Head tables / bridal party tables / etc.?

[musey]

A couple of hypothetical questions for you all, and a poll to finish it off. These questions will likely seem ridiculous to many of you

1) If you are or were going to have a "head table," who would you seat at it?

2) Would you seat YOURSELF at the head table? Would that depend on who else was seated at the head table? If you had two head tables, say one for parents/close family and one for bridal party members, which one would you sit at?


And now for a hypothetical poll....

 

[dcgator]

I am doing two "head tables" with the bridal party and their SO and leaving two seats for me and the FI at both tables. I can''t sit all the parents together b/c there are 4 sets, and they don''t all get along...

I also didn''t want the bridal party to have sit seperate from their dates, b/c they are not familar with everyone and I didn''t want them to be uncomfortable.

 

[bee*]

My sisters boyfriend and girlfriend are sitting with my cousins as they''ve all met before and D''s sister''s date is sitting with his cousins. For the groomsmen, their wives/girlfriends are all sitting with our group of friends as there''s about 15 of us that hang out all the time so we all know each other.

 

[doodle]

I HATE weddings where couples are separated because one of them was in the bridal party. Personally, I think it''s inconsiderate enough to do that to any couple, so why would I specifically do that to the people we thought highly enough of to be given a position of honor in the wedding? In our case, we split the bridal party up so that they were mixed in at various tables wherever we thought they''d have the most fun. We wound up getting thank yous from all of our attendants for doing this, and since they were so much more comfortable, they really kept the party going, and we had a blast. Heh, I forgot to give me and DH somewhere to sit at our wedding. Oops!

 

[musey]

Would you be MORE or LESS likely to seat the bridal party's SOs with them if the bride and groom themselves were not sitting at the bridal party table? If the bridal party table is JUST the bridal party - who may or may not know each other - and the brige & groom are sitting elsewhere.

 

[kittybean]

FI and I will be sitting at the "head table" with our maids of honor and best man and their SOs. The rest of the bridal party will be sitting at two tables close by with their SOs.

 

[kittybean]

Date: 5/12/2009 3:06:36 PM
Author: musey
Would you be MORE or LESS likely to seat the bridal party''s SOs with them if the bride and groom themselves were not sitting at the bridal party table? If the bridal party table is JUST the bridal party - who may or may not know each other - and the brige & groom are sitting elsewhere.

I guess I''d be more likely, but I would seat them with their SOs regardless. I really hate sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers when my FI is in the wedding party, so I decided a while ago that our bridal party members should sit with their dates no matter what.

 

[Haven]

I think it''s very inconsiderate to place SOs at different tables.

At our wedding, we put our friends at tables with their SOs and their other friends. This meant that our bridal party was spread out over three to four tables. We reserved seats for ourselves at two different tables--one with my closest friends, and one with DH''s closest friends. It was fine. I will never understand why brides insist on seating the BP together at the wedding, especially if the entire party is not friends with each other.

 

[Kelli]

I want my wedding to be FUN over everything else, so I''m hoping to have my bridal parties be able to sit with their dates. It seems silly to split them up just because of titles.

 

[musey]

Aw boo, I always forget an option: seat the BP members AND their SOs wherever it seems like they'd have the most fun, "head table" or no. For the record, that's what I did (and would do again). Ironic that I didn't think to include it

 

[E B]

I''d want them to be seated with their SOs.

 

[jet2ks]

We are going to have a "cluster" of tables for the wedding party, their SO's and children and families. But we are also doing a very informal reception with no place cards (gasp!) so they are going to be free to mingle and move around. Hopefully this will also allow us as a couple to move around the room to talk to more people. I'm with the others that this should be fun and relaxed.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/12/2009 3:55:20 PM
Author: jet2ks
We are going to have a 'cluster' of tables for the wedding party, their SO's and children and families. But we are also doing a very informal reception with no place cards (gasp!) so they are going to be free to mingle and move around. Hopefully this will also allow us as a couple to move around the room to talk to more people. I'm with the others that this should be fun and relaxed.

This is actually very common (not using place cards)... however, if you have a specific place that they are supposed to sit, how are they to know without place/escort cards? And how are the other guests supposed to know NOT to sit at your 'reserved' tables if they're not reserved?

We had escort cards for the tables - in other words, tables were "assigned"/reserved, but seats weren't. We felt very strongly about people/groups having a place to sit, after attending a free-seating wedding and not being able to find a table to sit together (only a smattering of free seats), so we ended up sitting solo between older and tightly-wound strangers and had no fun at all. If you have a lot of extra seating (three seats to each guest or so), that helps the issue, but that can also make the room look empty AND may be impossible due to venue size.

 

[tlh]

Date: 5/12/2009 3:06:36 PM
Author: musey
Would you be MORE or LESS likely to seat the bridal party''s SOs with them if the bride and groom themselves were not sitting at the bridal party table? If the bridal party table is JUST the bridal party - who may or may not know each other - and the brige & groom are sitting elsewhere.

If there is one head table w/ just the wedding party.. sorry.. only people in the matching outfits/tuxes get to sit up front... dates - to the sidelines you go. Nothing worse than having your friend''s flavor of the month in all your wedding photos.. or having to decide which one is a keep or not. Even spouses... the bride and groom don''t have to accomodate for the husband/wife of an attendant... and most people are big enough adults to be able to sit by themselves through dinner. Sucks... but we''ve all been there.

But if it is a sweet heart table of just the bride and groom, or bride and groom w/ their parents... then WHY ON EARTH would you seperate the dates from the party? When the party has their own table? It would be a LOT more fun to keep the couples together... unless they all wouldn''t fit at one table... then just split them up and have them seated w/ the guests... since the real focus is the bride and groom anyway.

 

[ilovesparkles]

This is something I have been trying to think about. My MOH lives out of state so I really want to sit next to her at a head table. But my family will also be out of town after I move, so I want to sit by them as well! Do I sit with the BP, or with the family?!?!?! I am liking this idea of 2 head tables with seats at both tables for H and I. Humph!

 

[musey]

Date: 5/12/2009 4:19:19 PM
Author: tlh

Date: 5/12/2009 3:06:36 PM
Author: musey
Would you be MORE or LESS likely to seat the bridal party''s SOs with them if the bride and groom themselves were not sitting at the bridal party table? If the bridal party table is JUST the bridal party - who may or may not know each other - and the brige & groom are sitting elsewhere.

If there is one head table w/ just the wedding party.. sorry.. only people in the matching outfits/tuxes get to sit up front... dates - to the sidelines you go. Nothing worse than having your friend''s flavor of the month in all your wedding photos.. or having to decide which one is a keep or not. Even spouses... the bride and groom don''t have to accomodate for the husband/wife of an attendant... and most people are big enough adults to be able to sit by themselves through dinner. Sucks... but we''ve all been there.

But if it is a sweet heart table of just the bride and groom, or bride and groom w/ their parents... then WHY ON EARTH would you seperate the dates from the party? When the party has their own table? It would be a LOT more fun to keep the couples together... unless they all wouldn''t fit at one table... then just split them up and have them seated w/ the guests... since the real focus is the bride and groom anyway.

The reason I brought up this question was that I was a BM in a wedding recently, where the seating just left me quite confused.

I was seated at the BP table and didn''t know anyone - the bride and groom sat at a separate table with their parents, my husband sat all the way across the room by himself, and the table was not the typical "head table" that''s somewhat on display. Just another table (that happened to be placed at the "front" of the room, if there was such a thing). It wouldn''t have occurred to me to be bothered (though I would certainly have thought it a bit odd), except that:

A) The meal took up the majority of the reception

and

B) We were asked to return to our seats many times throughout the rest of the reception for their "moments" (first dance, parent dances, cake cutting, "performances," speeches, etc.)

So all told, my husband and I were able to be within 30 feet of one another for about 10 minutes of the entire reception. We didn''t get to enjoy the party together (our first wedding as newlyweds), take pictures, etc. because we were land-locked to our separate tables. We did get to wave at one another every so often

Also, I don''t recall the photographer taking one picture of the bridal party table the entire time, so it must not have been for the sake of pictures...


Anyway, since I thought it was a little bit odd I thought I''d post about it to see if I was the only one who would think so!

 

[musey]

Date: 5/12/2009 4:28:41 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
This is something I have been trying to think about. My MOH lives out of state so I really want to sit next to her at a head table. But my family will also be out of town after I move, so I want to sit by them as well! Do I sit with the BP, or with the family?!?!?! I am liking this idea of 2 head tables with seats at both tables for H and I. Humph!

I think that''s a good idea, especially if you can''t fit everyone you want to sit with at one table.

What we did was sort of a combination... my MOH (cousin) wanted to sit with her husband and kids (obviously!!) as well as her mother (my aunt), so they got a table to themselves and some other family I knew they''d enjoy sitting with. Our table was made up of our closest friends (including the two groomsmen and one of their boyfriends). We had parents and their close friends/family on either side of our table.

We also circulated proposed table charts to all the major players to see if they were going to be sitting with people they wanted to be sitting with. We made a lot of changes to shift people around into tables that they were really happy/excited about, because our ideas of who they''d most like to sit with weren''t always accurate!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 5/12/2009 4:37:31 PM
Author: musey

Date: 5/12/2009 4:28:41 PM
Author: ilovesparkles
This is something I have been trying to think about. My MOH lives out of state so I really want to sit next to her at a head table. But my family will also be out of town after I move, so I want to sit by them as well! Do I sit with the BP, or with the family?!?!?! I am liking this idea of 2 head tables with seats at both tables for H and I. Humph!

I think that''s a good idea, especially if you can''t fit everyone you want to sit with at one table.

What we did was sort of a combination... my MOH (cousin) wanted to sit with her husband and kids (obviously!!) as well as her mother (my aunt), so they got a table to themselves and some other family I knew they''d enjoy sitting with. Our table was made up of our closest friends (including the two groomsmen and one of their boyfriends). We had parents and their close friends/family on either side of our table.

We also circulated proposed table charts to all the major players to see if they were going to be sitting with people they wanted to be sitting with. We made a lot of changes to shift people around into tables that they were really happy/excited about, because our ideas of who they''d most like to sit with weren''t always accurate!

That''s what we''re doing too, but with the BP. We''ll have spots at 2 tables for ourselves to migrate between. I also plan on handing out the seating chart to the moms to make sure it''s okay. We have an ugly divorced grandparent situation...oy...

 

[gwendolyn]

I don't think head tables are stupid exactly (so I didn't vote that way, at least not yet

), but I despise the hierarchy element that weddings traditionally have, so the thought of having wedding parties and/or head tables is quite uncomfortable to me. If I *had* to choose a head table or two, it would be for immediate family only, or maybe even just parents, but ideally I'd want everyone to be all mixed up, instead of some folks being up on some sort of dais or something.

 

[fieryred33143]

I don''t know if this is etiquette or not but I think it depends on the ages of the bridal party. If they''re young and are only really attending with a SO/FI, then I think sitting apart is ok if they''re ok with it. If they''re attending with a spouse, I would want to ask them first if they were ok sitting apart. I think majority would be. But if they''re older and attending with a family (spouse + children) I wouldn''t want to make them sit apart.

That said, I don''t really see the point of a bridal party table unless of course they were all single. I sat at a bridal party table and my FI who knew no one had to sit alone. He didn''t like it at all and given the events leading up to the wedding, I was really uncomfortable sitting with her family and the other members of the party. One of the GM had his wife there and his two children so that was weird. Eventually though we all just moved seats since the venue forgot to put reserved on the table and other people sat with us.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 5/12/2009 4:51:50 PM
Author: gwendolyn
I don''t think head tables are stupid exactly (so I didn''t vote that way, at least not yet

), but I despise the hierarchy element that weddings traditionally have, so the thought of having wedding parties and/or head tables is quite uncomfortable to me. If I *had* to choose a head table or two, it would be for immediate family only, or maybe even just parents, but ideally I''d want everyone to be all mixed up, instead of some folks being up on some sort of dais or something.

Even though I voted with the masses on this one I agree with Gwen. I am not a fan of the hierarchy that weddings create. If I were to have larger tables at my wedding (they will be in groups of 4 since we are using a regular restaurant) I would seat the BP people (regular BMs and GMs, MOH and Best Man sit with us) with others that they know well. Dates of the MOH and Best Man would sit with us and parents nearby with other close family members.

At my friend''s wedding all of the BP members were sitting with the bride and groom with the family members at surrounding tables and those groomsmen and the one bridesmaid that were there with a date (their spouses in this case) immediately bolted from the table after dinner was served. I felt bad that they were seated away from their spouses and kids. So thats why I voted the way I did.

Sorry for the dissertation. Its the end of the day I am just down to stream of consciousness now.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/12/2009 5:57:55 PM
Author: Clairitek
Sorry for the dissertation. Its the end of the day I am just down to stream of consciousness now.

Hey, I like stream of consciousness!

 

[Pandora II]

We had an issue with DH''s parents being divorced and re-married - so two extra ''parent'' types. Then his grandparents were too ill to come, but both my grandmothers were coming and would be a nightmare to seat so that they felt sufficiently important...

So, we had a round head table with me, DH, my mother, DH''s father, my maternal grandmother, DH''s father''s wife, my paternal grandmother, DH''s mother''s husband, DH''s mother, my father in that order...

Since DH had 5 bestmen, we sat them and there SO''s on the next table - it was made easier that all my BM''s were under 12 so I could spread them out. If they had been my age I would have had two tables for bridal party so that they all sat with their SO''s.

 

[Elmorton]

Musey, is this another DB thread?! I''ve been missing those!

We did sweetheart table (yes, I know a lot of people think it''s weird an anti-social, but we did it anyway

) , so our bridal party sat with whomever they were friends with/came with. It ended up that there was one or two BP members per about half of the tables, so that was kinda cool.

Personally, I just don''t get head tables. It makes me think of going to a madrigal dinner. I always wonder: is the BP going to sing for us??

 

[honey22]

Arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I feel better now!

We are trying to do our seating for 19 guests, yes, only 9 guests and it''s freakin hard to please everyone. I can''t even begin to comprehend how I would go with 100 people. I don''t envy your job at all.

Anyhoo, back to the question, I guess it depends on where you feel comfortable? Would you be happy on a head table with everyone watching you eat?

 

[musey]

Date: 5/12/2009 6:58:35 PM
Author: Elmorton
Musey, is this another DB thread?! I''ve been missing those!

No... really..... I swear... different wedding...

Personally, I just don''t get head tables. It makes me think of going to a madrigal dinner. I always wonder: is the BP going to sing for us??

LOL!!! Ohhh man, this analogy really works for me

 

[musey]

Date: 5/12/2009 7:03:09 PM
Author: honey22
Anyhoo, back to the question, I guess it depends on where you feel comfortable? Would you be happy on a head table with everyone watching you eat?

Well, I had no control over such things

I was relatively happy to just do whatever (it was only a couple hours of my life, after all), but it did register as 'odd' in my mind that the bride/groom would actively choose to separate BP members from not only themselves, but also their significant others. I guess I just didn't understand the point of it.

Anyway, I wasn't asking from a personal planning perspective (I've been married for over 7 months now), I wanted to see what other brides would do/are doing. Mostly to see if my take on it fell into the minority or the majority opinion.

 

[honey22]

Date: 5/12/2009 7:08:46 PM
Author: musey

Date: 5/12/2009 7:03:09 PM

Author: honey22

Anyhoo, back to the question, I guess it depends on where you feel comfortable? Would you be happy on a head table with everyone watching you eat?

Well, I had no control over such things

I was relatively happy to just do whatever (it was only a couple hours of my life, after all), but it did register as ''odd'' in my mind that the bride/groom would actively choose to separate BP members from not only themselves, but also their significant others. I guess I just didn''t understand the point of it.


Anyway, I wasn''t asking from a personal planning perspective (I''ve been married for over 7 months now), I wanted to see what other brides would do/are doing. Mostly to see if my take on it fell into the minority or the majority opinion.

Oops! I am such a dope. I even know that you are married, I guess I am a bit slow this morning

We have that problem all sorted - with only 19 guests, we all fit on one long table! Yay! Still doesn''t make it any easier as to where to seat people. My Mum actually suggested throwing open the reception doors and have everyone do a musical chairs thing. Yep, she was well into the bottle of wine at the time

 

[diamondgirl4382]

I''m definitely not separating anyone from their SOs. I''ve had that happen to me at a wedding before when my FI was in the wedding party, and I didn''t like it. Luckily, I knew the people I was sitting with--I''m pretty shy, so if I hadn''t known them it would have been much more stressful. Anyway, I won''t have a head table at all--the bridal party will be spread out among the tables seated with the people they are closest to. We haven''t decided where we will sit but I kind of like the idea of a sweetheart table. We will be up walking around and talking to people all evening anyway, so I don''t think it will matter that much where we sit.

 

[supergirl10]

call me backwards but i have never ever in my 23 years went to a wedding where it was anything other than the bride, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids and flowergirl/page boy etc at table.

I have never seen it where bride and groom sit with parents although it would be nice! And i was worried about what would happen with my sis (MOH)''s partner as she will not know anyone else (could be a good solution.