Having nightmares HELP PLEASE

[ilovesparkles]

I can''t stand it any longer! I keep having these nightmares that I''m casually cheating and it is really creeping me out! I have never in my life cheated on any BF or even thought about it so what gives? These dreams are really making me unhappy and I don''t know what to think about them! The first one I told him about a while back but I don''t want to keep telling him because I don''t want him to get the wrong idea! We both trust eachother 100% and neither of us could possibly fathom cheating so what is the deal? The only thing I can think of is the fact that is ex-FI cheated on him hence why they broke up. COuld it be just silly fears about that? Can anyone weigh in on this for me? Please put my mind at ease!

Amanda

 

[Momoftwo]

I personally don''t believe dreams mean anything. They''re just dreams. My DH and I have been married almost 25 years. I''ve never considered cheating and I know he hasn''t either, but that doesn''t stop us from occasionally dreaming about it or that the other one is cheating. It makes us wake up mad, but ultimately it doens''t mean a dang thing. It could be from stress or any number of reasons. Sometimes you dream more often and sometimes you dream about really unbelieveable things. I don''t think anyone can tell why we dream the way we do. They say you dream every night, but only remember some of them. It may be you remember these because they''re so outside of your character.

 

[Mara]

could also be that because these dreams SO freak you out and really bother you, that you keep dreaming about it. our pschyes are pretty interesting and your mind can be your own worst enemy at times if you let it.

if you haven't cheated and don't plan on it then i'd just not worry about it. the more worried or upset you get, the more power you are giving your brain to torment you.

i think everyone has dreams that disturb them from time to time...typically even people who believe in dreams say it's usually not WHAT the dream is about, but it means something 'else'....but seriously i have some REALLY wonky dreams sometimes and i just wake up and go WOAH that was ODD...and move on. sometimes i tell my husband about the really weird ones and we have a good laugh.

 

[applegirl]

Science may have made a lot of progress but the reason for dreaming is only just now starting to be understood. The "latest" theory is that dreams, which generally occur during REM sleep, are random glimpses into the mind as it incoroporates new experiences with events that have already happended. Talk of marriage may have stirred up memories of what your FI''s ex did to him. I don''t think it means that one of you is going to cheat on the other but maybe there are other concerns that you have and are worried to talk about with him.

 

[firebirdgold]

Could you be stressed about something else? I sometimes have a hard time figuring out what I''m really stressed about. Try some de-stress techniques before going to bed and earlier in the day. My favorites are doing something physical outdoors, accupuncture, calming tea, this magnesium fizzy stuff called ''Calm'', and a ocean wave machine when I sleep.

Of course there is always the traditional de-stressing method!

 

[allycat0303]

Well I dream about cheating too. In the dream I feel so awful because I KNOW IT''S OVER. I don''t worry about it, it''s just dreams, no big deal. I dream of all sorts of crazy things and they don''t come true, so this (which I have complete control over) won''t either.

 

[Caribou]

ilovesparkles, I''ve had several dreams that one or both of us have cheated, I also, keep having dreams that my FI breaks up with me. In fact, just last night I had a dream that he broke up with me....then in the same dream I was the hair salon getting my hair done for our wedding.

The dreams used to bother me but I''m starting to realize that I can''t control what I dream about so I don''t worry about it as much anymore.

 

[SoonIHope]

Aww, sorry! I agree, they aren''t worth letting yourself get upset about! I bet talk of getting married got your subconscious thinking, "I hope we don''t break up...why would we break up...well if I cheated on him like his ex-fiancee did then we would break up..." so it''s just a total random stream of consciousness train of thought. Also, if you have some other stress in your life that you''re spending a lot of energy on, your subconscious could see that as "cheating" by not giving him as much attention as you want to be? In any case, I agree that it in no way means you WANT to cheat on him or are going to, so don''t let it bug you too much!! It still sucks though, I hate dreams like that, and they really do FEEL real a lot of the time! (I had a dream that someone put my kitten to sleep for NO REASON and didn''t tell me, and it still makes my skin crawl and I just hug her and promise I won''t let anything happen to her. She thinks I''m totally crazy, but it''s just such a visceral feeling!!)

 

[ilovesparkles]

Thank you so much to everyone! Your comments and support have really helped me! It is so reassuring to her all of your stories and experiences! I''m not gonna worry about what comes up in my dreams it is just wasted stress and energy. I think part of what was making me so crazy was the vividness of the last dream I had and the fact that I usually don''t remember my dreams but these ones I have been. Oh well. I guess I don''t "dream" about the good with him because I get it in real life? Yeah, I''ll go with that for today

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/27/2006 10:27:47 AM
Author: ilovesparkles
Thank you so much to everyone! Your comments and support have really helped me! It is so reassuring to her all of your stories and experiences! I''m not gonna worry about what comes up in my dreams it is just wasted stress and energy. I think part of what was making me so crazy was the vividness of the last dream I had and the fact that I usually don''t remember my dreams but these ones I have been. Oh well. I guess I don''t ''dream'' about the good with him because I get it in real life? Yeah, I''ll go with that for today

Sparkles, I had a dream about a week ago that I broke up with my FI.... why did I break up with him? No reason just because.

Like a week later he was back with his EX girlfriend (whom he dated for like 6 years)...I woke up so upset and also forgetting that I was at his house....when I saw him I was relieved. I told him about it and he laughed and called me a dork.

Anywho, some dreams still bother me but I just keep reminding myself that it''s just that a dream...well more like a nightmare in some cases.

 

[akw94]

I tend to believe that dreams mean something, not necessarily a literal interpretation, but there is some deeper meaning. I think the cause can be as simple as stress or fear. Like Albicocca said, you''ve been spending energy thinking about the relationship and upcoming proposal a lot, so it might make you feel vulnerable in some ways. I tend to go through phases of having "bad" dreams and notice that when there''s a lot on my mind, they happen more often. I tend to have dreams about being chased and they are very scary. Once I had a dream that I couldn''t get in touch w/my bf when I felt someone was chasing me. I realized that my normal relationship fears are expanding into my subconsious. I definitely think stress is directly attributable to dreams and the sub-conscious and you can be stressed from a number of different sources. It''s funny, for awhile I was dealing w/this back injury and the pain was pretty bad down my leg. Now, i''m not 100% sure how the back injury happened, but there definitely was an injury and very real pain. Well, one day I was in Target and I got a call from this person that, at the time, was causing me a lot of grief and stress, and my leg began to hurt so, so badly. I had to get off the phone b/c it was so bad that I couldn''t focus on the conversation, nor did I want to. Once I got off the phone and calmed down, the pain lessened dramatically. I know that most dr.''s wouldn''t attribute my pain to the phone related stress, but it sure made sense to me and I could definitely feel the difference.
All that said b/c I really believe stress has a major impact in one''s life, physically, mentally and emotionally. Now, that doesn''t mean it''s worth getting upset about or even worrying too much about it. As Mara said, the more you focus on it, the more you may have the dreams. Just maybe be aware of the stresses in your life and try not to let them take over. The negative dreams will likely go away on their own.

 

[ilovesparkles]

OK so I finally talked to my BF about the nightmares tonight. He brought up having bad ones about being bitten by dogs so I thought why not. He laughed at me and said "There is no way you are cheating!" WHEW it was a relief and just wonderful. Why do we women fret over such silly things sometimes? Now lets just hope I don''t have anymore of those dang nightmares!

And thank you to all who helped put my mind at ease! I have truly found a wonderful community here among diamond lovers!

 

[ladykemma]

people in alcoholics anonymous (AA) report having drunk dreams. where you are dreaming you are drinking or drunk or can't remember getting drunk. Or you look down and see a drink in your hand and are thinking "oh, gawd how am I going to explain this?" As a member of AA who has "drunk dreams" with 6 month regularity, it is my higher power's way of testing my commitmment to sobriety. Of remembering how BAD it was without having to test the waters again.

In a word, scaring the piss out of me in case i ever think i can drink again.

that said, i think your soul is having cheating dreams, testing your commitment to fidelity. so I think this is a good thing, no?

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 3/4/2006 7:42:30 AM
Author: ladykemma
people in alcoholics anonymous (AA) report having drunk dreams. where you are dreaming you are drinking or drunk or can''t remember getting drunk. Or you look down and see a drink in your hand and are thinking ''oh, gawd how am I going to explain this?'' As a member of AA who has ''drunk dreams'' with 6 month regularity, it is my higher power''s way of testing my commitmment to sobriety. Of remembering how BAD it was without having to test the waters again.

In a word, scaring the piss out of me in case i ever think i can drink again.

that said, i think your soul is having cheating dreams, testing your commitment to fidelity. so I think this is a good thing, no?

Wow fascinating interpretation! My father is a chronic alcoholic, I know the struggle first hand. May God keep you safe and guide your choices!

 

[chickflick]

I was glad to see this post because every once in a while I have a dream where I am in a sexual situation with someone and in the middle of the act I realize that it''s not my boyfriend. I then have this horrible panicky feeling because it''s too late, I''ve already cheated and I didn''t even realize it. I think it''s just my worst fear being realized. You guy was sooooo wonderful about it! He definitely sounds like a good guy.