calling it a family reunion party rather than wedding, we will save some costs... it will be after we elope, so it''s not exactly a lie.

 

[charbie]

OH I love this topic. I have been a very thirfty bride.

1) Our rings are family rings- no cost (besides my band and resizing)
2) Got 1/2 off the venue for touring and booking in the same week- we can bring in our own alcohol.
3) Dress is from Filene''s Basement "Running of the Brides"- gorgeous Eden Bridal gown that retailed for over $1000 for only $250- and then $140 to alter.
4) Invites were made by a friend of ours- not cheap but got custom on a budget.
5) FMIL''s best friend does amatuer photography- is shooting our wedding for free, and a friend is doing photojournalistic style pics as well- shes got amazing equipment and loves to play around- works for me. As long as I get about 15-20 shots to make a nice album- I''m fine.
6) Sister is a baker. Sister making cake. Sister giving cake for wedding gift
7) Having make-up/hair done at home by one person who does both services. She turns out to be much cheaper than salon- so look around!
Beer and wine only- and my mom''s BF used to own a beverage distributer, so we get it at cost.
9) Doing a buffet- two options and a veggie option. I''d rather have REALLY good lasagne and chix carbonara over dried out meat and chix that gets served!

More will come to me- granted I know we got rather lucky in so many instances- I just about used every person I know to cut costs and didnt hire anyone. Hahah. but the location is in an urban downtown setting, breathtaking and could have cost a whole lot more. We are serving 200 for about 10k- not bad in my book- and that includes alcohol.

 

[ProseCuter]

My fiance and I are doing things on a tight budget as well since we both have huge student loans and are paying for our wedding ourselves. Here''s what we did:
* Having the wedding at 10:30am on a Saturday, for 75-100 people
* Appetizers only
* NO alcohol (a lot in our families don''t drink anyway, so this isn''t a big deal)
* Ordered invitations and response cards that we printed and addressed ourselves
* Having our photographer take the pictures, but NOT make an album so we can order whatever prints ourselves from whomever we want
* Only have bride''s and MOH''s bouquets and small flower cluster on top of cake. NO other flowers.
* Using fountain centerpieces ($10 each on ebay) with silk rose petals (also found cheap on ebay); only having 4 tables with chairs, and other chairs around perimeter of room
*Ceremony is at the reception site; I''ll also be getting ready there- NO limo
* Classic, minimally decorated cake
* Found my dress on ebay (Brand new, fits like a glove and I LOVE it!) for $31
* Not having a guest book
* Not having any decorations (columns, flowers, arch, etc.) for ceremony location. The site has beautiful art deco style stained glass doors we will be standing in front of.
* No favors
* His ring is titanium (under $100) and mine is a plain platinum band (under $300)

All of this will be about $4000.

 

[jjdav]

We thought the same thing so to cut back costs here''s what we did:
1. Figured out what we must have - good food (we love food), photographer
2. Used the same ceremony and reception location (great restaurant)
3. I bought my dress & shoes online and saved >$150 (it was about $200)
4. Made our own invitations by printing them at home and no reply envelope, we asked everyone to RSVP via our wedding website, only two people had to email us because they couldn''t figure out how it worked.
5. No wedding party, we didn''t have a traditional wedding, DH and I just walked into the ceremony together after all the guests were seated
6. All our decorations just worked with the decor of the restaurant so we didn''t have to buy & set up much (it was not one of the things we must have)
7. Because we were getting married at DH''s home town and we don''t live there, we asked family to spread the word that if they bring gifts, checks and gift cards would be appreciated

(we received Visa and Amex gift cards which we used on the honeymoon)
8. We booked the honeymoon hotel using points from our credit cards (Hilton & Marriott resorts in Hawaii)
9. Making our own photo book rather than getting the professional package (it was about $500 more)

I heard from a friend that he went to a wedding where it lasted a couple of days, and the families pitched together to cook and decorate - it was in a backyard, potluck-style food and they rented plants from the local nursery for decorating. I suggested to a friend to start a honeymoon fund with a local travel agent, where guests were able to give directly towards it, they were able to cover most of the airfare and hotel costs.

Best of luck!

 

[Aloros]

My DH and I spent 5k on our wedding. First thing we did was trim the guest list down to about 95 (76 people ended up coming).

-We held the ceremony in the rose gardens of a public park ($110 for 3 hours)
-We shopped around for a reception site, and found one for less than $600. It was a boathouse on the edge of a manmade lake. Great view, and made for some beautiful photographs!
-I bought my dress off of ebay. $300 for a brand new San Patrick. My mother hemmed it. No other alterations were needed
-We had a BBQ place cater the wedding. ~$1800 for tri-tip, smoked chicken, and three sides.
-We bought the wine from Trader Joe''s, a little less than $200
-We bought hard alcohol, beer, and mixers from Costco, and used coupons. About $200 as well. We have A TON of leftovers.
-A friend of ours bartended
-A friend of ours did the photography, at a deep discount from his normal price
-The venue provided the tables and some chairs. I rented the rest and the china, stemware, tablecloths, napkins, etc. for $400
-I bought the flowers from Sam''s club ($150), peacock feathers off of ebay (100 for $20), vases from IKEA (14 for $1.50 each), rocks for the bottom (4 bags at $1.50/bag). My mom helped put together the centerpieces and bouquets. We used leaves from the Eucalyptus tree in our yard to complete the arrangements. I grew some sunflowers in my yard as well, and we used the red ones for my bouquet.
-We held the reception dinner at our house with an elaborate home-cooked meal (again, thanks to my mom, who is an AMAZING chef!)
-Hubby bought a suit on sale at Macy''s, with a vest, instead of renting at tux. $200
-We borrowed a sound system from our friends for the reception, and bought a battery-powered "boom bucket" for the ceremony music($80).
-Friends and family helped with the set-up and tear-down at the reception
-Favors were $90 - cute little cards with wildflower seeds embedded in the paper. You plant the entire card.
-I made the invitations myself. It was about $30 to get them printed on ivory cardstock at Kinko''s. I bought patterned paper online for $15, and ribbon at Walmart for a dollar or two. Lots of help from DH.
-We held an after-party at our house, where we danced the night away...

The ceremony was wonderful, and the reception turned out beautifully. Most importantly, everyone had a lot of fun! If you''re willing to do a lot of shopping around, some DIY, and enlist the help of friends and family, it is absolutely do-able.

 

[gwendolyn]

J and I are going to have two 'weddings' (sort of) for under US$5000. Here are a couple of the ways. Some of them might work for you if you can think a little creatively and not assume everything HAS to be the way most people do it. But, you can't be backed into having to have a specific venue (unless you can bring in your own caterer).

--Some places don't even have a hiring charge and only charge you for the food (like my venue), so shop around!

--You can have a 'banquet' instead of a 'wedding reception.' No lie, the banquet costs are 25% those of the wedding costs at the venue we have hired for our US reception. $3000 for a reception for 100 guests as a banquet, but $12,000 for a wedding reception. Same food. Same drinks (but the wedding package has a toast and the use of a cake platter and knife thrown in). Same dining room. Same dance floor. Same number of people. Remember, the vocabulary you use has incredible powers!

--We are having our ceremony at a registry office, which is the equivalent of city hall. VERY VERY inexpensive. We are having ours in the UK with a small group and then going out to dinner afterwards (the US reception party is about 2 months later), which means our costs for the ceremony itself will be only a couple hundred (mostly to pay for everyone's dinner afterwards--if you got married at city hall with immediate family at the ceremony--or even the whole guest list if your city hall can accommodate that many--and then had a big reception with all your guests, you wouldn't even have to worry about that).

--Don't get caught up in table linens, chair covers, and table arrangements. All the places we checked out have things you can use for free--they may not be YOUR colours, but they are usually neutral (white or cream) and look perfectly fine. If you want to make your own centerpieces or get arrangements for the table later if your budget allows, that's great, but your guests aren't going to have a bad time because of the colour of the tablecloth or because their chairs didn't have bows on them. Y'know?

--Be open to a wedding cake that is a "celebration" cake and not a "wedding" cake, or even a homemade cake if you know someone who bakes well! But if you do need to buy a commercial one, the price difference can be amazing, and once you plop some cake toppers on there (you could probably borrow some if you didn't want to buy your own since lots of people put theirs on display afterwards), it becomes a wedding cake anyway!

--Some places also offer great deals if you book at certain times of the year, during the week, or on (relatively) short notice. Get in contact with some places and ask what they can do for you--some of them are surprisingly flexible because they want to make a deal, so use that to your advantage when shopping around and comparing prices. I've gotten a few extras thrown in for free this way.

Anyway, hon, I feel your pain. Hopefully some of the tips you've gotten here will help you out!

 

[Gypsy]

What I'd do.

Sunday morning wedding, Buffet Brunch to follow. Only have sparkling wine (mimosas too) and bloody marys (mix and vodka) with soft drinks, juice, tea and coffee. If you are christian (or even vaguely so) I would also have it at or around the holidays. December is usually QUITE slow in the wedding business so you may some decent breaks in pricing. And the country club will probably decorate nicely, and you can just get that for free. You can do bulk poinsettia plants in cute (cheap terracotta bulk spraypainted gold and silver) containers-- poinesttias from Lowes or Home depot are very inexpensive as the centerpieces and folks can take them home. You can substitute holiday stuff (which is frequently on sale) for bridal stuff (which is usually NOT).

Menu:
Scrambled Eggs
Breakfast potatoes
French Toast
A carved Ham (with a guy carving it, will add nice touch)-- but you can easily cut this.
Some Bacon or Sausage
Chicken Salad
Green Salad
Rolls and pastries
Fruit Salad
You can easily add one meat free pasta dish in a chafing dish to this to make it more 'brunch' and less 'breakfast' Cheese lasagna would be great or baked zitti.

Do a silk flower kissing ball for the brides maids (easy to make and cost like 7 bucks each including ribbon) and inexpensive flowers for the groomsmen's boutineers (white mini carns are great for this). You get yourself a nice bouquet and your groom a nice bout.

Now for photpgraphy... follow a lot of the suggestions people have given you to find a nice inexpensive photographer.

I'd do a mini cake for the two of you. And sheet cakes in the back for the rest of the guests.

Decorate with christmas stuff... cheap buckets of ornaments at Costco are like 11 bucks. Sprinkle them everywhere.

Get all your stationary DIY and keep it CHEAP. AND again, you can use holiday stationary for this. Target has lovely DIY packs. Kinko's will print for you.

Escort cards instead of assigned seating. Stickers with snowflakes and stars to dress it all up.

AND finally, one of the best things about a brunch... is you don't have to have dancing. You can ask the country club to play ONE song over the speakers-- your first dance song and the two of you can dance right in front of your sweetheart table (decorated with ornaments and silk flowers) and then sit. No DJ or band required.

This cuts back alchohol (most people don't drink in the morning and afternoon or if they do, it's one drink), music, food, and decorating costs. It may not be the fairytale wedding, but unless you are in an expensive metro area... should be able to get it way down. At least down to 10K, if not much less.

Have you attendants, and your husband wear black. You wear white. You'll stand out, it will be classic and elegant and lovely. Just tell your BM's to getsolid black dresses, whatever they want and give them a length (cocktail would be less formal). And it's all very festive. Plus it's all over at like 2:00 so your guests can make thier travel arrangements and get where they need to go.


Oh, unless you are religious or want to have the ceremony overseen by clergy... get a friend or family member to be your officiant (we saved a ton doing this). Most counties will allow you to register to have a person of your choice do it for a small fee (ours was 50 bucks) and some paperwork for one day. Give them a couple of bottles of wine as a thank you and you are good to go. Have ceremony at the country club. Keep it very special and intimate, but inexpensive.

 

[audball]

Treasure, where are you located? Maybe some of us could help you look for venues that may be more affordable/inclusive of things??

 

[Treasure43]

Thanks so much for all of your suggestions/advice! I''m in the Richmond area for those with suggestions!

As for the dress, my mother will be paying for that so I dont have to worry about that cost. We''ve talked to the country club and we can bring our own wine and beer, and my fiance''s friends own a wine shop so they should be able to give us a discount! The reception venue is free and I''ve called them and they''ve said that their prices stay the same regardless of the day of the week or time of the year. My stepfather is doing the invitations and he''s also offered to make some candles with our picture and the date on them for favors.

I''ve found a florist who says she can do a lot with my $300 budget and she comes highly reccommended. I found an awesome DJ that will do the ceremony and reception for $500 total so that''s good. The thing I''m struggling with now is the photographer. I want great wedding pictures but most packages around here start at $1500.

We''re thinking about September 18, 2010 as a possible wedding date because it will be less humid in Richmond and will give us a few extra months to save (and since I"m a teacher I can plan during the summer). His mother called me today and said it may be that they pay for the entire reception and the ceremony, which would leave us to come up with 8K which is def doable. I''m budgeting 3K for the honeymoon (a week at an all-inclusive somewhere tropical), 2K for the rings (mine has to be custom made) and then that leaves us to pay for the photographer, DJ, flowers, and other random things. I guess that depends on if his parents can chip in. If not, we''ll probably end up doing something different for the reception. We can''t bring in our own food but we can bring in the alcohol. I''ve explored many other venues but with us getting the venue site for free, and between $21-28 per person for food, I''m not sure we could do much better unless we had it outside and did a BBQ. which we may end up doing, or I really love the brunch idea. So that''s another option if we can''t do that. Less alcohol (maybe mimosas) and less food!!!

 

[ficklefaye]

oh gosh, i think it''s normal to worry about the wedding costs, i look at our budget almost daily, i just can''t wait until it''s over