Hello, i''''m new!

[froufrou]

Hi all,

I have been lurking here for a couple days and kept wanting to comment to people's threads but figured I should introduce myself first or something. I got really excited about making my own yahoo avator and made one but now im having trouble uploading it for some reason, maybe I will try again tomorrow. For some reason I can upload any image but not the avator image.

So..let's see.. i've been together with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and i'm not like in extreme anticipation of getting engaged or anything since we're both young (grad students) and 2 years isnt *that* long but the thing was that, on our 1 year anniversary, we had this discussion where he was saying he felt that if people are serious about each other, he thought they should get engaged in two years and get married in three, or else he felt that after 2 years they should reevaluate their relationship and either get engaged or break up. which i thought was a weird view but i was like, okay, so that means that on our 2 year anniversary i can expect we will get engaged? to which he seemed to agree to which I was like, okay. So then two months ago our 2 year anniversary came and it was right by valentines day i was like "hm?" and then like he got me three roses and a stuffed animal and a card for that. which is fine but so then about a month after this im like "remember that conversation last year..." and he was kind of like "no?" even though I am like 100% sure that he remembered it. So it is actually HIS fault if I am thinking about engagement now!! haha. Then he started saying this month that he thinks maybe we can get engaged in October. Then this week he started saying we will get engaged in early May when we are both going on a trip to Europe where he's got a conference, which I'm just like, you have to stop saying that because I know you are not serious. And I am about 100% sure he is not serious so im just like, gosh dont say that. Because he also did that for April 1st, he was all like, "wouldn't it be funny if I asked you on April Fools Day, and you thought it was a joke, but it wasn't?" So then on April 1st we were actually planning to go to Chicago to see a play so I was all thinking maybe he was serious but then he had only been joking too. The other problem in my life by the way is my mom who is crazy and keeps telling me that i should try dating other people besides my boyfriend, and it wont be cheating because that's how she did it when she was dating my dad (right...no thanks.) So I think if we did get engaged my mom would have a heart attack and freak out because I am her oldest child and she doesn't want to "get old" and also keeps telling me that if i get married i dont realize how horrible married life is because i would actually have to live with my boyfriend (which I actually have been for the past year and it is perfect and wonderful but she does not know that because she would also have a heart attack.)

So...this is why I decided to join this site (sorry if I dont put enough punctuation..i will try harder))

edit// yess! my avator now works. and apparently i've put too much punctuation i the subject line...hahahhaa

 

[Scooba]

hi froufrou! I have to know, how are you "hiding" living with your boyfriend? and why would you mom think it would be horrible if you "had" to live with him?!?! I live with mine and everyday is the best day of our lives!

 

[Blenheim]

Welcome to PS!

Guys can be so confusing, can''t they? My boyfriend''s also sending mixed messages about when he wants to propose, I think because he wants to make it a surprise.

About his dating for two years before engagement and being engaged for one, I think that a lot of people build expectations and then realize that they''re not always perfectly applicable to real life situations. I wouldn''t read anything into his waiting longer than two years to propose.

Just wondering, has your mother had bad experiences in relationships and marriage?

And don''t worry about punctuation. I could swear that I''ve put an apostrophe (is that the right word?) into the subject line, only to have it turn up as a double quote. People will know what you''re trying to say.

 

[Mandarine]

Hi!! Welcome!!!

Guys are definitely confusing!!! But it sounds like your BF and you are on the same page....so now *all* you have to do is wait!

How do you hide the fact that you guys are living together??? That must be hard!

M~

 

[ilovesparkles]

Welcome! Wow, hiding that from your mom must be really hard! You wanna hear something completely opposite? My mom is the one who got me obsessed with pricescope and erings and my BF and I aren''t looking yet but know its in the future. AND she can''t wait for me to move in with him! Hahaha. I still live at home with her until I''m finished with school and she is ready for me to move out. Its just so funny how different people/families have different perspectives isn''t it. So why would she freak if I may ask?

 

[JenStone]

Welcome froufrou! I understand about hiding living together with your boyfriend - my mother knows but my father doesn''t. But from talking to him these days, I think he does but we never outright talk about it. But they both love my boyfriend and want us to marry soon.

I hope your stay here is short!

 

[Mandarine]

Hi!

Just kind of a coincidence. I''m watching this new ABC show, What about Brian?...and the main guy has this best friend...who''s dating the perfect girl and he said that he was thinking of breaking up because at the 2 year mark you either move in or move on!...hahaha...just reminded me of your post!. The good news is he didn''t break up (well he did, for one night) but he proposed!

. The bad news is that his best friend (Brian) is in love with the girl...

Anyway, kind of silly...but just made me think of what your BF had said!

 

[froufrou]

HAHA...so....how I keep it from my mom. Do you know...my mom actually lives in the same TOWN as me, and she has no idea. My dad is a prof. at the college where I am a grad student ( I was an undergrad here too), but I told them i didn''t want to live at home because I would like to experience independence. So the thing is, my mom absolutely HATES the fact that I do not live with her anymore, so she "pretends" that this is not true, so like she still likes me to call my house "home". Like if I am in my apt. and my mom calls and asks "where are you?" and i say "at home" she says "huh?" because she will be at home and not realize I call my apt. home even though i have not lived at home for 3 years now and actually i only lived in that house a semester before I moved to the dorms in undergrad. So she never ever visits me. So basically I "moved in" to my apt. last year and had my parents come help me and then I moved straight out and subletted it to someone, its in the same complex as my boyfriend''s apartment so I can still park my car in the same place, so if they ever drive by and see my car its because I "live" there. just not in the apartment they think.

So I would think my mom would figure this whole thing out, but she does not.. I know she has no idea because she is always telling me weird stuff, for example one Sunday night I was hanging out at my house with her and my dad and my sis, and then I was like, "okay i have to go back to my apartment now to do some homework" and she was all like, "See, you''re lucky you are single, if you were married now you would have to go home to your HUSBAND" and im just like, "right, okay". The funny thing is she''ll say all this stuff in front of my dad who never has any kind of comments about it which if I were my dad I would be upset. They''ve been married for a long time and as far as I can tell they are happy...

The latest thing though is my aunt uncle and cousin are visiting this week so she wants me to show them my apartment on Wednesday...I''m not sure what I will do. Everyone else in my family is pretty cool and probably wouldn''t care that much. My mom''s main problem, believe it or not, with my living with my boyfriend wouldnt be that this implies that we have sex or anything like that, it would probably be that that would mean that i''m not doing wild and crazy stuff and having lots of different guys take me out like she seems to want me to be doing. Because I think she wants to have done that stuff so now she wants to live vicariously through me.

So the big dilemma...how do I not show my apt. to my aunt and uncle and cousin without raising suspicion...I am trying to pretend that I am very busy this week...which I am, with finals coming up and a conference deadline but you really cant justify not having 15 minutes to show your apartment to your relatives. Hm...

 

[AmberWaves]

Frou Frou, that sucks about keeping it from your mom! Maybe I don''t understand, why do you HAVE to? Can''t you just be like, I''m an adult, and I''m living with my boyfriend- who I DO intend to marry? It would kill me to sneak around like this. It sounds like an I Love Lucy episode! Good luck with whatever you do, and I wouldn''t worry about your BF''s 2 year timeline. It''s a guy thing.

 

[froufrou]

hm..it does not really feel like "sneaking" around because i know she would think it was bad that i was living with him but i feel like it is "right" and dont feel guilty or anything.

i would never consider telling her because she would criticize me about it every single minute for the rest of my life til we got married...she''d probably say a lot of mean stuff about it.