He told his parents!!!!! yay!

[lala2332]

FF told his parents last night that we are talking about getting engaged! I''m so excited!!! I got onto him about it yesterday, b/c he is staying with his parents right now and is leaving today to come be with me until school starts, so I knew that he wouldn''t really have another great time to tell them for a while.

His Mom was so excited apparently! She started offering us one of her silver patterns. I said his sister should pick first, and that we will take what is leftover.

She wanted to know where we thinking of getting married, and to make sure that I knew to have his sister as a bm.

And what type of ring. She wasn''t sure what an asscher was, FF thought she was looking up while he was on the phone with me, b/c she immediatly got on the computer as soon as he got up to answer my call.

Wow, makes me so happy. The actual wedding will have to be after next summer, b/c we both have the BAR exam, so while the wedding date may not be until 2010, the engagement will come in the next 9 months or so...he promised well before graduation in May! yay!

My LIWitis was at a peak yesterday and now I feel so much better, b/c I feel like he is on the same page since he took the huge step of telling his parents!!!

YAY!

 

[KCCutie]

That is good news! YAY for you!

Funny my SO told his parents and they were are all excited about us buying a house and getting engaged and I told my parents and it''s like "they''ll believe it when they see it" LOL. Oh, well I guess you can''t have it all.

Good luck with the move!

 

[Deelight]

Thats really exciting

 

[Bia]

That is very exciting news! It might not even take 9 months, but if it does, it will go by a lot quicker than you think!

 

[lala2332]

yeah, my parents were not nearly as excited a his. My mom just went on about silly an expensive wedding is and that she and my dad would rather help with a house.

Not exactlly the response I wanted.

Probably why I am extra excited about his parent''s reponse!

 

[Bia]

Well you have plenty of time to work on your parents. They have your best interest at heart, so maybe you can come to some sort of compromise? Either way, everything will work out...

 

[Lauren8211]

That''s really exciting news!! SOO excited for you!

On a side note, why is that parents always know exactly what to say to upset you when you''re sharing exciting news? It''s like they''re trained in it. I should ask the PS Mommies thread if that comes in a handbook or something...

 

[Pushin40]

Date: 7/24/2008 9:54:30 AM
Author: lala2332
yeah, my parents were not nearly as excited a his. My mom just went on about silly an expensive wedding is and that she and my dad would rather help with a house.

Not exactlly the response I wanted.

Probably why I am extra excited about his parent's reponse!

I know this is totally a personal decision, but I know MANY women who had an offer of $$ for a wedding or $20K for a house (10 - 15 years ago). They chose the wedding...then regretted it.

Something to think about.

It's pretty difficult to save up $40K or whatever for a downpayment on a house and this could be a once in a lifetime chance for you. Your wedding is just ONE DAY. You are blessed to be getting help with either!!

Congrats on SO telling his parents! Very sweet! It makes it so much more REAL now, doesn't it?

 

[Booper717]

Dosn''t it feel amazing once the parents are informed & they''re happy with the news?! You must be estatic!! Mine just told his parents on Monday, things went great and that made me feel a whole bunch better!!!!!

However, I am sorry to hear about your parents, I''m sure they''ll come around soon, my mom is also going on about a wedding. When I told her he bought the ring she was like "It''s about time! And don''t think you''re putting us in debt for the rest of our lives over a wedding!" It''s like "geeze, thanks mom, way to ruin the moment." I just told her if she''s not gonna say positive things I''m not telling her anything anymore, and then she apologized. Anyways, it''s always easier to deal with your own parents, so it''s great to know his parents are so supportive!!!

Congrats on the awesome news!!!

 

[lala2332]

Date: 7/24/2008 10:02:38 AM
Author: Pushin40

Date: 7/24/2008 9:54:30 AM
Author: lala2332
yeah, my parents were not nearly as excited a his. My mom just went on about silly an expensive wedding is and that she and my dad would rather help with a house.

Not exactlly the response I wanted.

Probably why I am extra excited about his parent''s reponse!

I know this is totally a personal decision, but I know MANY women who had an offer of $$ for a wedding or $20K for a house (10 - 15 years ago). They chose the wedding...then regretted it.

Something to think about.

It''s pretty difficult to save up $40K or whatever for a downpayment on a house and this could be a once in a lifetime chance for you. Your wedding is just ONE DAY. You are blessed to be getting help with either!!

Congrats on SO telling his parents! Very sweet! It makes it so much more REAL now, doesn''t it?

I have the money for a house downpayment. So I could easily flip and pay for the wedding and let the parents contribute to a house. I don''t know, I think I would have issues with them wanting certain things lif they weren''t paying for the wedding. Like on the invitation:

Mr and Mrs________ request the honor of you presence in the marriage of their daughter

______ to __________.

I would have a hard time wording my invite like that if they weren''t contributing.

ok, this is hard to explain.....
They would want to still have a lot of input on the wedding. I''m not a huge wedding person, most of the "stuff" about a wedding I couldn''t care less about. EX: if they were paying, if my mom wanted me to have pink tulips, I would say thats fine..pink tulips are gorgeous.

However, if I''m paying for it and she says pink tulips, I''m much more likely to say no, i like pink peonies. Not just to disagree to disagree, but if I''m paying then it will be exactly what I want. I think it will change my laid back attiitude about the whole thing. And I think that will cause conflict. DOes that make sense?

Plus, I love my FMIL and since she is so excited about everything I have this feeling if I''m paying that I will end up going to her a lot more to help with planning than to my mom, which would hurt her feelings. But I think she made her decision to not be involved by not being excited.

Eh, I''m not really all that worried about this. My family dynamic is complicated to say the least, so who knows what the end game will be. I only know that I''m so excited that this is happening!!!!!

 

[meresal]

Congratulations!! I can''t wait to see mine and C''s parents reactions when they finally find out!! Very exciting news!!

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 7/24/2008 10:25:01 AM
Author: lala2332

Date: 7/24/2008 10:02:38 AM

Author: Pushin40

Date: 7/24/2008 9:54:30 AM

Author: lala2332

yeah, my parents were not nearly as excited a his. My mom just went on about silly an expensive wedding is and that she and my dad would rather help with a house.

Not exactlly the response I wanted.


Probably why I am extra excited about his parent''s reponse!

I know this is totally a personal decision, but I know MANY women who had an offer of $$ for a wedding or $20K for a house (10 - 15 years ago). They chose the wedding...then regretted it.


Something to think about.


It''s pretty difficult to save up $40K or whatever for a downpayment on a house and this could be a once in a lifetime chance for you. Your wedding is just ONE DAY. You are blessed to be getting help with either!!


Congrats on SO telling his parents! Very sweet! It makes it so much more REAL now, doesn''t it?

I have the money for a house downpayment. So I could easily flip and pay for the wedding and let the parents contribute to a house. I don''t know, I think I would have issues with them wanting certain things lif they weren''t paying for the wedding. Like on the invitation:



Mr and Mrs________ request the honor of you presence in the marriage of their daughter

______ to __________.

I would have a hard time wording my invite like that if they weren''t contributing.

ok, this is hard to explain.....

They would want to still have a lot of input on the wedding. I''m not a huge wedding person, most of the ''stuff'' about a wedding I couldn''t care less about. EX: if they were paying, if my mom wanted me to have pink tulips, I would say thats fine..pink tulips are gorgeous.

However, if I''m paying for it and she says pink tulips, I''m much more likely to say no, i like pink peonies. Not just to disagree to disagree, but if I''m paying then it will be exactly what I want. I think it will change my laid back attiitude about the whole thing. And I think that will cause conflict. DOes that make sense?

Plus, I love my FMIL and since she is so excited about everything I have this feeling if I''m paying that I will end up going to her a lot more to help with planning than to my mom, which would hurt her feelings. But I think she made her decision to not be involved by not being excited.


Eh, I''m not really all that worried about this. My family dynamic is complicated to say the least, so who knows what the end game will be. I only know that I''m so excited that this is happening!!!!!

I know how you feel. I think my parents are excited about the wedding they are just upset that we''re buying our house first. I''m just hoping they come around. My mom has been so nonsupporting that I have cried a lot over it and FMIL has been just great. It makes me feel kinda guilty that I''ve been talking to her about it more. I told my mom if she can''t be happy for me I just won''t involve her and she''s been playing nice since, but I know she''s just playing and she''s still unhappy about the house. What makes it worse is FMIL and FFIL have offered to pay for a big chunk of the wedding already and the entire honeymoon, which is great but my parents have had a rough year and may not be able to help, and I''m totally understand, but I think they''ll feel a little left out.

I''m not sure why but my parents seem skeptical or something. I think until they see the ring on my finger they won''t just trust that E is really that serious about marrying me. They love the idea of me getting married, but it''s almost like they don;t want to get their hopes (or mine) up. Thank goodness my SO and I have an agreement and the ring will be on my finger before we move into our new house.....now if only the darn short sale lender would cooperate and give us a closing date so I could start a countdown!

Don''t worry sweetie it sounds like your mom is already coming around. You may have to tell her few more times to keep it positive but I think she heard you the first time. If you want the wedding to be just the way you want and you have the money I say definitely use the money your parents are offering for the house and not the wedding. Paying for your own wedding is the only way to make it 100% yours....IMO.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 7/24/2008 10:01:38 AM
Author: elledizzy5
That''s really exciting news!! SOO excited for you!


On a side note, why is that parents always know exactly what to say to upset you when you''re sharing exciting news? It''s like they''re trained in it. I should ask the PS Mommies thread if that comes in a handbook or something...

LOL--I know exactly what you mean. It''s not even like they do it on purpose--I remember at my college graduation, one of my friends told my mom "You must be so proud of her!" My mom''s response was, "Well, we''ll see once she gets a job." I was so gutted, and she didn''t even mean to hurt my feelings.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/24/2008 11:15:45 AM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 7/24/2008 10:01:38 AM
Author: elledizzy5
That''s really exciting news!! SOO excited for you!


On a side note, why is that parents always know exactly what to say to upset you when you''re sharing exciting news? It''s like they''re trained in it. I should ask the PS Mommies thread if that comes in a handbook or something...

LOL--I know exactly what you mean. It''s not even like they do it on purpose--I remember at my college graduation, one of my friends told my mom ''You must be so proud of her!'' My mom''s response was, ''Well, we''ll see once she gets a job.'' I was so gutted, and she didn''t even mean to hurt my feelings.

OMG! That is like... spot-on. My mom would absolutely say something like that!

 

[jcarlylew]

LaLa - that is sooo fantastic! can i ask how did the conversation with your boyf go about him talking to his parents? I am in same boat right now

I''m glad that MIL is super happy about it. There''s something about being accepted in the family that just makes everything seem "right"

congrats!!


KCCutie - do we have the same mom?

 

[lala2332]

Date: 7/24/2008 11:32:29 AM
Author: jcarlylew
LaLa - that is sooo fantastic! can i ask how did the conversation with your boyf go about him talking to his parents? I am in same boat right now

I''m glad that MIL is super happy about it. There''s something about being accepted in the family that just makes everything seem ''right''

congrats!!


KCCutie - do we have the same mom?

I had already told my mom about us looking at rings and talking about houses and getting engaged. And I had tried to set up a lunch with just my dad, to talk to my dad about the possibility of them paying for a wedding. It ended up falling through, so I haven''t had that conversation yet.

When bf said he hadn''t told his parents yet, when he was leaving today to come stay with me and won''t be around them for a while. I got really upset and explained that I had been about to have a HUGE conversation with my dad and that if he wasn''t serious right now then why did he tell me it was a good idea to talk to my dad at this point in time.

Needless to say, he started the conversation with his mom about the two of us buying a house. At which point she asked would you buy a house without clergy. It took him a minute to get what she meant. And then she got all excited about an engagement and they never got back to the house topic.

 

[jcarlylew]

thanks! boyf''s parents offered to help buy him (i dont know if they included me in the conv) a house (gifted down payment), but i dont know if he''s talked to them about marriage. I''ve asked before, but didn''t get a real answer.

but anyways, still, congrats for you

as for your parents, hopefully they will come around sooner than later. My sister gave me the advice to just stop talking to my mom about thing i (consciencely or not) seek approval for. While i still tell my mom about our plans, i just start off saying "while i respect your opinion, this is what our plans are..." lately i have been getting better results with that

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 7/24/2008 11:32:29 AM
Author: jcarlylew

KCCutie - do we have the same mom?

Ha! I don''t think so....Sorry to hear you''re having the same problems with your mom, but does it make me a horrible person that it makes me feel a tiny bit better that my mom isn''t the only mother who acts like this?

Quick question for those of you with parents like mine....Are you the first child in your family to get engaged/married? I am, and sometimes I think my parents are acting this way b/c they don''t have any idea how to react. I feel like this is a learning experience and I''m just unlucky to be the first one....and my siblings will probably have a much easier time.

SO''s sister moved in w/ her now FI a few months before the engagement and his parents went a little nuts but now everything is fine and it seems to be smooth sailing for us...like she paved the way.

 

[jcarlylew]

not at all! its a relief to hear that parents act the same across the board!

I'm the "um what do you mean i'm pregnant" child. the youngest. So i can't really explain why i get the "we dont know how to react" 'tude from my parents (er, mom). In my family it was becuase i was the "lover" of the family, always clinging to EVERYONE. until puberty hit and i locked myself in my room all the time. Sometimes they just can't handle the change?

ETA: actually, i transfered the "loving 'tude" from my parents to my friends.


and now, fresh prince is stuck in my head
"parents just dont understand"

 

[Anna0499]

That''s awesome news and definitely a *huge* step in the right direction!

 

[trillionaire]

That''s sooo great and exciting! I love my FMIL/FFIL! Sorry that your parents are less enthused, but count your blessings. Parents don''t HAVE to contribute to anything. I want to elope, which my parents are NOT happy about. I can only hope they would still be willing to give me money towards a home (if SO has not purchased one by then...)

I hate when people play politics with their money. Either it is a gift, or it is not, please don''t try to hang it over my head and guilt me.